B.U.M.P.
ta-da! a bump!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

Gimme a B!
Gimme a U!
Gimme a M!
Gimme a P!

What's that spell?

B.U.M.P.!!

------------------
"What sane person could live in this world, and *not* be crazy?"

Massassi Dating Forum Activist

About how much pages will this story be when it's done?


Just asking

take an 8 and rotate it 90 degrees to the left or right. there is the total intended page count.

(for those of you who don't pay attention in school, that would be the symbol for infinity.)

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

We all pay attention, don't worry.

You bumpin' this thread? You bumpin' this thread? You bumpin' this thread? Then what the hell else are you bumpin'? You bvumpin' this this? Well it's the only one here. Which thread do you think you're bumpin'? Oh yeah? Huh? Ok.


I've no idea why I did that either.

when we last left our heroes, Future Ford the Hero, and Future SemiEvil the Yodafied Hero, they were facing peril at the hands...i mean 'Whiskers' of the Beard Not Named Hank.

BNNH: what the hell are you talking about? There’s only one of them here.

quiet you. I believe all is to be revealed, and for once, not by me. Thank God.

BNNH: whatever.

FStYH: Hologram are a you. Leap is like this Quantum.

FFtH: I swear he gets harder and harder to understand.

suddenly Ford gets an idea.

FFtH: Hey i just got an idea! *commences the summoning of The Cheshire Zippo.*

Ford goes through a whole long thing that really isn’t nessecary, to summon the Cheshire Zippo. Then with a flamboyant crash bang, also which wasn’t nessecary, the CZ appears.

CZ: Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssss?

FFtH: can you take care of that guy over there?

BNNH: where did that thing come from? And why is he smiling and nodding? Hey hes coming over here. OH GOD! WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the BNNH is promptly engulfed in flames.

To be continued….

This post has been brought to you by the No Siblings in the Computer Room Fund, and by the Fellow-Creature-Buldgeoning Device Corporation of America.

Dart Wader: B.U.W.H.O.R.M.P!

Geb: No, Dart. Say it with me now. B.U.M.P.!

Dart Wader: B.E.O.W.U.H.M.P!

Geb: Let's try it one letter at a time. B...

Dart: Bwee...

Geb: U...

Dart: Yho...

Geb: M...

Dart: Wem...

Geb: P...

Dart: Pwee...

Geb: Put it together...

Dart: B.E.Y.O.R.U.H.M.P.A.Y.!

Geb: *sigh*

B.H.O.R.M.P?

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

B.H.O.R.M.P?

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

(NSP: Oy, you really got to watch out for those double-posters shade. Wait, why am I saying this--his double-posts bump the post count on the thread. Nevermind...

And though I'd like to rat on you for not putting spaces between your paragraphs for readability, Sem and probably a number of others use to do it, and more importantly, you DO post, like, at all.

And stuff.

...

*everyone looks at Geb*

Er...I'm waiting on Ford still. Um...LOOK OVER THERE!

*me gebs it*

Ah...the joys of NeS.)

well, I've been trying to find you so I could ask you to post over on my storyline, Torment...but it croaked again, so, if you want to find it and post, go ahead, but I'm not going to revive it if no one likes it.

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

In our last corporately -sponsored episode, we left the Beard Not Named Hank a mass of burned hair. This leaves Future Ford the Hero, Future Sem the Yodafied Hero, and the Cheshire Zippo to finally sort things out.

FFtH: Hey, CZ. You got some Cheeze™?

CZ: Yeah, but it’s my last bit, and it’s your turn to go to the grocery. You know how I feel about that place. *shudders*

FFtH: Yeah, fine whatever. Just give me the money and ill go. Take that from CZ Sem. It’ll do you good.

FStYH: MMmmmmmmMMMMM!! Cheeze™ GOOOD! GAKKLGLORFLNDL!

FStYH hero suddenly gets a look of great pain on his face. And in a flurry of motion reminiscent of several cartoons, he undergoes a transformation. His body elongates, as his green Yoda skin is absorbed into his bones. His Yoda robe is replaced by a strange cloak resembleing a trench coat. His eyes disappear into his head and are replaced by a creepy red glow.

FStH: ah…. Good this feels….i mean…This feels good.

FFtH: Ugh… Thank God. Now, will you please tell me whats going on?

FStH: you know you’d understand me better if you’d pay more attention. Anyway, what I was trying to say before was that it was like on Quantum Leap. You know that old show with Scott Bakula and Dean Stockwell? well whatever, what I said was youre a hologram.

FFtH: so youre saying that I can walk through walls and stuff, and no one can see me?

FStH: Right.

FFtH: *Looks around for a girls lockerroom, realizes hes at Stonehenge, and looks disappointed* Any idea how long it’ll last?

FStH: Prolly till we get back to the future.

FFtH: we probably wont be making any stops will we…

FStH: No. here let me give you a hand with that. *moves closer to where FFtH is standing near the Boob-like thing.* hmm… it looks like some kind of switch…

Since I haven’t said anything in a while, I fifure its about time I cut in. It was in fact a switch. Just then FStH tripped and fell on the switch causing it to be activated. The boob like thing opened up then and revealed a large closet full of womens clothing.

FFtH: This is our clue?

FStH: I guess we get to dress up…*rins in giggling like a little girl* OOOOoooooOOOO I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE these shoes!

FStH: *noticing a note pinned to a silver clown suit, with orange pom-pom buttons.* Hmmm… *reads*

Dear Ford and Sem,

We are all here in Yemen waiting for you guys to get here. TVLTE is starting to get impatient. Get your butt over here.

Yours truly,
Geb

P.S. - Bring this suit for me. It’s the best one ive got and TVLTE forgot to inform me it was a formal affair.

CZ: Ah Yemen.

FFtH: you’ve been to Yemen?

CZ: yes, I studied oil fires there in college.

Why do Ford and Sem have to year dresses? What is up with the clown suit? Where exactly is Yemen? Find out in the thrilling conclusion of NeS: Thank God its Finally Over.

FStH: Gawd. There is absolutely nothing that goes with these pumps.

After much time and confusion, Ford and Semievil finally arrive at Yemen.

Ford: Did we have to stop at the mall?

Sem: The dress didn't match my shoes, and they had a sale at Macy's!

Gebohq, Losien, Lt. Randy, Kyle, Maybechild, The Otter, Mr.T, CookedHaggis, Krig the Viking, Galrek the Neutral, Antestarr, Dalaes, and the NeS heroes of the future lead by Asa Ohq each gave Ford and Semievil questioning looks. The Very Last True Evil and The (presently-dead) Last True Evil did not see Ford or Semievil, preoccupied with talking on the phone.

TVLTE: *over reciever* Yes son, the NeS heroes are all here... No son, I didn't take my Geratol... I don't need to take it! I'm invincible! ...*sigh* I know you care about my health...

Geb: So is everyone here?

Maybe: We haven't heard from Highemperor, Tracer, or Michael McLongname yet.

Geb: Well we can't afford to wait anymore-- TVLTE ran out of old super-villian/hero stories to tell us. We're just lucky Purevil called.

TVLTE: OK, I'll see you here in a bit then... No I can't put TLTE on the line... Cuz he's DEAD Purevil! ...NO it doesn't matter! ...Because TLTE is ME!...

Geb: Ford, Sem, did you bring my suit?

Ford: Yes, but a clown suit?

Geb: What do you mean? This is the most formal attire I own!

Ford: Uh...nevermind.

Kyle: Here Geb, wear this. *hands him the clown nose*

*The other heroes snicker uncontrollably*

Geb: Ha ha. I won't laugh while such danger hangs over us. You just watch...

TVLTE: ...now don't you be bringing your mother into this! I love her very much! ...well of course. Just because I'm a super-villian doesn't mean I can't love you... Don't go blaming me now! My childhood was TEN times worse than yours! TotallyEvil pales in comaprision to the tough love of Mother Russia...

Gebohq heads off to a room nearby, muttering how the chamber looks suspiciously like an eternal battleground. With the world's wealth at your hands, it's expected that TVLTE would make his place look worthy of a god of judgement. Before he gets a chance to step into the room to change though, he bumps into Ares.

Geb: Ares?

Ares: Yeah. Heard there'd be a battle going on here, so I brought some of my top-clown college students to witness it. *looks at clown attire in Geb's hand* Interested in attending?

Geb: I went to a hero's college, thank you very much!

Ares: A lot of good that did you.

Geb: Hey--don't forget who BEAT you back on page one!

Ares: You didn't beat me! I got bored. All you ever did was run away.

Geb: It WORKED, didn't it?

Ares: Could you hurry up? I don't have all day here.

Gebohq enters the room, and a few moments later, exits back out. Ares snickers upon seeing Gebohq.

Ares: Don't forget your red nose! *breaks down laughing. Even the clowns with him start laughing*

Geb: Knew I should have just rented a tux...

Gebohq walks back to the other heroes, who snicker.

Geb: You think this is funny? Our lives are at stake here! Yet *I'M* funny, and Ford and Semievil aren't?

Ford: Shut-up...

TVLTE: ...JUST GET HERE ALREADY! *hangs up the phone* Now onto more important matters...

*TVLTE turns to see Gebohq in a clown outfit, Ford and Semievil in women's clothing, leading the other heroes.*

Oh dear, will The Very Last True Evil die of laugher upon seeing Gebohq, Ford and Semievil? Will by some miracle laughter cure TLTE who is presently dead? Will Purevil arrive with his army of mimes to challange Geb to lead an army of clowns to fight him? Or will something completely different happen? What does TotallyEvil think of all this? What of our missing hereos? YEESH! So much to think about! This is putting me to the test as a Narrator! Tune in next time on The Never-ending Story Thread: The Best Defense is a Good Offense.

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited January 13, 2003).]

*TVLTE laughs. And not just a chuckle, a nefarious, throw-your-head-back-and-convince-the-heroes-how-utterly-fruitcake-ish-you-are laugh. The assorted heroes and not-so-heroic-people, gathered around his throne, stare puzzled.*

Ford: Sheesh, the women's clothing and clown trick is pretty old...thought that an evil Russian god would be a little harder to impress.

TVLTE: Oh, no no, moi druzhya. I laugh not at your fancy garb, but at your impending fate. Everything has been timed, so very perfectly...

Krig: "Moi druzhya"? Krig no speak freaky-deaky TVLTE-speak.

Ares: It's Russian; "My friends".

Geb: What do you mean, "timed"?

Losien: It's a trap! RUN!

TVLTE: Padazhdite, Losien. Slishkom pozdniy anyway...

Ares: "Wait, Losien. Too late anyway"...

CookedHaggis: Your veiled tongue will not help, fiend; we have a translator!

TVLTE: Oh, I do apologise, moy uzhasniy vrag, my terrible enemies, I am speaking in my native tongue only because I am so...very...excited!

Sem: Why?

TVLTE: Glad you asked, tovarish. You see, you came to defeat me; to revive my corpse and thus render me vulnerable again. So I needed a plan. A plan to destroy you all utterly and rid myself of my unfortunate significant other here. But how? You have all, in your separate ways, proven to be worthy adversaries, skilled in both word and deed...

Ford: If it weren't for the rouge on my cheeks my blushing would be painfully obvious.

TVLTE: -So how would I beat you? And the answer, of course, was simple. I played on your dependency to hold large-scale confrontations with every single member of the crew crammed into the room. Following this simple rule, it was fairly obvious to beat you. My invincibility should render me immune to the impending horrible fate about to befall you, but should wipe you and my weak-kneed counterpart here from existence.

Lt. Randy: But how-

*Suddenly, the windows blast open, and Highemperor, Tracer and Michael McLongname fly in on ropes. Highemperor and Tracer take up flanking positions as Michael races past the wide-eyed observers and plunges a silver cutlass into TVLTE's chest. TVLTE, for his part, smiles menacingly back at him, unharmed.*

TVTLE: Ouch.

Michael: Eh?

*It has long been wondered whether any of the NeS heroes saw what was about to happen. A faint flicker of recognition passed through Tracer's eyes, but before it could properly register, the long-forgotten Anti-Tracer Tracer missile, fired by TVLTE hours before, blasts through the roof and lands next to its stunned target, detonating out with incredible, splintering force...*

as the deadly missile exploded, events entered that dramatic slow-motion crap where things move slow and look really cool, will our heroes be blown to bits in awesome graphic detail?
Galrek:"hey! that's a bad thing right? with everything in action-slow-motion mode I think I could do something to that! I'll just use my amazing powers of neutrality to cancel out that bad thing!"
Galrek slowly walks over to the exploding missile and spreads his hands out dramatically, then spreads out a field of indecision, absorbing the missile and the explosion...and as things return to normal speed, a plot hole comes zipping out, bouncing off the ceiling and walls to end up on a rapid course for TLTE's corpse.
could this be a good or bad thing? have the heroes been saved by Galrek's neutralness, or has this become a turn for the worse? does anyone really care? will this plot get wierder than it already is? will I ever stop asking questions?

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

As the plot-hole homes nearer and nearer to the late-TLTE, The Very Last True Evil, upon realizing the dangers of a plot-hole hitting TLTE, quickly hits a button, causing TLTE's body to desend. The plot-hole thus misses TLTE, ricochets around the large chamber, and hits Highemperor, causing him to go back to where he previously had been.

Maybe: Hmm. Galrek's incredible powers of indecisiveness can apparently turns things into plotholes. Make sense--it seems to happen to the writers all the time.

TVLTE: You won't be saved by a plothole THIS time, old friends!

Bursting through one of the sides of the chamber, a huge army of mimes swarm in, with Purevil in their midsts, blocking the NeS heroes from The Very Last True Evil.

Otter: Do you really have to say that?

I'm just doing my job, however much it pains me to do so. Don't shoot the messenger!

Ares: Gah! Mimes!

*Ares runs away, leaving his top clown students behind*

Clown #1: Mimes are so evil!

Clown #2: Yes, if only our great teacher hadn't retreated. We could really use a leader skilled in the ways of clown-dom to aid us in fighting these mimes off.

Clown# 1: But who...hey look! It's Gebbo! The one who could challange our great teacher!

*The masses of clowns assemble by Gebohq, donned in a clown outfit*

Clown #1: Oh great Gebbo the clown, will you lead us in battle.

Geb: Uh...*Maybechild gives Geb a "you better or else" look*... yeah, of course.

TVLTE: Ah, how beautiful the timing is...*sniffle*. So long, comrades!

*TVLTE slids down a trap-door (after having pressed a complicated set of buttons), leaving the NeS heroes stuck in the middle of a full-scale clash between clowns and mimes.*

Will Gebbo the Clown lead his new-found army into victory? Will the other NeS heroes be able to track down The Very Last True Evil in the chaos of battle? What roles will Purevil, TotallyEvil, and Dalaes play in the upcoming scenes, if any? Will the Writer's Ring of Ultimate Power found by MZZT be used, and if so, how? What will happen to Highemperor, now that he's in Neo London? Let's hope we find out soon, here on NeS: A Mime is a Terrible Thing to Waste.

(NSP: I used the plothole to take Highemp out because Highemp the *actual* writer will be around more, and still has plans for his character. I believe Antestarr has a follow-up to this post, so please let him do the next post. Unless he hasn't posted in like 3-4 days. Then go ahead )

(NSP: Begun, this clown war has.)


[This message has been edited by IS_ford1342 (edited January 17, 2003).]

ford, that was so bad, I'm going to smite you with a rubber chicken!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

NSP: Aye, the rumors be true. There be a post in the works by yours truly. Ye shall see of its grandeur sometime later today (hopefully after I've had more than 2 hours of sleep. probably after I've had 3 hours of work.) Fer now I be off ta the land o' the nap.

Suddenly, out of the blue, God looks down own earth from between two clouds. He realizes that with all of the lip syncing pop-music icons and people only caring about their image that it would really be a waste to let the world keep spinning. He grabbed his mighty thunderbolt and shattered the earth into millions upon billions of pieces, ending the never-ending story for good.

shut up trige, the likes of you cannot end the never-ending story thread...thus the name...NEVER...ENDING...as in has no end, won't have an end now, later, or ever. look it up in the dictionary. now bugger off.

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

*The heroes watched in awe as Gebohq, in a surprising display of competency, took on the role of Gebbo the Clown: Tactical Genius and Leader of the Clown Forces. What was once a great chamber in a ruined city quickly turned into the chaos of a battlefield. Squirting flowers met up with invisible panes of glass. Air lassos pulled down oncoming assailants. Balloon Animal Riders plowed through any who could not take the imaginary stairs out of the way. And above it all, Gebbo and Purevil orchestrated the madness as a couple of conductors trying to prove the superiority between Fantasia and Beethoven's 9th Symphony.

The battlefield now lay spread out before the heroes, barring their path from the tunnel into which The Very Last True Evil escaped.*

Lt. Randy: We're cut off! How can we get to TVLTE?

Dalaes *Pulling out his sword*: I know a way...

Antestarr: Hold it, Dalaes. While I agree that's the best chance we have of getting through to the other side, we've got to manage our resources. We're trapped in a temporal anomaly, so this battle could last 30 seconds, or 30 years and noone would be the wiser. Maybechild and Losien, go over to Gebbo and try to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid.

Maybechild: So, you want us to try and prevent him from succumbing to his own nature?

Ante: Right. Semievil and Randy, you two try to get Otter close enough to Purevil to cause a... uh... distraction.

Sem/Randy: Roger.

Otter: What about me?

Ante: Just be yourself. I'm sure you'll do your part admirably. Cooked and Ford, you two go around back and try to find an alternate entrance/exit. Kyle, you go with them and see if you can find out anything about the temporal anomaly with your palm pilot thingy.

*Ante hands Ford what appears to be a pistol.*

Ante: Take this, Ford. You'll probably need it. Just don't stand too close to whatever you're aiming at. Galrek: You try to decide which side will win this battle.

Galrek: Oh, but I so hate taking sides...

Ante: Just do it. It could expedite things around here. MacLongname, you try to find Tracer, as he's been missing since the missile incident. Afterwards, try to catch up with Cooked and Ford's group. Krig, you and I will be following Dalaes here straight across the battlefield. Feel free to smash whatever comes to mind as long as it's not me or him. Alright everyone, on my mark. 3...2...1... MARK!

*Dalaes pulled free a small cylinder from his belt, twisted it, and threw it out over the middle of the battlefield. Without a sound, a shockwave suddenly ripped through the mass of people, leaving a circular wave of bodies falling to the ground. Dalaes then charged forward with great force, causing clown and mime alike to be flung about as he swung his sword. Ante followed, wielding his rifle, as Krig charged as well, helping to clear the path straight across. The others split off to perform their various missions, unawares of the threat that loomed beneath them.*

As the mime melee rages on, Kyle Katarn roams the battle field, datapad in hand, completely oblivious to the skirmish centered around him. Cream pies exploding around him, slipping past invisible mime walls, Kyle Katarn is thoroughly, completely, and irrevocably focused on finding the source(s) of the temporal anomaly.

Kyle Katarn: *mumbling to himself* "Hmm...now what if I...Nope, that didn't work. Let's see if it's coming from..nope, the temporal thingymabober isn't beeping.."

Close by... (Ha! Take that, you silly meanwhile!)

Krig: "Dalaes, Krig go smash stuff now?"

Dalaes: "Go, my friend, smash as the hammer smashes the nail, pound as the elephant's foot pounds the ground in travel, smash as the doughnut dunked into the coffee breaks into a thousand scintillating pieces upon your teeth....errr...just go smash Krig. Don't smash the good guys though."

Krig: "Krig smash! Smashy smashy smash!"

Kyle Katarn, in his wanderings around the battle field, finds himself at just the right angle, and at just the right spot, for the glint of the sun off of his datapad to shine directly into Krig's eyes. What a coincidence, eh?

Krig: "Ohhhhh, shiny thing! Krig smash!!!"

Charging past the dueling clowns and mimes, Krig raises his axe, and with a mighty battle cry neatly chops the datapad into two sparking, useless pieces.

Does this spell certain doom for our heroes? Will we be trapped forever in a temporal paradox? Will we be showing reruns throughout the ages as filler material? Find out next time on the Never-Ending Story: I, Viking.

------------------
"What sane person could live in this world, and *not* be crazy?"

Massassi Dating Forum Activist

B.U.M.P.!

B.U.M.P.!

B.U.M.P.!

B.U.--

NeS P&C adventure game player (AGP): Shut up already!

*AGP sits down to his computer and resumes his game which was left idle for some time.*

(NSP: TLTE and the rest of you-- if you can, work Purevil in TVLTE's plans some more. I'm at a thought-road block in thinking of ideas for his involvement, but I know he should be involved more. Go back to your cliffnotes e-mail if you still got 'em for inspirations. Maybe work in TotallyEvil, Sporkus Malorkus, Holy Hand Remote, and such some more. Just throwing out idea-rs.)

I'm thinking on my next course of action...but a good storyplot is difficult to create to my standards. even if it is for NES. well, I'll think on it and have something for y'all by tomorrow...later!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

Randy: Great...now we're all going to spilt up again and end up in seperate corners of the globe. I mean, come on. We just got here.

Otter: I'm so bored.

Suddenly, a mime approaches Ford!

Ford: You stay away from me, mime!

Ford raises the gun bestowed upon him by Antestarr. Unbeknownst to Ford, he is not weilding just any old firearm - the gun in his hand is none other than the quantum blaster thing from pages past! Totally ignorant of the power in his hands Ford takes aim and fires at the advancing mime. Exciting!

The room seems to bend and distort, spinning and twisting around the mime, who is the focal point of all the chaos. Just when the room appears stretched to its limits, there is a blinding flash.

Otter: Hey, where'd everybody go?

MaybeChild: [INSERT SCIENTIFIC EXPLAINATION HERE]

Otter: Makes sense to me!

Antestarr: So, I guess with all the clowns gone Geb can change back into his normal clothes.

Gebbo: Right. But first, won't somebody shake my hand?

MaybeChild: No, you've obviously got a hidden buzzer there.

Gebbo: Fine, but perhaps you'd like to admire my corsage?

MaybeChild: No, because it squirts water.

Gebbo: Honk my nose?

MaybeChild: (shakes head) I'm going after TVLTE.

*MaybeChild walks over to the magical trap door thing that convienently appeared out of nowhere and descends through it.*

Kyle: (Holding the fragments of his datapad) You destroyed it!

Krig: Krig sorry.

CookedHaggis: We can rebuild it, my dear chap. We have the technology.

Kyle: We do not! It came from the future!

CookedHaggis: Oh. Well, time to go catch the bad guy, then!

*Tune in next week for more primo adventures of the magical NeS crew!*
(NSP: This is really starting to drag. I'd like to end it soon, if nobody minds.)

(NSP: Hey, I tried ending it a while ago with the whole Geb dressing up as a clown initially. Haven't really been able to think of much since then. I'm pretty sure Ante still had a little bit in mind, but other than that, I'm not aware of any other reason to finish up this sidestory now.

Once this sidestory does finish up, I got some work cut out ahead of me into working this stuff into a descent action/plot-tree design for the hopefully game-to-be...

On another note, I'm a sad, sad clown now --no climatic heroics of Geb's came in play to leading the clown army to victory )

(NSP: No, I meant problems with me ending it in a big multi-post blow out. Like now.)

(NSP: Hey, I have some ideas I have yet to throw in. I plan on posting in the near future. Oh, and I blame the temporal anomaly for turning my pistol-sized rocket launcher into my personal singularity generator...)

[This message has been edited by Antestarr (edited January 25, 2003).]

Umm...Hi Geb...*waves*


I'm totally going to post somet...ooh, distracting trinket...

(NSP: *sigh* It's not like I don't have my own times when I don't feel like posting! Why do you think I bug all of you guys so much to post?

And because trying to think of new ones are fun...)


Mwa-ha. Mwa-ha. Mwa-ha-ha.

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited January 26, 2003).]

Long, long time ago
I can still remember when
A plothole used to make me smile

And I knew if he had his chance
Otter would get smashed and he'd dance
And we'd all get rejected in a while

But all those villains made me shiver
With every plot that they'd deliver

The thought of 'plot' made us blush
And then we heard a big 'flush'

The computer narrated the scene
The plotholes soon became obscene
It's all right there in white and green
And then, the posters died.

We were singin
My-my see the pages go by
Postin' somthin'
Or just B.U.M.P.in'
‘Till our ideas run dry
And Meanwhile we saw the Meanwhile count fly
And thought maybe the story won’t die.
Maybe the story won’t die.

Did you make a run for cokes
Did you steal a pack of Otter's smokes,
'Cause the narrator told you to?

Now do you believe NeS makes you whole
Can postin' save your mortal soul?
And can yuo t each mee hwo ot typ real slow?

Well Juztyn was pummled by a duck
And then he expostulated: "fuq"

Then hunger gave us the blues
Tacos and cheeze did we choose!

After but silly we ate cheese
Spoke did we in all Yoda-eese

We caught a ride to Stonehenge- geese
The day the ducky died...

Benevolent
Upward
Mobility
Pie

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

sem, *sniff* that was beautiful! but you have got too muchtime onyour hands if you wrote that. you should get that game Life. I hear its pretty fun.

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

Leslie Nielson: "Hello. I'm Leslie Nielson, and I'll be filling in for your usual writers, who were all brutally murdered by the mafia as an example to others."

*As he speaks, Mr. Nielson slips into a Clonaid lab coat and enters the laboratory.*

Leslie Nielson: "I'd like to tell you a story entitled 'the little fetus that could'..."

<THE END?>

Leslie Nielson: "...and thus, wearing a pigtail on top of your head makes you look insane. I'd like to thank you all for listening, and if you want to give me money, please do so. Until next time, I'm Leslie Nielson."

*Zip-pan to the Hall of Heroes, inside Big Ben, London, Present Day. Geb, Krig, Haggis, and the rest of the gang are hanging out by the big computer screen, reminiscing. Janitor Bob and Lt. Randy are sitting on a couch in front of the big screen, hanging out.*

Janitor Bob: "...so the Writers were all killed by Mafia hitmen?"

Lt. Randy: "Yep."

Janitor Bob: "So who's in control of the story now?"

Lt. Randy: "I dunno. I think I heard Krig say Leslie Nielson is, but that can't be right."

*Janitor Bob looks over at Purevil, sitting beside him on the couch.*

Janitor Bob: "And how is it that this guy is no longer trying to kill us?"

Purevil: "Oh, you know, after we found out the Writers were all dead, we all just realised; 'what's the point?' All this fighting and violence -- where does it ever get any of us? So we decided to call the whole thing off."

J-Bob: "But... You're pure evil! That's even your name!"

Purevil: "Hey, evil can be lazy too!"

*Just then, a very hairy Viking runs past in his underwear, holding his axe over his head and yelling at the top of his lungs.*

Lt. Randy: "Oh boy, Sem gave Krig caffeine again..."

J-Bob: "Hey! I just washed that floor!"

As J-Bob tries to corner Krig with a mop, the camera pans out to show the finest Heroes the world has to offer just sort of hanging around, not doing anything. What will become of the world, now that things are back to normal? Well, not quite normal -- there's still quite a few supervillians running around, and Canada is still ruled by the Forces of Darkness™, but it's pretty much as close as we're going to get. Will our loveable Heroes retire? Try to go on vacation again? Get abducted by aliens? Do something entirely different? Who knows? I've long since given up trying to make any sense of it. So tune in next time for more senseless, semi-coherant, random and inane prattle, here on the Never.... Ending... Stoooooooryyyyyyyyyyyyy.......

(PS: Um -- if you guys have anything else you wanted to add to the whole Mime-Clown War / Plothole Crisis plot -- I guess ya can do it in flashbacks. Or something. But I would really like to get on to other things. Like shorter, more efficient posts, and some sort of random, not-plotted-to-death plot.

And um... NeS Lives! w00t!)

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"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain


[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited January 31, 2003).]

(NSP: I would hope so -- Ante said he had stuff he still wanted to do, and the whole point of this substory was to have a basic idea for the game to be based on, and I was REALLY hoping someone would give this substory an ending that could be feasible in a point-and-click adventure game. So, uh...

Write your post already, Ante! And not that I don't agree with Krig, but perhaps we can ignore, to a degree "plot-wise" anywhos...? /shrug/ Only if needed, obviously.)

*KyleKatarn7, walking in on Purevil continuing on about how the writers were dead and this could spell the end of everything, decided to set the record straight... AGAIN.*

Kyle: How many times do I have to tell you guys? The writers aren't dead. They've simply fallen into a dimensional paradox loop thus negating their existance from our world and leaving us S.O.L. as far as what we should do is.

Purevil: Aww... but dead is so much more... more... DRAMATIC!

Randy: Acually, I think the word you were looking for was "cliche".

J-Bob: Or maybe "soap opera-esque".

Kyle: ANYWAY, has anyone seen Ante? I wanted him to look into fixing me up with a new datacorder, as he seems to have unusual technological hook-ups when you least expect them.

Randy: Last I knew he was off in some brooding mood lugging around that rifle of his. I think he was headed for the steeple.

Kyle: Brooding. Steeple. Rifle. Got it... WAIT A SEC? Aren't you guys a little, I dunno, worried?

J-Bob: Well, it's not like he took Otter with him.

Kyle: True...

*Camera pan through the ceiling giving a shot of the stairwell to the steeple. Camera continues to rise until it comes to rest on Ante sitting on a wooden crossbeam with one leg dangling. He'd changed his outfit yet again, this time moving on to khaki cargo pants, a button down shirt like you might find at Abercrombie with the top three buttons undone, a white undershirt, and a brown leather jacket. His sniper rifle leaned on his shoulder as he sat pensively.*

Ante *muttering to himself*: Things didn't have to go the way they did, did they? Our existence isn't simply pre-determined... And yet, these recent events... I just can't see how they could have transpired any other way. From the moment the sounds of battle became utter silence, it was as though we were trapped in the strings of fate...

*Wavy camera ripples accompanied by a repeating "diddleywoo" sound signified the change to a flashback. As the picture cleared, it showed our heroes entering the tunnels beneath the battlefield, risking their lives through devious traps and crazed fanatical followers of evil until they came to a great chamber. Hewn of marble, great columns reached the ceiling. Stone walls and floors assembled years ago by people who by all rights should not have been able to complete it. To the left were cages holding great beasts of all kinds from all over the world, an exotic petting zoo of sorts. To the right was The Very Last True Evil, wearing an apron and a chef's hat and barbecuing some steaks with TLTE's body on the table behind him. Straigh ahead was an altar with enormous torches to either side. This was a palace of the past, and a palace of the future.*

TVLTE: Ah, welcome my guests. Welcome to my specialized deathtrap.

Gebohq: TVLTE, we've got you cornered, outnumbered, and outclassed (I hope). Give up now and we'll go easy on...

*Before Geb could finish his dramatic speech, the ringing of steel filled the room. To everyone's awe, Dalaes' sword was a half a millimeter from Ante's neck and held steady. Ante could hardly breathe, for fear of creating a new airhole he didn't particularly desire.*

Dalaes: I would suggest that none of you try anything right now; that is, if you value your comrade's life. Come now, friend, we need to have a little "talk".

(NSP: Part 1 of flashback 2k3 is up. Next installment in tomorrow, I swear.)

*Dalaes led Antestarr to the open area between the cages, the barbecue, and the altar. He then relaxed his sword arm and circled, as if appraising Ante.*

TVLTE: Ooo... it appears as though we'll have some entertainment this evening. Say, how do you guys like your steaks? I don't want to seem like an ungracious host before I put you all to your doom.

Otter: Um... can someone please explain what's going on here?

Maybe: It's simple. We're all going to die if we don't stop the evil villain, but he wants to give us a last meal and entertain us with a barbaric fight to the death in an ancient temple.

*TVLTE makes a motion for the other heroes to take a seat by the barbecue while he continued cooking the steaks. In the center of the palace, Dalaes continued circling Ante, as though ready to pick him apart at any moment.*

Dalaes: Alright. Draw your weapon.

Ante: What...?

Dalaes: I said draw. You and I fight, right here, right now.

Ante: What are you talking about? I thought we had an arrangement.

Dalaes: We did. However, you've helped me to see what needs to be done...

Ante: We need to stop The Very La...

Dalaes: SILENCE!

*Dalaes rushed at Ante, ready to slice him in half. Ante jumped to the side, lighting off his lightclaymore and taking a defensive stance.*

Ante: You realize these things can easily cut through steel.

Dalaes: However, my blade was forged in the hellfires of Canada. I highly doubt you'll cleave it.

*The clash of demonsteel against lightblade resounded as Ante fought to keep up with his opponent. The two moved throughout the center area of the palace, pulling off amazing dodges and pillar rebounds. However, it was clear that Dalaes had the upper hand.*

Ante *breathing heavily*: Why...

Dalaes *approaching menacingly*: Because. I needed to set my priorities. What is most important to me...? You should have realized this: Revenge against those who destroyed my life. If siding with evil can get me that... then who needs to be a hero?

Ante: What about redemption?

Dalaes: I've begun to think that it's too late for that. *getting angry* I've been stripped of my humanity. WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN MY VENGEANCE?!

*With that, Dalaes seemed to be enveloped in a darkness. Large leathery wings extended as he reared back and roared. His main features were still there, but his skin had become dark and leathery, and his eyes now glowed with a dark fire of pure hatred. He rushed at Ante with a speed even greater than before and unleashed a flurry of swings. Ante barely managed to deflect the blows, but the force of one final swing threw him into one of the marble columns. As Dalaes slowly approached the wounded Ante, a great laughter was heard from the altar. A large, phantasmal head faded in above it, watching over the scene below.*

PH: Excellent. I doubt things could have gone any MORE according to plan...

(NSP: And thus ends Part 2 of flashback 2k3... Stay tuned for more.)

NeS game player (GP): Hmmm...

*GP clicks on Gebohq, who says "Hey, watch where you're poking that thing!" The GP then clicks on the large, phantasmal head, requesting what Geb sees.*

I'd suggest asking one of the other heroes.

Geb: *not paying attention* Man I'm hungry...

*The GP cycles to Antestarr, and clicks on the large phantasmal head.[/i]

Ante: *pointing out the approaching Dalaes* I'm a little busy here...

*The GP sighs, and simply clicks on the large phantasmal head, hoping the Narrator will say something.*

...what? It's big. It's phantasmal. And I have no idea why it's here right now.

*The GP clicks it again, this time with the "touch" command.*

I can't touch it! It's phantasmal! You know, the ghostly kind. Besides, I'm a voice-over! I mean, I suppose I could try summoning an ice comet--

everyone else: NO!

Guess that wouldn't solve much anyway.

*The GP searches his options, and is fustrated when he finds no "Ghostbusters-on-speed-dial" option. The GP then attempts to look up the strategy guide for the game, only to realize that the creators were too lazy to make one and he's actually the beta tester. He finally turns to reading the NeS thread, only to find out that the game deviates from the thread, much like many book-to-game conversions. Accepting defeat at his plot to cheat, the GP turns back to the game, which has been "B.U.M.P."ing for the last three minutes.*

(NSP: Yeah, just pretty much an excuse for a B.U.M.P. Hopefully Antestarr [being on fire, relatively at least] will pass the torch soon [I'm pretty sure he still had at least one more part he wanted to throw in]. Until then, I need all of your input on little game-stuff that could be thrown in like I just did above. If you feel there's something that should be in the game but would be awkward to put in now, please post it over at Alternate Stories as I would much appreciate it )