The Writer's Block happens upon TLTETW's desk, but being as TLTE has expired, the cubicle is cleared out and left sadly empty.

Its insane lust for creativity hardly sated, the Writer's Block moves on, not noticing the shuffling movement from inside the filing cabinet...

Barely two more paces later, GebohqTW leaps at the monster, smashing it over the head with a chair.

--------------IN THE NES!!!-----------------

Gebohq: I know, let's do a cute little monologue about Writer's Block!

All: (General consent that this is a very dumb idea)

--------------IN THE 'REAL WORLD'....-----------

The Writer's Block turns and eats GebohqTW, moving onto his next target...

*back in the offices of the writers the writer's block is approaching the office of Jim7tW*

WB: *growl*

WB opens Jim7tW's door

Jim7tW: WRAA!!!!

With a mighty swing Jim7tW smashes WB with a baseball bat

WB: ouch

Jim7tW: With this baseball bat I bring to an end your reign of terror! Take this foul beast!

Jim7tW beats the writer's block with the baseball bat until the bat breaks

WB: *moan*

Jim7tW: Still alive?

Jim7tW whistles and a large man with a dark suit walks up

Jim7tW: Tony take care of this ... thing.

Tony The Executive Assistant Who Inspired Tony the Thug's Character: ok boss...

Jim7tW walks away and in the distance of the maze of hallways in the offices a single gunshot is heard

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

[This message has been edited by DrkJedi82 (edited July 28, 2003).]

*And now, the Continuing Adventures of Rob...*

Jim7: "Rob. You have done much for me, and my family. But this next task will secure your position in my organization for good."

*Rob looks on.*

Jim7: "Darkside owes me a sum of money - I want you to go to the Hall of Heroes and collect that sum for me. In American dollars."

Rob: "Yes, Godfather."

Jim7: "Now go, Rob, and show Darkside the error of his ways."

*Rob leaves.*

Jim7: "Mark Hamil. You have done much for me, and my family. But this next task will secure your position in my organization for good."

*Mark Hamil looks on.*

Jim7: "Yoda has made a proverbial fool out of myself - I want you to go to the Industrial Light and Magic warehouse and destroy that insolent muppet."

Mark Hamil: "Yes, Godfather."

Jim7: "Don't let me down, Mark."

*Mark Hamil nods and leaves. Jim7 reclines in his plush chair. Deep in thought, he summons Tony.*

Tony: "Yes, boss?"

Jim7: "Any messages?"

Tony: "Several from a Mr. KyleKatarn7."

Jim7: "That is all?"

Tony: "Yes, Godfather."

Jim7: "Very well. You may go."

*Tony leaves, and Jim7 walks to his office window, gazing down upon the city.*

------------------
Tracer - I'm just here for the gasoline...

I'm still alive...

And I finally caught up!

Yeah, so expect a post as soon as I figure out where half the characters actually are...

------------------

check the updates screen! page 29! a very useful tool indeed!



------------------
<Dormouse> there are very few things quite as comforting as smelling like a close friend.

wow! an updates screen! cool! now I can keep track of where Galrek was last forgotten! wait...maybe this should tell me something...hmm...thinking...thinking...nope! not getting the hint. will drag Galrek back in as soon as Ch posts...uhm...twice.

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

Yeah, but it's not been updated since July 13...so...uh...surely stuff has happened since then...?

------------------

NSP: If you're stuck for ideas, just do a Mark Hamill cameo.

------------------
Tracer - I'm just here for the gasoline...

(NSP: I'm only human! I do what I can to update page 29 with the latest and greatest, really I do. In fact, with the help of Ford, I just did. It should be accurate enough for your needs. Just remember--the Hall of Heroes was made SOLELY for us lazy writers to have a "default location" in case you're horribly, horribly lost on something to do. Though I was hoping the whole "bad guys trying to seduce/trick good with evil pie" bit would catch on...

And you all need to practice the art of B.U.M.P.ing more often! You know, so the mountain of NSP's can at least feign at being story-related. Even a standard B.U.M.P. is OK, really.)

B.U.M.P.!

(See? Don't need to be complicated. Unless you've written for NeS for so long that insanity has become indistinguishable from any other state of mind you occupy, like myself. Then you go off the deep end and do things you probably shouldn't.)



Look! Two B.U.M.P.s!

(Like that. And thus, scare any newbies from touching this thread again...)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited July 31, 2003).]

hmm...though I don't remember when I started posting for NeS...I'm fairly sure I started out a nutcase...after all, I'm a Nuke, that is to say, a member of the Navy Nuclear Field...and we're a wierd bunch. sorta like massassians, but with paychecks...and responsibilities. hmm... ah yes, now for an excuse to not post something plot related.
"The wheels on the B.U.M.P! go round and round...round and round...round and round...The wheels on the B.U.M.P! go round and round, all post long."
not as good as Geb's dual B.U.M.P! but, I'm working on it...

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

In the beginning, was the B.U.M.P. And the B.U.M.P. was with NeS. And the B.U.M.P. was NeS.....

ermn.... yeth....

But now was about to come the golden age of the B.U.M.P. For too long had things gone 'B.U.M.P.' merely in the night. Now, with the feeble and half-hearted assistance of a once great writer, the B.U.M.P.s would reach new hieghts, or at least drag the story down to new lows to make themselves feel better. Soon the time would come.

They would B.U.M.P. where no-one expected, restoring the NeS from its enemies, leading its writers out of the bondage of 'plot' and into a land flowing with coke and bandwidth. Soon the time would come.

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

It started with a T.H.U.D. (Timid Hesitating and Underpowered Drumming). Then a Wh.A.C.K. (Wholly Anachronous Cerebral Klobbering). Then something that no-one could have anticipated. Something went B.U.M.P. in the morning.

The world watched, struck dumb with confusion. An army of Benevolent Upward Mobility Posts swarmed The Canada, The North Pole, THE ARENAtm, and even the HoH and writer's HQ in (Anvil Censor), (Anvil Censor).

Speed B.U.M.P.s stopped traffic. Chest B.U.M.P.s stopped men. B.U.M.P.er cars exhibited no change. And far and wide, virtually everyone got B.U.M.P.ed on the head.

And then- a meathod took shape in the madness. The heroes were slowly B.U.M.P.ed together, hearded and pushed into the land flowing with coke and bandwidth as had been promised to the writers. The writers found themselves, after hours of following Geb, who was following the chest B.U.M.P.s, in THE ARENAtm.

Sigh..... Benevolent- not bright. Tune in ne- OW! *B.U.M.P.*.... *B.U.M.P.* *B.U.M.P.*... *B.U.M.P.*

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[This message has been edited by Semievil333 (edited August 02, 2003).]

and then, in the midst of the B.U.M.Ping, one voice spoke out, clear and true, and with his words, the B.U.M.Ps stopped, and for a few seconds, all was still, then, faintly in the distance, a quiet tapping could be heard, then, louder and louder, until from all about could be heard the soft tapping.
"is it a new B.U.M.P?"
"is it a flock of tap-dancing pigeons?"
"no! it is the writers! they have returned!"
and with a cacophonous rattle of keys, a new plotline came coursing down the street, sweeping away the B.U.M.Ps and bringing forth a new age of insanity and heroism. and from the rubble of the village, a lone figure stood tall, surrounded by his friends, and ready to take charge and lead the world to a new age of prosperity. and, narrowing his eyes on The Arena(tm) he stepped up onto a nearby stone and spoke.
"will there be donuts?"
Galrek:"uhm...yes Geb...donuts...we just have to destroy the bad guys and we can have all the donuts we want."
Geb:"ah. in that case let's go."
Krig:"krig get donuts to smash bad guys?"
Ford:"apparently. let's go!"
Cooked Haggis:"indeed. Onward!"
and thus, emboldened by their fearless leader, they set forth on their quest...
*smash! bam! squeaky* ha! thought you could keep me from narrating did you? I'll show you. ahem. hem...ah yes, and thus, the heroes set forth on their quest for justice, good, and the american way.
Geb:"don't forget the donuts."
Galrek:"gah! yes, by all means, don't forget the donuts!"
Geb:"you don't sound too concerned for the donuts."
Galrek, flatly:"oh, I am so concerned for the donuts that I can barely contain myself."
Geb:"hmm..."
ahem. with donuts and bad guy smashing in mind, the heroes made their way through the wreckage of the B.U.M.P strewn town, hiking past the insidious pie stands.

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

...And thus the recent B.U.M.P.'s and Writer's Block continued to kill the brain cells of the writers. Two opposing forces, one for evil and one for... er... benevolant purposes. Yeah.

*looks at date and time passing*

So the new evil plot from the villians is bound to catch on soon...

RAM: Looks like I'm going to win that bet.

Give it time! An exciting story will come yet.

...

Stop laughing!

(NSP: I can only do so much...)

*In the HoH, Galvatron, Randy, The First False Evil and Darkside are seated at a table, eating pie and making conversation...*

Gebohq: "So, why do they call it "Krazy Dayz", anyways? This is great pie."

Darkside: "I have absolutely no idea. But thank you."

Randy: "Do you ever wonder who invented pie?"

The First False Evil: "No."

Randy: "Because I do."

The First False Evil: "How interesting. Perhaps it was Count Wolfgang von Pastry."

Darkside: "Or perhaps not. We may never know. However, in the interim, please accept more pie."

Galvatron: "Don't mind if I do."

*In comes Janitor Bob, whistling a jaunty tune.*

Janitor Bob: "It's the floors - that I mop - to clean them of - all the slop..."

*J-Bob notices some discarded pie crumbs on the floor.*

Janitor Bob: "Hmmm...remains of baked product. Calls for WR/DX solution..."

The First False Evil: "Actually, I've found that a mix of sodium nitrate dissolves the pie crumbs at a much faster rate."

Janitor Bob: "Really."

The First False Evil: "Really."

Janitor Bob: "Huh. I'll have to look into that."

The First False Evil: "Indeed you shall. But before you do, why not take a respite from your custodial duties and have a pie?"

Janitor Bob: "Well, sure. A five minute break can't hurt."

Darkside: "It certainly can't. Here you go."

*Darkside serves up some pie as CookedHaggis enters.*

CookedHaggis: "Now look here, fellow. I know you're just a silly plebian, but *everyone* knows that the proper way to serve pie is with the Lawrence technique, not that slipshod bumbling I just witnessed."

Darkside: "Actually, I learned that maneuover at the Mendelson School of Culinary Servitude."

CookedHaggis: "Good heavens, you went to Mendelson? Quite a fine school. You simply *must* demonstrate this handling style to me."

Darkside: "It would be my pleasure. Now, say you're in a stationary position..."

*Darkside and Haggis talk shop, and MaybeChild enters.*

MaybeChild: "Geb! Otter got drunk and thought Krig was edible again, and now they're running all over the place like little children - hey. There's pie and villians in the Hall of Heroes."

Randy: "Don't worry."

Galvatron: "Yeah, it's cool."

Darkside: "Indeed, dear lady, it is. If you would permit me, I should like to serve you some pie."

MaybeChild: "Gosh..."

Darkside: "Come now, don't be shy. We've reserved you a seat."

MaybeChild: "Well, okay..."

*MaybeChild moves to the table, allowing Darkside to seat her.*

Gebohq: "That's right, you enjoy your pie. I'll handle the Krig situation."

*Geb walks to the lobby, where Otter is cowering behind a couch, which isn't really much in the way of protection; luckily, the viking's axe is firmly lodged in the wall.*

Otter: "Geb! You're just in time! Get him away from me!"

Krig: "Little man try eat Krig!"

Otter: "I was drunk! You look like a turnip in that suit!"

Krig: "KRIG NOT VEGETABLE! YOU NOT EAT KRIG!"

Gebohq: "Both of you calm down! Now Krig, haven't you tried to eat various inedible things when you were drunk?"

Krig: "Yes..."

Gebohq: "And haven't you tried to eat various inedible things when you weren't drunk?"

Krig: "Yes..."

Gebohq: "Then don't you think that Otter deserves the benefit of the doubt?"

*Krig hangs his head in shame.*

Krig: "Krig sorry."

Otter: "I'm sorry too, old friend."

Gebohq: "Well now that we're all sorry, let's go get some pie from a pair of bad guys gone sour!"

Otter: "Okay!"

Krig: "Krig not like sour."

Gebohq: "Then it's settled! Come on."

*The trio enters the kitchen. The mood is still jovial as ever, but all eyes are on Gebohq.*

Otter: "Pie!"

Krig: "Shiny pie plate!"

*They chow down.*

Gebohq: "So, what's cooking? Pie?"

*Everybody continues to stare at Geb.*

Gebohq: "What, not funny?"

MaybeChild: "Geb, we need to talk."

CookedHaggis: "Indeed, a good chat is in order. Concerning the future of our little group."

Gebohq: "Does it affect me?"

CookedHaggis: "It affects *all* of us, my good man."

Galvatron: "Actually, it only really affects him."

CookedHaggis: "Well, I suppose. But I'm trying to bring this little tidbit of information out as softly as possible, for his sake."

Randy: "I've always believed in giving a person bad news immediately and letting the cards fall as they may instead of building up to a foreboding conclusion."

CookedHaggis: "You don't say. I've never considered that particular philosophy."

Gebohq: "Um...is it bad?"

CookedHaggis: "Well, you see...er, rather..."

MaybeChild: "What we're trying to say is that it's been fun while it lasted, but now you're fired, Geb."

Gebohq: "What? You can't fire me! I'm in charge here!"

Randy: "But we could all quit and then start our own organization without you."

Galvatron: "But with pie."

Gebohq: "Oh, and who would you get to lead your little anti-Geb fellowship?"

Galvatron: "Them."

*Galv points at Darkside and TFFE.*

Gebohq: "A pair of self-proclaimed villians?!"

The First False Evil: "Reformed villians, if you don't mind."

Darkside: "The simple fact, Gebohq, is that you're little cadre has abandoned you for more competant leadership."

Gebohq: "I can't believe this! Come on, you know they're up to something!"

Darkside: "You'll notice that we refrained from maniacally cackling at my last statement."

MaybeChild: "Geb, I'm sorry, but it's over. It's time for you to move on."

CookedHaggis: "Do you understand what we're getting at, good sir?"

*Gebohq looks across the room, his allies gone.*

Gebohq: "I understand all right - they've obviously put something in the pie! Hand ove the antidote now, you scum, or I'll destroy you!"

Darkside: "Logically, if we had injected the pies with some sort of no-Gebohq serum, then you would want to fire yourself. We all ate from the same pie."

The First False Evil: "And we take offense to that 'scum' remark."

Darkside: "Quite. A nasty bruise is developing on my ego."

The First False Evil: "We have been more than civil, Mr. Gebohq, but you have just crossed the line. I must ask you to vacate the premesis."

*Desperate, Geb switches tactics.*

Gebohq: (singing) "Oh, I've sailed the seven seas -"

MaybeChild: "Geb. Leave now. Or I'm calling security."

Gebohq: "Hah. You don't have any security guards."

MaybeChild: "I sold your pool table and used the money to hire a couple."

Gebohq: "You...you went over my head?"

*Geb is stunned into silence. Eventually, guards are summoned and he is forcable removed from the Hall of Heroes.*

Otter: (between munches) "This is some good pie."

Krig: (between munches) "This some good shiny."

------------------
Tracer - I'm just here for the gasoline...

In the Writers' Realm...

Gebohq: "What happend to the writer's block?"

Tracer: "Um, I think I ate it."

TLTE: "You *ate* the writer's block?"

Tracer: "I thought it was a sandwich."

------------------
Tracer - I'm just here for the gasoline...

just then Jim7tW walks in

Jim7tW: dude that's gross... well at least it was dead before you ate it...

All the writers: huh?

Jim7tW: I head it coming to my office so i beat it with a bat and had Tony finish it off...

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

ShadeTW pokes his head around the corner of a cubicle
"is the block gone? is it safe to try and write again?"
stepping out cautiously, ShadeTW's eyes fall upon a file cabinet and he flinches briefly before realizing that it is not, in fact, another writer's block.
--------------meanwhile, in the NeS---------
as Gebohq sits down on a nearby curb, he notices someone familiar on the curb next to him.
Galrek:"reformed villains with pie...just not that useful...got downsized. think I got tossed out cuz I'm immune to the pie."
Gebohq:"I got fired because they said that I wasn't a good leader and that the villains were better."
Galrek:"that was kinda the point of the pie."
Gebohq:"pie wasn't poisoned. they said tha-"
Galrek:"that if the pie had some kind of anti-gebohq poison you would want to fire yourself? hmmph. poison is designed to target everyone but you. I don't want you fired cuz I'm immune to the effects of pie."
Gebohq:"we should team up and take back the HoH!"
Galrek:"why...on earth...would we want to do that? besides, you can't even stop an army of kirbies by yourself. what makes you think you can get through all the people who actually made you successful and then face down the villains who turned them against you?"
Gebohq:"don't you have some usefull skill?"
Galrek:"I can make coincidences occur in favor of myself and friends. so?"

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

outside the HoH we see Geb and Galrek still sitting around when a man dressed in dark clothing appears from behind a tree

Geb: Is that Rob?

Galrek: who?

Rob walks up

Rob: I was sent to deliver this.

Rob hands Geb a letter and walks away singing to himself "it's a pirates life for me....."

Geb: A letter... from who....

Geb opens the letter

Letter:
Geb,
Your presence is requested at teh secret base of Jim7.

Geb: So... Jim7 finally wants to talk to me.

Galrek: Finally?

Geb: Yes the last time I tried to talk to him he yelled at me... i remember it like it was yesterday...

FLAHSBACK...

Geb: Hello.

Jim7: wraa!

Jim7 picks up his guitar and begins playing.

Geb: yelling over the sound of Jim's guitar I'D LIKE TO WELCOME YOU TO THE NES I'M GE...

Jim7 interrupts Geb

Jim7: I know who you are silly mortal.. GO AWAY!!!

Geb starts wo walk away when Jim7 says something

Jim7: To get out of this mess look to the one who started it all.

Geb: WTF?

Jim7: STEEFU!

Geb stands there looking confused.

Jim7: OUT OF MY TENT!

Geb walks away.

Geb: *whispering* what a psycho

...END FLASHBACK

Galrek: what a psycho...

Geb: WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT WATCHING MY FLASHBACKS!!!

Galrek: nothing...

Geb: oh...

Geb and Galrek show up at Jim7's base

Tony: stop right there... I am only allowed to let Geb in you will have to wait here

Geb walks into Jim7's office. Jim7 is standing by his window looking at the HoH

Geb: you asked for me?

Jim7: wraa!

Geb: DON'T START THIS AGAIN

Jim7: You wish to take back the HoH?

Geb: Yes I do.

Jim7: Then you must look to the past to the things you have accomplished. You must also form alliances you never would consider under normal circumstances. You must also shower.

Geb: shower?

Jim7: Yes you smell like a taxi cab.

Geb: I had to take one to get here...

Jim7: That explains the smell... You may now leave.

Geb turns and walks to the door

Jim7: Look to the beginning for it is truly the end.

Geb, very confused at this point, walks out of the room.

Jim7: and may the NeS be with you ... or something like that...

WRAA!!!!, WILL GEB TAKE BACK THE HoH? WILL JIM7 MAKE SOME MORE SENSE? WILL KRIG BE EATEN BY A DRUNK HERO? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON THE NEXT EXCITING *SNORE*

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

Meantime, in the Hall Of Heroism, Heroics, Handsomeness and Hot Cakes (the newer, much snappier name for the Hall of Heroes. The "Hot Cakes" refer to warm baked goods by the way. It's not anything to do with the female NeS members. I think.)

Darkside: So, are we all agreed then, every Friday will be Die Hard Night?

All: YES!

Maeve: And beer!

All: YES! AND BEER!

TFFE: Woah woah woah, we never agreed anything about beer. That's not in the plan.

Darkside: But...

TFFE: But nothing. It'll start with beer, but then it'll be crisps, then chocolate, then cupcakes, then cars and who knows where the madness will end?!

Krig: Pie?

Darkside: Indeed.

TFFE: Yes but...oh wait...I see...eh Darkie? Eh? Nudge nudge wink wink say no more? A nod's as good as a wink to a blind man. Gotcha Darkie...

Darkside: I really wish you wouldn't call me that.


[NSP: I don't really know why TFFE is suddenly a bit of a moron, but it's this or nothing, and Geb claims that any post is better than nothing. I have my doubts.]

------------------

(NSP: Allow me to take ownership for a minute and steer this where I want it to go.)

TFFE: Er...I need to go to the bathroom.

*There is a stagnant pause. For the sake of keeping posts exciting, no one in the NeS has ever actually used the bathroom before, or at least, it has never been documented.*

CookedHaggis: Um...good luck?

TFFE: Cheers.

*He walks into the appliance cupboard, fits himself into a shelf and shuts the door.*

Darkside: Er...let's play Twister!

All: YIPPEE!

*Meanwhile, in the appliance cupboard, TFFE is being relayed microwave transmission signals from a transmitter in his head.*

TFFE: What now, master V?

"V": Push the importance of the pie. Darkside will soon create a diversion, allowing you to feed it to all the heroes.

TFFE: Sounds scrumptious, master V.

"V": You idiot. And don't mess this up! Your predecessor was destroyed for his failure; the same can happen to you too...

TFFE: *gulp*

*Gingerly, he eases himself out of the closet, grinning broadly at the perplexed NeS heroes.*

TFFE: More pie?

she is B - bedraggled
she is U - undesirable
she is M - miserable
she is P - perverted
B-U-M-P BUMP! B-U-M-P BUMP!

um...yah.

------------------
Never argue with an idiot, they'll bring you down to their level and beat you with experience

Awww Mavie :_(

STW splats Mavie with a pie.

STW: See, now you're

Pretty
Inventive, and
Exquisite

*Rating Censored*

STW begins to develop a number of black and blue spots

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

noo!! not the acronyms! nargh!!! make them go away!!!
ShadeTW runs in little circle slapping away the acronyms assaulting him from all sides.

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water

* In the realm of the heroes... MZZT had tried to explain the pie's effects to maevie and Galvatron before the great pie-eat, only to be scoffed at. He had been with the heroes when they had eaten the pie and been affected. But as he had known about the effects of the pie, and as he didn't like pie to begin with, he did not eat it, but instead pretended to, so that the villians would not be suspicious. *

* When the heroes all fired Geb, MZZT began to feel uneasy. When maevie announced she had sold the pool table, that was the last straw. Someone had to do something. *

MZZT: Excuse me... * Gets up from the table and makes his way to the bathroom. *

* Once there, MZZT closes the door begind him and begins pacing the length of the small room, mulling over possible actions he can take. *

MZZT: Geb was right... we need an antidote. Perhaps that antidote can be psycoligical, and not physical. If I can expose the villians' plot in front of the "heroes", they may snap out of it.

MZZT: I can also try to use my connections to round up a task force and take the HoH by storm... could be tricky, tho, as we would have to take each hero alive.

MZZT: Well, my best bet is to escape from here and find a scientist who will help me in creating an antidote. Luckily, I still have that pie plate from the time I got hit with a pie, so the creation of an antidote should be easy for any reputable scientist.

* Banging on door *

Krig: Krig have to use bathroom!

MZZT: Gulp... I sense that Krig hasn't come to use the bathroom... Krig, did maevie send you to make sure I ate enough pie?

Krig: You good.

* Two more people come running up *

maevie: I know what you're up to Mega! Get out of there right now!

MZZT: * Pretends to be oblivious * Wrong bathroom, maevie!

maevie: Galvatron, break down the door! We can't let this villian escape!

MZZT: ... #$%^&.

* Soon, loud bashing sounds are heard coming from the door. MZZT climbs up on the toilet and begins trying to open the small window. Soon he begins to get desperate for time. *

MZZT: Galvatron! Shut down immediately!

Galv: * Calmly, while still bashing. * I can only take administrative commands from maevie, Darkside, and TFFE.

MZZT: Er... Wraa... hmmmm... Galvatron! Evaluate this: The following statement is true. The previous statement is false. After that, I want you to evalute pi to the last decimal place.

Galv: * Still bashing * Yes sir. Processing...

MZZT: I hope this works * Still fiddling with window *


Galv: * Bashing slows * Program is taking longer than expected to compute. Decreasing CPU time allocated to other functions to compensate.

* Bashing slows more and then stops. MZZT finally gets the window open. *

MZZT: There! * Types a command out on his computer wristwatch, gets up on the windowsill. *

* Unfortunately, the HoH is situated in Big Ben, and a fall from MZZT's height could cause you to burrow some distance into solid concrete. I know you all are hoping MZZT has planned what to do next. *

MZZT: I hope I sufficiently planned what to do next... * Hesitates. His hesitation gradually turns into a "wait" *

* Elsewhere... *

maevie: Too bad I left Galv alone... I really shouldn't have, but I just had to have some more of that delicious pie... * Walks back toward bathroom. *

* Meanwhile, Galvatron has stopped moving. The only sign of any activity is the smoke coming from his head. *

maevie: AHHHHHHHHHHHH * Quickly thumbs the huge 'Reset' button on Galv's back. Galv collapses into a heap on the floor. *

* maevie gives a frowning, sideways look at the battered door, and turns the doorknob. The door swings open easily. *

MZZT: Whoops. I forgot to lock the door. * Looks down outside * Sorry, maevie, but I gotta run. * Falls out the window *

* maevie rushes to the window, and looks out to see MZZT in his Missle Boat, waving at her. The Missile Boat turns and flies off to the west. *

Hmmm... an interesting chapter in the NeS indeed... I wonder how many chapters the NeS has... well... it's never ending... so it has infinite chapters! So which number would this one be... hmm... since there are infinite chapters, it is impossible to number them all, therefore this chapter has no number! And since it has no number, it therefore must not exist! And since I am speaking in it, I must not exist!

... erm, waitamminute...

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!

*In the Main Room of the Hall of Heroes, Darkside and The First False Evil are busy handing out pie to the various heroes who still haven't eaten. Darkside leans over to TFFE and speaks in a low tone to him.*

Darkside: "Are you sure we have enough pie? There's an awful lot of these 'heroes', and Krig ate quite six whole pies by himself, including the pie plates!"

*In the back of the pie-line, some of the forgotten heroes who haven't been mentioned for pages and pages start getting restless*

JorBo: "Hey, I want some pie here! Hurry up!"

Masetto: "Yeah, we're all hungry here! Let's move things along!"

TFFE: "All right, all right, everyone just stay calm! There's enough pie for everyone, just be patient and you'll get your turn!"

TX3_Gandalf: "Hey, that maeve chick cut in line and got extra pie! No fair!"

Gettleburger: "Give us pie now! We want pie! We want pie!"

*The entire crowd of Heroes begins chanting 'we want pie', to the beat of 'We Will Rock You'. Darkside and TFFE hastily confer with one another.*

Darkside: "They're getting urgent. You know what this means, don't you?"

TFFE: "Yes. We initiate Phase 2-B of our insidious plan!"

Darkside: "Excellent."

TFFE: "CookedHaggis! Go and find Krig the Viking, and bring him to me! We will have need of him!"

Haggis: "Very good, sir. I shall return shortly."

As our beloved but brainwashed CookedHaggis goes to find Krig, whatever can Darkside's and The First False Evil's plans be? No, wait, that was bad grammar. Let's try that again. Whatever can Darkside's and The First False Evil's plans be, as our beloved but brainwashed -- no, that's not right either! Blast it, just stay tuned and keep reading, and you'll figure it out eventually!

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

Meanwhile back at the secret base of Jim7...

Jim7: Tony, Geb may need my assistance. Go down to Storage Room B and bring up my sword and armor.

Tony: Yes boss.

Tony walks off towards Storage Room B

Jim7: to himself I just hope that armor still fits... it's been a few million years since I last put it on.

meanwhile in Stoarge Room B

Tony: to himself... duh It's kinda dark and spooky down here.

Note to readers... Storage Room B is in the lowest sub-level of the secret base

Voice from the darkness: Is somebody there?

Tony: Huh?

Voice: Bob? Bob is that you?

Tony: No... I'm Tony...

Voice: Tony? Who's Tony?

Tony: Me...

Tony spots the box with the armor and the sword and grabs it

Voice: Me? Me is not Tony...

Tony: No but I am...

Tony starts walking up the stairs.

Voice: It puts the lotion on it's skin...

Tony starts running up the stairs and back to Jim7's office

WHY IS THERE A VOICE IN STORAGE ROOM B? WHY DOES JIM7 NEED HIS ARMOR AND HIS SWORD? WILL JIM7 FIT INTO HIS OLD ARMOR? WILL TONY START USING LOTION? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON THE NEXT EXCITING EPISODE OF RIPLEY'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT!!!!

Note to the people at Ripley's... please don't sue me I have no money

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

(NSP: You all are doing so well. And you all are showing me up too I must change this and reclaim my mastery of the NeS posting... Well, at least write some more. Also, a side note: After page 50, I'm going to start a new thread, where page 1 will be "page 51" so as to not have NeS kill this forum under its own weight. If only the UBB system could handle the greatness of NeS

And without further delay, a story post. Or at least an excuse for one.)

Galrek: So... what now?

Geb: I need some time to myself. You're the only person I can trust now, so I need you to see if you can round up anyone else to help us. Preferably those from the Hall of Heroes, but it's probably too late for them, so contact ANYONE. Connect into the Update Computer if you can for help. Use any method possible. Meet me at Stonehenge in 24 hours with whomever you find.

Galrek: I'd object, but it's not like I'll decide anything better on my own. Being neutral can be a headache at times.

Geb: Good luck... and thanks.

Galrek walks away, checking his Bond-like standard issue NeS hero watch, leaving Gebohq alone with his thoughts.

Geb: Villians winning, heroes giving me the boot, hunger kicking in... I need a donut.

Gebohq walks to the nearest bakery, continuing to talk to himself.

Geb: What am I going to do? Jim said I needed to "look to the beginning." If only I knew what that meant... wait, why am I considering the advice of Satan again? Ugh. Thinking is not my forte... Hey Narrator?

Gebohq looks upward, waiting for a response, but hears none.

Geb: That isn't funny!

I thought it was.

Geb: I need your help.

I just tell it as it is. I can't fight the good fight for you.

RAM: You just don't want to back down by an idea that you thought of yourself! You were trying to make NeS more interesting by influencing the villians to trick the NeS heroes amd then overthrowing them! Admit it!

Not so loud...

Geb: What's this? It was your idea to have the villians brainwash the heroes?

It's not what you think, Geb. I was looking out for the good of NeS, really!

Geb: I thought you were on OUR side!

If you'd let me explain--

Geb: Just shut up and go away! I'll save the day by myself!

Gebohq sulks now towards the bakery--

Geb: I am not sulking! And I told you to go away!

I still have a job to do. As I was saying, Gebohq now approaches the bakery and enters, when he bumps into none other than Ares, god of war.

Ares: What the...Gebohq!

Ares choke-slams Gebohq to the nearest wall.

Geb: I hate you, Narrator.

I love you too.

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited August 14, 2003).]

Suddenly something jumps from the shadows and drags Ares into the darkness

A few minutes later at the secret base of Jim7

Jim7: Tony take the blindfold off of him.

Tony: Yes boss.

Tony removes the blindfold showing Ares the poorly lit dusty room with wooden walls.

Ares: What the.. why am I.. where...

Jim7: SILENCE!!!

Ares STFUs

Just then Sam Fisher walks in

Sam: That was an easy mission...

Jim7: Sam, good work, you may leave...

Sam: Hey aren't you the guy that was fooling around with my daughter?

Jim7: No, that would be the other white evil genius with semi-long dark hair...

Sam: Michael Jackson?

Jim7: No, your daughter is too old for him... the man you want is none other than cue dramatic music MAX WEINBERG!!!

Sam: NO! IT CAN'T BE! THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!!!

Jim7: Search your feelings you know it to be true.

Sam: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.. NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Sam rushes out the door.

Jim7: Ares the reason i brought you here was to inform you that you must team up with Geb

Ares: NEVER!!!

Jim7: The other villians laugh at you do they not? call you "whiney"?

Ares: in tears yes, yes they do... they're mean....

Jim7: Then the only way to show them your true power is to team up with Geb and defeat them... then you may return to your evil ways...

Ares: YES I WILL I CAN I MUST...

HUH?

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

[This message has been edited by DrkJedi82 (edited August 15, 2003).]

(NSP: Thanks to Maxis for his hosting and Krig the Viking for creating it, we now have our first NeS radio drama! It's based off of Tracer's post on page 46, concerning the mystery box:

NeS Radio: They Mystery Box

It's around 2.14 MB, and about 2:40 minutes long. It's best if you read the post along with it. Wheeee!)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited August 19, 2003).]

I'd just like to say that Krig is quite clearly the greatest Viking since Thor for doing that radio piece. Bloody excellent.

------------------

Meanwhile, Geb is just standing there at the nearest bakery, wondering what exactly has happened to Ares, God of war.

Geb: Uh...

And a very confused hero he is indeed.

Geb: But the...he was just...and then something...what the heck?

As eloquent as ever.

Geb: Oh very funny. We can't all be omnipotent and know exactly what happened to Ares.

You could if you tried.

Geb: Really?

No, not really.
At this point in the proceedings, when the conversation between the two characters (or even just the one character and the bodiless narrator) has reached the banality limit set by the IISBGB (International Interactive Story Board Governing Body), a character not seen for several pages will turn up. Fortunately for Geb, this doesn't happen, and in the course of waiting for something to happen, he smells a familiar smell. Only in a less clumsily phrased way.

Geb: Wait, is that doughnuts*?!

It's at this point Geb remembers he is in fact standing next to a bakery.

* Geb's use of the "correct" spelling of donuts should be noted, as it is a very important plot point. Oh yes.

------------------

(NSP: The great Thor himself? Why I am honoured, sir!

Anyways, I think it's about time *somebody* did this:...)

----------------------------------------

*Meanwhile, back at the HoH! Darkside and TFFE are attempting to keep the unruly crowd relatively calm, until Krig can arrive. It's not working very well. Just then, Krig appears in the doorway, and TFFE goes to fetch him. Darkside straightens and motions for the attention of the Heroes.*

Darkside: "SILENCE!"

*The room becomes very silent. The sound of a thousand dying souls screaming for quiet can do that to a room.*

Darkside: "We would like to thank you all for your gracious hospitality. It is not every day that you allow your dread enemies to join your ranks and become one of you. It is a great day for your little world!"

*There is some half-hearted cheering.*

Darkside: "We are very honoured that you have asked us to become members of your fine Hero establishment, and we accept!"

*There is some confused mumbling, as no-one remembers asking them to join.*

Darkside: "With us leading, the HoH will rise to world dominance! We will rule over all! It will be much better than when that sucky little sucky man Gebohq lead you! You will get free beer!"

*The room erupts in racous cheering, war whoops, and whistles. It takes several minutes for TFFE to shut them up.*

Darkside: "Today, we embark upon a journey! To a better, darker future! We--"

Random Hero: "Just give us the beer!"

Other Heroes: "Yeah! And the pie! We want pie! We want pie!"

*Darkside screams a thousand evil screams again, and the room goes silent again.*

Darkside: "Now, we're all friends here, right? Or are we? Why don't we take a vote? Who here is here because they are our friends, and would follow us to death? Hm?"

*Krig, J-Bob, Haggis, Ford, Galv, Kyle, Losien, Maeve, Maybe, Otter, and Sem put up their hands instantly. Their eyes, slightly glazed over, display a feverish affection for the personification of darkness that is more than slightly unsettling. The others just sorta stand about confusedly.*

Darkside: "And who of you just came here to get some free pie? Hm?"

*Everyone else in the room, the ones who haven't gotten any pie yet, shout and raise their hands frantically. Darkside smiles a slow, dark smile.*

Darkside (bending to talk to Krig): "Krig, do you see those people who have their hands raised?"

*Krig nods*

Darkside (whispering in Krig's ear): "Those people want to eat all of your pie! Do you want them to eat all of your precious pie?"

*Krig shakes his head no.*

Darkside: "What are you going to do about it, Krig? Are you going to let them take your pie? They're the ones who always take your shineys, Krig! Are you going to let them do that? And what about your pie? Don't let them, Krig! Don't let them! Destroy them, Krig!"

*With a roar of terrible rage, Krig lunges into the crowd, swinging his axe mightily. TheOtter shrieks and runs away, terrified that the little Viking is going to get his revenge for attempting to eat him. Krig does not even notice, swinging his axe to and fro madly, a rabid wolf in a henhouse. Darkside and TFFE, standing on the sidelines, look on with pleasure.*

TFFE: "I told you it would work, my friend! No problem at all!"

*The wailing, flailing body of TX3_Gandalf impacts the wall above them, bounces off, catches on a ceiling fan, whirls around a few times, and is sent flying into the giant main screen of the Computer with the sound of shattering glass.*

Darkside (creepy eyes narrowing in thought): "Indeed. But they are not all here. We must have all of them under our control, or our plan will surely fail."

*TFFE ducks out of the way as Fluffy the hero soars across the room and slams headfirst into the wall, punching through the wall and into the next room -- co-incidentally the lavratory which no-one seems to be able to find.

TFFE: "Oh, come on, so a few of them are still running around out there somewhere! Alone and running scared, they're no match for us! We'll rule this planet in a matter of days! By next week we'll be working on the rest of the solar system!"

*From the chaos of the battle a shining, whirling Viking battle-axe comes buzzing, embedding itself into the wall beside Darkside's head with a thunk. Darkside doesn't even flinch. Krig runs up, jumps, grabs the axe-handle, pries it out of the wall, and quickly returns to his work.*

Darkside: "You've not been around as long as we. You haven't faced them as many times. Just when you think you've won, just when the last of them is about to perish a horrible death, just as you feel you can safely gloat and describe in detail your plans for world domination -- that is when they hit you! We must be especially careful! Take no chances!"

*Just then, the raging battle ceases, and the dust begins to settle on a smashed and broken room. Darkside smiles evilly as he surveys the damage. Of all those heroes who filled the room moments before, only eleven survive. Janitor Bob, CookedHaggis, Ford, Galvatron, KyleKatarn7, Losien, Maeve, Maybechild, Otter, and Semievil stand amidst the carnage, untouched, while Krig stumps toward the Villians with an insidious grin on his face, clutching his axe tightly. Darkside pats the little Viking on the head in approval, then casts an eye filled with burning souls toward the outer wall, as if looking through the metal and over the land to see the few who remain to oppose him.*

*On the river Thames, MZZT speeds over the waves in his Missle Boat, desparate to find help.*

*In a dark alley in one of London's slums, JediKirby wanders alone, pondering his past and his soul.*

*High on a rooftop, Antestarr looks to the glittering night sky in silence, as the wind whips and pulls his black cloak about him.*

*Deep in the sewers beneath Big Ben, Galrek the Neutral leads Dr. Dor by the arm, escaping in the direction of Stonehenge*

*Gebohq, leader of heroes, feels a chill go down his spine as he stands in front of the doughnut shop, turning to look at the tip of Big Ben just visible over the surrounding buildings. A moment's hesitation, and he shrugs the feeling off, rolling up his sleeves as he pushes open the door to the run-down pastry store.*

*The full moon hangs overhead, glowing in white light.*

*Watching.*



[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited September 04, 2003).]

(NSP: Thanks for the consideration, but I hardly have much of a plan when it comes to NeS. If I do, I'll speak up in a NSP

I've also updated the Update screen, namely with which heroes are under the influence of evil pie, which are not, and which have potentially met the business end of Krig's axe.

Of course, I would not leave without an all too familiar -- )

i*d*w*n*q

(Hmm. It appears to be flipped uspide-down )

South Pole, Antartica

A Missile Boat swoops down over the icy land. It is sunrise, and snow is falling in a blizzard (it might not snow down there, but work with me).

The pilot is apparantly looking for something, but there is nothing, other than the bleak, cold expance of ICE.

MZZT: *grumble* Freaking ice. I'm sick of it. I told myself I'd never come back here. But I know in my heart it's futile to search for help; I must find the antidote by myself.

Finally, the fighter slows to a hover.

MZZT: Mmmmph, I can't find it. But it's gotta be here. Let's see if I can hear it... *Thumbs a control on his wristwatch*

A low rumbling echoes off in the distance, and MZZT flies toward it. He soon reaches it, and hovers above it's source. Another blank sheet of ice.

The rumbling grows louder... then a defeaning "CRACK!" is heard and a split in the ice appears, leading to darkness. Another crack and some ice breaks apart and falls down into darkness, revealing the source of the humming to be two large hanger doors sliding open. They finally stop with a clunk.

MZZT: Good thing that worked. I was beginning to worry I wouldn't be able to find this place again after so long...

The fighter descends vertically into the hanger.

The hanger is almost pitch black, except for the light beams streaking in from above. The hanger is only big enough to fit a few ships the size of the Missile Boat, and the fallen ice takes up about half the room. MZZT manages to land safely despite it.

MZZT: Bah, I gotta remember to clean that up before it melts and floods this place... * walks over to a far wall. Takes a passcard out of his pocket and swipes it through an inconspicuous slot in the wall. *

Part of the wall emit a mechanical whir, and pops open to reveal a control panel. MZZT punches a few buttons. The hanger doors above grind close, causing utter darkess except for the glow of the control panel

For a few seconds, all that can be heard (if there was anyone around to hear it) is MZZT shivering. His breath could be made out in the dim light of the control panel. Then he presses a few more buttons.

The lights come on, and a far away rumlbe (a heater) starts. MZZT walks toward another wall, which opens at his approach; a secret door. The control panel conveniently swings closed, and the door closes behind him as he exits.

MZZT walks down a lit staircase, and into an open elevator. He presses a button, and the elevator whirs and begins going down...

MZZT: * Talking to self * Hmmm... I can still remember the day I left here...

Ahem

MZZT: What?

Sorry bub, flashbacks are my job. It's in the contract.

MZZT: Hey! I'm not letting you, or anyone else do MY flashbacks, I thought I was clear on that?!?

I'll tell Geb on you...

MZZT: * grumble * Fine. Do the stupid flashback. * slumps into a corner of the elevator *

*Ahem* It was almost five years ago that MZZT had joined the Heroes in their fight against crime... Back then, he had built this place to be his Headquarters... he was a Jedi, and had pledged a fight against all evil, and to that end had built this place to allow him the resources to research new technologies (he loved, and still loves, tinkering with electronics). When he had seen an ad in the newspaper that Geb had put out, asking for all available Heroes to join the HoH, he quickly realized that strength in numbers would help greatly in his war against evil. So he decided to close his HQ (not hard, considering he was the only one there.) and came to England to live at the HoH.

MZZT: What? That's it? That's not a flashback!

Sorry, budget cuts. Couldn't build a set.

MZZT: But it's exactly the SAME set as the one I'm about to get to! Why not use the same one?!?

Dunno. I'm a narrator, not a director.

MZZT: Shush you.

The elevator stops, and MZZT gets up and steps out. He switches on a light.

It's his common room. It is decorated in a blue-purple paint on the walls, and features white trim on the doors. There is a couch, a TV with a bunch of game systems, a whole wall for a bookcase, and a few chairs and recliners (he had occasionally treated celebrities to a visit and tour).

MZZT sighs at the good memories. But it's time to get to work, he thinks. He strides purposely into an adjoining room, the lab.

MZZT's lab is outfit with the most advanced 5-year-old equipment available. The room is white, and sparkling clean.

MZZT: Well, time to get to work * takes a lab coat off a rack and puts it on. He also dons gloves and safety goggles.*

He takes the pie pan out of his pocket, but then curses when he realizes it was a normal pie he had been hit with before, and not a poisoned pie. He then remembers he got some of the poisoned pie on his shirt when he was sitting at the HoH... he extracts it carefully with tweasers and begins examining it under a high-power microscope, talking to himself...

MZZT: Good thing none of the heroes or villans know about this place... I will be alone here until I find a cure...

Meanwhile, elsewhere...

Darkside: * looking through the walls of the HoH, seeing everything MZZT has been doing * Oh, you'll be alone all right... maybe even long enough to find a cure. But when I get there personally, you won't live long enough to use it. * Storms out to the NeS Garage, in the basement of Big Ben. *

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited August 21, 2003).]

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN CHEESE STARTS RAINING DOWN ON THE PEOPLE!

------------------
Ever tried to catch your elbow?

HOLY BARNACEL LOAF BATMAN!


------------------
Ever tried to catch your elbow?

The peoples of NeS all stop what they're doing at once, only to see Dj_DTM dancing, shouting, and throwing cheese in all directions.

The heroes. villians, and others quickly usher Dj_DTM into "Happy Daze" Asylum and Mourge, and lock him in a rubber room.

With this new threat to the safety and insanity of the NeS conquered, the NeSians chide Dj_DTM and ask him to post something that makes some sence or at least connects into the storyline next time. (And, they add, it must make for good reading.)

They also suggest he introduce a character of his own... maybe called Dj_DTM.... and maybe place him as an innocent bystander in London, near the HoH.... and write stuff for the NeS off of that. But they also suggest he carefully read the NeS... at the very least, the whole of page 47... and he not mess up any storylines currently in progress.

After Dj_DTM has heard all this, he promises to be good and to write meaningful, entertaining posts. The NeSians let him out, then go back to their business.

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven! - Under Construction
NEW! PHP implementation underway!

*poke*
"stop that"
*poke*
"would you quit?"
*poke*
"last warning. stop with the poking already!"
*hesitation...then finally...Poke*
"that's IT!"
spinning about, Galrek drives his finger into Dr. Dor's forehead, leaving a small dent.
"being poked isn't fun...is it?"
Dr. Dor:"I just had a question."
"WHAT?"
Dr. Dor:"where are we going?"
Galrek:"you are going to stonehenge as soon as I find the spot where a mutant sewer mole just happened to dig a tunnel from london to stonehenge. I am going to go find out what redeemable heroes have been untouched by pie and try to get them to stonehenge. ah. the tunnel. get crawling Doc."
Dr. Dor:"what about the spiders?"
Galrek:"they're on vacation. move!"
turning around, Galrek left Dr. Dor to his own devices and headed back towards the tap to the update computer that he had just happened to discover.
Galrek:"so, let's find out who's next on the herding list, shall we?"
what's this "we" business white man?
Galrek:"AH! talking disembodied voices!"
two things. one:disembodied voices always talk. don't be redundant. they certainly aren't going to poke you. two:I'm the narrator. I've just ignored you most of the time cuz you haven't been that important until now.
Galrek:"great. stuck herding the most powerful bunch of nerds and morons on earth, with a sarcastic disembodied voice with delusions of grandeur and a desire to insult me...what's next?"
you should respect me. I control your destiny
Galrek:"were you medicated before you left your body, or is this just a side effect of being sourceless?"
grumble grumble grumble. well, unless the wonder-dork here gets himself % ally" killed, we'll have some sort of plot tomorrow. tune again to find if Gebohq has made more progress than the bad guys, or if everything is proceeding as normal and Gebohq is five steps behind everything.
Galrek:"aren't Narrators supposed to be enthusiastic and cheerful and stuff?"
oh, I'm not the regular guy, I'm just a disgruntled janitor who got stuck with the job while The Narrator(tm) takes a leak.

------------------
New from the makers of Air in a Box!
ever find yourself in the middle of the desert, wishing you had been able to pack a gallon of water? well, now you can, with, Dehydrated Water! just add water