Ares(yelling at spasm): You idiot, you don't need to read ANY of it.... I burly read two posts when i came back in... And look how incredibly unknowledegeble of the plot i am! but it dosen't matter, see that? What's that? (pointing at plot hole floating by)
Spasm: Looks like a plot hole.
Ares: EXACTLY! see, if i had read half as much as you had, i might almost be relativly up to date now. But it dosen't matter, it only means that that plot hole will follow me around until i'm back into the swing of things!
Spasm: I see. Is that why my plot hole is smaller?
Darkside: Well DUH... weren't we arguing her Ares?
Ares: Hey, i've gotta break in the new guy here... THEN we'll go back to arguing.
Darkside: Oh ok.... hey, WAIT! who's giving orders to who here?!?
Ares: I am you idiot, i'm a GOD rember?... (Grabs Darkside and throws him into nearby plot hole. Darkside lands at the south end of the North pole.)
Should be a while before he's back...

Ares: Now i must fix my arena back up to the way it was before... And regain control of.... stuff.

*WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?!? WILL THE NEW GUY SURVIVE ARES'S HAZING? WILL THOSE PLOT HOLES EVER DISSAPEAR? CAN DARKSIDE SPEAK NORTHPOLEESE? FIND OUT THESE AND OTHER QUESTIONS IN THE NEXT INSTALLMENT OF NES!*

NSP: Damn it, Ares! You just nullified two and a half pages of writing in fifteen lines! And they were funny pages, too...

/cries himself to death

NSP: Galvatron is a robot?

*With Darkside freezing to death on the southern portion of the North Pole, the captives appear to be free to go.*

theOtter: Well, bye.

lightside: Have a nice day.

*They leave.*

Phil the UGO Driver: Don't worry boss, I'm on my way!

*Phil hops into his UGO truck and speeds off to rescue Darkside.*

TwistedSpasm: Well, this didn't turn out to be the three ring event that I thought it would be...tooteloo.

*He disappears in another magical puff of smoke.*

Ares: Huh. Well, I guess I should start putting this place back together...

*Ares begins systematically tearing down Darkside's evil decorations and large banners, restoring The Arena to it's former glory.*

*That's all for now...*

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited April 06, 2002).]

(NSP: Bah, Ares only kicked out Darkside. You should know from reading the first page that the ways of NeS allows us to creatively change, ignore, or deny the existance of certain events. Usually, we try to do it in a semi-story-line manner though So it's up to whomever wants to post next to decide how things go from here

And yes, Galv is a robot. One with a fridge for a torso

And though I shudder at the thought of saying this, the plot hole things REALLy gotta be toned down! NeS will fall apart like a dinky sea vessel in the storm of mystical swirls a.k.a. plot holes that'll swamp the place!)

((NPS: Well.. I'm actually a Cyborg type Character... My Heart is Human... My Blood is Boiling... My Brain IBM!))

*launches 1000 nukes at you all and blows the universe up as well*

THE END

Uh-oh...

Did Great Saiyaman V just attempt a one post ending to NES?

*Looks at other writers and pops my knuckles with anticipation*

You know what we do to writers who attempt a one post ending, don't you?...



------------------
"Ah, but who's the greater fool? The fool, or the foolish fool who get's fooled by the fool who's foolisher than the foolish fool?"

-Janitor Bob(Salk Wars)

We consign them to Hell with Matthew Pate?

But seriously, 1000 nukes couldn't blow up nearly everything in the universe, much less the universe itself, as nuclear forces do not (as far as I know) affect space and time in any way, other than affecting objects WITHIN space and time. So on you, Great Saiyaman V.

Anywhos, I'd say we have a new villain!

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel

Galv: oh drat.. someone wiped out existance..
*Snaps his figures, a new Universe is formed*
Galv: who says you need 7 Days? Just give me 7 Seconds! Now.. what do we do about this Saiya-Man?

------------------
//||\\atrix Studios.NET

Audience: Morris! Morris! Morris! Morris!

*Morris the Cat eats Great Saiyaman V whole, whom is slowly digested in his belly for the next thousand years.*

Audience: Huh-RAY!

Ares: Oh..... you can't just digest him for a thousand years.... then i don't get to inflict physical torment.
*Ares reaches into morris the cat, and yanks the 1/257th digested Saiyaman V out and startes yelling at him.*
Ares: YOU IDIOT! 1000 nukes can't blow **** up now.. do you have any idea how big the universe is? 1000 mukes is only mild hartburn for me. *slaps him around some* Now go spend some time with the other annoying cherecters in this story. *throws through plot hole*


(Cut to Phil driving along in his UGO truck, he has just reached the coastline of the northpole)
Saiyaman V(falling through sky): YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAhhhhhhhhhhhh...........
(lands in front of UGO truck,)
(Phil jams on brakes, can't stop in time.)
(Saiyaman V gets hit by truck, makes cool crunching sound, goes flying, lands in conveniently placed tree.)

TheTwistedSpasm stands in the middle of the Arena, looking around with an extremely annoyed look on his face.

Spasm: I didn't mean to create more plot holes! I didn't!

Ares (glaring): Like I said, I made more than you did.

Spasm: What, you're proud of it?

Ares: No, just stating fact. Now go away, I have an Arena to rebuild, and glory to restore.

Spasm: You're pathetic! I came here to have a little fun, and you just want to mess everything up! You made that one Writer cry! *His voice lowers* You're despicable!

Ares: Arg. I'm a god, you'd think they'd listen to me...

*He waves his hand in Spasm's direction. Spasm is flung away, screaming dire and horrible threats...*

NSP: I'd prefer that my charecter ends up with some bunch of Heros, but I'm not sure enough on the plot, so someone else can decide where I end up.

THERE IS NO PLOT! Haven't you picked that up yet?

Geb the writer: Don't listen too much to Ares. He's getting senile in his old age

As he said though, indeed, there is no plot. However, there IS a definate story. ...what do you mean "what's the difference?" Story is completely different than plot! Er...for one, our story isn't going down the toilet, only the plot. And uh...back in my day, we wrote stories uphill, both ways! You young whipper-snappers get it off easy, with your fancy...er...what was I talking about again?

<<Geb the writer is getting senile in his old age.>>

Geb the writer: I heard that, you talking over-sized boob-tube screen! --oy, my back is achin'...

(NSP: Whaaaaat? You expect me to make an ACTUAL post right now? I got school stuff to pay attention to. And stuff. ...SEM! Go make a post! )

And so it came to pass that in the days following the rants of Geb and the return of Ares and Galvatron, Sem the writer did post, and Sem the writer also brought doughnuts which did temporarily appease Ares.

And lo! Therafter for a time the company was foolish enough to accept the leadership of Semdalf, the duct-tape colored religious wanderer.

*Deep in the underbelly of the Arena, the camera pans about a deadend room containing a plothole and Bomb. It is a small room and otherwise empty.*

TLTETMRFTPODBR (The Last True Evil, The Miraculously Resurrected For The Purposes Of Dialogue, Boromir Ripoff): Where are we?

Semdalf: I have no memory of this... oh wait, yeah I do! Hey, check it out, deadguys!

Randy: I thought we were in an empty room.

*The camera pans again, revealing a great battle to have taken place, bodies line the path to the plothole, and Bomb is at the center of a ring of dead men. Interspersed are hewn and burnt chunks of yellow rubber.*

Ottegrin Mook: This is no demolitions tunnel.... it’s a tomb!

TLTETMRFTPODBR: Hey! That’s my line!

Ante: No it’s not. Besides, you’re only temporarily resurrected, so I’d save my breath if I was you.

*Camera pan to a wall where a large red button has suddenly appeared.... Ottegrin is staring at it intently.*

Semdalf, reading from a conviniently placed book: .... The lace curtains have been barred.... we are surrounded.... we cannot get out.... fine china plates.... china plates in the deep....

*Ottegrin punches the button. Sirens wail. Small children cry. Silence comes.*

Semdalf, turning on him: Fool of a Mook!

*Finally, ominously, a single china plate shatters in some chamber below. All the heros rush into action- Randy and Krigli, son of Krogin bar the lace curtains. TLTETMRFTPODBR looks out the holes in the lace.*

TLTETMRFTPODBR: They have an anvil!

*And with that, yellow rubber feather tipped arrows appear in his chest and he collapses to the floor, his dialogue having been spoken.*

Ante: Protect Frodoburger! Protect the Bingbearer!

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

I launch nukes at everyone, killing them, killing the earth, killing the universe.

THE END

SHUT UP

*Ares brings the universe back* *Yelling at this new guy now*
Ares: YOU IDIOT!! Haven't ANY of you newbies learned ANYTHING yet? You can't kill this thread! What should we sentence him to guys?
*Dosen't wait for response.* Yes, i thinks so too. I SENTENCE YOU TO LISTEN TO GALVATRON SING!
Number7teen: BUT THAT"S NOT FAIR! THAT'S INHUMAN TORTURE!!!!
Ares: Hey blame yourself, your the one that tried to end this thread...
*zaps Number7teen and Galvatron into a soundproof box.
(Galvatron inside box.)
Galv: I'm a little Application short and stout, here is my input and here is my out...
(Number7teen's screaming can be heard from outside box.)

*Appears next to Ares in the greater Cosmos*
Galv: Ares.. That was very bad of you.. Geb has a Far worst singing voice then I. Now then.. We must stop these morons.. For Good.
*looks around*
*Sees something*
Galv: Look! Thats the wormhole that allows transportation from this demension to the Dragonball demension... We should probley Destroy it..

*Deep within the recesses of the voids in which none dare go, lest they relinquish themselves of their lives, there exists a being. Not a life as we know it, but rather an entity who's sole purpose is to will the existence and the continued existence of the NeS Thread. It prefers to be referred to as the One, though not so much since that Jet Li movie came out... But back on the subject, the One looks down with disdain upon Number7teen.*

tOne: Number7teen... aside from your blatant disregard for physics as well as the idea of capitalism, you seem to disregard the fact that a DBZ character could destroy a planet with little more than a gesture. But you chose, rather to theoretically destroy the universe, yourself included, by launching nukes which you probably don't have the money to buy, and if you did the money could be better spend on computer parts and video games and world peace. What have you to say in your defense?

Number7teen: Uh... I like swords.

tOne: Ah, I see that my grandeur and near infinite existence has caused your IQ to drop to that of Fighter's from 8-bit Theater. For that I must relegate you to a fate worse than death. You are to be chained in this room *indicated a room lined with Barbie dolls and bright pink posters* and forced to play Beyond the Beyond until you either de-evolve into a puddle of primordial ooze or finish it, in which case you will be relegated to E.T. for Atari 2600. That is all. the One has spoken.

*And so it came to pass that yet another one-post-story-killer was sent to a place somewhere between insanity, suicide, and KayBee Toys.*

*NSP: To those who actually care about what's going on with the heroes, feel free to re-read my last post on the previous page, as the end of it's been edited to better match with the post made by Sem... friggin' prima donnas...*

[This message has been edited by Antestarr (edited April 10, 2002).]

<<The lace curtains fly open as a horde of rubber duckie hordes floods in.>>

<<Insert dramatic action sequence here.>>

Ottegrin: "Well, that was easy!"

Semdalf: "What? No it wasn't! We all nearly died!"

Ante: "Yeah, that anvil could have killed us all!"

Ottegrin: "Really? Well I was hiding for most of it, so I didn't see all that..."

<<The group collectively rolls their eyes.>>

Randy: "So what now?"

Ante: "Let us continue on our way back to the NeStromo. We must get the Machine that Goes Bing to safety! The fate of the world depends on it!"

Randy: "Cue dramatic music."

<<Hey, that's my line!>>

Randy: "Oops, sorry. My mistake."

<<Just then, Spasm comes crashing through a wall, and lands on the floor -- spasming.>>

Spasm: "Wow, that was some fling -- Oh, hello folks, how's it going? Hey, are you guys doing some sort of Lord of the Rings spoof?"

Ante: "Well, actually, it's a LotR/Aliens/Disney's Atlantis spoof, but we seem to have forgotten about the other two in this scene."

Spasm: "Oh, ok. Can I come with you guys? I could be Frodo!"

Ante: "Uh, we already have a Frodo."

Spasm: "Oh, ok. Well, what about Gandalf? I do a great Gandalf impression..."

Semdalf: "Nay! Thou shalt never have my position, dark spawn of the caves! For I -"

Ante: "We have a Gandalf, too."

Spasm: "Nuts. Is there anybody I can be?"

Ante: "I suppose you could be Gettle's stunt double..."

Semdalf: "- flame of Anduin! Bearer of the mystic swirly thingies that -"

Spasm: "Woohoo!"

Semdalf: "destroyer of worlds! Designer of jeans! You shall not -"

<<Zip-pan to the main part of the Arena, where Ares is tearing down the Legion of Spookay's decorations.>>

Castro: "Hey, you cannot do that to our beloved headquarters!"

Ares: "Just watch me, bucko."

Farr: "Bucko? What kind of insulting name is that?"

Ares: "Never you mind! Begone, you foul annoyances!"

<<Ares waves his hand, and all the villians are suddenly banished to the ruins of the 7-11.>>

Ares: "Ah, much better."

<<Ares sweeps up a pile of "So you want to join the Legion of Spookay?" Pamphlets, and puts them into a garbage bin. Where the pile of pamphlets had been, something small and orange stirs.>>

Ares: "What's this?"

Ernie: "Whyyy do you disssturb my ssslumber?"

Ares: "I'm a god, I can do whatever I want!"

Ernie: "Insolent fool! You shall perish!"

<<Ernie and Ares begin duking it out with their god-like powers. Ares is surprised to find that Ernie's tremendous powers of Evil are nearly a match for the god of war's powers of ... War.>>

Ares: "Egad! Ernie's tremedous powers of Evil are nearly a match for..."

<<End story sequence. Tune in next time, etc. Bloody 'ell, where is that accursed Narrator? I'm gonna go insane if I have to keep doing this bloody job...>>

------------------
When the blind leadeth the blind.... get out of the way!

Benevolant
Upward
Mobility
Post!

(ooc: Do any of you have any idea how long it takes to read 31 pages of posts in one or two hour intervals? well?! I thought so.

I sincerely hope that I won't use or be the cause of many plot holes, but I just have to join in!)

*A titanic battle rages between the titanic titans known as Ares and Ernie*

Ernie: *Darth Vader accent* "Give in to the power known as Sesame Street. Fulfill your destiny and we can rule this galaxy as puppet and master, you being the puppet of course."

Ares: *Ares accent* "Never! I'll never join you! Why don't you join me instead? Then we can rule this galaxy as War god and muppet!"

Ernie: "No, you join me!"

Ares: "No....you join me!"

Ernie: "No, you join me!"

Ares: "Wait a second, I've got an idea....Mua ha hah ah ha ha ha ha ha"

*Three hours later*

Ernie: "zzzZZZzzzzZZZzzzz"

Ares: "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Er...Wake up Ernie!"

Ernie: "huh...wha?"

Ares: "My Diabolical Plan of Diabolical Deviousness is we shall create a..."

*Cue booming, echoing voice*

Legion of Spookay!

Random Audience Member: "Hey, this story is just being recycled over and over again isn't it?"

*Ares banishes RAM to the 7-11 as well*

Ares: "I suppose he had a point....."

Ares: *Excited* "I know! How about a.....no, not enough duct tape.....What about...no, too many clones...Wait! I've got it!"

*Ares whispers the plan into Ernie's ear*

Ernie: "That's just crazy enough to work!"
----------------------------
Meanwhile, at the 7-11

*RAM appears in the midst of the most menacing makers of mischief and mayhem known to man*

RAM: "Uh....Hi!...........anybody up for UNO?"
----------------------------
Meanwhile, in the Writer's realm

*Outside of the Massassi Forum Building*

KyleKatarn the Writer: "Well, this looks like the place..."

KyleKatarn the Writer: "Well, according to this pamphlet: "So you want to join the NeS?", I need cookies, my JED editing tools, and...a spare computer?!....oh well" *Shrug*

*KKtW walks in*

(ooc: Yes, I know, the hero traditionally shows up before the writer, but I felt there should at least be some concept of sanity...oh wait...)
*Checks "So you want to join NeS" pamphlet, mumbles something about "So you *don't* have to be sane to write on the forums...hmmm"*)

Will we ever find out the plans of Ares and Ernie? Will we ever find out where all these pamphlets are coming from? Will we ever find out how I got back so quickly from my vacation? *sips from umbrella drink* Find out next time on...The Neverending Story: Return of the Plot hole.

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited April 13, 2002).]

NSP: Well, Hi everybody, I hope I can become a regular poster for this, and I hope that my last post was in the general spirit of NeS. I know it's not as funny as J-Bob or Krig, but I'm pretty sure with some practice my comedy will be NeS quality.

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

(NSP: I'm sure you'll fit in just nicely. Sem might give you a NeS-ized name though, as McLongname and TLTE were prone to Good starting post there, applause for attempting to bring back the Legion of Spookay, other such uplifting leader-like comments, etc. etc. etc.

And if you wish, I can send you the e-mail I sent all the other writers a couple weeks ago. For any other possible future writers--just ask, and thy shall recieve, assuming I have the time and patience and whatnot.

On a last note, as well as I'm here, might I suggest for a NeS name "Kylek"? You can wear a number 7 somewhere on you too for good luck or something too--I jsut shortened your name for an idea.)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited April 13, 2002).]

Ernie: ...That's just crazy enough to work!

*Suddenly a colonial Armoured Personnel Carrier splashes out of the Arena's entrance hole and disgorges a deadly cargo - a squad of fully armed colonial marines!*

Ares: What the devil is going on here? Why do people keep showing up in my home?

*Instead of responding, the marines bring their rifles to the ready and flip on their motion detectors. The elite squad fans out in search of their deadly prey...*

Ernie: This place looks a lot gloomier than it did a few minutes ago...

Ares: Don't be silly. There's nothing gloomy about it, I've spent the past little while removing those garish banners and the like. If anything, my Arena is much more inviting.

*Oddly enough, the Arena's lighting does seem dimmer than usual...

Randy: Not that I'm scared or anything, but let's get out of here.

Ottegrin: Yeah. Who knows what evil monsters lurk in the darkness? *He gives a worried look in the direction of the marines, who are now almost completely obscured in the growing twilight.*

Semidalf: Nonsense! I have many magical powers with which I can protect us.

Ante: *He strikes a match and leans in close to Semidalf. The flame flickers, playing distorted shadows along the Arena's walls.* But can you protect us from ourselves?[/i] *He gives a crooked grin* After all, the only thing we have to fear is fear itself...

*The heroes look at one another for a moment, and then sprint for the marine's APC, except for TLTEMRFTPODBR who wasn't paying attention to the conversation and as such got trampled in the mad dash to safety.

*A creepy - SpookAy, you might say - darkness has fallen on the arena, shrouding everything in a pitch-black haze.*

Ares: I wish I had a flashlight...

Ernie: Can't you just conjure one up or something?

Ares: No.

*Ernie opens his mouth to ask for an elaboration and immediately shuts it as a truly terrifying sound resonates through the Arena.*

*Ping!*

Vasquez: Contact! 30 metres!

*Ping!*

Vasquez: 25 metres!

Squad Leader: Stay sharp, people! This is it!

*Ernie and Ares hunker down behind a convenient outcropping, too scared to even breathe...

*Ping!*

TLTEMRFTPOD: Ouch - Hey, wait up! Guys! Wait up!

TLTEMRFTPOD: *Grumbles* I didn't survive my little encounter only to be left out of the adventre *Upon hearing a faint noise, he cocks he head slightly.* Aw, hell, is that a xenomorph?

*Fearing whatever lurks in the darkness, TLTE hurries off in the direction that he thinks the other heroes took...*

*Ping!*

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited April 14, 2002).]

B.U.M.P.

Bing!

Ping!

Gonk!

Fuq.

It's all my fault!

And other such catch-phrases found on NeS!

(NSP: Now if only I could find the time and the ideas for a good way to start wrapping up this LotR/etc. spoof episode, as it is beginning to drag...

--EDIT: ah yes, so I found out about the psuedoswear rule. Massassi being G rated and all...well, put the heat on me. I feel like going with a streak of rebellion and general stupidity.)

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited April 16, 2002).]

OH NO! Said Jimmy! We're stuck in the cave of Jim Varneys Ghost! So They confronted Jim Varny and asked him to make some more movies! "We need some more movies Jim Varney!" Then Jim Varney and robodoggy and Jimmy all got on Jimmy's magic flying Bagpipes Carpet and sailed through the cave. They saw a rabbit, and Jim Varney hit his head on a stalagtite. Then he hit his head on a stalagmite and robodugggy said "You know how you can tell the difference between a stalagmite and a stalgagtite is that a stalagmite is sideways" And Jim Varney said "Is that so?" So Jim Varney and Rimshot got out of the Limosine and Jumped into the Dumpster which was actually a portal to Fantasia. They went to Fantasia and the nothing was gone but Al Roker was attacking so RobboRimshot ate Al Roker's Robotic Leg and then Al Roker said..........

"I think you posted on the wrong topic."



*NSP: Just finishing that little Jim Varney sidequest. It'll make an interesting comic one of these days. Now I will be off to ponder such gripping questions as why there is an actress named James King...*

[This message has been edited by Antestarr (edited April 19, 2002).]

Semdalf: "Winner of games! Mover of mountains..."

Spasm: "Does he ever shut up?"

Ante: "Once you get him started? Not really..."

*The rest of the group grumbles*

Spasm: *looking around nervously* "So, um, where are we?"

Semdalf: "Leader of Fellowships, painter of... um... paintings!"

<<EXT TIME: Something more useful!>>

Due to the magic and miracle of plot holes, this story will now be revived from the current rut it is in. Please adjust seats into an upright and locked position, we will experience turbulence.

After a set amount of idle time, the HoH (Hall of Heroes) server determines it would be best if our heroes got some R&R. It then proceeds to shut down the Holographic Training Area they had been using all this time after walking through the wrong "exit".

Sem: "Hey, what happened?! I was almost finished with my rant too."

Ares' Clone, in his usual voice, announces over the PA system: "Had this been an actual mission to retrieve a Machine that goes Ping, you will be given instructions, by me, on what to do. Thank you for your participation in this Hall of Heroes-sanctioned training event. Should you have any difficulties in returning to this plane of reality, please contact trouble-shooting. Our operator, Bill Gates, is standing by."

KK the Writer: "Now if only I could find some way to seamlessly blend my character into the storyline so that nothing is disturbed in any way, my character is fully characterized, and plot holes won't follow him everywhere..."

KKtH walks in on everybody in the simulator room

KK the Hero: "Hey everybody!"

Everybody: "Hey Kyle!"

KK the Writer: "Well, that was easy.....now where did those cookies go?"

(ooc: As a side note, I guess I'll go with Kyle Katarn the Hero (KK the Hero and KKtH will also be fine), not to be confused with Kyle Katarn the mercenary. I don't quite have a bio on him cause never had a reason to...I'm guessing 5'7", mood ring hair (shifts to whatever color he wants), rather thin, and looks just like a slicer from Star Wars: pale as if he hasn't seen light other than that from a computer in many years, occasional mutterings of "my precious" to his datapad, and his waist sports a holster for his datapad. Instead of fighting his way through trouble like the mercenary, KKtH prefers to hang back and calculate strategics and tactics, waiting for the moment to use his literal and figurative weapon of choice: the datapad, and a few nasty surprises hard-wired into his datapad (completely non-lethal...think the mad scientist from Mystery Men), including a duct-tape dispenser, a laser with three settings: Bug the bad guy, Incapacitate bad guy, and Ouchies, he's gonna feel that in the morning (default is Bug the bad guy), and to make a long story short, his datapad is basically a swiss army datapad. That's all I can think of right now. Finally, all you one-post killers don't even deserve a berating for that kind of immaturity, so I won't even bother.)

P.S. If I messed up somebody's post...well...that's what plot holes are for =)

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited April 19, 2002).]

*The heroes walk out of the Holographic Training Area, and out into the twisting corridors of the HoH. Kyle, being the new guy, quickly gets seperated from the others and completely lost.*

Randy: "So, um, how long were we in that simulator thingy, exactly?"

Ante: "I think the simulation began when we took a wrong turn and stepped into the submarine, which wasn't really a submarine at all, but a simulation of a submarine. We thought we were stepping into a submarine, but it turns out we were actually stepping into the Hall of Heroes' Holographic Training Area. So pretty much everything that happened to us after that didn't really happen. Now that I think about it, the HoH doesn't really have a real submarine at all..."

Randy: "So all the people we met and all the things that were destroyed since then weren't real, but were, in fact, simulations?"

Ante: "This is correct."

Randy: "So, um, how come that Spasm guy is still with us? Shouldn't he have dissapeared with the simulations?"

*Everybody looks at Spasm. Spasm sorta smiles and waves back.*

Spasm: "Well, you see, what happened was, I was wandering along through the streets of London, and I decided to go take a tour of Big Ben. I saw a door with a sign that said 'Holographic Training Area', so I went in there. Then I met some really crazy guys, and then I got smashed through the wall, which hurt a lot, and now I'm hanging out with you guys."

Ante: "Ok, that sounds logical. *whew*, we very nearly had another plot hole there!"

*The other heroes sigh in relief.*

Otter: "And so, the world is safe once more. Let's all go have a party!"

*Zip-pan to Kyle, wandering through the HoH's corridors.*

Kyle: "Hey guys? Guys? Where'd you go?"

*Zip-pan back to the Heroes*

Spasm: "Woohoo! I'll get the miniature Mexican sombreros made of nachos!"

Randy: "Wait, wait! The world isn't safe at all! The Legion of Spookay is still converting the Arena into a super-base of Evil, Gettleburger is trapped in said Arena, Ares is God knows where, our leader Geb is still in that eerie "TACC" place, Mick and Losien still have issues to work out, I think TLTE still wants to kill Mick when he gets back from his vacation to the Caribbean, Krig still has that uber-powerful Holy Helmet of Halibut, and..."

Otter: "Hey, look everybody! There's already a party going on in the HoH! They're playing 'Pin the Tail on the Drunken Donkey', and they're using Mark Hamil as the donkey!"

Mark Hamil: "Hey ever'body, com an' shjoin th' parTAY! Ow! Quit pokin' me!"

Sem: "Nyeh, sounds kinda boring to me."

Otter: "Ooh, hey, and they also have a bunch of generic hot chicks who've been drinking for some time!"

*Our Heroes leave Randy in a cloud of dust, the kind that results from people running really fast. Randy looks down at his shoes.*

Randy: "Well the least they coulda done was help get the gator off my leg..."

*Inside the Main Room of the Hall of Heroes, the party that MZZT started is still going full-bore. All of the partiers are either drunk, crazy, or both. Actually, most of them are both. As Ante, Krig, Masetto, Otter, Sem, and the others walk in, the party kicks up another notch. Only a few seconds pass before Otter is hanging from the chandelier, Sem is regaling the crowd with incoherant stories of his duct tape prowess, Masetto and Ante are passed out on the floor, and Krig is go-go dancing in his underwear. The sad part is that none of them are drunk.*

Otter: "Wa-hoooooooooo!"

*In one relatively quiet corner, MacLongname is holding Losien by the shoulders in a dramatic pose from one of those icky romance movies.*

MacLongname: "Listen to me Losien, darling! I care nothing for anybody but you! So why would I lie when I tell you that that Pizza Delivery Guy is just trying to get in your pants?"

Losien: "Mick, I don't think they would fit."

MacLongname: "Huh?"

Losien: "My pants. They wouldn't fit the Pizza Delivery Guy, so why would he want to wear them? You're just making things up, Mick, I don't think you really love me."

MacLongname: "Please, Losien, listen to me! I've never -"

*Just then, the Pizza Delivery Guy walks up, looking all tough in his Pizza Delivery Uniform.*

Pizza Delivery Guy: "Hey, buddy, stop harrassing my girl! You want me to get medi-eval on your can?"

MacLongname (to himself): "If I beat this guy up, then Losien will never forgive me. I have to think up some clever yet romantic way to win back her heart, and show up this Pizza Delivery Guy for what he really is."

Losien: "Um, Mick, if you don't want other people to hear what you're thinking, you really shouldn't say it out loud."

MacLongname: "What? How much of that did you hear?"

Pizza Delivery Guy: "Pretty much all of it, moron. Now why don't you move along, or you'll get a royal face-beating!"

MacLongname (to himself): "Hm, I know what I can do! If I let Pizza Guy stay with Losien until TLTE gets back, TLTE will go berserk and annihilate Pizza Guy. Of course, Losien will hate TLTE for this, and she'll turn to me for comfort! It solves all of my problems!"

Losien: "Um, Mick, you're still talking out loud..."

*Meanwhile, in the Arena - aka the Legion of Spookay - the Villians have completed their insidious renovation project.*

Darkside: "Hahahaha! While those foolish heroes were foolishly dealing with holographic versions of ourselves, we, our true selves, were finishing completion of the Legion of Spookay! Now we shall be invincible! Hahahaha!"

Farr: "Hey, when you say 'we', do you mean 'we' as in 'us', or 'we' as in 'you'? Because, you know, you do refer to yourself in the plural form a lot..."

Darkside: "What are you talking about? We never refer to ourself in the plural form!"

Farr: "Dude, you just did!"

Darkside: "We did not!"

*While the incarnation of the Dark Side of the Force gets into a petty argument with a really weird-looking Bad Guy, Ernie stands off by himself in some shadows.*

Ernie: "Yess, argue amongst yourselves, you fools. You shall never see, never see, your demise coming. And then one day, when the world is conquered, I shall destroy you all and rule the universe alone! My rubber duckies will be free at last! Khee-hee-hee-heeeee...."

*While the incarnation of the Dark Side of the Force gets into a petty argument with a really weird-looking Bad Guy, and Ernie stands off by himself in some shadows, the Keyboarding Teacher stands off in some other shadows.*

Keyboarding Teacher: "Yes, argue amongst yourselves, you fools. You shall never see your demise coming, you shan't. And then one day, when the world is conquered, I shall destroy you all and rule the universe alone! Then and only then will the world realize that good keyboarding skills are the true way to power! HeeHEEheeheeheeheeheeee..."

*While the incarnation of the Dark Side of the Force gets into a petty argument with a really weird-looking Bad Guy, Ernie stands off by himself in some shadows, and the Keyboarding Teacher stands off in some other shadows, Morris the Cat lies on his stomach in still other shadows.*

Morris the Cat: "I'm hungry."

<<Bzzt-bzzt-Beep! What will happen next? Do all the writers understand what has happened recently? If not, send $20 dollars and a box of high-powered microchips to "Frank the Computer, Hall of Heroes, Big Ben, London, England. You may or may not get an answer in return. Thank you. Bzzt.>>

Randy: "Y'know, this gator on my leg really hurts a lot..."

------------------
When the blind leadeth the blind.... get out of the way!

*In Memoriam*

Bury Me Softly In This Womb
I Give This Part Of Me For You
Sand Rains Down And Here I Sit
Holding Rare Flowers
In A Tomb.....In Bloom

Down In A Hole And I Don't Know
If I Can Be Saved
See My Heart I Decorate It
Like A Grave
You Don't Understand Who They
Thought I Was Supposed To Be
Look At Me Now A Man
Who Won't Let Himself Be

Down In A Hole, Losin' My Soul
Down In A Hole, Losin' Control
I'd Like To Fly
But My Wings Have Been So Denied


We'll miss you, Layne. I will, at least.

]]Layne Staley[[
Lead Singer/Guitarist
Alice in Chains
1967-2002

/salute

I'll post some more as soon as i ketch up from page 26. I've almost finished readin all of The NES!! Of course, it would be a great help if you would send the cilff-notes for the cliff-notes to JoRo_Bo@hotmail.com Geb.

------------------
TX3=The Tolkien TerrorsT times 3
>>----->
SBX ROCKS!!
()===@{=====>

(NSP: Well, as for a cliffnotes for the entire story, I've never tried doing that yet, and would take a whole lotta time to do. More than I think I may have presently. As for the cliffnotes I sent recently, they're kinda out of date, as we've sort of started on a new episode-thingy. As for your e-mail address--I'm confused. Are you JorBo? *Geb tries not to think too much*

As for Kyle K.'s post--'tis a brave thing you did. Not many are willing to stop and start a new episode-thingy of NeS, and for that, I applaud you. Now if only I could get my mind out of writer's block...)

*And now, a word from our sponsors.*

Do you suffer from chronic stupidity? Have you read every page of the NeS? Research shows that the NeS has caused IQ drops in tested lab rats. If you have suffered brain failure and/or death due to the reading of the NeS, you may be elligible for a cash award of near to (but not exceeding) 50 cents! Here at the law offices of Dewey, Cheatem, and Howe; we specialize in the awarding of quarters for your own personal problems. Call us today!

Lawyer fees average about $1000. Cash award is taxable, leaving you with approximately 1 cent after Uncle Sam takes his bite.

How about "has read every page of NeS multiple times?"

*raises hand*

Yes, my stupidity level IS high

I'm sorry but thats one of the worst puns ive heard in a long time. (meant as a compliment of course.

*A paddy wagon arrives at the Hall of Heroes, which is reverberating with party vibes. Two uniformed police officers slowly exit the vehicle and approach the doorway.*

Cop #1: *Nods to his partner.*

Cop #2: *Nods back.*

*Cop #1 raises his mighty boot and kicks open the door just like in a western movie! Crash!*

*The jukebox shuts off, causing the party to come to a screeching halt. Krig freezes in midstep, Ante is thrown to his feet and Otter falls from his perch on the chandilier in Tarzan-wannabe fashon. Even Pizza Guy shuts up.*

*Cop #1 takes an intimidating walk through the party, spinning his billy-club and giving each partier a stony glare (after all, firearms aren't standard issue for beat cops in England).*

Cop #1: *Manchester accent* There's been a reported disturbance in the area.

*He stops to briefly prod Krig The Unclothed Viking.*

Cop #1: This wouldn't be the cause of that disturbance, now would it?

Antestarr: Uh, well, it's like this, officer -

Cop #1: I was speaking rhetorically.

*Cop #1 shifts his prodding to Ante.*

Antestarr: Um, could you please stop that, officer?

Cop #2: *Liverpool accent* Who's responsible for this crime?

*Unfortunately, the surprise factor quickly fades. However cool the cops busting in - not unlike the bad guy kicking in the saloon doors in a western movie - was, the heroes are simply too drunk, or too crazy (or both. In most cases, both) to care. Ante passes himself out on the floor, Krig resumes dancing and Otter mounts the chandilier, causing more ariel mayhem.*

Cop #1: Very well. Send in the canine unit.

*A second paddy wagon pulls up, sirens blaring, and a third police officer with a famished dog on a leash steps out.*

Cop #3: *Welsh accent* Alright, Laddie, go sniff out the criminal!

*Cop #3 releases Laddie's leash and the dog sprints into the Hall of Heroes, launching itself at the nearest do-gooder.*

Krig: Aagh! Dog bite Krig! Dog bite Krig!

*But Krig doesn't go down without a fight, and several partiers jump to his assistance as he attempts to shake himself free of Laddie. Of course, the animal-trainer bond is a strong and deep one, and Cop #3 scrambles to help out his dog...*

*And so begins a chain reaction that draws in many of our heroes and most of the London Police Department. Some fight, some try to avoid the fight but get pulled in anyway, some don't notice the sting operation and continue to party. It all equates to the same thing: BEDLAM IN THE HALL OF HEROES.

...

*Time passes. The riot eventually dissipates. The scene is one of order being restored to chaos: The British SWAT team breaks down their gear and prepares to debrief, paramedics gently place Mark Hamil's punctured body onto a stretcher and two policemen covered in salsa and nacho bits march a sullen looking (and handcuffed) TwistedSpasm towards a waiting paddy wagon. Some firefighters hose down the Hall of Heroes, now scorched, while Steve Irwin attempts to pry the alligator from Randy's leg. Cops 1, 2, 3 and Laddie all sit on the roadside with Krig, sharing a bottle of scotch. The song from the end of Empire Strikes Back plays, providing a sense of melancholy closeure to the whole event.*

*The camera, still pointing at the Hall of Heroes, begins a slow pan along the vertical, showcasing the aftermath in it's entirity...*

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited April 24, 2002).]