* Ares drives his new Dodge Viper (purchased 10 minutes ago at the nearest car dealership) up to a store which has a peculiar title: Al's Armory and Gun Store. Ares gets out of his Viper and walks into the store. *

Ares: *looking like a man on a mission, walks up to the store manager.* Ok Al, what's the biggest, most expensive piece of gunnery you can hook me up with?

Al: *looks up, startled, as he didn't notice Ares come in* Uh, what? Oh! You're loking for a gun? Well, lemme show you our economy model...

Ares: *grabs Al by his shirt* Look punk, I'm the god of war. I don't need no "economy model".

Al: Er... yessir...

Ares: *still holding on to Al* Now, what do you have for me today?

Al: Er.... We have the latest in technology *reaches below the counter as best he can in his rediculous position, fumbles for a bit, and pulls out an oddly shaped handgun, which looks more like a Handheld Nuclear Rocket Launcher.* This is a Handheld Nuclear Rocket Launcher.

Ares: *abruptly* Too small.

Al: Er... *fumbles some more, pulls out a slightly bigger gun* This is a...

Ares: *Pulls on Al's shirt some more, raising the small man off the gound* Give me the BIGGEST, most EXPENSIVE thing you have...

Al: Er... I'm afraid I can't reach it at the moment...

Ares: *excited* Yes?

Al: It's out back, won't fit in here...

Ares: *excited* Yes yes?

Al: I'm afraid the FBI tried to buy it but they were short by a few hundred...

Ares: thousand dollars?

Al: No, million.

Ares: YES!!!

Al: Uh sir?

Ares: What is it mortal? I'm busy plotting my archnemisis' downfall!

Al: Cash or check?

Ares: Put it on my tab. Show me it, now!

Al: Right this way sir.

*Pause*

Ares: Well?

Al: You have to let me go first, sir.

Ares: Oh. *Let's him go*

Al: Walk this way sir. *Waddles out the back door. Ares waddles after him.*

Egad! Such bad cliches! Will MZZT ever think up something original? Er... *cough*... I didn't say that. Anyways, what do you suppose the enormous, expensive weapon Ares now owns is? (I think I'll let one of you decide =D)

Al: "It is not very big. However, it is the most powerful and versatile weapon we have."

Ares: "Is this some kind of joke?"

Al: "No, sir! I swear! It's the deadliest weapon ever created!"

*Sitting in a cage in front of Ares, was a puppy, the cutest, softest, most adorable puppy in the entire universe. With soft brown eyes that radiated love, it stares up at Ares, it's tongue hanging out slightly in a manner that is oh so disgustingly cute.*

Ares: "You have about two seconds to explain this or I'm going to kill you."

*Ares grabs Al by the shirt again and draws back his other fist, preparing to smash Al in the nose*

Al: "No! No! Please! I'll show you! I'll show you!"

*Al pulls away, ripping his shirt, and opens the cage. He pulls out the puppy and aims it at a nearby tree*

Al: "Sugar Dumpling, attack!"

*Ares snickers, but his laughter is cut short as his jaw drops in disbelief. A beam of light, wreathed in green flames, shoots from Sugar Dumpling's eyes, reducing the tree to cinder in the blink of an eye. A shockwave erupts from the surrounding ground, flipping over cars, uprooting other trees, and causing cracks to splinter across the surface of the earth, from which lava oozes out.*

Ares: "Uh... Do I have to call it 'Sugar Dumpling?' Can't I give it a more macho name like Killer or Spike? I mean... even the name 'Amanda' inspires more fear than 'Sugar Dumpling.'"

Al: "I'm sorry, sir. The only name it will respond to is 'Sugar Dumpling.'"

Ares: "Fine, fine. I'll take it."

Al: "Paper or plastic?"

*Will Gebohq be able to withstand the fearsome attacks of Sugar Dumpling? Will Ares' masculinity be compromised by having to carry around a puppy? Stay tuned!*

Ares: At least this can't be as bad as that stupid "Killer Rabbit" fiasco. Guy claimed my enemies would meet their doom with nasty, sharp, pointy teeth, and all it took was a hand grenade to stop him! By Jove...

------------------
This space intentionally left blank.

[This message has been edited by Ringbearer (edited May 22, 2003).]

* Dor peers around a heavily mossy grove of picnic tables and discarded traffic cones, above his head seven plush bats flutter in the breeze awkwardly below a glowing anti-gravity disc *
* Pats one of the stuffed chiroptera on the head and mutters: *

Dor: What's that Myzo ? No, I know it's nothing like your old world, but doesn't it have a certain sort of rustic run-down suburban cesspool charm to it ? No, perhaps you're right. Let's move on.

* Dor wanders away from the painting towards the exit of the Hall of Heroes Gallerie. Peering out of the doorway to insure there's nobody around, Dor pulls a Multi-Purpose-Single-Buttoned-Hand-Held-Device from his pocket. After taking a moment to gaze long and hard in decision at the one button on the device, he presses it decisively. Instantly a plot-hole opens beneath his feet with a muffled "glaumphing" sound and he and his bats fall through with a slight "aieee" and moments later a subtle "krumph" *

* Looks around at the giant arena he appeared in, occupied by Darkside Gebohq and Ares, mutters to Craseo: *

Dor: Bother, we seem to have buzzed a bit too far through hyper-plot and ended up back in time.

* Gebohq lights his saber and charges at Darkside. Before he can swing Darkside ignites his saber and bisects Gebohq in a split second.... *

* Ares repairs the damage gebohq took with the force: "You DO NOT cut my friends in half..."

Dor: Epp !

* Presses the button on the MPSBHHD and stumbles into the newly-opened plot-hole, re-appearing in one of his secret lairs in an abandoned janitorial closet. Shoulders aside a scrub-brush, removes his foot from a metal bucket and smiles *

Dor: Ah yes Phyllo, gotta love the technology of the new world eh. Thyro, go select a cd, we need music while we work !

* Inexplicably a cd starts playing in the turntable, Dor nods at Thyro approvingly and starts setting out his lab to the sound of Best of Tchaikovsky, His Later Years *

* Dor pulls a glass coke-style bottle out of his stylish olive-drab military surplus backpack with the words: Lab-Inna-Bottle(c) written on the side, popping the bottle cap he spill a drop on the floor, re-caps the bottle and leaps backwards *
* With an excited "ZWHIRJJ" the Lab-Inna-Bottle(c) expands into a fully stocked rather-eccentric-but-more-cross-than-mad-scientist laboratory *

Dor: Excellent excellent ! Bwee-hee-hee-hee !

* The Best of Tchaikovsky album blares a particaulrly momentous and omenish series of chords as performed by John Denver covering Symphony in J Quorum, when suddenly there came a rapping, as of someone gently tapping, tapping at the store-room door.. *

------------------
My Cup of Tea
"If i had known it was harmless, i would have killed it myself.." -A Scanner Darkly [Philip K Dick]-
.. Council of Krok ..
NPC.Interact::PressButton($'Submit');

[This message has been edited by Dormouse (edited May 21, 2003).]

Doctor Dor: "Yes? Who is it?"

*The door creaks open slowly, revealing a short figure, bristling with hair, wearing a dented and dirty horned Viking helmet. Yes, I'm sure you've already guessed who it is.*

Krig: "This not bathroom..."

Dr. Dor: "You're here! Excellent, excellent! Now, let us get to business!"

Krig: "Huh?"

Dr. Dor: "Well don't just stand there, did you bring it?"

*Krig shifts his weight and rummages around in his pockets, thinking deeply. He pulls out a small ball of tinfoil.*

Krig: "Krig bring shiny. Krig like shiny."

*The excitable doctor snatches the tinfoil from Krig's hand.*

Dr. Dor: "Excellent! This will greatly speed our progress! Come, Friedrick, we have work to do!"

*The Doctor ushers the Viking deeper into the lab, past beeping machines and bubbling test tubes and colourful paper mache donkeys hanging by strings. Abruptly, he stops and bends to Krig's level, putting a finger to his lips in a shushing motion.*

Dr. Dor (whispering loudly): "We must be very careful not to make any sort of noise at all! You never know what you might set off! This requires the utmost of delicacy!"

*With that, Dr. Dor hefts a sledgehammer and raises it over his shoulder.*

Dr. Dor: "Stand back now!"

What is our precariously preposterous professor up to? Find out next time -- next time someone posts, that is! Only on NeS, the story with heart!

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

-suddenly PJB warps in from another dimention where he was jsut destoryd(wht that dymention)
the slege hammer come flying down and hits PJB's solid meatal head. but unfortunatly the incredible laws of physics in this univers mean taht the sound actiualy resonates into a deep infasound while being a ultra sound.

large canisters of explosive liquids start going off, and that ignites the "anti universe" deviece. the entire univerce(and this storie) ends in a BIG KABOOM!!!!!-

-pjb warps into another universe where fish eat jelly beans-

------------------
I am pjb.
Another post......
another moment of my life wasted.....
at least i made a level.
PJB's JK page's

-the PJB jedi rule book-
rule one, "never trust a bartender with bad grammar"-kyle katarn in JO

Rule Two, "Gravity is a crule misstress" -kyle katarn in MotS, and the alternatior MK I in AJTD

-suddenly PJB warps in from another dimention where he was jsut destoryd(wht that dymention)
the slege hammer come flying down and hits PJB's solid meatal head. but unfortunatly the incredible laws of physics in this univers mean taht the sound actiualy resonates into a deep infasound while being a ultra sound.

large canisters of explosive liquids start going off, and that ignites the "anti universe" deviece. the entire univerce(and this storie) ends in a BIG KABOOM!!!!!-

-pjb warps into another universe where fish eat jelly beans-

------------------
I am pjb.
Another post......
another moment of my life wasted.....
at least i made a level.
PJB's JK page's

-the PJB jedi rule book-
rule one, "never trust a bartender with bad grammar"-kyle katarn in JO

Rule Two, "Gravity is a crule misstress" -kyle katarn in MotS, and the alternatior MK I in AJTD

-suddenly PJB warps in from another dimention where he was jsut destoryed(with that dymention)
the slege hammer come flying down and hits PJB's solid meatal head. but unfortunatly the incredible laws of physics in this univers mean taht the sound actiualy resonates into a deep infasound while being a ultra sound.-

------------------
I am pjb.
Another post......
another moment of my life wasted.....
at least i made a level.
PJB's JK page's

-the PJB jedi rule book-
rule one, "never trust a bartender with bad grammar"-kyle katarn in JO

Rule Two, "Gravity is a crule misstress" -kyle katarn in MotS, and the alternatior MK I in AJTD

-suddenly PJB warps in from another dimention where he was jsut destoryed(with that dymention)
the slege hammer come flying down and hits PJB's solid metal head-

------------------
I am pjb.
Another post......
another moment of my life wasted.....
at least i made a level.
PJB's JK page's

-the PJB jedi rule book-
rule one, "never trust a bartender with bad grammar"-kyle katarn in JO

Rule Two, "Gravity is a crule misstress" -kyle katarn in MotS, and the alternatior MK I in AJTD

.--but unfortunatly the incredible laws of physics in this univers mean taht the sound actiualy resonates into a deep infasound while being a ultra sound.-
-large canisters of explosive liquids start going off, and that ignites the "anti universe" deviece. the entire univerce(and this storie) ends in a BIG KABOOM!!!!!-
-pjb warps into another universe where fish eat jelly beans-

------------------
I am pjb.
Another post......
another moment of my life wasted.....
at least i made a level.
PJB's JK page's

-the PJB jedi rule book-
rule one, "never trust a bartender with bad grammar"-kyle katarn in JO

Rule Two, "Gravity is a crule misstress" -kyle katarn in MotS, and the alternatior MK I in AJTD

-pjb warps in from another univers that was just destroyed, and the slege hammer hits his head-


------------------
I am pjb.
Another post......
another moment of my life wasted.....
at least i made a level.
PJB's JK page's

-the PJB jedi rule book-
rule one, "never trust a bartender with bad grammar"-kyle katarn in JO

Rule Two, "Gravity is a crule misstress" -kyle katarn in MotS, and the alternatior MK I in AJTD

i cant post my long post.

------------------
I am pjb.
Another post......
another moment of my life wasted.....
at least i made a level.
PJB's JK page's

-the PJB jedi rule book-
rule one, "never trust a bartender with bad grammar"-kyle katarn in JO

Rule Two, "Gravity is a crule misstress" -kyle katarn in MotS, and the alternatior MK I in AJTD

[pain.. the edit and delete post buttons are your friends, don't spurn them for the love of Spiro..]

------------------
My Cup of Tea
"If i had known it was harmless, i would have killed it myself.." -A Scanner Darkly [Philip K Dick]-
.. Council of Krok ..
NPC.Interact::PressButton($'Submit');

* Hearing the disturbance in Forum 7, Thread 32, Page 44, the Massassi Brute Squad charges into the janitor's closet/laboratory and finds [SF]pjb warping in and out of the universe and hitting himself with sledgehammers, all the while making canisters in the lab continually explode. *

All of the MBS (simultaniously): OMFGWTFN00B!!!

* All of the MBS members level their laser guns and power them up. The lasers each emit a piercing whine. *

MBS leader: Fire! Get that @#$%^*$... uh... how would I say "seven-poster"?

MBS guy 1: Dunno. "Octa-poster" is eight, but it's really close.

MBS leader: Get that @#$%^*$ octa-poster!!!

* Sound of laser gun triggers being pulled. Blinding flash of light *



* Meanwhile... *

Ares: Buahaha... Gebohq will be no match for me now!

* Hops in his car, followed closely by Sugar Dumpling. Ares drives toward the HoH, while SD hangs her head out the window. *

Ares: Stop that! * Pulls SD back in * I don't want people thinking I love cute dogs... cute... ick... I KNEW I should've gone with the tank... * Grumbles under his breath as he passes a signpost: "1/2 mi to Big Ben" is crossed out, under that is scrawled: "2640 feet to the Hall of Heroes! Bwahaha! -MZZT, 100% average in Calculus 1" *

[Edit: Who is Spiro?]

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited May 22, 2003).]

[During his unconsciousness, pjb dreams that he can right click on the forum page and click refresh if his posts aren't showing up. He awakens in a few hours to discover that it's true.]

------------------
"The Just shall live by faith." - Galatians 3:11

[This message has been edited by DogSRoOL (edited May 22, 2003).]

The Dim lights of the resturaunt creates a mood of lust. TLTEKirby and Losien sit near the small orcistra, looking into eachother's eyes. TLTEKirby's harsh Russian voice softens to a near whisper.

TLTEKirby Oh Losien, Your eyes glow beautifully in this light...

Losien Really? Your... rather large eyes are glowing in this light... too.

TLTEKirby Oh Losien, I love you...

Losien You... You love me?

Oh, this is horrible. What was he thinking, the first date!?

TLTEKirby I... I love your... nose. Yeah, your nose. That's what I was saying.

The Waiter, thank god, interupts.

Waiter Misuer, what will you be having?

TLTEKirby looks up from Losien, as she looks at herself in her spoon sighing.

TLTEKirby Ah... well, no meat, I don't want to turn into DeadChickenKirby again... oh, that was horrible! I'll take a ceaser salad, but a Damn big one. And when I say **** , I mean Damn! With a bolded D!

Waiter Yes... sir. You ma'am?

Losien looks up from the spoon

Losien I'll take a bowl of chicken noodle soup, and a country fried steak. No vegies.

Waiter Yes Ma'am.

The waiter exits and TLTEKirby looks at the waiter walking away. Kirby's portion of control forces the fat pink hand to pick up a steak knife, and whip it across the room at the waiter, killing him instantly.

Kirby[/i] I R TEH EVAL!

TLTE[/i] **** YOU, YOU'RE RUINING MY DATE!

Kirby[/i] You're date? YOUR DATE!? YOU'RE NOT HALF THE MAN WE ARE!

Losien Um, Evaly... are you ok?

Will Kirby continue killing people in his strive for all evalness? Will TLTE find some way to seperate from Kirby to get closer to Losien? Will EinstienKirby and GebohqKirby destroy TLTEKirby? Will more Kirbys arive? Will someone teach that guy how to post his ****ing posts? Will I ever stop asking questions? Find out next time, on the tales of N.E.S.

(NSP: *Breaths Heavy* Been a while since I posted. Yah, I'm not all that creative today.)

------------------
Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP

* A very dark place. Nothing is discernable in the lack of light. A low pitched humming sound is continually being... well, hummed... by some machinery some distance away. A low groan pierces the monotony. *

MZZTtH: Owwww *Holds his head* Where am I?

* MZZTtH is sprawled on the ground. He gets up and walks to a barely visible door. There are small, short vertical slats in the door at eye level. As MZZTtH's eyes adjust to the darness, he discerns that the door is solid steel, as are the walls. *

MZZTtH: I have a bad feeling about this... if this door is locked... *Tries to open the door.* Locked. Figures.

* MZZTtH sits down on a bed--more like a shelf actually--and looks at his attire. He is wearing stripes. Black and white vertical stripes. MZZTtH groans harder and rubs his head again.*

MZZTtH: What's the last think I can remember... ah... TLTEKirby offered me a piece of himself to eat, and I accepted it. Why did I do that again? MZZTtW certantly didn't write that story! *Gets up and walks around the room.*

* As MZZTtH's footsteps echo, the camera pans to the part of the room he is walking in, which is bathed in total darkness. Fifteen more footsteps can be heard, and then a trip, a grunt and a thud. *

MZZTtH: Gah! Who put this sack here?!?

KrigtH: Uuuughh.... Kirg hurt...

MZZTtH: Oh. *Gets up*

KrigtH: Where are Krig and funny Jedi?

MZZTtH: We're in some sort of prison, Krig. I guess TLTEKirby locked us here somehow. I'll bet the other heroes think we're dead.

KrigtH: Well, writer is writing about Krig and Jedi. Why not he tell other heroes?

MZZTtH: Because that would be no fun.

KrigtH: Hmm.. Krig see point, but still think MZZTtW should tell.

MZZTtH: Shhh!

* Krig and MZZT fall completely silent, and all that can be heard is the aforementioned annoying humming, and footsteps. Someone outside the room starts whistling "If I only had a brain". As the whistling draws closer, it's source stops right outside their door, along with the footsteps. *

Guard: *Raps on door.* Meal time!

KrigtH: Oooh! Goodie! *Runs to door,*

Guard: Here you go. *Sliding noise. A couple of hard-drive sized silver-colored packets are pushed under the door. The Guard begins whistling again and walks away.*

MZZTtH: *Runs to door and puts his face in the window.* Wait!

* The footsteps and whistling stop, and the guard walks back. *

Guard: What?! *The guard's annoyed countanance is clearly visible through the door slits. He looks a little familiar, although MZZTtH cannot place him.*

MZZTtH: I demand to know why we are being held here! And by whom! And I demand to see my attorney!

Guard: Sorry, I can't reveal any of this to you. You will find out in due time. And as for your attorney, you do not have any rights while you are here! *Walks away faster.*

MZZTtH: *Sighs and slumps to the floor.* Well Krig old buddy, let's see what we got. Picks up a packet and begins tearing at it ravenously.

* Krig picks up the other packet and attempts to tear it open. MZZT gets his open first. *

MZZTtH: WHAAAT?!? Cheap TV Dinners! And no heating instructions! *Looks around and sees a microwave in the cell. Sighs heavily and stares at the frozen chickin in his packet.*

* Krig shrugs and eats his packet, wrapping and all, After munching for a moment, Krig speaks confidently.: *

KrigtH: Krig know where we are.

MZZTtH: *Snaps to attention.* What? How?

KrigtH: Krig gourmet. Krig know all about different tastes of food.

MZZTtH: *Excited.* So you know who made this stuff?

KrigtH: Krig do. Food was made by "TLTE Industries". Krig think we prisoners in TLTE's Main Complex in New Jersey.

MZZTtH: Wow! I never even heard of such a place! That's why that guard looked familiar, he must've been TLTETGuard! And you figured this out all by taste?!?

KrigtH: No. Label on your packet. *Points to MZZT's packet, which has "TLTE Industries" printed on it, and a mailing label reading "TLTE's Main Complex, TLTEville, New Jersey, 08000" *

MZZTtH: Then what was that about the gourmet stuff?

KrigtH: Krig was going to say we in a bad place with bad food. Then Krig see label.

MZZTtH: * Sighs * Well, how are we going to get out of here...

KrigtH: Vikings like gadgets. Krig have many gadgets.

MZZTtH: They took them all, Krig.

* Right after saying that, MZZT realized he was wrong. For some unknown reason only fathomable by everyone, the TLTEs had let the Viking keep his hat. *

KrigtH: Not Krig's hat. *Taps his Viking hat.* Miniature cellular phone built into Viking hats. Keeps Vikings connected. "Viking Wireless, Join in."

MZZTtH: Krig, you're a genius! *Takes Krig's hat, with the Viking's premission of course, and puts it on.* We'll be out of here in no time! Hmm... "123-4567"! There! That aughta do it! *Waits nervously.*

Will MZZT and Krig get through to the HoH?!? Will anyone be THERE to get their message, or will they be forced to leave it on the answering machine?!? If they do get through, what kind of rescue will Geb and his friends plan for their prized food expert and their... er... well... their prized food expert and that other guy?!?

MZZTtH: Well, Krig's pretty valuable to the heroes, so I figure as long as I stick with him...

------------------
The Mega-ZZTer's Gaming Haven!
I finally got around to updating my sig... *grumble*...

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited May 24, 2003).]

*TLTEKirby excuses "himself" to the bathroom, trying to regain some composure. The proud spymaster splashes his face with water, trying not to notice the noticeably pinkish hue his skin has recently received.*

TLTE: Kirby, you know this night is special to me! Ever since I saved her from a semitrailer accident many pages back, we've harboured a quasi-romantic relationship...and although she's never admitted to this or even felt the same way, I think she could be just what I need to get me through this whole evil/transitional phase.

*The Kirby within feigns to listen carefully, then rapidly dispenses soap into their collective hands and rubs it into their eyes. Much anguish ensues. In the background, [SF]pjb warps in from another universe and blows up, but nobody really notices.*

TLTE: That's it! We are through!

*Summoning all of his Siberian-born, Siberian-bred courage, he stuffs his hand in his mouth and with a huge effort, pulls Kirby out of his essence, throwing him against the wall and sucker-punching him.*

TLTE: Now, while I have a romantic dinner with Losien, you go back and watch over Krig and MZZt until I can think of a wholesome, good-natured way to release them! And NO MORE BEING EVAL!

*He storms out, leaving the stunned Kirby to watch [SF]pjb warp in and out of their universe in a very irritating way.*

-BACK AT THE TABLE!-

*Losien, looking at least two steps above ravishing in a shimmering turqoise dress, looks around petulantly. She is about to get up when TLTE, looking quite dapper in Versace, gently sits her down again.*

Losien: TLTE-

TLTE: Look, Losien, I don't have to be bulimic to see that I've been giving you the wrong impression...

Losien: Er...what?

TLTE: You know, bulimic. A mind-reader.

Losien: Oh...ohhhh!! You mean-

TLTE: I just...I like you, Losien.

Losien: You do?

TLTE: I do. I really do. When you first met me, I was a self-opinionated jerk, a cavalier with a sexist attitude. As the time passed, I lost these traits but got steadily more evil, which I suppose didn't go down too well in the female popularity stakes...

Losien: You figured that out yourself?

TLTE: I did...and now, well...I'd just like some company. Someone like you could help me become a good person. Could you be that person?

*As Losien looks at her old enemy, ancient struggles and vendettas melt away. Could she actually...like TLTE?*

Losien: I...I guess I could try...

*TLTE smiles a smile he had never used before. Instead of a smug grin reserved for knifing someone in the sternum, or a loud guffaw reserved for doomsday plots, it is an earnest, sappy smile of the newly-infatuated.*

TLTE: Come on, I'll by you an ice cream...

-MEANWHILE!-

*Kirby straightens himself in the men's room, feeling strangely more powerful than before. He feels...legion.*

Voice: Hey buddy!

*Kirby spins. It is the manager, having looked at Kirby and the Kirby-shaped dent in the wall and being smart as managers go, putting two and two together.*

Manager: You'll be paying for that!

Kirby: No...I think, somehow-

*He thrusts his hand into the manager's ribcage, drawing on all the knowledge of clones and replication he learned from being one with TLTE. A steady pink ooze engulfs the manager, turning him into...*

KirbyManager: -We'll pay for it.

*An EVAL confrontation begins to form...*

------------------
"You have to tame the wild beast before you let it out of its cage."

-Derek Zoolander

Why am I the character bi**h?

------------------
Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP

I was excused from character bi**h as I've been one since my inception. Either roll with the punches or leap into a plot-hole, NeS style

Outside the hall of heroes...

Ares: Well, were here, Sug... SD! *Picks the dog up and carries her. Walks to the door of the HoH. Hmm...*

Ares, drawing on his powers as a god of war, takes a sideways look at the door, which promptly crumbles.

Ares: I love my job. *Walks in.*

At the top...

A phone is ringing. The entire HoH is empty, except for Janitor Bob, who is ignoring the phone intentionally, trying to sweep the floor. Ares walks in.

Ares: Darnnit! I can't find Gebohq ANYWHERE! *Sees JBob, who looks at Ares and turns as white as a sheet.* You! Where is Gebohq?

JBob: OMQ IT'S ARES!!!

JBob reacts quickly. He dives into his janitor's closet close by and... closes and locks the door.

Ares: Pfft. I expected more, even from MORTALS. *Walks toward the closed door.*

Suddenly, an alarm blares.

Alarm: WARNING! SECURITY SYSTEM ACTIVATED.

A steel door falls into place over the normal one. Seconds later, a forcefield goes up, making the closet all but inpenetrable.

Ares: Correct. All but inpenetrable. That was fair for a mortal, but not good enough.

Ares raises his hand and destroys the wall right NEXT to the door, and steps into the closet, where JBob is weeping in a corner.

Ares: Now mortal! Answer me this...

JBob holds his breath as the music soundtrack that has been building all this time finally creshendos into silence.

Ares: Where is Gebohq?1?

JBob: *Releases breath.* Oh! Is that all?

Ares: What?

JBob: I thought you were going to rain down fire and pestilence and all that stuff onto the HoH.

Ares: No... but good idea mortal. I will be sure to do that some time in the future. Now. Tell me where Gebohq is.

JBob: Well... I don't know.

Ares: *sigh*

JBob: With all the heroes running around, I don't know who's where!

Ares: *abruptly* What's that noice?

Ares has finally noticed the phone ring, which has been going on all this time.

JBob: I'm pretty sure it's the telemarketers again. They'll give up eventually... I guess this batch is persistant.

Ares: Let me handle them. *Walks out of closet and over to the phone. JBob follows him. Ares picks it up.* Er.. hello?

MZZTtH: Yes! Hello! (Krig, we got through!) Er, have we reached the Hall of Heroes?

Ares: You have.

MZZTtH: Well, we're in quite a fix down here, can I speak to Gebohq?

Ares: He's not here right now. What are you trying to sell us?

MZZTtH: Sell? Er, nothing.

Ares: Liar! I hear it in your voice. You'll craftily build up a set of excuses of why you're calling, and then force me to buy whatever it is you're selling when I'm unprepared! In fact, I'll bet you were going to say you were trapped in the dungeon of a madman and you needed help, then you'd try to sell us authentic prison tin cups from the 19th century!

MZZTtH: Wait! That's not true! ... Er... it kinda is true, but not the way you think it is!

Ares: A-HA! You admit it!

MZZTtH: No! I mean, yes! I mean,... what was the question again?

Ares: We don't want any! Goodbye! *Slams the phone down.*

JBob: Well handled, sir.

Ares: Thank you. *Looks JBob over.* Maybe some mortals DO know their place. *Puts his arm around JBob's shoulder.* How would you like to assist me and destroyig Gebohq, and then conquering the world?

JBob: *Hesitates* Well, what would I get for it?

Ares: I understand "Geb" is a good friend of yours, so I will pay you well to help me. *They start walking to the stairs.* I am prepared to make you the right-hand man of my empire, once we conquer the world.

JBob: Er... I don't think I'd like that...

Ares: *Surprised to be turned down at an offer like that, he flusteres* Well.. how about... oh! I know! *Grins* How about being head janitor of my empire?

JBob: *Quickly, without hesitation.* I'm in.

Ares and JBob both walk to Ares' Viper. What has JBob got himself mixed up in now? Perhaps he is feeling the boredom of being left by the heroes to clean all day, and wants to prove himself. In any event, stay tuned for the next exciting episode!

JBob: *thinking to himself* Is that a puppy under his arm?

standing next to Ares's viper we see Jim7

Jim7: Isn't your name spelled Aries?

Ares: I... I... I... *stands staring into space obviously very confused*

Jim7 punches Ares in the stomach

Jim7: THAT'S FOR BUSTING UP MY GO-KART!!!

Jim7 walks off

------------------
and the menkey said WRAA!!!

(NSP: I'm not quite sure what qualities of a character makes them like a [female dog] ( ) but I will say you all are writing some good stuff!

As for me, I will post. Stupid school stuff is keeping me from doing otherwise. So until then...)

Benevolant
Upwards
Mobility
Post!

Or as you'll most likely see in the webcomic (if my memory serves me correctly)

Benevolant
Unscripted
Mysterious
Postponement!

I know, not as catchy, but more fitting for the webcomic

I'm afraid I can't use Geb's excuse, I'm between schools right now, I get 12 hours of work, then 24 hours of free time, so I'll just bluntly say it. I don't know what to post, I'm still trying to figure out what's going on! I so confuused!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

(NSP: *Creeps out from the shadows.* I'm not doing anything... uh.... time for a well needed post.)

Back in the Eval TLTE place thingy, MZZTer and Krig sit, wondering what to do.

Krig We could always call cops...

SU_Mega_ZZTer But see Krig... That's what they want us to do! Yeah, then, see, then they'd... uh... kill us... see, and...that would be bad, right?

Krig Funny man acting strange...

Just then, from the shadows, two large outlines can be seen, siloheted on the black background, pink flesh shining...

SU_Mega_ZZTer OH MY GOD! IT'S TLTEKIRBY! AND... another TLTEkirby...?

EinstienKirby No you imbisul, It's GebohqKirby and EinstienKirby! We're here to save you!

GebohqKirby Uh, yeah, sorry about knocking you unconcious and making a plastic mold of your body in hopes to catch TLTEKirby... it was only for the good of the future...

Kirg Ah... funny Kirby's...

SU_Mega_ZZTer Where have you guys been!?

GebohqKirby Well, we went back in time to get another Kirby to help us put a stop to...

GebohqKirby checks his watch

GebohqKirby Well, he's ManagerKirby now, his 3rd evalist form. We don't have much time until he reaches the ulimate level of evalness.

SU_Mega_ZZTer Wait... where'd you guys come from again?

EinstienKirby Well, FutureKirby knew that he would eat TLTE, and conquer the world and destroy everyone and everything in it, so he ate Gebohq, traveled back in time via the timetraveler, then found Einstien, Ate him, which created a parelex, making two Kirby's, GebohqKirby, and I, EinstienKirby. Now, we retrieved a Third kirby from Einstien's Time, that agent is currently retrieving more Kirby's, creating even more parelexes, creating an entire army of Kirby's to put an end to this time's kirby's eval. Basically, we're really kickass timefighters from the future's past, and we're here to kick some major bootay!

Krig Uh?

SU_Mega_ZZTer Uhhhh, so, who did you bring back from the past... er... future.. eh... yeah, whatever...?

Just then, the entire roof of the eval jailcell lifted up, revieling... non other than.... KrigTheVikingKirby!

Meanwhile, outside of the HoH, Ares nurses his wound as Jim7 starts to walk away. Just then...

ManagerKirby Wait, Jim7!

Jim7 I... Uh... What?

Ares Who the... what are you?

ManagerKirby The letter you both recieved this morning... It was from me...

Ares reaches into his pocket and pulls out a napkin. It reads...



Ares Ah, so this is what all of this is about... I'm interested...

Jim7 Well... I'll hear what you have to say...

ManagerKirby Great, let's go back to the Hall Of Eval... My new eval fortris...

Later, at the HoE... oh, that's funny... Who put this in the script!? Oh... it's not a joke... erm... sorry. As I was saying... At the HoE, a 3 room appartment in NYC, ManagerKirby sits in a large Booster Seat with a sign on the top of it saying 'REALLY EVAL BOOSTER SEAT OF DOOM'. ManagerKirby speaks...

ManagerKirby ...And then when we get back, we'll have an army capable of stoping even the strongest of Good Kirby's... Are you both with me?

Ares Only if I get to be the one who kills Gebohq...

ManagerKirby Ah... well... see, uh, yeah, sure... Jim?

Jim Well... Uh... Sure, but only if you stop saying Eval.... I mean, it's cool and all, but... it gets a little old...

ManagerKirby Fair enough...

JBob I'm still here...

What dastardly plans will the 3 Prime Eval's Cook up next!? Is this really the end of it all? What new form will the Eval Kirby take next? Where exactly is our hero jEDIkIRBY in the mits of all of the Eval? Did TLTE get any after his date? Find out next time, on N E S.

(NSP: *Drifts Back Into The Shadows Talking About Some Eval Plot*)

------------------
Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP

B.U.M.P.!

RAM: Boo! I give that B.U.M.P.! a measly 2!

arg! the dreaded Writer's Block strikes again!!!
Shade The Writer:must...find...Writer's...C4...*gasp*
meanwhile, in the eternal struggle between good, Eval, and cheese-whiz, Galrek wanders about uselessly, no longer guided by the genius of a writer, he stumbles into walls, and eventually finds himself stumbling through the door of the HOE. as he totters around he trips over the table, falling face first in the middle of it. after a few seconds, snores can be heard and a small puddle of drool works its way across the table and into Ares' Lap.
Ares:"gah! I just had this armored kilt cleaned last week! I will Kill Him! and then I will use his rotting corpse to destroy Gebohq!!"
ManagerKirby:"riiigghhht...Ares, can you think of anything but destroying Gebohq? we want to subjugate the entire population of the planet, not one measly occupant."

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

Um... I'll post in about 20 minutes.

Oh, and... Shade... who's this character of yours? Lastly... I usually like to call it formatting.

JediKirby

------------------
Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP

Galrek The Neutral! who else?!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

That makes so much sense it hurts...

ACTUALLY Posting in 20 minutes...

JediKirby



------------------
Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP

Now at the HoE, our three prime evals gather...

ManagerKirby Uh... Janator... can you.. clean that mess up?

JBob Sure sure...

Jbob picks the annoying menace and dumps him out the window...

ManagerKirby Ah, now, where was I? Ah, yes... The PLAN. First we need a time machine...

ManagerKirby Pushes a button on the eval chair of doom, and the left wall of the HoE lifts up, revealing a big cardboard box with a sign on it labled 'BIG FRIGGIN EVAL TIME MACHINE OF DOOM, NOT GOOD. EVERYTHING BUT GOOD!'

Manager Kirby Now I neeed you two to come with me, and tell your other self that it's ok.

The three walk through the time machine and into the past 2 seconds ago. ManagerKirby is about to push the button on the chair.

FutureManagerKirby YOU! The plan's all in order...

PastManagerKirby Good... Who's first? We'll test the theory on JBob...

JBob What!?

Just than PastManagerKirby swallows JBob whole, growing a mustache and a broom, he then spits JBob out...

JBobKirby Goooood...

JBob Wow... that was fun...

ManagerKirby Now, Ares, come here...

Meanwhile...

Galrek AAAAAAAAAAAH

What dastardly plan will Eval Kirby's use with the new AresKirby, JBobKirby, JimKirby and ManagerKirby!? Tune in next time for more exciting NeS!!!!

------------------
Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP

drawing on his awesome powers of indecision, Galrek creates a plot hole, falling through it and popping out of the time machine to slam into JbobKirby's mouth.
"Eyuck! its dank, dark, and warm in here!"
with the sort of heroic actions one would not even expect from MZZT, Galrek sits down and begins rummaging through the various items that kirby had swallowed over the years and never made any use of.
will Galrek find some way to destroy one of the Eval Kirbies? will Kirby change into a ridiculous copy of Galrek The Neutral and gain his power over seemingly random plot developments? will I ever stop imitating the old Batman Narrator? tune in next time! same NeS channel! same NeS time!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

[This message has been edited by shade (edited June 06, 2003).]

....

JBobKirby spits Galrek out, he turns into GalrekKirby, entering the time machine with everyone else, they are all back to what they were before Shade's rediculously annoying character came. Galrek is tied up with an anti-plothole suit on, tied to a giant bolder, falling down the grand canyon.

Die.

------------------
Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP

spoilsport!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

*This process of time-traveling and building an army of Kirby variations continues for a good three hours. Soon, a mass of Kirby clones crowd the Hall of Eval. They number in the hundreds.*

JBobKirby: "Alright. This should be sufficient. Now for Step 2 of my eval plan!"

AresKirby: "Hey, wait a second, buddy! Who says that you are in charge? I say that we build up the army some more before initiating Step 2!"

JBobKirby: "I am the original instigator of this plan so we do what I say!"

MichellePfeifferKirby: "Liar! I'm the mastermind behind this all!"

TonyBlairKirby: "No! I am!"

*Similar shouts of superiority break out amongst the hundreds of Kirby clones.*

EdwardNortonKirby: "Let's be democratic about this and put it to a vote!"

AresKirby: "Screw that! This calls for a brawl... the winner decides what we do next!"

*Before anyone can react, he lunges at DannyElfmanKirby and swallows him. The crowd stares in shock. What could possible result from a Kirby eating another Kirby?*

*AresKirby spits out DannyElfmanKirby and thus becomes AresElfmanKirby, absorbing Danny Elfman's powers while still keeping his own.*

AresElfmanKirby: "Mwuhahaha! That's it! I shall become like a god! I will combine all of our powers to become an uber, eval fighting machine!"

*AresElfmanKirby then begins the long and tiring work of swallowing each and every Kirby, becoming more and more powerful with each slobbering action.*


[This message has been edited by Wuss (edited June 10, 2003).]

(Nice)

------------------
Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP

*The icky, terrifying process of self-cannibalism concludes several hours later, Kirby becoming the living embodiment of every living and non-living person in the world. Akin to the monster in "The Thing", he is an oozing massive blob, with dimly recognisable faces swirling in the contorted mass of horrifying excessitude.*

Manic Killcrazy Portion: LET'S KILL!!! BE EVAL!!! RRAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Mr. Peabody Portion: Quiet, you.

Vanna White Portion: Would you like to buy a vowel?

The Prime Kirby: All of you, silence! We are the Many. We must seek out the One.

Mr. T Portion: Ah pity tha 'foo already!

Prime Kirby: I am, of course, referring to...GEBOHQ!

*Gasp!*

Dr. Colossus Portion: Bah! A rank amateur...

Prime Kirby: By destroying Gebohq, the endless tirade of B.U.M.P.s will cease, ultimately destroying the NeS! Truly EVAL!!!

*The Kirby mass, now known as the KirbyNaut (combination of Kirby and Juggernaut, to the unenlightened), laughs in a most disgusting way...*

Prime Kirby: And we know just who can lead us to him, don't we...

----------------MEANWHILE!!!!--------------

*That person is TLTE, who is at the moment strolling through the park with Losien, talking old movies.*

TLTE: My Cousin Vinnie.What an epic.

Losien: Personally, I prefer movies with a bit of oomph, you know?

TLTE: Ah! Attack of the Oomphs, now THERE was a movie that...didn't exist...

*They share a self-conscious laugh. It is one of those starry nights where a constant warm breeze reassures the heart of the hardest ex-villain, like TLTE, and makes anything possible.*

TLTE: Want to sit on that bench there?

Losien: Sure.

*They are soon seated, wondering where exactly to go with this next.*

TLTE: You know...maybe I should quit while I'm ahead.

Losien: No, stay a little longer...

*TLTE, much reassured and doing the touch-up shuffle internally, re-sits himself and prepares to do a Russian variant of "the-old-yawn-arm-trick"...*

*Meanwhile, the KirbyNaut looms ever closer...*

Back at the HoE...

Galrek Hehehehehe....

Now, back to the park...

KirbyNaut Hahahaha... I will get you...

Just then...

JediKirby YES! It is I.... JEDIKIRBY

*Cue Intro music...*

Yes, that is right, it is I... And I've come to stop the Eval Kirby that was once me... With the help of...

KrigTheVikingKirby, GebohqKirby, and EinstienKirby come barreling into the park, arms flailing.

EinstienKirby Hmm... It seems that multiple kirbys from multiple plots in multiple timezones from multiple places are all within that creature... creating the ultimate eval... the only way to stop it would simply be to...

KrigTheVikingKirby ...Bearded man talk to much, krigkirby want nap!

KrigTheVikingKirby grabs the oozing blob and rolls up in it, taking a nap. Meenwhile, TLTE and Losien make out in their suspensful young state.

All EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEW

Is this the end of Eval? Will KrigTheVikingKirby and the rest of the Kirby Friends be able to stop the eval? Will I use Eval in every sentance? Will Losien and TLTE ever get married....uh... Eval? And, where is Gebohq and the rest of the gang at a time like this? Oh, **** ... EVAL!

Gebohq 99 bottles of beer on the wall...

------------------
Epic: Episode I TC, Epic: Podracing Mod MP/SP, Epic: Starbattles Mod MP/SP

[This message has been edited by jEDIkIRBY (edited June 12, 2003).]

meanwhile back at the HoE (hehehe*rollseye*)

Jim7:look of confusion followed by many failed attempts to say something then finally some words break through the confusionWTF?

just then a firey portal opens and out of it comes Jim7's second in command GEOFF THE NEUTERED

GtN: boss someone smuggled some liguid nitrogen in and froze the 4th circle over

Jim7: **** ok... get the salt trucks out to the 4th circle and prepare the gates... something big is going down here... i don't quite understand WTF it is but i get this feeling lots of people will die

GtN: ok boss the gates will be prepared for a massive load of new souls within the hour

Jim7: evil man, now get back to hell and give hitler an extra beating for me

geoff steps back into the portal which suddenly vanishes

Jim7: ok i'm leaving now...

Jim7 walks out

WILL JIM7 EVERY FIGURE OUT WHAT JUST HAPPENED? WILL THE 4TH CIRCLE OF HELL EVER THAW? WILL WHATEVER THE KIRBYS ARE DOING WORK? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON WHO GIVES A FLYING RAT'S *** !!!!

------------------
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway.

back at the HoH
as Gebohq sits around counting the bottles of beer he hasn't strewn about the room, a loud flapping sound is heard.
Gebohq:"52 bottles of beer on the wall, take one down and pass it around...this would work better if there were someone to catch them when I pass them around...51 bottles of beer on the...whuzzat?"
turning and going to the window, Gebohq is surprised to see hundreds of birds flying through the air,attempting to carry something. as they pass near the HoH, the birds finally seem to give up and start plummeting, embedding themselves in the walls of the HoH,one of them even managing to lodge itself between the real Krig the Viking's left toes.
"Krig got small flappy thing between toes...Krig scared to reach there..."
with a thump, Galrek the Neutral flops down in front of Gebohq, his anti-plothole suit stretched and damaged from being gripped by hundreds of bird claws for the entire trip from the grand canyon.
Galrek:"I don't suppose you would be willing to get me out of this? it isn't exactly the most comfortable thing to fly in..."
as Krig and Gebohq free Galrek from the suit, they explain to each other what has been going on. Gebohq, as usual, knows nothing, while Krig knows that Gebohq has been slinging bottles of beer around the HoH, Galrek however, surprises both of them with the plot of the Eval Kirbies.
Krig:"kirby eat bad people...become bad kirby people...want to kill Gebohq? Krig want food."
showing his intense concern for Gebohq's safety, Krig wanders off to find something to pry the birds off the walls.
Gebohq:"well...hey...wait a sec, where are all the people who have clever things to suggest that involve embarrasing me? I thought they were still here..."
just as Gebohq turns around to find the rest of the heroes, Galvatron pokes his head around the door to the arcade room
"uhm, we're still here, Maybechild and CookedHaggis have been playing against each other for the last hour in Overly Real Tournament. we've all been watching to see who will run out of quarters first."
will Krig fix an edible meal? will Gebohq discover the plot brewing in the park? will Galrek actually stay in the plot for longer than one or two posts this time? who will run out of quarters first? tune in next time on...The Wheel Of Farces!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.