NSP: Are people planning on summarizing the story so far? Why would that be nessecary?

Oh yeah, and could somebody direct me to the page in which Krig and Losien (the writers) and a bunch of tourists eat their way into an American submarine and do under-water battle with the Soviets? I want to check some stuff...

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited April 25, 2002).]

(Non-story post:

Are people planning on summarizing the story so far? Why would that be nessecary?

Not that I know of. It wouldn't be nessessary, but I'm sure a lot of the writers would like to have such a summary/cliffnotes handy just because trying to keep straight some of the running jokes, the little character development that has been implimented, and other such things can be rather hard to do at times (just because the story is so long). I'm not planning on making such a thing anytime soon, and with the NeS webcomic coming along, such an organization of notes such as characters, settings, and such would probbaly be included (though they wouldn't go any farther than the comic has progressed). If anyone else wants to giv eit a shot, by all means, go ahead, and e-mail them

Oh yeah, and could somebody direct me to the page in which Krig and Losien (the writers) and a bunch of tourists eat their way into an American submarine and do under-water battle with the Soviets? I want to check some stuff...

A little bit less than halfway down page 23.

Will you ever get back to writing posts, Geb?

I sure hope so, but this writer's block plus it being the last few weeks of schoopl is really cutting down on my ability to post--hey! Who said that?

*random audience member makes a mad dash for the exit*

stupid audience...)

*Somewhere, in some forgotten office in some forgotten hall of the tragically unforgettable Massassi Forums Building*

*The room has not been touched for ages. Dirt cakes the windows. Dust Bunnies the size of small terriers hop around gleefully. Clouds of lint float dreamily through the air. Cobwebs are strung like draperies from wall to wall, as spiders that look like they belong in the movie Wild Wild West skitter from one fly mass to another. Beneath a 6-inch layer of choking gray dust lays a computer and the prostrated form of a Writer, keeled over, face on the computer keyboard.*

*The words like ‘yhm 6ujmnk6777777777777’ are constantly appearing on the screen*

*Suddenly, an eerie voice, like a high pitched whine, a dying tape or a teenager in the middle of puberty wafts through the dank, dusty, hair.*

Voice: Hey! Bob! Wake up!

*At first nothing happens.*

Voice: Hurrrrry! You haven’t much tiiiiime!

*Slowly, almost imperceptibly the body on the desk starts to shudder. The body rolls over, revealing the face of the beloved Janitor Bob the Writer. Now, his face lies on the left side of the keyboard, causing the words “afersdddddddqfaressssssss” to appear on the screen.*

Voice: Bobbb! You’re late for schooooool!

Bob: CRIPES!

*As if hit by an extremely potent Cattle Prod, Bob lunges up off his desk, his feet scurry in mid air, and his hands brush cobwebs aside. He dives to the ground to search for his Backpack. Suddenly, he saw them.*

*Two apparitions, standing on the dusty floor. Blue, glowing, transparent, and hauntingly (bad pun) familiar. A thin green thread winds around them, haphazardly.*

Bob: Who the dickens are you.!

Ghost: Weeee are the Alpha… and the Omegaaaa…. The first… and the laaast… the paaast… the preeesent… and the fuuuuuture….. the great… the insiiignificant… the best of timeeees…

*Suddenly, recognition dawns on Bob.*

Bob: Holy squeegee… you look just like Otter and Maybe… except you are all blue, and bright, and I can see through you.

Ghost: Seeee throuuugh us yoouu can? Yooou only seee whaaat youuur eyeees waaaant yooou to seeeee…

Ghost #2: Will you just shut up, Otter! That gloomy voice isn’t scary, it’s just annoying!

Ghostly Otter: But… annoying… in a scary… kind of way… right?

Ghostly Maybe: No… annoying in an obnoxious kind of way.

Ghostly Otter: Oh, well, that voice made my throat scratchy anyway.

Bob: Otter! Maybe! It is you! It’s been so long since I’ve seen you… or at least seen part of you… But couldn’t you have knocked? You just about made me spill my mop bucket, if you know what I mean
Ghostly Otter: Well, we tried to knock, but our hands just went through the doors. Like this.

*Otter makes a show of poking himself in the eyeball. His fingers go through his eyes without result. He grabs a broom and passes it through his neck while making lightsaber whooshing sounds with his mouth.*

Bob the Writer: What is this? Some kind of No-Clip Cheat?

Ghostly Otter: No, it’s just one of the many things that happens when your dead.

Ghostly Maybe: Yeah, the Fringe Benefits of being a Ghost are pretty nice, but it’s ‘sending in your application’ that’s the painful part.

Bob the Writer: I can imagine.

Ghostly Otter: Yeah, you couldn’t guess how useful this going-through-walls thing is for getting into Girls Locker Roo-

*Maybe tries to slap Otter, but her hand passes through his cheek.*

Bob the Writer: Waaaaait, a minute. How come you can walk through walls, but don’t sink through floors?

*Realization dawns on the two ghosts, and they start to fall through the floors. Fortunately, they grab a plot hole in the nick of time*

Ghostly Maybe: That’s easily explained. We simply levitate in the air, in a manner that resembles walking.

Ghostly Otter: Yeah… we… float… and… stuff…

Bob the Writer: So you’re dead?

Ghostly Maybe (Sarcastically): What was your first clue? The smell?

Bob the Writer: No, actually, Otter always smelled like that.

Ghostly Otter: Hey…

Bob the Writer: So how’d you die? Car Accident? Homicide? Ingrown Toenail? Failed to read the Barbacue Ignition instructions correctly?

Ghostly Maybe: No, nothing that simple. Ours is a tale of woe and despair, of longing, and failure…

Ghostly Otter: It’s pretty long and boring too…

Bob the Writer: Well, will you hurry it up? My fingers are hurting from all this writing.

*Maybe lets out a sigh*

Ghostly Maybe: Don’t ever complain about the pain in your fingers from writing Bob. It just tells you that your alive.

Bob the Writer: But any good heart rate monitor can do that…

Ghostly Maybe: We died of apathy. We died of not caring. We died of indifference. See these threads that bind us?
*Otter motions to the threads Vanna-White Style*

Ghostly Maybe: Each meter of thread is from a page I didn’t write… each centimeter from a post I ignored. Now Otter and I must carry around this accursed burden for the rest of eternity… It wouldn’t be that Bad if it wasn’t Otter I was chained too…

Bob the Writer: Wait… let me get this straight? You died because you failed to write? Was Gebohq really that mad at you?

Ghostly Maybe: No… It wasn’t Gebohq. It was ourselves. The writer in us slowly rotted away to nothingness. You are perilously close to that same fate, Bob.

Bob the Writer: But I don’t wanna die.

Ghostly Maybe: You don’t have to… you don’t have to…

<INSERT ENDING TRAILER HERE. NEXT TIME ON NEVERENDING STORY HERE. FINAL JOKE HERE>


------------------
"Ah, but who's the greater fool? The fool, or the foolish fool who get's fooled by the fool who's foolisher than the foolish fool?"

-Janitor Bob(Salk Wars)

Cop #2: You all have been charged guilty of disturbance to the community, defacing of the Big Ben, and saving the world from evil without a hero liscence!

Pizza delivery guy: But I haven't done anythin'! Honest!

Cop #2: That's what they all say...

Mase: Oh joy. We're going to jail. Again.

Sem: Oh quit your whining!

Ante: I hope everyone remembered to bring their soap on a rope!

Losien: I'm sorry Mick!

McLongname: For what?

Losien: I dunno...

Otter: Mr. Officer-sir? We get one phone call beforehand, right?

Cop #1: Oh we know your record, Mr. Otter. No phone call for YOU.

Otter: Well, at least I'll get to fantasize about women behind bars.

Maybe: I fear for my well being...

Krig: Krig want self-representation. Krig be lawyer!

<<Our heroes are being arrested once again. Who didn't see THIS one coming? What will happen to them now? Did anyone escape the long arm of the law? Find out next time, right here on The Neverending Story Thread: Heroes on Trial!>>

NSP: It's funny because I just read that page. Anyway, sorry about that. Had I known they'd done jail time before I wrote my latest bit, I wouldn't have arranged the current re-hash. I'm going to read the trail segment so I can avoid further pitfalls...

(NSP: They don't HAVE to go to jail. I was just going with the postin'. Perhaps you can still fit in your other idea /shrug/ I figured jail time would be familiar with us all....wait, you mean it's not? *tries to look innocent*)

*Days have passed, and now the heroes are assembled in a typical British courtroom, the trial mere moments from commencing. The gallery is made up of various bit characters from previous chapters, some good and some evil.*

Otter: *shifting in his seat* This suit is really uncomfortable!

Maybe: Stop that figeting! We're about to be judged, and we need to look respectable.

Antestarr: So, who'd you get to argue our case, Maybe?

Maybe: Well, actually...

*The heroes all look expectantly at MaybeChild.*

Maybe: ...Geb, being our leader, had all of our money, so...

*The heroes all glare expectantly at MaybeChild.*

Maybe: ...we couldn't afford a real lawyer. Luckily, Otter agreed to represent us.

*Everybody groans.*

Antestarr: *Hangs his head* We're all going to jail, forever.

Otter: Hey, it's not so bad. Sure, I've never been to law school, but I watch Law & Order regularly. I can bail us out of this, no sweat.

Kyle: How can you defend us if your only courtroom experience comes from serialized TV dramas? There's more to being a lawyer than getting all emotional and yelling 'objection!', you know. In fact, I once -

Otter: Oh, so now I'm a liar, eh?

Randy: Making nonsensical statements isn't going to be very helpful during the cross-examination.

Otter: *His eyes narrow* I find your lack of faith disturbing...

Randy: You also can't make threatening overtures to me or to the jury.

Ante: *sigh* Yep, prison forever.

Maybe: Ugh. Sorry guys, guess I should have signed us on with Krig.

*The heroes all look at Krig, who is wearing a fierce grin along with his slick suit and tie.*

Krig the Attorney: Krig quote first amendment!

*Otter opens his mouth to let loose a witty rebuttal, then closes it as the jury (compsed of more NeS bit players) enters, with the judge in tow.*

Judge: All rise.

*The courtroom rises.*

Judge: Be seated.

*The courtroom sits.*

MZZT: Oh man, he's turning on the heat already...

Otter: Stay calm, I've got things under control. *He flips open his black leather brief case.*

Maybe: That's odd, I don't remember you ever owning a briefcase...

*Out in the building's lobby.*

Paralegal Guy: Hey! Where's my briefcase?

*Back in the courtroom.*

Otter: No time to talk, trial's starting.

Judge: The prosecution may begin.

District Attorney: Thank you, your honour. I'd like to call my first witness, a Mr. Darkside, to the stand.

*The heroes gasp as Darkside strides confidently into the courtroom. He seats himself at the witness stand.*

DA: So, Mr. Darkside, is it true that you conspired with several other individuals on various nefarious plots, but were continually thwarted by those self proclaimed heroes? *He points at the heroes*

Darkside: That is correct.

DA: I see. At the time, were you aware that they were not licensed to perform such heroics?

Darkside: No, I was not.

DA: Thank you. *He walks down the aisle.* Your witness.

*Krig gets up, and walks right past the witness stand to address the jury.*

Krig: Krig not commit crime! Krig victim of racial bias in corrupt system!

DA: Objection, your honour! Relevance!

Judge: Mr. Krig?

*Krig ignores the judge's query and continues at full speed*

Krig: Krig innocent! Innocent! *He spies a candy bar in Juror Nigel's pocket* Krig want candy bar!

DA: Your honour! I object! He's not allowed to do that!

Judge: Sustained. Let the remarkes be stricken from the record. Mr. Krig, I urge you to stay on topic.

*But it's too late. Krig's empassioned yelling begins to sink into the jury's collective mind.*

Juror Joe: *nodding* He makes a good point.

Juror Nigel: *nodding* Agreed, quite persuasive. Here you are, then.

*Juror Nigel tosses Krig his candy bar. Krig makes the catch and walks back to his seat.*

Mr. T the Juror: *also nodding* I must say, I am most definately convinced of the man's innocence.

*Everybody looks at Mr. T.*

Mr. T the Juror: What? Although my numerous television appearances projected an image of knuckle-headed illiteracy, there's a quiet, intelligent side to Mr. T just itching to come out...

*Everybody continues to stare at Mr. T.*

Mr. T the Juror: Oh, fine...*mumbling* Pity the foo' who's wrongly accused.

Krig: *Between mouthfuls* Your witness.

*Otter nervously rises. Despite all his bluster, he really has no idea what he's doing. And the papers in the Paralegal Guy's stolen briefcase weren't too helpful, either.*

Otter: Well, here goes nothing. Mr. Darkside, if that's even your real name, is it true that you conspired with several other individuals on various nefarious plots, but were continually thwarted by those self proclaimed heroes?

*Murmurs of confusion erupt from the gallery. The District Attourney breaks into hysterical fits of laughter as the heroes slump further down their chairs.*

Randy: ...And repeating what your opponent says is probably the worst strategy possible.

DA: *laughing* And we're not even on the second witness!

Judge: *bangs gavel* Order! Mr. Otter, that fact has already been established.

Otter: Uh, yes, of course, your honour. May I continue?

Judge: Please.

Otter: Is it also true, Mr. Darkside, that upon conclusion of this trial, you and your fellow conspirators will be arrested and promptly thrown in jail for your many crimes?

DA: Objection! He can't ask a witness about the validity of events that haven't yet happened!

Judge: Sustained. Mr. Otter, if you have nothing useful to add to this trial...

Otter: Ah, a moment to consult my notes, your honour?

*The judge nods and Otter rushes over to 'his' briefcase and looks over 'his' notes, searching in vain for some clue which will allow him to win the trial. The heroes are about to accept defeat when Darkside clears his throat to speak.*

DA: It's okay. My objection was sustained, so you don't have to answer his 'question'.

*The District Attorney chuckles at his little witticism.*

DA: I'm so clever.

*However, being a boastful super villian type, Darkside just can't resist the chance to gloat in the face of his arch-enemies.*

Darkside: No, I'm afraid I won't be going to jail after the trial, because I made a deal with the District Attorney!

*The gallery gasps once more. All eyes are on the District Attorney, who has the look of a man experiencing a large wedgie. However, Darkside completely misses his blunder and continues to ramble on like the megalomaniac that he is.*

Darkside: Yes, it's one heck of a deal, all right. I give my testimony in exchange for the promise that no action, legal or otherwise, will be taken against me or those involved in my myriad of evil schemes.

DA: No, it's not like that at all. We didn't even shake on it!

*But it's too late once again. Angry shouting bursts forth from the gallery.*

Ominous Man #5: Well, this is an outrage!

SS Trooper: Agreed. Eef vee cannot tlust our judicial stlucture, 'oo can vee tlust?

Arbiter: Aquittal! Aquittal!

*Eventually, the call of 'Aquittal! Aquittal!' resonates throughout the chamber as everyone in the gallery takes up the chant. Order is only restored by repeated banging of the judge's gavel.*

Judge: Be silent, or I'll hold you all in contempt of court! Now, let's resume the trial. Who's turn was it?

Juror Nigel: Actually, your honour, we've seen enough and are ready to begin deliberation. May we proceed?

Judge: Oh, what the hell. You people have already destroyed trial protocol, what's one more screw up? Court is adjourned!

*The heroes remain tense. Will they be found guilty of disturbing the peace, vandalism and vanquishing evil without a hero license?*


[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited April 26, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited April 27, 2002).]

Bailiff type person: "Court is now in session. All rise, and be seated."

The very old judge walks back to his podium, faces the heroes, and prepares to give the sentence.

Judge: "I find you guilty on all counts. The penalty: tar and feathering!"

A collective gasp can be heard from our heroes, as a random audience member chosen randomly for a cameo runs up to the Judge and whispers in his ear

Judge: "What do you mean cruel and unusual punishment?!?!"

R.A.M.: "Sir..."

Judge: "Oh, very well. Instead, all of you will be sent off to the new British penal colony known as.....Australia! And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off for High Tea with the Duchess."

Otter: "I knew the dude was old...but...Australia?!"

Randy: "Finally I'll find somebody to take this gator off my leg!"

Maybe: "But Randy, there is no gator."

Randy: "I knew I should've taken the blue pill...I mean..doh, not with the universe cross-overs again!"

Kyle Katarn the Writer laughs evilly, and continues his diabolically creative writings which will only serve to torment these poor, *cough*innocent*cough* characters.

Kyle Katarn the Hero: "Don't worry guys, if you'll give me a couple moments I'll be able to hack into the prisoner transfer system and have us sent first-class to Hawaii..."

Several hours pass, and we find our heroes watching a Kangaroo boxing with a tumbleweed (laying down bets of course) outside of their isolated prison cell deep in the heart of Australia

Kyle Katarn the Hero: "How was I to know datapads only work in Star Wars?!"

Our heroes give a collective sigh at this

Kyle Katarn the Hero: "Luckily, I've prepared for just such a scenario."

All: "WHOOOOOO"

Kyle Katarn the Hero: "Awww shucks guys, you should know I prepare for almost any situation."

Otter: "Oh, we weren't shouting for you, we were just yelling because the tumbleweed won."

Krigg: "Does preparation involve food?"

Kyle Katarn the Hero: "Why, yes, how did you know?"

Kyle Katarn proceeds to extract his "procured" jar of vegemite while the others begin betting on the tumbleweed and his new foe....the undefeated wallaby.

Kyle Katarn the Hero: "Everybody avert your eyes, this is very corrosive stuff"

Kyle Katarn the Hero carefully applies the unstable substance to the cell lock, and quickly ducks back as sparks fly.

Krigg: "NOOOOOOOO, Krigg want snack!"

Finally free of their former prison, our heroes must now decide how to proceed. After all, being stranded in the middle of Australia, no food, no water, and no sunscreen is a difficult and dangerous situation to say the least.

All: "One...Two....Three!"

Krigg: "Rock beats scissors!"

Randy: "But scissors beats paper!"

Kyle Katarn the Hero: "Isn't anybody gonna try to figure out what to do now?"

Maybe: "Didn't you know? This is how we make all our life-altering decisions."

*Camera fade wipes to a view of the Massassi Forums building, and then zooms in through a window to find the writers grouped in a circle...*

All: "One...Two....Three!"

Randy: "Whoooo, I won! That means Randy gets this week's plot hole!"

Everybody else: "Awwwwww"

Losien: "And I was gonna have Losien slip through a wrinkle in the fabric of space-time to a comfortable chair in the bahamas!"

Kyle Katarn the Writer: "Don't worry Losien, there's always next week..."

*Fade wipe back to our heroes stranded in the middle of nowhere with no resources, no allies.

Kyle Katarn the Hero sighs, and mutters to himself "See the universe they said, Be a hero they said, join the Hall of Heroes today and you can be one too they said! Well they never said anything about this!"

Mark Hamil, in a surprise cameo as the Joker, will be performing the narration this week:
Is this the end for our heroes? Will they ever decide where to go from here? Will Randy ever find Jeff Corwin? Will Maybe get to fulfill her life-long dream of bungi-jumping off the Melbourne Opera House? Will I ever get my hands on that darned flying rodent?! Find out next time on the Never-Ending Story: Mayhem Down Under. See you same NES time, same NES channel.

(ooc: As one of those very strange coincidences, it turns out Batman the non-animated show was on at the very same time I was writing this...*shrug*)

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited April 28, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited April 28, 2002).]

*The heroes wander the endless wastes of Australia, in search of civilization.*

Otter: Are we there yet? The leather on my briefcase is starting to peel and my lawyering suit is getting all dirty.

Maybe: For the last time, no, we are not there yet. Furthermore, stealing something doesn't make it yours. I don't even want to know where that suit came from...

*At the London courthouse.*

*Paralegal Guy looks down and screams, his worst nightmares realised.*

*Back to the wastes.*

Otter: (Grunts) You weren't so high and mighty when I won our case.

Randy: But you didn't win our case.

Losien: That's how we ended up out here. Don't you remember?

Otter: (Grumbling) Lousy government...

Maybe: I can't believe how barren this endless expanse of desert is. It seems to go on forever, in each direction.

Kyle: I can't believe that Krigg has gone five minutes without complaining about sustinance.

Krig: RAR! Krig smash!!

*Krig knocks Kyle to the ground with a powerful blow to the stomach.*

Kyle: Ooohh...

Randy: (Helping Kyle up) Yes, you've been mispronouncing his name all along.

Maybe: Wait! I hear running water!

Otter: Running? But water hasen't got any feet! (Ba-dum ching!) Uh...(twisting his face in concentration) unless there's fish...

Losien: No, I hear it too! This way!

*They all run off in the direction indicated by Losien.*

*At the Legion of Spooky's London office.*

Darkside: I must say, I was most pleased with your decision. Especially considering that the jury is supposed to reach a verdict, not the judge.

Very Old Judge: (Sips his tea) Well, it wasn't for nothing, you know...

Darkside: Ah, yes. I believe I've got a note or two for you...

*Darkside hands over a wad of British money to the judge.*

Judge: (rifles through the bills) Mmm, yes, this financing should prove sufficient for my vacation to the colonies. Good day to you, sir.

*The judge finishes his tea, shakes hands with Darkside, then exits the office. Waiting until he's sure that the judge has left the building, Darkside presses a button under his desk. The drapes swing shut, the lights dim, a large table with an electronic map of the world rises from the floor and Darkside's time-travelling acquaintances enter. Each evildoer seats himself around the computerized chart.*

Darkside: (Smiling and evil smile) Shall we return to our evil scheming, then?

Location: Massassi Forums Building, Writer's Realm.
Time: 2:09 AM

Otter the Writer: Aw, come on. Best two out of three?

Randy the Writer: Not a chance! Looks like somebody's going to have to be creative for once.

Otter the Writer: Hey! I am ten times the creative you are!

Kyle the Writer: Geez, with all the in-fighting that goes on here it's a wonder the story continues to get published at all.

Losien the Writer: We're all friends here, can't we just get along?

*MaybeChild the Writer cocks her head suddenly, straining to hear a faint sound.*

MaybeChild the Writer: Did anybody hear that?

*Randy and Otter stop bickering for a moment.*

Randy the Writer: Hear what?

MaybeChild the Writer: There it is again! Follow me!

*MaybeChild leads the writers down a hallway, stopping outside the janitor's closet. Muffled noises emanating from withing can be heard.*

Otter the Writer: Maybe we shouldn't go busting in there...

Krig the Writer: Krig tired of suspense.

*Using his muscles, Krig the Writer yanks the closet door off it's hinges to reveal Janitor Bob the Writer. Bob is looking the worse for wear with greasy hair, indentations on his cheeks and forehead and a slightly insanse glint in his eyes. He also appears to be talking to thin air.*

Janitor Bob the Writer: Really? (laughing) That's so funny. Tell me more...

MaybeChild the Writer: So this is where you disappeared to...

*Bob ignores the writers. He continues his babble.*

Janitor Bob the Writer: I can't believe you did that! Har har!

MaybeChild the Writer: *sigh* I wish Geb was here.

*Maybe lifts Bob by his overalls and gives him a sharp slap across the face.*

MaybeChild the Writer: Snap out of it! You're a writer, not some wild drunk!

*She slaps him again.*

Janitor Bob the Writer: ...there were two of them, you and you, except you were all blue and see-through, like in Star Wars...

*Bob slips into madness again.*

Janitor Bob the Writer: ...Luuuuuuke...ow, my hand...

Otter the Writer: That's some nasty keyboard face. Exactly how long was he stuck in there?

*Randy pokes his head in the closet and checks out the computer screen.*

Randy the Writer: Oh man, take a look over here. (he indicates the gibberish being displayed on Bob the Writer's computer monitor) This can't go the publisher. Now we're all going to have to work overtime!

Losien the Writer: Well, I guess we'd better get back to work...

MaybeChild: Right, except for you, Krig. Go get Bob something to eat. (She glances into Bob's office/janitor's closet) No telling how long he was trapped...

Krig the Writer: Krig take crazy janitor friend to burger place.

*Krig leads a still raving Bob to the elevator as the remaining writers return to their duties, so they may crank out more quality adventures.*


[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited April 29, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited April 29, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by Tracer (edited April 29, 2002).]

Benevolent
Upward
Mobility
Post

=)

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

*Antestarr worms his way around a crowded city street in Vienna, Austria.*

Ante: Hmm... what a lousy time to get the ticket with the typo on it... all my friends are thousands of miles away from here and I'm stuck in a country where I don't know a word of the language. *Tapping a passerby on the shoulder* Excuse me, sir, could you help me out a bit?

Random Passerby: Sorry, I don't speak English. Might I suggest that you find the American or British embassy?

Ante: Good idea. Thank you, sir... *As the passerby gets out of view a realization descends upon Ante* HEY! I must have gained the ability to speak in tongues!

*Antestarr continues down the street, revelling in his newfound ability and completely oblivious to the fact that the random passerby was lying to him. As he walks, he keeps an eye out for any American flags that would denote an embassy. However, finding none, he decides to step into a nearby church as there appear to be some people there having a discussion in English. However, the events that happen therein are to be detailed in a future installment. Stay tuned, to see how this plot unfolds...*

(NSP: OK, crappy ending. I'm tired, and I've been meaning to experiment for a while. We'll see what happens. Enjoy the entire 2 jokes while you can.)

NSP: Woohoo! I've read the whole NeS(on Massassi) and still have enough *ahchoo*in*cough*sanity to write. Anywho.
--------------------
The Hero's Realm
Sitting at the Swiftly Running Wet Watter of Australia(tm) was a guy. Not just any guy, but TX3_Gandalf The Hero. Shoulder length white hair, aged face, flowing wizard's clothes, hippy glasses,
RAM: Hippy Glasses?
Rest of Crowd: SHUT-UP!!
and a staff with multiple rolls of Duct Tape affixed to it.

GandTH: Peace out dudes.

Krig: Krig think hippy-man is sort of late.

GandTH: Late? you mean I went through all of this trouble to be late?

Krig: Me think me say that, Yeah me say that.

GandTH: Oh, well *snaps fingers, is now wearing dessert combat fatigues and is wearing a backpack and holding a small dog crate/ rocket launcher in his left hand with a laptop case slung over his right shoulder. Is now also considerably younger looking, with dirty blond hair in a bowl cut.

GandTH: I've got some pizza and soda in my backpack if you guys want some.

*At this Krig starts drooling, McLongname kicks a nearby redwood over and the rest start advancing on him.*

NSP: More later, this will just get me in the story, and Geb I'm not JorBo. I'll write my Writer in with the next post and I'll leave my name at GandTH and GandTW till Sem says otherwise.


------------------
TX3=The Tolkien TerrorsT times 3
>>----->
SBX ROCKS!!
()===@{=====>

*Scene. A complacent unknown tropical beach. Waves calmly lap over the smooth wet sand, serenely.*

*A smooth, hushed, disembodied voice, fills the air.*

Voice Over: These are scary times we live in.

*The faces of Pat Buchanan, Ross Perot, and Maximillian Ropespierre flash across the screen in a dingy black and white*

Voice Over: These are times of Uncertainty.

*Shot of a frail old lady pulling a too large lever on a slot machine. Her face stricken with anticipation, the dials spin around and around, finally halting at Banana, Apple, Kumquat. Her smile fades into a betrayed frown, as she reaches for another quarter.*

Voice Over: That’s why, when times get tough…

*An old man, stumbles onward, through a blinding snowstorm, his cloak flapping in the wind. He coughs twice.*

Voice Over: When you’ve lost your creativity, or intelligence.

*A NBC executive approves a host of “Reunion” specials*

Voice Over: We’ll always be there to help.

*A snowblower clears a path for the poor old man. The driver grins, and tips his hat. The Old Man gives a cough of gratitude.*

Voice Over: Who are we?

*Non Sequiter scenes of furry ducks, sweeping mountain ranges, and radiant forests.*

Voice Over: We’re the BUMP corporation.

*The BUMP building towers over a poverty stricken neighborhood.*

Voice Over: Proudly BUMPING into the 21rst Century*

*A number flashes at the bottom of the screen, inviting people to call and make tax-deductible donations*

*The screen fades out and then raucous classical score with lots of tambourines blasts forth*

*The 21rst Century Massassi flashes on the screen, with the ISforumsFilm Logo next.*

*White words zoom in*

White Words: Wooden/plastic Alloy Pushbroom.

*Janitor Bob plays Wack-A-Mole with his pushbroom, causing the game to overheat and blow up*

White Words: High Tensile Strength Suspenders

*Bob hangs from the flagpole by his suspenders at Summer Camp*

Bob: Okay, guys, this stopped being funny about an hour ago!
White Words: Dangerously Corrosive Window Cleaner

*A blue mist covers the camera lense*

Bob: AH! My eyes!

White Words: PROFFESION[/I]

*Close-up on Bob’s Badge*

White Words: JANITOR[/I]

*Flashes of scenes of Bob spinning around with his pushbroom, cleaning up cobwebs, dusting up dust, and whipping windows.*

NES. COMING ALWAYS.


------------------
"Ah, but who's the greater fool? The fool, or the foolish fool who get's fooled by the fool who's foolisher than the foolish fool?"

-Janitor Bob(Salk Wars)

NSP:How silly of me to expect someone to write a story post with me joining in. Oh, well.

--==<<The Writer's Realm>>==--

All the writers were sitting around doing absolutely nothing, and yet pretending to be busy when suddenly there was a knock on the.
Wierd Al: Well, know, who could that be? There's no answere. Who is it? There not saying anything.

TheOtterTW: Who's he?

KrigTW:Me no know.

there is suddenly a rapping at the door

BOOM BOOM ChIcK, bA-dOoM bA-dOoM cHicK

The door explodes open and there is a person standing there. This person had such indescribeable features that he couldn't be descripted. (Either that, or the writer is just to lazy.)

GandTW: I brought cookies, Duct Tape, and my own computer.

Why in the monkey wrench isn't my post showing up. It's the one after J. Bob's that writes my writer in. Ha that sounds kind of funky.

------------------
TX3=The Tolkien TerrorsT times 3
>>----->
SBX ROCKS!!
()===@{=====>

Then sudenlly a person with increddible energy apears and says. "Do you nead some help?" "I am Taz and this is my desert traning ground. I am the most powerfull Saiyan in the world. every muscle I have can lift at least 1,238 pounds. And you look like you could use some help, so what can I do."

I'm afraid I have come down with a serious case of writer's blockitis. If anybody else would be willing to write for a while, I'm sure I'll recover quickly.

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

A rip in space-time appears - a portal between universes, specifically, the TACC and Massassi realms. Highemperor's head can be seen poking through from the TACC realm, where the heroes are in the third circle of Hell.

Highemperor: Hmmm. . . *his gaze sweeps across the desolate Australian scene and discovers our wretched band of heroes* Aha! See what a fine mess you've gotten into without MY help! I am omnipotent! I am all-powerful! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *pauses* On that note, I'll take my leave of you. *tries to take his head back through the portal, but discovers that it's-* STUCK! I'M STUUUUUUCK!

Taz: Some great and powerful demigod YOU are.

*Highemperor's eyes blaze, and a bolt of blue energy zaps from his eyes, hitting Taz squarely on the chest and knocking him to the other end of the universe, punching through the edge into the adjacent universe, and all the way through all Creation*

Taz: DANG. . . Remind me never to make that man mad. *slaps himself* Hey, wait, I'm a demigod myself! *flies back across Creation back to Highemperor - or his head, rather*

Highemperor: Hey, hey, HEY! What are you DOING?!

Taz: Be still. Man, it's really not easy trying to get a headlock on a guy with no neck.

Highemperor: I HAVE a neck, you bloody idiot, it's just stuck on the other side of this portal!

Otter: *seeing them from a slight distance* Yes! Two men fighting! I can finally prove my legal skills! *rushes over to Highemp and Taz* Sir, *speaking to Taz* do you need my legal assistance in settling a dispute with this, er, head?

Taz: *thinking* Actually, suing him WOULD be a more cruel fate than merely getting him in a headlock. Yes, be my attorney.

Otter: Good. Hmm, now we need a judge. *points* YOU!

RAM: Me?

Otter: Yeah, you! You're the judge!

RAM: Um, okay. I hearby call this session to order.

Maybe: Oh, shoot, I can't bare to watch. . .

Otter: Your Honor, I-

RAM/Judge: Wait! The defendant has no attorney.

Highemp: *outraged* I?! I don't need an attorney! Even if law weren't beneath me, I could clean your clocks in it any day of the week! I-

Otter: Oh, don't worry. I'll be his attorney, too!

Highemp: *face livid with rage* Why, you stinkin' little- *face contorts, as he suddenly realizes anger isn't the ONLY reason he's turning purple. . .* I'm choking! Help, help, HELP!!!

What will happen to our intrepid, if arrogant and stupid, Highemperor now? Find out next time, in either NeS or NeS: In the Realm of TACC!

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel

A rip in space-time appears - a portal between universes, specifically, the TACC and Massassi realms. Highemperor's head can be seen poking through from the TACC realm, where the heroes are in the third circle of Hell.

Highemperor: Hmmm. . . *his gaze sweeps across the desolate Australian scene and discovers our wretched band of heroes* Aha! See what a fine mess you've gotten into without MY help! I am omnipotent! I am all-powerful! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *pauses* On that note, I'll take my leave of you. *tries to take his head back through the portal, but discovers that it's-* STUCK! I'M STUUUUUUCK!

Taz: Some great and powerful demigod YOU are.

*Highemperor's eyes blaze, and a bolt of blue energy zaps from his eyes, hitting Taz squarely on the chest and knocking him to the other end of the universe, punching through the edge into the adjacent universe, and all the way through all Creation*

Taz: DANG. . . Remind me never to make that man mad. *slaps himself* Hey, wait, I'm a demigod myself! *flies back across Creation back to Highemperor - or his head, rather*

Highemperor: Hey, hey, HEY! What are you DOING?!

Taz: Be still. Man, it's really not easy trying to get a headlock on a guy with no neck.

Highemperor: I HAVE a neck, you bloody idiot, it's just stuck on the other side of this portal!

Otter: *seeing them from a slight distance* Yes! Two men fighting! I can finally prove my legal skills! *rushes over to Highemp and Taz* Sir, *speaking to Taz* do you need my legal assistance in settling a dispute with this, er, head?

Taz: *thinking* Actually, suing him WOULD be a more cruel fate than merely getting him in a headlock. Yes, be my attorney.

Otter: Good. Hmm, now we need a judge. *points* YOU!

RAM: Me?

Otter: Yeah, you! You're the judge!

RAM: Um, okay. I hearby call this session to order.

Maybe: Oh, shoot, I can't bare to watch. . .

Otter: Your Honor, I-

RAM/Judge: Wait! The defendant has no attorney.

Highemp: *outraged* I?! I don't need an attorney! Even if law weren't beneath me, I could clean your clocks in it any day of the week! I-

Otter: Oh, don't worry. I'll be his attorney, too!

Highemp: *face livid with rage* Why, you stinkin' little- *face contorts, as he suddenly realizes anger isn't the ONLY reason he's turning purple. . .* I'm choking! Help, help, HELP!!!

What will happen to our intrepid, if arrogant and stupid, Highemperor now? Find out next time, in either NeS or NeS: In the Realm of TACC!

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel

But in the mean time while you are doing that I will kick this dudes but like the maggot he is. Suddenly Taz powers up to super Saiyan stage 1 and tears into his atacker. While beating the neutrons out of the whelp he speaks calmly to the new atourny. I would like to get back to austrailia and help those stranded guys but if not this is sort of fun. He then fires an energy beam at the attacker the size of a small sun.

*Highemperor watches the EBSSS (Energy Beam the Size of a Small Sun) come closer and yawns*
Highemp: When is this going to get interesting?

*the EBSSS knocks Highemperor loose of the portal and back into TACC*

Highemp: Thanks, you ingrate! I, uh, planned that! Um, yeah. . . *the portal closes, once again sealing TACC and Massassi apart*

Krig: Hmm, no love lost between those two.

Otter: What about my case?

RAM/Judge: Yeah, I was kinda enjoying being a judge. . .

Maybe: Ah, *insert choice swear word here*!

Taz: So. Now that I'm in Australia, what can I do?

Otter: *hopefully* Couldya train me to be just as strong? Then the women would like me! *looks MaybeChild up and down*

Maybe: Ugh! You sicko! *knees Otter squarely in the groin*

Otter: *on the ground* *moan*

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel

*Highemperor watches the EBSSS (Energy Beam the Size of a Small Sun) come closer and yawns*
Highemp: When is this going to get interesting?

*the EBSSS knocks Highemperor loose of the portal and back into TACC*

Highemp: Thanks, you ingrate! I, uh, planned that! Um, yeah. . . *the portal closes, once again sealing TACC and Massassi apart*

Krig: Hmm, no love lost between those two.

Otter: What about my case?

RAM/Judge: Yeah, I was kinda enjoying being a judge. . .

Maybe: Ah, *insert choice swear word here*!

Taz: So. Now that I'm in Australia, what can I do?

Otter: *hopefully* Couldya train me to be just as strong? Then the women would like me! *looks MaybeChild up and down*

Maybe: Ugh! You sicko! *knees Otter squarely in the groin*

Otter: *on the ground* *moan*

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel

TheTwistedSpasm zaps into existence in the middle of the odd, um... thing our heros are in now.

Spasm: *shaking his head* Did I just create a plot hole? Oh, nuts...

*He looks around, assessing the situation. He then lifts his little finger on his left hand, and with a little poke sends Taz hurtling away from the planet, toward the moon, which he smashes into.*

Taz: Ow.

Spasm*grinning*: Gee, that was fun!

Spasm turns and faces the group.

Spasm: Now then, I know I was gone for a while, but really, I'd like to be in your story, and it's not nice to just leave me stranded... um... somewhere. Where was I stranded?

*The Heros look at each other for a moment, then collectivly shrug.*

GandTH: Like, um, don't look at me, bro, I just got here.

Spasm: Doesn't matter. *looks over at Otter, sees his briefcase* Ooh! Legal stuff! I'm good at this!

TheTwistedSpasm has returned! Will he post three times and then disapear again? Will he remain, much to the disgust of everyone else? Or will he simply fade out of existence, never to be heard from again? And who am I anyway? Er, tune in next time!

(NSP: Sounds like Ares is in a bit of a loss on the monopoly on super-powerplaying ...

As for myself, I'm in the midst of ending my college semester (and I'm sure many of you are doing similar busy things), so I probably won't be able to post until towards the end of May, in which I hope to post more regularly. And after talking with Highemperor, NeS should be heading into an interesting direction...mwahahahahahaha *cough*, er, anywhos... )

taz: *flying back to spasm* So you are the one, the *mocking* spasm.! Ha! you nead to crawl back into that wombat hole you came out of.
Spasm:*angry* YOU DARE MOCK ME! *strangely calm now* oh well I will get rid of you and then i will have some fun with these strange beings.
Taz:*knowing that which spasm dosnt* So is this a chalenge?
Spasm:Yes.
Taz: So be it, defend thyself maggot, you have just piked a fight with the most powerfull saiyan in the universe.!!!!
Spasm: You saaiiyyaanns are sooo cocky.
Taz: If only you knew. *yelling now* KAY HA TAY!!!!!!! *sudenly a green sphere of energy sorounds taz and keaps growing and growing, and spasm shoots lightning (or sompthing of the sort) at taz but to spasms great suprize it bounces of. then without warning.*HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!* and the energy is thrown out going to distroy everything but win it gets to our heros it dost touch them or the earth but reapears after it passes! but spasm is hit directly with it and he gos flying of into a other relm where he wont be able to get back fore a while. To every ones great surprize (even taz's) it opend a door to the relm of the triforce.but at least spasm is stuck....for now....*
Taz: otter you should learn from me as should all of you becuse if somehow that guy gets the triforce he might not be able to be stoped. I take you all as my pupils.
Maybe:Great now otter will be even more cocky, that disgusting little creep.*staring at him who is now up with renewed energy at the news of going to be trained.*
Maybe: This better be worth it....

Taz powers down.

<<Here we are, in an Australian wasteland, watching as our brave and courageous heroes toil through this wretched desolation.>>

Maybe: Hey! I don't need no stinkin' narrator to tell ME what to do!

<<*sniff* Fine. See what do you can without me, then. I'm taking a vacation to the Bahamas!>>

TwistedSpasm: *returned to our heroes through another conveniently placed plot hole* We lost the narrator AGAIN?!

Krig: Good. Krig hungry. Narrator not give Krig food. Krig want eat.

Losien: So, um, what do we do now?

KKtheH: I'm not sure. I feel lost. . . directionless. . .

Maybe: C'mon, you guys, we have to prove that we CAN get along without a narrator!

*our heroes stand around*

. . .

*eight months later*

Phantom Master: Any ideas yet?

Maybe: I'm working on it!

. . .

*eight years later*

Randy: Well?

Michael McLongname: Hey, these kind of things take time; it's not like we're real people who have to make real decisions all the time!

. . .

*eight decades later*

*All of our heroes are dead from old age, except for Maybe, Otter, and Losien, who are lying on the ground, all wrinkled and whatnot*

Losien: *huffing* Any. . . ideas yet. . . Maybe?

Maybe: *coughing* Not. . . yet. . .

Otter: *wheezing* I've. . . got. . . an idea. . .

Maybe: You. . . sickoooooo- *dies*

Losien: I've never. . . never felt loved. . . Otter. Can you. . . love me?

Otter: Sure. . . thing, babe. . . *starts crawling over to where Losien is lying*

<<I'm baa-ack! Whew, I really needed that vacation. But now that I've returned it's time to see what those so-called "heroes" have done in my absence!>>

*pause as Narrator looks around*

<<*gasp* Well, serves 'em right, too. Anyway, time to fix this mess. *snaps his fingers*>>

*time rolls backwards 88 years and 8 months*

TwistedSpasm: *returned to our heroes through another conveniently placed plot hole* We lost the narrator AGAIN?!

<<Nope, I'm here. For which you should be thanking your lucky stars. . .>>

Losien: I'll say! I was about to give into HIM! *pushes Otter away, who is tugging at her shirt*

Otter: *pouts*

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel

[This message has been edited by Highemperor of the Force (edited May 11, 2002).]

B.U.M.P.
.
.
.
Had you going....nah, this is an actual post with a semi-actual plot!

After our commercial break, we open on our group of intrepid heroes stranded in the middle of Australia, with plot holes opening right and left, and a conveniently, almost too conveniently, placed oasis.

Otter: "Come on Losey...just a phone number, that's all."

Krig: "Krig hungry."

Losien: " NO NO NO NO NO NO NO...NO!"

Otter, finally taking the hint after being slugged a few times and a restraining order, moves on to other prey...

Otter: "Hey Maybe, I've lost my phone number...could I borrow yours?"

Krig: "Krig hungry."

Maybe: "Male chauvanistic pig! *Whack*"

Otter: "Owwww....how'd you fit that baseball bat in your purse anyways?"

Maybe: "Ummm...erm....it's a collapsable bat, yes, that's it...collapsable."

Krig: "Krig hungry."

KKtH: "Hey Krig, maybe there are a couple fish in the lake-"

Krig, upon hearing of the potential for food, dives in...and makes a startling discover...

*CLANG*

Krig: "Owwwwwww...Krig head hurt"

Randy: "Check that out...the water's fake!"

Highemperor: "If you think that's interesting, check out this trap door..."

Losien: "I have a bad feeling about this..."

Krig: "Losey think we in trouble?"

Losien: "No, I think the writer is running outta ideas"

Krig: "Ahhh....Krig hungry still!"

While this riveting discussion has been going on, Kyle Katarn and Emperor were busy at work trying to open the door...

KKtH: "Well Emperor...I'm outta ideas. We've tried everything. I'm worried that taz'll blow up the Earth if he even gets near this door. No data access ports so my data pad's useless...No handle, no keypad, no nothing...just the outline of a door in the middle of this fake lake...This door just won't budge..."

Krig: "Krig smash if Krig no get food soon!"

KKtH and Emperor slowly look to each other as they get an idea...

Will our heroes get to the bottom of this mysterious mystery? What is awaiting our intrepid heroes inside? Find out next time on the Never-Ending Story: To Eat or Not To Eat.

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited May 13, 2002).]

*Spasm walks over to the trapdoor*

Spasm: Hey guys, need help?

KKth: Um... not really, but thanks for asking.

Spasm: Well, um... are you sure?

HighEmporor: Yeah, really.

*Spasm wanders over to the rest of the group. Otter is standing behind Maybe, drooling on her shoulder*

Maybe: You should know better than to bother them when they're working.

GandTH: Yeah, what she said, duuuuuuude.

Spasm *shrugs*

Meanwhile, Krig sits a few paces away from the others, busy imitating thought

Krig: Krig heard that, Krig smash!

*with pride*You can't, I'm the Narrator!

Krig: Krig hungry.

*Losien and Maybe walk over to avoid Otter*

Maybe: What are you doing, Krig?

Krig: Krig thinking.

Maybe: About what?

Krig: About how Kyle Katarn and High Emporor of Force Thingie are stupid.

Maybe *amused*: Ok.

Losien: Why?

Krig: Give Krig food.

Maybe: huh?

Krig: Give Krig food and Krig will tell.

*Losien reaches into her pocket, pulls out a smashed Reeses Peanut Butter Cup*

Losien: Here.

Krig *swallows RPBC, wrapper and all*: Krig sitting on switch to trapdoor. *burp*

What will happen next time? Why are KKth and HighEmporor so stupid? Will I get sick of this stupid job and leave for good? Find out next time!

*From without, the church stood as a dull grey monument to times long past. Yet, as Ante stepped through the threshold, its true grandeur came upon him. Stones wrought by masons for generations, meticulously placed together to form a near-solid pattern. No two blocks had enough space between them for so much as a piece of paper to fit. Enormous pillars reached to the heavens, where there was a beautiful mural depicting the choirs of angels descending from a great throne. Around the perimeter of the walls was a great balcony, and beyond that great stained glass windows, through which rainbows cascaded down to the wooden pews arranged neatly into rows. Directly above the entryway, was a rose window, whose light shone nearly the entire way to the altar, where a figure clad in black kneeled, two gentlemen in business suits standing behind him.*

Suit 1: Come now, the deal is very reasonable. All we ask is that you come to work for us, or at least come back with us quietly. Our employers...

Man in Black (interrupting): Your employers already know where I stand and how I feel about them. If they want so badly to talk to me, they had better come in person.

Suit 2: You realize, that we are not to go back empty-handed...

*A click was heard from above. For the first time Ante noticed that among the cascading rainbows were the distinct red lines of laser sights, all going from the stranger in black to no fewer than 20 rifles in the balcony.*

MiB: If you can't go back empty-handed, then I suppose you won't be going back at all.

*With inhuman speed, the mysterious figure rose, seemingly flew backwards, and backhanded one of the men in suits. He then spun and grabbed the other man in a suit and flung him towards where he had been kneeling, just as 20 bullets screamed through the air and welcomed the taste of the employee's flesh.

He then leapt up to the balcony on one side, pulling a sword from off his back whilst in mid-air. Rushing the snipers, he slit the throats of many, and greivously wounded any others who hadn't already suffered from the bullets of their comrades. After 5 minutes the pandemonium subsided. The figure moved back towards where he had been kneeling.*

MiB: The altar here has been desecrated by the blood of the wicked... This place must be purged.

*He drew a cylindrical object from beneath his shirt, twisted it, and dropped it to the ground. As he was walking out he spied Ante, who's jaw had dropped nearly to the floor.*

MiB: If you aren't one of them, I would suggest you get out of here fast.

*This was the first time Ante had gotten a clear glimpse of the man. About 6 and a half feet tall, his attire consisted of a black woven shirt with black leather strings made to hold the front together, but kept somewhat loose to expose his chest; black pants; and black leather boots. This all contrasted his short, somewhat spiky, platinum blond hair.

Both of them exited the church, but Ante turned around to watch what was to happen. A flash came from within the church, blowing out all the stained glass windows. Much of the interior floor and its pillars were destroyed, causing the entire building to collapse upon itself. After the dust settled, all that was left of the building was a pile of rubble. However, as Ante noted, the only sound heard came from the church itself. No sound had accompanied the flash.

Turning around, he could see the stranger attempting to vanish into the stunned crowd. In a mixture of not wanting to go through another trial and a desire to learn more about the stranger, Ante started shoving his way through people, making his way towards where it seemed the stranger was headed.*

--------------------------

*Ante the Writer looks at his computer screen. Various faqs about tags and html and the like clutter his screen.*

Ante: Hmm... maybe if I actually get the comic site started up they'll let me out of this industrial strength freezer... or maybe Krig will come in here in search of food and realize that he may be of assistance in this endeavor... and maybe I'll get the feeling back in those toes before I have to get them amputated.....

*And with the burp the organic door is so disgusted that it pops open*
Krig:Oops.*krig falls*
While our heros and spasm stare in amasement the narator speaks.*Save your friend allready*
*so one by one they jump down but when spasm tries Taz gets verry agitated.*
Taz:Why are we allowing him to come with us?
Otter:why shouldnt we let him come?
Taz:Well only becuse he said he would kill us unless that isnt reason enough for you!?!!
Otter:Let him come.
Taz:fine....
*and so they all jump into the unknown pit*

Just a note: Highemp is in TACC right now, not in Massassi.

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel

*NSP: Just letting you all know, http://nesi.keenspace.com actually has the pre-1st issue up. /NSP*

*A team of scientists is hard at work. The head of the project is leading a group of reporters through the lab to show off the research. Within a glass encapsulation, and held in place by electromagnetic and radioactive restraints is their specimen.*

Lead Scientist: Here you can see an example of the ever elusive plot hole. It is quite rare for a layman such as myself to come across one, let alone contain it. However, there are reports of them popping up all over the world, most recently in Australia. It would appear as if there are people who can somehow bend the will of the plot in such a way as to create these holes. This has had adverse effects on the environment of our world. The rainforests of Brazil have been turned into desert. The Sahara Desert is now a gigantic lake with mutant swimming scorpions. And Disneyland has been replaced with foul demons that suck the souls out of children. On second thought, that last one didn't change, huh?

In conclusion, these plotholes are very unpredictable and dangerous. They could very well unmake the universe as we know it. Fortunately we have these saftey restraints keeping this one in place and inac...

*Just then, a scientist in the background who had forgotten to get his coffee that morning and hadn't actually slept since last Thursday fell asleep and his head landed on the large, red, safety release button. For a moment, all was black. When light once more returned, all the scientists and reporters were replaced with monkeys in the clothing of whoever had been standing there prior. The plothole was replaced with a magnetized and irradiated banana.*

Lead Scientists Monkey (shaking his fist at the air): Ooo, ooh AAAHAAHHAH! (translation: You damn dirty plotholes!)

Reporter Monkey (raising his hand with pen in it): Eee Eee EEE! (translation: Can I have the banana?)

*The moral of this story: Plotholes are a dangerous plot device, barely controllable by an expert. We didn't name this the Neverending Plothole Thread, and as such there are those of us who hope it not to become such a thing. Oh, and concerning the latest Deus Ex Machina-esque attempts and unusual superhuman battles; we write our characters in for fun, not for "who's got the heftiest dragonballzz" and with that there comes an unspoken respect for other writers. Every character has their moment to shine, it's just very rarely when they first appear. And... uh... er... don't do drugs.*

*This has been a public service announcement from the Keep it Clean Coalition where our motto is "No hitting below the belt!"*

*claps*

------------------
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena @ The High Citadel

(NSP: Ante's right. Plotholes, while they shouldn't be thrown out the windows, must be used wisely. Besides, not only is Highemperor not with you guys, but the Narrator is off narrating for the NeS:TACC side-story, having left the computer to do the narrating.

A couple reminders: Remember to check the top of page 29, as I will be updating it as much as I can (at least over the summer) so you can see the character's status, and remember for the new writers (TX3_Gandalf, Taz, TwistedSpasm, etc.) to please explain your character's physical attributes and personalities (mad props to Kyle for doing a good job on his a while back). Thank you.

Now let's see if I can't fix this up a bit...)

Our heroes begin to descend down the pitch black hole the trap-door in the fake oasis in the Austrailian desert.

Otter: Hey, it's dark in here--

Maybe: Don't get any ideas.

Otter: I wasn't I wasn't! Sheesh...

Losien: Don't get any ideas.

Otter: Damn.

Masetto, having been the last one to descend into the hole, accidentially lost his grip, and toppled over all the heroes, causing them to crash onto the ground far below.

All Heroes: Oooooowww.....

MZZT: Anyone got a light?

Maybechild: You want to smoke at a time like this?

MZZT: No! I mean a flashlight, or something.

Otter: Hold on...

*TheOtter attempts to make his "Vulcan's Flame" aka fireball, but is promptly put out.*

Randy: OW! Watch it!

Otter: Sorry.

Phantom Master: *in alien accent* Click-click clicky-click!

Mick McLongname: Say that again?

Phantom Master: *in Austrailian accent* Sorry 'bout that mate. I was saying "What about the new guys?"

Taz: I refuse to answer to any of you.

Spasm: Gee, that was considerate. And I don't have anything.

Kyle: Let me check...

*A variety of noises follow, ranging from the sheathing of knives, to clocks ticking, to tires being changed. Finally, a white light from his laptop monitor shines forth.*

Kyle: There we go.

Maybe: Great, now get off me Sem!

Semievil: *cough* Almost choked on your hair...

*Maybechild flicks on her lighter to add to their lightsources. Otter also relights his fireball.*

Janitor Bob: Do you have to hover that thing so close to me?

Otter: Sorry.

TX3_Gand: Look everyone!

The heroes gaze upon their surroundings. It appeared as if they were deep within a secret labratory built inside a giant cavern system.

Galvatron: From my scanners, it would appear that we are at least ten stories underground, and that the present technology here surpasses most known technology.

Masetto: Anyone care for a stroll?

Krig: Krig hungry. Krig want to find food.

Kyle: Are you ever NOT hungry?

Krig: Sometimes Krig is tired...

Suddenly, a GIANT MONSTER APPEARS!

Krig: Monster?

J-Bob: Hey, there's no monster...and you can't be the narrator!

Uhh....*cough* Of course I am! For I am the ALL-POWERFUL NARRATOR!--ow-ow-ow! Stop that!

*Maybechild drags Mark Hamill out of the shadows by his ear.*

Mark Hamill: I just wanted to be part of the gang! Come on guys, I can be cool! Besides, the computer back at your place told me to be the narrator!

Sem: No good computers--

Galv: I resent that!

Sem: Sorry. Let him tag along. Besides, he does a good narrator impression, and we can beat him up if we don't like what he says.

Mark Hammill: Yay!

*cough* The heroes then trek into the mysterious caverns...
---------------------------------------------
...uh...since I'm not there, I can't narrate outside my setting.

<<Oh fine! Useless lackey... Meanwhile, back at the Legion of Spookay, Darkside and his evil villian band continued to plot more evil, with Gettleburger sort of dazing out and watching them out of boredom and being pre-occupied with being in another realm at the same time. As usual though, "plotting evil" meant playing another game of Trivial Pursuit. You can do the closing line, Marky.>>

Yay! What will our heroes find in the mysterious laboratory? Will the other heroes trapped in hell ever make it back? When will the NeS webcomic be up and running? Find out, on The Never-ending Story Thread: Into New Territory!

Kyle: Should we be worried that he talks like that?

Spasm: Of course not! He's the narrator.

Kyle: He still gives me the creeps.

(NSP: Some other things. Taz, obviously I can't make you do anything, and I obviously appreciate new writers more than anything, we've already had sayians in this story as well as powerplayers (Arbiter and Highemperor for example, respectively), so if you can, try to think of a more original character description. TX3_Gandalf--if you can do the same, that'd be much appreciated. Also, in case anyone doesn't know, to make something in italics, you just do this:

[ i ] whatever you want in italics [/ i ]

just without the spaces. To make something in bold, it's the same thing, except you replace the "i" with "b". I hope you put these to good use )

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited May 16, 2002).]

Group of hero's run into Ares in a cave.
Ares: You didn't forget about ME did you?
Mark Hamill: Who are YOU?
Ares: WHO AM I?!?!?
(Ares blasts Mark Hamill back through the caves far out of sight. Several thuds can be heard then a...)
Mark Hamill(very distant): owwwwwwwww.....

(NSP: Congrats, Gebohq, that is EXACTLY what I would have said under the circumstances.)

*Spasm steps forward, glaring resolutely at Ares*

Spasm: That wasn't at all nice.

Ares: I don't care. I can do what I want. And besides, I hate Mark Hamill.

*The others gasp*

Otter: That's obscene!

Ares *laughs*: Ha! Is it? I auditioned to play Luke Skywalker, and guess who got the part!

Spasm *scratches his head*: Uh... Mark Hamill?

Ares: Duh! I was PERFECT for the part! *he starts yelling* I would've been the absolute BEST LUKE SKYWALKER EVER! But was I? WAS I? NO! All because of that sorry brat!

Maybe: That's so sad...

What? What is this? Oh no, why do I sense another plot hole?

Kyle Katarn's New and Improved Post!

<<We find our heroes deep in the underground cave system of Ares' secret laboratory, hidden cleverly beneath a fake oasis in the middle of Australia>>

Ares: "So, enough about my failed career as an actor and the emotional scars, therapy, and years of obsessing over my revenge, let's get on to business. Ahhhh, galvatron...my old nemesis. I see you've brought a couple of your friends this time-"

Phantom: (Monotone computer voice, complete with weird pronunciation) "Ares, before you initiate the molecular disintegration of us, please input the parameters of our location."

<<HEY! You can't just replace me like that! I'm leaving!>>

*SLAM* Footsteps are heard rushing into the distance, and then a car speeding off.

Mark: "...Hey guys...since you're in need of a narrator...."

Ares: "NO, you will not usurp my role once again Hammy McHamHam! I, Ares, god of war, claim the narrator position as my role! So there! *raspberrys Mark*"

Now...where were we? Oh yes...I was just about to explain my diabolical plan to control the world...again

*Off in the distance, a clown horn is heard, and then marching...*

Clowns: "Hup hup hup hup hup hup hup"

Clown Lieutenant: "I don't know but I've been told!"

Clowns: "I don't know but I've been told!"

Clown Lieutenant: "The NES writer doesn't have a rhyming dictionary!"

Clowns: "The NES writer doesn't have a rhyming dictionary!"

Clown L.: "Sound Off!"

*The line of clowns march from one side of the cavern to the other, and then turns off into a side cavern, their cadence echoing off into the distance.*

Sem: "Well, that's something you don't see every day."

Ares: "As you can see, I have a fully armed and operational Clown Clone College. Here clowns train, night and day, to find out who is the best of the best of the best."

*As he says this, the camera slowly pans across the facility, showing the impressive Clown cloning facility, the firing range (for squirt flowers), the driving course (consisting of the little clown cars doing all the stunts required of Secret Service drivers (ie standing it on two wheels, parallel parking at full speed, etc.), and the requisite provisions department.*

Heroes: "Whoa..."

Randy: "Wait a second Ares, what's with the laboratory set up then?"

Ares: "Oh, that. It was left by the previous owner. I think it adds a certain...je ne sais quoi, to the room, don't you?"

Randy: "Ahh, ok...whatever that means"

Janitor Bob: "Hey, wait a second...you still haven't told us your plans!"

Will our heroes be able to figure out what I plan to do with my diabolical Clown Clone College? Will our writer be sued for copyright infringement? Will I get double pay for being both the narrator and a character? Find out next time on The Never-Ending Story: As the Nose Squeaks or The Never-Ending Story: Attack of the Clowns!

Janitor Bob: "I'm not kidding Ares...we need those plans, come on don't just leave us hanging like this!...Ares?"

Fade out

------------------
"If you notice this notice then you notice this notice isn't worth noticing at all"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited May 16, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited May 19, 2002).]

Luckily The sun starts swelling to a red giant and once again light can be seen.

*Ante the writer looks at KyleKatarn7's last post.*

Ante (to himself): Wait a second... we get paid for this?! I gotta get outta here and start collecting on past due paychecks!!

*With that, he starts beating violently on the door to the meat-locker.*