Wow. I was crushed, and shocked by the event.

It's amazing how unfunny terrorist action is when they actually act.

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

For the past week or so, I have been debating against my whole govt. class as to weather or not the U.S. is the most powerful nation in the world... victory today was bitter.

This morning before school started, me and my friends were talking about Motzart's 'Dies Ire' from his Requiem Mass. freaky coincidence.

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

(NSP: Ok, that's really creepy. In our story, we have the terrorists head towards New York, and the next day real terrorists attack New York? I'm hoping that's a coincidence...)

(NSP: My next story post will appear when someone else makes a story post. I can't think of anything to do right now (with the story), so I'm gonna build off the next post, probably. Also, I just wanna let you guyz know that I posted a question about the 'Zone Message Machine' on the Discussion forum today, so if anyone knows where I can find it, go reply, plz.)

------------------
I think a boa constrictor is the most affectionest pet. After all, it'll hug you until you die!

In Jerusalum...

J-bob: ...well how was I suppose to know that the guns had the safety lock on them?

Terrorist #4 (to Terrorist #5): The guy's really getting on my nerves.

Poster Geb: Can't you do ANY dirty work, Bob?

J-bob: Give me a break here, it's my first time. But I can do it! Just watch!

J-bob, picking up dirt from teh ground, holds it out in front of him and his ultra-clean attire. Grimicing at the prospect, J-bob closed his eyes, pulled the dirt towards him, and wiped it all over his shirt. Still figiting with his fists, J-bob managed a smile towards Poster Geb.

J-bob: See? I can get dirty? And it's not just physical either. I have a dirty mouth too!

Terrorist #8: Not brushing your teeth counts as bad hygyine, not a dirty mouth.

J-bob: Really? Dang it...

Poster Geb: THAT'S IT! This whole direction for me is just TOO stresful! You, Bob, aren't helping either. And I haven't made one cent off this bit! Save the Morris beanie baby I sold for $5 dollars to that one young prospective follower of Nesianity...

Terrorist #4: So what's this mean, Poster Geb?

Poster Geb: It means you all find some new employment! I'm going back to evangelizing Nesianity and salavtion through bribery!

J-bob: But-but-what about me?

Poster Geb: Why don't you try being a uh... actually, just let the Spirit of Nesianity guide you. Um, yes....

J-bob: Spirit of Nesianity, eh? Hmm....
--------------------------------------------
Elsewhere, at Toys R Us...

Geb: ...you can't fire me, I quit!

Gebohq storms out the manager's office and towards the exit. He passes Losien, who is signing autographs as the new Barbie model.

Losien: Hi there, where are you going?

Geb: Uh...taking my break, Los. I uh...might not be back for a while though. just meet me up in the U.K.

Los: OK then. Have a nice day!

Geb: I wonder if Rareware is hiring for any designers...
----------------------------------------
In another place, Geb the writer finally crosses the line with the mysterious person.

Geb the writer: ...waaaaaahhhhhhh!

Mysterious person: Alright! Shut up! I'll tell you! I saved you from the mob of pre-teenage fans, you should remember now. I am...

HOW will Poster Geb and Janitor Bob make the money they need now? What WILL janitor Bob do for a job now? Will Gebohq the hero be hired as a Rareware designer? What--

GTW: Ahem.

What?

GTW: I believe I was just to find out who the mysterious person WAS!

Don't worry about that. Some other writer will fill that in for you soon. And help you out with Geb the hero's situation as a possible programmer despite his lack of knowledge in programming. That, and more, in THE NEVERENDING STORY THREAD!

GTW: We writers get lazier and lazier, yeah...

------------------
~Geb

(OoC: I just had a brainstorm: )

*The Mega-ZZTer the Writer walks into the Massassi Writer's building, newly rebuilt yet again. He sits down in his cubicle, totally ignorant of the fact that it's a Saturday, opens his laptop, and begins to edit his MegaZeux game. (http://www.megazeux.org/ if you don't know what MegaZeux is, you poor soul. :P)*

*He then creates the following scenerio in his game:*

The Mega-ZZTer (the hero): What the...? How in the world did I get here?!?!?

*'Here' is in a booth at a Jeoparody game show.*

Host Guy: Okay, contestants, welcome to Jeoparody. You all DON'T know the rules, so I'll explain. There is one question. Whoever answers it right, wins.

The Dude in the Booth to the Left of MZZT: I'm gonna win, I know I will!

*MZZT notices that his name is 'Lame' accoding to the name plate. The other's contestant's name is 'Lamer'.*

The Mega-ZZTer: *Groan* God save the sane...

Host: Okay, let's start...

*Lights flash all around and various things blow up while Gonk### (I forgot, sry) zips by at an amazing rate or gps...*

<Episode 1 clip>
Obi Wan: The scale's off the meter, over 20,000!
</Episode 1 clip>

Host: OK... The catagory is 'English Language'.

Lame: *Bites nails, as in hammer-type nails*

Lamer: Oh, darn. I knew I should have studied this better in school...

Host: The question: A word that starts with 'W' and...

Lame: LBSBLGWNBGJKEBDKWNKWHNBF!!!!!!!! #$%^&*#$%^&

Host: I'm sorry, thats the wrong answer, now let me finish...

Lamer: *Brightly* What is 'Who'?

Host: That is NOT the right answer! But even if it was, I couldn't give you credit. You CAN NOT say 'What is' or 'Who is' before an answer!!!! Geez... *Ahem*

Host: Now... MZZT.... you're the only one left... The question: A word that starts with 'W' and is slang. It is very annoying and everyone, especially the online community, is getting tired of it.

MZZT: That's not a question...

Host: ANSWER IT! There's alot riding on this one... if you answer it right, the audience will cheer!

MZZT: Erm, ok... hmmm... Thinking...

Host: 5 seconds!

MZZT: mmmm... I know!!!!

Host: What is it?

MZZT: WUZZZZZUP!!!!!!!

Host: THAT'S IT!!!! He wins...

-=< Back in the writer's world... >=-

*MZZTTW turns off his laptop without bothering to save.*

MZZT: That was pointless...

------------------
I think a boa constrictor is the most affectionest pet. After all, it'll hug you until you die!

*After a 25 minute elevator ride, Janitor Bob finds himself back at the demented den of the deranged Mr. Kazinski.*

*Mr. Kazinski gives Bob a disapproving shake of his head*

Mr. Kazinski: Tsk, tsk, tsk… Bobby, Bobby, Bobby…. I’m very disappointed in you.

Bob: Sir, I’m sorry, but I just didn’t have the knack for terrorism. I just lacked the… eh… disgusting ammoralism. I’m just not good at being pathetic, cowering excuse for pond scum. I can’t seem to dilute my conscience enough to ably aid in the naïve, senseless, slaughter of fellow human beings with every bit of right, even more of a right, to life as you and me.

Mr. Kazinski: Maybe you’re just not trying hard enough.

Bob: Maybe I have morality.

Mr. Kazinski: Well, that’s too bad. But luckily we have another way for you to prove yourself. I want you to implode… this building...

* Mr. Kazinski holds up a photograph on a green background of a large building. It seems hauntingly familiar to Janitor Bob*

Bob: But… that’s… the Massassi Forum’s Building!

Mr. Kazinski: Ooh… good job Bob! You know your landmarks! When can the building be destroyed?

Bob: Two problems, bub. 1) That building is in the WRITERS realm. This is the HEROES realm.

Mr. Kazinski: Inconsequential! You’ve broken the dimensional barrier before. You can do it again.

Bob: 2) I have personal policy against blowing up buildings, that do not want to be destroyed.

Mr. Kazinski: You have 1 week. 7 days. 168 hours. 604800 seconds. And if that building is still standing before then… then… uh… you’ll be in big trouble!

Bob: Too bad. I’m quitting. Effective Immediately.

Mr. Kazinski: You can’t quit! You have a 30 day walkout clause!

Bob: I just might decide to violate that clause.

Mr. Kazinski: Really. Well, maybe you should talk to the last person who violated that clause.

Bob: What happened to him?

Mr. Kazinski: He was turned into a giant talking application.

Bob: WHAT?
-----------------------------------
*Meanwhile, in the dark soulless depths of Wal-Mart*

Cooked Haggis: *grumbling to himself* I just can’t believe the oblivious lack of quality of these napkins! Mass produced, heartless, course…

Manager: HAGGIS! I need to speak to you.

Cooked Haggis: What is your bidding, sir?

Manager: I want you to remove the following items from our shelves: Apple products, Playstation products, Nintendo Products and Sony Products. And hurry.

Cooked Haggis: *Thinking* Hmm… since that last statement had no comic value what so ever, that must mean that it is an integral part of the sorry excuse for a plot. But how? Since all computer and console products have been ordered to be removed except the ones developed and created by…

Manager: Haggis! Get on it! Or I’ll serve you red wine with fish!
---------------------------

*In the mysterious car, Geb finally realizes the identity of his savior*

Geb the Writer: Wow! I never thought I’d see YOU again.

Mysterious Figure: And yet here I am.

Geb the Writer: The singing application , all the way from page one!

Application : Yes. It is I. But I am no longer jolly, and gleeful. I have no cause to sing, but rather one to mourn.

Geb the Writer: Your shortness and stoutness gave it away. But why are you so melancholy?

Application: I was not always a mere application. I was once a human being, much like yourself.

Geb the writer: Really?

Application: Okay, I wasn’t like yourself. I was normal. Until… until… the incident.

Geb the writer: I’ve heard this before. You were turned into an application cord by an evil witch, and only finding true love can return you to your previous state.

Application: Not exactly. But it is a tale grim with evil, extortion, and mad corrupt business conglomerates.

Geb the Writer: Ooh. Corruption. My speciality.

*The Application hands Geb a familiar document*

Application: This is the record of all business buyouts and mergers in the last 5 pages.

*Geb the Writer scans the document quickly*

Geb the Writer: Oh. My. Gosh.

Application: It’s true.

Geb the Writer: No way.

Application: Yes way.

Geb the Writer: NO WAY!

Application: Yes way.

Geb the Writer: NO WAY!

Application: It’s true. All of it.

Geb the Writer: I just can’t believe it… it’s… just… wow.

Application: How about we inform the audience as to the contacts of the document.

Geb the Writer: One company. Has bought out... ‘Splosions R’ Us, Toys ‘R Us, Walmart, McDonalds, Win Ben Stine’s Money, Hifflemiffer, Mifflehiffer and Kong Ltd. law firm, Dart Wader’s Infomercial service… they even got 7-11!

Application: How dastardly.

Geb the Writer: How sinister. How evil. How corrupted. How heartless. How diabolic. How wicked. How…

*Geb looks at the title of the document. It is called Microsoft’s “Secret Plan’s ‘O world domination”

Geb the Writer: How predictable.

---------------------------------
*In a slow, but imposing orbit, the Super Star Destroyer Explorer Mark VI orbits the peaceful planet Earth, slowly… imposingly…*

*The camera cuts to the view of a clean-shaven Admiral. He is visibly nervous as he steps to a door. The door automatically, shoots open, with a bold display of futuristic technology. Inside the room, with his back to the Admiral sits the High Emperor Dark Lord of the Universe himself…*

*Grasped between 2 pincers, thick eyeglasses are slowly, imposingly, lowered down to rest on the High Emperor Dark Lord of the Universe’s sweaty face.*

*The Admiral gulps.*

*Hearing the gulp, the High Emperor Dark Lord of the Universe, slowly and imposingly, turns his spinable chair to face the admiral.*

Admiral: Mr. Gates. I trust your psychological therapy went well?

Gates *In a voice that would have been imposing, except for the fact that it was several octaves too high*: You pathetic weakling! How dare you call me simply ‘Mr. Gates’ My name is now High Emperor Dark Lord of the Universe William Gates!

Admiral: Hmm… maybe your therapy didn’t go as well as I hoped…

Gates: Admiral #56? What’s our orbital status?

Admiral: Well, sir. On one hand it’s imposing. But on the other hand it’s slow.

Gates *Rubbing his chin*: Yes…. Yessssss. Interesting. Very interesting….

Admiral: Really? Seems downright boring to me.

Gates: Quit it. I’m trying to act omniscient. How goes Operation: Monopoly?

Admiral: Excellent sir. Quite excellent. Most of the Heroes our now employed under us.

Gates: Yippee! Now with the NES heroes under our control I can finally complete my life long dream of galactic domination! My cold clammy omnipotent hand reaches out and brushes the souls of every inhabitant in the entire multiverse!

Admiral: Um, you did notice that I said most of the heroes…

Gates: Most of the heroes?

Admiral: Yes. It seems that one hero, one ‘Gebohq’ has managed to escape your omnipresent grip.

Gates: How?

Admiral: He just can’t seem to hold a job, for longer than two posts.

*Gates’ face reddens, and his hand lunges out, grabbing the Admiral’s neck, to choke him ruthlessly for his failure*

**10 minutes later**

Admiral: You’ll have to squeeze harder if you want to choke me.

Gates *grumbling*: I’m squeezing as hard as I can. Where’s a vice when I need one…

Admiral: Yes… but what should we do about this ‘so called’ Gebohq.

Gates: I’m not sure. I’ll think of something… something evil… something corrupt… something… predictable.


------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited September 16, 2001).]

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited September 16, 2001).]

*MZZT the Writer takes a doze in the Massassi Writer's Building, unaware of the fate Mr. Kazinski has planned for it...*

(I wanna see what you guys will do, so I'm not making a mojor post...)

Oh, and BTW, I'm not hired either. I did sell that piece of useless software to Nintendo, but they didn't HIRE me. Just FYI.

Oh, and my last post was adopted from my new MegaZeux game I'm making. Here's what I have done of the title screen so far:

*All is dark*

Mega-ZZTer: Uh, I'm on? Oops... *Ahem*

MZZT in Narrarator voice: DESTRUCTION IS NIGH...

MZZT in Narrarator voice: ONLY ONE MAN CAN SAVE THE UNIVERS(E)...

*</INSIDE JOKE, WHICH I DON'T GET EITHER>*

MZZT in Narrarator voice:HIS NAME IS...

*<Click> Lights turn on...*

MZZT: What the ?!?!??!?!

*There is a simple sign saying 'Indiana Smiley.'*

MZZT: ARGH!!! It's supposed to say 'The Mega-ZZTer' with my statue!!! But it says 'Indiana Smiley'!?!??! And where's my statue!?!?!?

???: Calm down, Mega-ZZTer.

*??? turns out to be MZZT's employer, the Big Cheese*

BC: We're sorry, we had to rescedule your game.

MZZT: Thats not in my contract! It says...

BC: I'm sorry, your contract says you'll do A game. It doesn't say it can't be resceduled.

MZZT: But... my... statue...

And...

My....

MONEY!!.....

BC: Oh, that's what you're worried about, eh? Well, our lawyers examined your contract throughly. It seems that we have to pay you compensation in the order of thousands of dollars... which does not include the thousands you'll get for doing the game...

MZZT: *BadGuy type lauch* MUHAHAHAHAHA!!!! So, where is my game being resceduled? ZZT? Jedi Knight? Hey, I'll even settle for Dark Forces...

*ED NOTE: http://www.epicgames.com/zzt.htm or http://www.zzt.org/ for more info on ZZT. It's also where my name came from:

MegaZeux + ZZT = Mega-ZZT*

BC: No, you're still in MegaZeux, right after this game in fact. But you'll have to wait until Indy's (gestures toward Indiana Smiley sign) game is done.. and I should warn you, Indy's games are long... *Starts to leave*

MZZT: Hey! I think I'm forgetting something...

MZZT: HEY!!! WHERE'S MY STATUE ANYWAYS?!?!??!

BC: Oh, a moving company, "YM GMAES ARE GODO!!!111" is moving it...

MZZT: *Jaw drops* "YM GMAES ARE GODO!!!111"??? OH NO!!!! *Runs*

*After running into the S in Smiley, MZZT quickly runs after his little brother, who he knows is the head of "YM GMAES ARE GODO!!!111".*

Little Brother: this is hard wrok maybe ill take a break. maybe ill be payd lotz of mony for doing this> weel better get t wrok agan.

Little Bro: EEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRRRRR.... GGGGGGYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAA...

Little Bro: Hmmm... maybe if i pull on the rope instead of pushing it... *Begins pulling statue*

*He is totally ignorant of the low ceiling ahead of him. Although the statue is 10' high, the low ceiling is only 7'.

MZZT: MIKEY!!!! STOP!!!

*The statue makes a loud <Crunch> sound as it hits the low ceiling. Several parts fly off and explode for no reason. The statue, which previously had a expression, for no reason now has a expression.*

MZZT: NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

LB: erm its stuk

MZZT: OF COURSE ITS STUCK!!!!! YOU RAN IT INTO THE WALL!!!!!

LB: maybe if i Pull Harder

*MZZT looks on in shock. The statue makes various creaking sounds, then a snap as all the parts higher than 7' snap off and remain stuck in the ceiling.*

MZZT: ..... HEY!!! COME BACK HERE!!!

*Unfortunately, Mikey is already gone.*

MZZT: MY LAWYERS WILL HEAR OF THIS!!!

*Unfortunately for him again, all the noise has dislodged the statue head from the ceiling...*

Statue head: <SPLAT>

MZZT: Ow.

*Suddenly the hallway lights with a briliant light, the statue head shoots up through the ceiling... and MZZT stands there, bathed in light, with his lightsaber drawn.*

MZZT: NOBODY HUMILIATES ME AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!!

*Flying on a cushion of air, MZZT takes off like a bullet after his LB.*

To be continued...

And for all of you people who like to read from the bottom up, the above is NOT part of the NES, I just thought ppl would like to see it...

------------------
I think a boa constrictor is the most affectionest pet. After all, it'll hug you until you die!

(NSP: I'm not hired either. I guess i'll have use my super secret agent skills to help Geb and MZZT defeat Microsoft.)

*Phantom's watch begins to beep, so he looks at it and presses a button to turn the watch into a small video screen. On the screen is the Massassi Temple Agent Dispatcher*

Dispatcher: "Agent PM, we have an important assignment for you. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to assist in the stopping of a very powerful organization bent on world domination. The organization is called Microsoft, and I'm sure you've heard of them. Your teammates will be Gebohq, an out-of work hero and MZZT, a new addition to the NeS. Good luck, Agent PM."

*A helicopter flies by Phantom and launches out a rocket with a compartment full of Phantom's various gadgets and his special issue 9mm pistols and SS3 M16 from the gaming world. Phantom takes the pistols and puts them in his chest holsters, and straps the M16 to his right leg. He puts on his belt, stuffed to the max with his secret agent tools and devices. He then runs off in search of Geb and MZZT...*

Will Phantom find Geb and MZZT? Will they be able to stop Bill Gates and his cronies? Find out in the next exciting(maybe) addition to the NEVERENDING STORY!


------------------
I am the Shadow...

NSP: We're so close to hitting 1,000 posts.we can do it!

Er...and oh yeah.

B.U.M.P.

I wonder how many times that has been now...what's the official numbers on the word "Meanwhile", Krig? Hehe...

I'll try and make an actual post sometime soon. Gotta work on getting The Eternal War on track again though...)

------------------
~Geb

[NSP: I'm still here, still reading. And still trying to think up posts. With an obvious lack of success...

Oh yes, by law I have to have this in:
"B.U.M.P."]

And Sem isn't hired either! =P although STW is of course the Chief Executive of B.U.M.P. inc., intl., ltd., and co.

Benevolent
Upward
Mobility
Post

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

Oooh, ooh, let me try...

B... U... M... M... M...

What comes next?

I just can't seem to do it..

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

*A darkened interrogation room. In a chair on one side of the table in the middle of the room, a clean shaven Good Cop sits, hands folded in front of him. Pacing back and forth behind the Good Cop is the Bad Cop, a lean, predatory look to him. The Bad Cop turns and slams his fist onto the table, snarling at the occupant of the chair opposite the Good Cop.*

Bad Cop: "You DID it, DIDN'T YOU? CONFESS!"

Good Cop: "Hey, man, calm down..."

Bad Cop: "BE QUIET! I'M TRYING TO INTERROGATE THE WITNESS HERE!"

Good Cop: "Ok! Don't hurt me!"

*Bad Cop stares back over the table at the suspect. The suspect, a man of middle height and weight, and dressed in full clown gear (complete with face paint, red nose, and blue hair), stares back defiantly at the two Cops.*

Clown: "I want my lawyer!"

Bad Cop: "YOU MURDERED A MIME IN FRONT OF THREE WITNESSES!! YOU DON'T NEED A LAWYER!!"

Good Cop: "Hey, man, remember your blood pressure..."

*The Clown leans back and crosses his arms, waiting for his lawyer. Bad Cop's radio squawks, and says something unintelligable.*

Bad Cop: "All right, scumbag, you're lawyer's here. Don't think you'll get out of this jus' 'cause you got a fancy-pants, expensive lawyer! Justice will be done!"

*The two cops get up and leave the room, leaving the Clown alone with the large mirror that is unobtrusively taking up an entire wall.*

Clown: "Oh, man, I hope my lawyer will be able to help me!"

*The door slowly swings open, and Clown looks up expectantly. Through the door walks a short, dirty, hairy, smelly man wearing a tunic, cape, and a horned helmet.*

Clown: " "

*The short hairy man walks over to the chair that the Good Cop had been occupying moments before, throws a large briefcase up onto the table (which is higher than he is), and climbs up into the chair.*

Krig (grinning with a teeth-baring, animalish grin): "Grrrrrrr."

*Clown, having been frozen in shock, collapses onto the table, his blue-hair covered head in his arms.*

Clown: "Oh man, I am so screwed..."

Krig: "Krig hungry..."

------------------------------------------------

*Meanwhile, a busy hospital hallway. Doctors and nurses rush around, carrying clipboards and stethoscopes, about their business. Suddenly, the outside doors fly open, and a man in a black trench coat, black goatee, black sunglasses and a black bowler hat tipped at a jaunty angle walks in. He stops, and his head turns, watching a rather attractive intern walk past and down the hall. A smile grows across his face.*

The Otter: "Oh yeah, this is the place all right..."

*Behind the Otter, MaybeChild also walks into the hospital, wearing her typical bell-bottoms and flowery shirt.*

Maybe: "You stay here, Otter, I'm going to go see if I can get a job. Stay out of trouble. I won't be able to save you from a blood-thirsty mob this time. And neither will Mr. T!"

Otter: "Sure 'nuff, doll."

*Maybe frowns at the Otter, then walks away into the bustling crowd of people. A few minutes later, an attractive nurse walks up to Otter.*

Nurse: "Can I help you, sir?"

Otter: "You can help me anytime, nursie... But right now,"

*Otter reaches into the black doctor's bag he always carries (the one with the red cross on the side), and pulls out a laminated card, showing it to the nurse.*

Otter: "I'm the new assistant in the ward where they put all the hot chicks."

Nurse: "The which ward?"

Otter: "Uh, the recovery ward, I meant. Yeah, that sounds hospital-ish... I'm supposed to work for a Doctor Kasha... Kuza... Koosa..."

Nurse: "Kazansky?"

Otter: "Uh, yeah, sure, Dr. Kazinkie."

Nurse: "Oh, we've been expecting you!"

Otter: "You have?"

Nurse: "Yes, come right this way Mr. Johnson!"

*The Otter looks at the camera, shrugs his shoulders, and follows the nurse, tilting his head slightly to admire her... Erm...caboose.*

*Later. The Otter is now dressed in the pastel green gown and cap of doctors. He still wears his reflective black shades. A man, also dressed in pastel green, and who looks eerily like George Clooney, enters the room.*

Doctor: "You Johnson?"

Otter: "Uh, okay."

Doctor: "I'm Dr. Kazansky. Your job is to follow me around and do what I say. All right?"

Otter: "Yeah, sure, doc."

*The doctor leaves the room, Otter trailing behind. Dr. Kazansky begins explaining what the Otter's various duties are, none of which the Otter hears, because he is too busy checking out the various female nurses that walk by.*

Dr. Kazansky: "...blah blah blah and make sure that you do, otherwise many people might die blah blah blah..."

The Otter: "Yeah, sure, whatever doc."

*The Otter and Dr. Kazansky are now walking through a more deserted part of the hospital. They pass a door with many locks and bolts and such."

Otter: "What's in there?"

*Dr. Kazansky stops in his tracks and turns to the Otter, a serious expression on his face."

Dr. Kazansky: "Don't ever, ever go in there, you hear me Johnson? That room is strictly off limits!"

*At that moment, a hideous scream that doesn't sound human emanates from the locked room. The door bursts open, and a man in doctor dress bursts out, a panicked look on his face.*

Dr. Kazansky: "What's wrong, Frank?"

Frank: "It's loose! It's loose! I need a hundred cc's of anaesthetic, quick!"

Dr. Kazansky: "It's that agitated?"

Frank: "No, it's for me! I swear I'll never work in there again, for as long as I live!"

*The Otter leans back and looks into the now open doorway. His eyes open wide behind his shades, and then somebody inside the room shuts the door.*

Otter: "By Jove...!"

-------------------------------------------------------

*Later, in the hospital cafeteria...*

Otter: "I'm telling you, Maybe, it was a hamster-man! Half man, half hamster! They're doing horrible, atrocious experiments at this hospital, and I've got to stop them!"

Maybe: "Um, right, didn't I tell you to stay there and stay out of trouble? You don't have to go making up crazy lies..."

Otter: "I'm not lying! It was a hamster-man, I tell you!"

Will Otter convince Maybe that he's not lying? Maybe. Is he lying? Maybe. Is Maybe maybe only pretending to think Otter's lying? Maybe. And what about Krig's law practice? Please, calm yourself down, and try to wait patiently for the next instalment of NeS. Try not to go into hysterical fits of Riverdancing just because NeS, the most important facet of you pathetic life, hasn't been updated with a real story post since Noah's Flood. Everything is going to be ok...

------------------
Read the Bible, it'll scare the hell out of you.

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited September 20, 2001).]

GTW: ...Galvatron?

Application (a.k.a. Mysterious person): Yeah, that's me...

*crickets can be heard chirping*

Galv: Well, now that you know who I am, this car trip doesn't make much for excitement, does it?

GTW: Where are we going again?

Galv: Uh...

GTW: Uh-oh...

With the return of Galvatron, will short posts once again infect this thread? COULD this post be any more pointless? Hasn't that been at least the fourth time I've asked that? Check in the next installment of The Neverending Story Thread, starring ME! Oh yeah, and some other "heroes", and Morris the cat, and blah-blah-blah...

------------------
~Geb

*Gates stands at the large Plexiglas bridge window of his Super Star Destroyer. Civilian trade ships flit carelessly around. Gates points at one*

Gates: That one.

Gunner Simmons: Yes, sir.

*Gunner Simmons taps a few keys on his targeting computers. Green Bolts lance out from the looming Star Destroyer and into a Corellian Cruise Ship 9000. The ship spirals down to earth, a mass of fiery wreckage.*

Gates: *sigh* Random destruction of innocent civilians doesn’t seem to entertain me as it once did. Maybe I’m getting old.

*An Admiral silently approaches Gates. This one, wisely, has a neck brace.*

Admiral: High Emperor Supreme Majestic Power-Hungry Galactic Dark Lord of the Universe William Gates the IIIrd?

Gates: Admiral #57. You even got my name right!

Admiral #57: Just out of curiosity, what happened to admiral #56?

Gates: Fatal Garbage Compactor Accident.

Admiral #57: Ooh. Garbage Compactors Accidents have accounted for no less than 15 deaths of admirals.

Gates: Yes. Tragic. He probably would have been able to escape the compactor too,if his hands hadn’t been bound and if he didn’t have a concrete block tied to his feet. Like I said: Tragic.

Admiral #57: Sir. I’ve come to inform you that the tests have been positive.

Gates: So I DO have hemorrhoids?

Admiral #57: No, not THOSE tests, the tests for our project.

Gates: Project?

Admiral #57: You know… the Secret Project… with the thing… the one that will bring the end of intelligent life in the Universe…

Gates: WHICH Secret Project that will bring the end of all intelligent life in the Universe!?

Admiral #57: The 16th one. One of the greatest reasons why people refuse to buy our products is because they possess far too much intelligence. One of these examples is the Massassi Forums.

Gates: Yes… Massassi… they have been a constant thorn in my side. They still refuse to like me, even though I’ve told them that they’d better like me or I’d destroy them…

Admiral #57: Well, Massassi… and eventually the rest of the world will not be a problem anymore. They will become mindless drones. Useful only as paperweights. Watch these test results.

*The Admiral clicks open a large laptop. He turns it on and his rewarded with the colorful Windows Symbol. Moments later, he is rewarded with a message that says: Invalid BIOS Value #1556134561337. Polarity Reversal Imminent. Please Contact the Product Vendor.

Admiral #57: High Emperor Supreme Majestic Power-Hungry Galactic Dark Lord of the Universe William Gates the IIIrd? I think I’m supposed to contact you.

Gates: Hmm… it seems that the Windows operating system is still a little buggy. But it’s nothing that defragmenting, running scandisk, reformatting, replacing the keyboard, mouse, monitor, ram chips, hard drive, disk drive, CD Rom drives, and CPU won’t fix.

**Two days later**

*The Admiral initiates a direct video link on his iMac Laptop. Flawlessly, a video image pops up for the Admiral and Bill Gates to view.

*Twenty-two Massassians sit around a table, heads bowed. The lights are off, and an eerie candle lights the room. The Massassians are dressed in dark hooded robes.*

*The Admiral tuns on the sound connection on the laptop*

Gates *confused*: Huh?

Massassian #1: What.

Massassian #2: Who.

Massassian #3: Where.

Massassian #4: Why.

Massassian #5: How.

Massassian #6: Indian

Massassian #7: Cleveland.

Massassian #8: City.

Massassian #9: Urban Crime

Massassian #10: Street Fighter.

Massassian #11: Kung Fu.

Massassian #12: Mr. T.

Massassian #13: Alphabet.

Massassian #14: Sesame Street

Massassian #15: Ernie

Massassian #16: Rubber Ducky

Massassian #17: Quack

Massassian #18: Doctor.

Massassian #19: Death.

Massassian #20: Bad.

Massassian #21: Affirmative Action

Massassian #22: Huh?

Massassian #1: What.

Massassian #2: Who.

Massassian #3: Where.

Gates: Incredible! Look at their Brain Activity!

Admiral #57: 5%... and falling...

Gates: Wow. Check out their post count!

Admiral #57: It's off the charts. Over 20,000. That's even more than Master Piggot.

Gates: How did you manage to accomplish this?

Admiral #57: An agent of ours named Rasolas injected a virus into the Forums called ‘Wordius Associationius or ‘Word Association’ for short. All Massassian energies are directed to the spread and maturation of this thread and virus.

Gates: And you think we can duplicate this on a larger level. Even on the Massassian Interactive Story Board.

Admiral #57: Certainly.

Gates: Excellent.

Massassian #7: Great.

Massassian #8: Good Job!

Massassian #9: You Go!

Massassian #10: UGO

Massassian #11: Hitler

*Curses! The plan of World Domination by Microsoft marches forward! Whatever shall the heroes do. I have no clue, so I hope another writer does. Find out on continuing additions of The Never Ending Story Thread.
String.
Cheese.
Wisconsin.
Cow…*

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited September 23, 2001).]

(OoC: Hey! Watch it! I post on Word Association! Anyhow...)

<On the SSD Windows>

Admiral #57: Sir...

Gates: Yes, admiral 58?

Admiral #57: Actually, sir, its 57.

Gates: Whatever... What is it?

Admiral #57: Well, er, the first Word Association we planted is no longer there...

Gates: WHAT?!?!? What do you mean?!?!

Admiral #57: Our spies say that it either was archived or deleted, they don't know which... But, we've put in WA v2.0 ... which should prove to be more effective... blah blah blah

Gates: Good. See to it that WA stays at the top of the General Discussion forum topics list!

<Elsewhere, in the realm of hte heros...>

*The Mega-ZZTer is sitting at a picnic table in a park, talking to AoG_Dr_J and AoG_JMP, fellow AoG clan members, when suddenly Phantom Master runs up.*

PM: (In mission-briefing-guy voice Hey, Mega! We've got an assignment...

MZZT: Huh? Assignment? I'm not a spy...

PM: Now you are. We're going to blow up Microsoft.

MZZT: Well, *Turns the thought over in his head* Microsoft has brought us the Zone, and Windows does at times make life easier... Microsoft has still done many wrongs! My school uses Win NT! And in Win NT, the command prompt is #$%&! Not even DOSKEY works with it!!!... But then we could get in alot of trouble...

I won't...
I can't...
I shouldn't...
I might...
I'LL DO IT!!!

PM: (in Commanding Officer voice) Okay, let's go! We'll have to find Geb along the way!

MZZT: *Gets up* Okay, I'm with you. HEY!!! MZZT THE WRITER!!!

<In the writer's realm>

MZZTTW: *Snore*

<In the hero's realm>

MZZT: HEY!

<Writer's realm>

MZZTTW: Wha-...?

<Hero's Realm>

MZZT: Gimme STUFF!!!

<Writer's Realm>

MZZTTW: Ok... *Types on his laptop*

<Hero's Realm>

*In an instant, MZZT instantly has every JK and MotS weapon, infinite force, he is an Über Jedi, he has a grapple, a combination lightsaber/staff, and lots of other cool stuff.

He would have been invulnerable too, but then he would have beat up everyone in a very short amount of time and it would have made for dull, predictable reading.*

MZZT: Okay, I'm ready. Let's go.

PM: (In I'm-thinking-about-something voice) Wait.. how are we going to get to the SSD Windows? The other ppl on Earth are ignorant to 'aliens' on other planets! Earth doesn't have interplanetary spaceships yet!

MZZT: Hmm... *Whips out Adam Douglas' 'The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide'. Turns ot the last page in the introduction.* See, here it says how to leave the Earth!

PM: Ok, I'm game.. *Starts for the nearest phone to dial up NASA.*

(Well, g2g, I might have posted more, including the actual list, but I'll post it next time...)

------------------
I pity the fool who pitys the fool!

YaY! No one's posted since Monday!

Why is MZZT happy? Has he become insane?!?!?

No, I came up with a great idea last Monday after I posted, and I was hoping the tohusands of posts since then ( ) wouldn't wreck my idea...

Oh.

Now be quiet.

*Ahem*

-=< In the realm of the heroes... >=-

*MZZT are walking toward the nearest phone*

MZZT: Now, let see... we try NASA, then the White House, (to see if they can have a word with NASA on our behalf) and then the Kremlin, (They have a little influence, so why not try?) and then, if we still can't leave, we call the Pope for guidance. Then, if we STILL can't... well, we flag down a flying saucer and explain that its vitally important that we get away before our phone bills arrive.

PM: ... I see...

MZZT: No you don't, scroll back and read it again, you'll get it.

PM: ... Haha...

*They are approaching a highway at the edge of the park.*

PM: Well, in any case we have to find Geb and...

MZZT: Oh no! Look!

*A Dodge Viper(TM) comes speeding down as road at a speed in the triple-digets MPH!!! The Viper then takes a turn onto the highway so that our heroes can now see it clearer. However, the driver must've thought he was is Britain, because he was driving on the wrong side of the road. At 'excessive' speeds, too.*

PM: Look out!

*The Viper crunches into a short limo with a loud CRUNCH. But because this is only a story, the cars get banged up, but neither catch on fire or anything, and the occupants are unharmed. The driver of the Viper hops out...*

Ares: @#$%!!! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY CAR!!! I HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY, I'M A GOD, A ALWAYS HAVE THE RIGHT OF WAY... @#$%!!!

*The driver of the limo climbs out...*

Geb: Uh, hi Ares...

*The passenger steps out...*

Galvatron: *Says nothing, has look of hate on his face...*

Random Audience Member: Huh? I could have sworn Geb was the passenger and I thought Galv was the driver...

MZZTTW: Sush you.

Ares: WHAT??!??! Da*n you Galv, WHY WON'T YOU DIE?!?!?! I've been chasing you since page one!!! *Moves over to Galv, and uses the Force to lift him about 6 feet into the air...* YOU.. WILL... PAY!!!

Galv: ...

*Ares throws Galv into a skyscraper, which promptly crumbles and falls. Knowing Galv still isn't dead, Ares is satified that Galv is taken care of for now...*

Ares: *Looks at Geb* Wait.., weren't you driving?!?

Geb: *Steps away from driver's side door* Uh, no, it was Galv.... uh, yeah, thats right...

Ares: That fool will pay... *Flies over to the crumbled skyscraper. Various noises, mostly Force Lightnings and Destructions and sounds-that-sound-like-Galv-is-attacking-Ares, come from that area.*

MZZT: Well,.. anyways, Geb, we're glad you're here.

PM: Yes, you must come with us and destroy Microsoft, starting with the SSD Windows.

Geb: Cool.

*They proceed to the nearest phone...*

-=< Elsewhere... >=-

*As you remember, Darkside was traveling to Russia to infect the mind of OLTE. He is now aboard one of the same planes our heroes were aboard earlier...*

Darkside: I hate Russian Air Travel.

*He says as the plane dives into the water and descintegrates. *

------------------
I pity the fool who pitys the fool!

did anyone see the picture on the Net? there was this guy on top of the trade center in new york. he was smiling, and you can see the plane coming at him about 200 meters behind his head.

does anyone know what a g'nillafish is? ive heard that it was some kind of pony/box turtle hybrid that can breath underwater. it was supposed to have this purple thing on its nose that resembles a second cousin of the ICQ logo.

[This message has been edited by Mr_Biggie66 (edited September 28, 2001).]

Excuse me. Your posts have no relevance to NeS. We would all appreciate it if you woud post them on a general discussion topic instead of here.

Oh, uh, yeah... almost forgot...

BUMP!!!

------------------
I pity the fool who pitys the fool!

[This message has been edited by The_Mega_ZZTer (edited October 06, 2001).]

(NSP: Another short post, sponsored by laziness )

Our heroes, Gebohq, MZZT, and Phantom, are on transit to Bill Gate's secret space station, or some similar base that all main bad guys are required to have, when trouble arises...

Geb: Are we there yet?

Phantom: (in aprental accent)No.

Geb: Are we there yet?

Phantom: (in bus driver accent)No.

Geb: Are we--

Phantom: (in fear-inspiring demon accent) If you ask that again, I shall tear your arms from your torso and feast upon them![/b]

Geb: ...

MZZT: Are we there yet?

Phantom: (in fear-inspiring woman accent) Grr...

------------------
~Geb

*Menacingly, a gleeful Bill Gates stares at the reports on the bridge monitors.*

Gates: Excellent. As the Word Association posts increase, the Neverending Story Posts come to a standstill.

*Staring out the bridge window, Admiral #63 spies something.*

*He gulps*

Admiral #63: Sir. They've initiated a BUMP.

Gates: A BUMP? Did I hear you correctly?

Admiral #63: Yes, Sir. A B... U... M... P... A Benevolent Upward Mobility Post. A BUMP. I've got confirmation from Sensors Officers #45 and #32.

Gates: Curses.

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

-=< In the realm of the heroes >=-

MZZT: Are we...

PM: ARGH!!@#$%^&

MZZT: I guess not... *Looks to the heavens and shouts* HEY!!! LAZY PIG WAKE UP!!!

-=< Writer's realm >=-

MZZTTW: *Wakes up* Wha-? Darnnit, my laptop's talking again, isn't it? Ok fine...

C:\USERS\MZZT\DOCUMENTS\NES\>teleport "Gebohq" "Phantom Master" "Mega-ZZTer" to "SSD Windows"

-=< Heroes realm >=-

Gebohq: *Still half asleep* Are we there yet?

PM: Yes.. we are.

Gebohq: *Opens eyes* This doesn't look like NASA... I'd always thought there'd be more rockets.

PM: No! This is the SSD Windows!!!

MZZT: *in Yoda accent* Always remember... the storywriter is your ally, and a powerfull ally he is...

PM: Hey! I'll do all the accents around here!

MZZT: Sorry.

Gebohq: Now... how the hell do we blow this thing up?!?!?

-=< Writer's realm >=-

In a small house in the sleepy town of... erm... well, I'd rather not say 'cause... uh... you know... anvils... ahem. Well, anyways there's this hacker...

Evil Hacker: Ha! Let's see if I can hack into http://forums.massassi.net/ !

...

EH: I did it!!! HAHAHA!!! Now, lets see...

EH: Well, I could wipe the server's drive... bah, it's no fun anymore, I already did it to poor http://www.swgamers.com/nest/ and a bunch of others... it's just not fun anymore.

EH: Hey, what's this? 'NeS'? Okay, what's this?

EH: Hm... let's see... 'Current PPL'... hm... It says...

MZZT - MZZT.3DO
PM - PM.3DO
GEBOHQ - GEBOHQ.3DO

EH: Let's change it to:

MZZT - JARJAR.3DO
PM - YODA.3DO
GEBOHQ - YODA.3DO

EH: Ha! I love it!! Uh oh, they spotted me! *Logs off*

-=< Heroes realm >=-

MZZT: Well... mesa thinkin.... hey... mesa think somethingsa wrong!

PM: Agree I do... right this does not feel... short I am!

GEB: @#$%%^!!! Jar Jar Binks you are, MZZT! And Yoda we are Phantom!!!

Stormie (with legion of Stormies behind him): Halt!

MZZT: Wesa die in here!

GEB: Shut up, hate your voice I do.

-=< Writer's realm >=-

MZZTTW: *Wakes up again* Snort.. I'm not usually this sleepy... Massetto must've slipped sleeping pills in my coffee again... gr.... *Looks at screen* Hey, what happened to the guys? There's Jar Jar and.. TWO YODAS!?!?!? Well, I know how to fix that! *Taps on keyboard*

*One of the Yodas disappears*

MZZTTW: Well, that's that.... Darn you Masseto... *Snores and sleeps*

(OoC: What ever happened to http://www.swgamers.com/nest/ - The Crow's Nest?!?! It was my favorite DF site! Does anyone know? It just disappeared one day and I never saw it again... *sniffle*)

------------------
I pity the fool who pitys the fool!

<WR>
STW, sitting behind his CEO desk at B.U.M.P. &co., parent enterprise of the various international B.U.M.P. subdivisions: "Hmmn... This report doesn't look good! Apparently the Out Of Character startup has gained a foothold in our corporate realm and is cutting into our obscene prophets!"

KTW, dressed in a formal suit with modest, black silk viking horns: "Sir don't you mean profits?"

STW: "What makes you say that?"

KTW: "Well the only prophet we ever controlled was Geb the Poster... and he's not really a loss to be concerned about"

STW: "Ah.... What changed your accent?"

KTW: "The Last True Evil The Cassonova Look Alike gave me some tips on women."

STW: "Weren't all TLT----"

KTW, cutting him off: "Sir! you're about to create a plot hole!"

STW: "Err... sorry... Ak, plot hole!"

KTW: "Actually I think it's just a flashback from your maniacal CEO greed speech."

STW: "Ah."

FBFSTW'SMCEOGS: *picture of Bill Gates* "I must crush them all before they cut into my prophets!" *picture of Gates' underling* "I think you meant 'profits', sir."

STW: "Egad! I have become what I set out to destroy!"

STW runs towards the window and jumps out.

STW: "Ouch!"

KTW: "Sorry sit, we had the CEO office moved to the ground floor when the last CEO pulled that one."

STW *climbing back in*: "Dang! What now?"

KTW: "You have to be a responsable CEO and guide this company back to it's original righteous path."

STW: "Can I resign?"

KTW: "According to my hero you have a legally binding contract."

STW: "Dang!"

Egad! Is it true!?!? Has our beloved B.U.M.P.co. fallen to the level of the evil Microsoft? They would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for those pesky writers, and thier upstart, O.O.C. co.

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

(OoC: I started a Word Association topic on my youth group's forum! http://www.deltaministries.org/ It's cool... if you don't use IE, you can't enter from there. Enter from http://www.deltaministries.org/index2.php , just don't try using Netscape to register for the forum, it'll crash.)

-=< Heroes Realm, SSD Windows >=-

Gebohq(Yoda): Missing a person, I think we are.

Stormie (remember, with a legion of other stormies behind him): Where'd the other Yoda go!?!?

MZZT(JJB): Yes, wesa missing Phantom!

Stormie: Alright, come with us.

-=< Later, in a cell in the detention block... >=-

MZZT: *paces* Mesa outta this! Wesa bein crunched!

Geb: Stop pacing you should, or make me nervous, you will!

MZZT: *stops pacing* Maybe, if wesa call loud enough... the guds will hearsa us and send usen help!

Geb: *bright light goes on* Think this won't happen, I do. But think that we can get help from the storywriters, I DO!!!

Geb, MZZT: *Yell to MZZTTW*

Imp Officer: SHUT UP!!!

Geb, MZZT: ...

MZZT: Wait!! Wesa have da FORCE!!!

*In a second, the door blows off the cell. Before the legion of stormies and officers can react, they are all Force Blinded and punched to death... MZZT and Geb take the stormies' weapons.*

Geb: Navigate the air ducts we must, to get to the reactor!

MZZT: Whysa?

Geb: The traditional way of blowing up starships, this is! The Arc Hammer! The VSD Audacity! The...

MZZT: But mesa tink people'll find it unoriginal! Wesa must have ORIGINAL way!

Geb: Hmmm.. Know I do! Me you will follow!

*Geb dissapears up an air vent, aided by his small height. MZZT, on the other hand, is tall and clumsy.*

MZZT: Mesa hate this.

*Anyways, they finally reach the bridge, and are in an air vent right outside it.*

MZZT: *realizes where they are* Wesa die up here!

Geb: Shhh!

The Last True Evil Stormie: What was that?!?!? An intruder!

Geb: Ack.

MZZT: *Steps out of shaft* Hido! Mesa Jar Jar Binks! Mesa janitor!

TLTES: Oh. Ok.

Geb: *whispering from air vent* Good job, you did. Now destroy the reactor from Gates' laptop somehow, you must do.

MZZT: Gates, sir...

BG: *Swivels chair around* IT'S NOT JUST 'GATES'!!! SAY MY FULL TITLE... ah, never mind. Here, clean my laptop. AND I DON'T WANT A SPECK OF DUST ON IT!!!

MZZT: Okieday... *takes laptop*

*With JJB's clumsiness, MZZT drops the laptop. As it hurtles (ok, falls) toward the floor, Gates' mouth drops open in horror (he had just installed Linux). As it hits the floor, the monitor snaps off. The wires from the monitor to the CPU are still intact, and the monitor still works. It flips right side up as it hits. The keyboard/CPU hits the floor keys down. Somehow, with JJB's luck, the keys hit in exactly the right order and secquence to... well, i'll let you see the screen:

C:\>format c:
Are you sure you wish to format non-removable drive C?Y

Formatting, 100% done.

Memory Allocation Error!
Cannot find COMMAND.COM

Cannot load Command Prompt
System Halted

*As Gates gapes in horror at what he sees, a klaxon resounds throughout the ship:*

Computer: Warning. Reactor instable. Meltdown in 10 minutes.

Gates: #$%^&*. Computer! Teleport me to the SSD Outernut Exploder! *Looks at MZZT* This is only a minor setback... *Disappears in shimmering light*

*Explosions rock the SSD Windows as Geb crawls out of the air duct. The personal on the bridge has long since left to the command shuttle.*

Computer: Time estimation given using Microsoft Download Time Estimation Technology. 5 min until reactor meltdown.

Geb: Not good, this is. Unreliable, Microsoft Time Estimation is. About 1 min, we really have.

Will Geb and MZZT get off the SSD Windows in time?!?!?!
Will one of the storywriters realize MZZTTW's mistake and turn MZZT and Geb back to themselves, and restore PM?!?!?!?
Will /me ever figure out why the Zone banned him from the JK game rooms for the rest of today?!?!? (Why did they do that?!?! Must've been Advanced zTools...)

------------------
I pity the fool who pitys the fool!

MZZT, can you delay the destruction of Microsoft for a bit. Work on another realm or something. I've got a big post dealing with it.

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

*Geb and MZZT make their way down the corridors to an escape pod. They meet little resistance from the stormies, as they are busy trying to save the ship (how pitiful). Anyways, our heroes manage to find an unused escape pod. They climb in.*

MZZT: Mesa tinking wesa lucky! *Pulls launch lever.*

Computer: Internal Error. A)bort R)erty F)ail I)gnore.

Geb: Explain the escape pod still being here, it does...

*They both start screaming 'Ignore' at the pod for a few minutes.*

Computer: Nuclear meltdown in 30 seconds...

MZZT: Mesa have an idea! Computer! Teleport usen to.. uh... Earth!

Computer: Unrecognised language.

MZZT:

Geb: Teleport us to earth, you will, computer!!!

Computer: Language identified. Yodaspeak. Translating... complete. Access Denied, voiceprint invalid.

Geb:

Computer: Nuclear meltdown in 10...9...8...

MZZT: Wesa die en here!

Computer 7...6...5...4...

*Suddenly, PM appears out of nowhere.*

PM (in Bill Gates voice): Teleport me, Geb, and MZZT to Earth at coordinates Alpha, Delta, 4882!!!

*As the ship lights up, you know, like theres about to be an atomic explosion, they disappear.*

*When they materialized on Earth, they look up into the sky and see a really big explosion. (BTW The next day scientists all over the world insists it was a meteor with a composition of a compound that was volitile with oxygen, and when it hit the atmosphere it exploded, blah blah blah...)* Anyways, PM, Geb, and MZZT talk.*

MZZT: Thanx... hey! I'm not JarJarfied anymore! And Geb! You're not Yoda!

Geb: Hey Phantom! How'd you do it?

PM: Well, PM the writer couldn't find me, so he figured something was wrong. He put me back in and changed you back during transport.

MZZT: Kewl.

PM's Dick Tracy watch: <BEEP>

PM: Excuse me, I have a call.

*PM turns around and talks to the other person. After a while he hangs up and turns back to face Geb and MZZT.*

PM: That was our employer. We found out that the Windows was completely and utterly distroyed.

Geb: *In fake utter astonishment* No!

PM: Yes. But here's the bad news. Microsoft has just completed the SSD Windows XP. The SSD Windows was about to be retired anyway.

Geb and MZZT: *groan*

PM: We'll receive new assignments about what to do about this new threat shortly.

(OoC: Bob I hope I didn't mess up your next post too much. You can adjust it to fit the XP if neccessary.)

------------------
I pity the fool who pitys the fool!

NSP: Wow, MZZT, great posts about Gates. Your best so far. However I have a plotline that I've been working on for a few weeks. (I haven't had much time) Keep all your posts. They're good


*As firey explosions run down the keel of the Super Star Destroyer, Gates and a few admirals shove themselves into a small escape pod. Gates taps in a release code on the escape pod computer.*

Computer: Syntax Error. Please correct.

Gates: STUPID COMPUTER!

*Admiral #73 whips out a chainsaw and cuts the escape pod free, giving it a push with his boot. The pod seperates just as the ship is blown to snot.*

*Several Hours later*

Admiral #65: Mr. Gates! Admiral #89 is hitting me!

Admiral #89: Am not!

Admiral #65: Are too!

Admiral #89: Am not!

Admiral #65: Are too!

Admiral #73: Are we there yet?

Gates: This wasn’t supposed to happen. This wasn’t supposed to turn out this way. I was supposed to have a nice peaceful life, with a wife, and some kids, and world domination. And then this had to happen.

Admiral #65: Don’t fell bad. The SSD Windows XP will be completed in no time.

Gates: Blast it all!

Admiral #89 *looking at the burning fragments of slag of the SSD Outernut Exploder*
Gates: Do you know how expensive one of those things are! It will take me a WEEKS salary to replace. Not to mention the damage it will do to our stock market.

*Suddenly, with a blinding flash of… uh… darkness, a shadow appears in the escape pod. It has burning red eyes, and electricity runs from fingertip to fingertip*

Gates: Do you mind? It’s crowded enough in here as it is.

Darkside: You mean this isn’t Salk Middle School?

Gates: Not that I know of.

Darkside: Curses! I have a possession job I’ve got to do there I’m late for.

Gates: But, since were here, do you think you could help us.

Darkside: I help no man.

Gates: What if it will aid you in the destruction of the world?

Darkside: Okay, I’m listening.

*Gates quickly explains their situation.*

Darkside: Easily resolved. I’ll just go back in time, before the explosion, and create dissent in the writers minds.

Gates: How simple. I wonder why I didn’t think of that?

Darkside: I’ll even perform the task for you, if you um… SELL ME YOUR SOUL!

Gates: You moron. I don’t have a soul.

Darkside: Fine. No soul. No deal. That’s my final offer.

Gates: I do have something else I could give you.

Darkside: Human Sacrifices?

Gates *looks at Admirals*: Maybe, those too. But I was thinking more along the lines of… stock options.

Darkside: Ooh. Deal
---------------------

*Several Hours before the destruction of the SSD, in the writers office. While most of the writers are involved in a high paced game of Candyland or Tiddlywinks, Janitor Bob the writer tiredly browses through the last few NES posts.*

Bob the Writer: Really. A g’nillafish. I never knew…

*Suddenly his eye catches something, but doesn’t scratch the retina.*

Bob the Writer: Wait a minute… Bill Gates’ Star Destroyer isn’t called the SSD Windows, it’s called the Explorer Mark VI!

MZZTTW: No it’s not. It’s called the SSD Windows

Bob the Writer: Decieve yourself all you want. Here it is. Right here. Right now. In 12 point, TIMES NEW ROMAN FONT, posted September 16, 2001 04:34 PM! And I quote:


MZZTTW *Raspberries*: Obsolete. And I quote posted September 24, 2001 05:52 PM, :

Bob the Writer: WHAT! My post came first! Mine needs to take precedent!

MZZTW: The only thing YOURS needs to take is an editing. Remember “The first shall be last and the last shall be first”.

Bob the Writer: You’re taking that verse out of context! You… you… one post story killer…

MZZTW: I know you are but what am I.

Bob the Writer: Oh yeah… well… so’s your old man!

*As the argument increases in volume, and the two writers start to hit each other with various computer parts, Losien quietly offers a suggestion*

Losien the Writer: Uh… maybe we could just say that the Star Destroyer name is constantly changing…

Cooked Haggis: Why does this seem so familiar…

Bob the Writer: Flamer!

MZZTW: Troll!

*Bob moves to strangle MZZTW with the mousecord, and MZZTW heaves a computer monitor over his head towards Bob. Bob rolls, and the monitor shatters through the window.*

*Bob throws a keyboard at MZZTW*

*MZZTW ducks, and the keyboard hurtles towards the office door*

*The door opens, revealing an exhausted and thoroughly panicked Geb the Writer*

*The Keyboard smacks Geb across his forehead, knocking off the ‘W’ key.*

Geb the Writer: Guys! Stop the presses! We have a potentially deadly emergency. Microsoft has purchased even more businesses!

Sem the Writer: Yeah… so what’s new about that.

Geb the writer: Well, this time… our heroes are working for the businesses that have been purchased. Our heroes are now, effectively, working for Microsoft.

*Silence. Apathy. A few yawns. An angry look from Bob and MZZTTW.*

Bob the Writer: Do you mind, Geb. We’re TRYING to have a violent debate, here.
-----------------

*The Realm of the Heroes. Inexplicably, and unpredictably, day has finally turned to night. Darkness covers the city of… *cough*siliconvalley*cough*. However, heroes don’t need sleep. Sleep is only for wimps, and teenagers. In fact, the only hero ever to go to sleep is RobX, who is currently dead.*

*Dressed in black outfits, ski masks, and grease paint, Maybe and Otter attempt to break into the hospital, to find the Truth About Hamster Man.*

Maybe: I still think the Ski Masks are a little much.

Otter: Hey, Sem wears them.

Maybe. Yeah… but that’s just Sem. And he’s well… Sem.

*Otter steps unto a dumpster and immediately disappears. A few minutes later he gets out, closes the lid and steps onto it again. Maybe jumps onto it after him*

Maybe: Did you bring the glass cutters?

Otter: Sure thing.

*Otter head butts the glass window and it shatters. Daintily, Maybe steps through. Klutzily, Otter falls through.*

Otter: Ouch. Well, at least I had those glass shards to cushion my fall.

*Normally, there would still be medical personnel in hospitals at midnight. However, because of an agreement with the HMO’s, hospitals are now only open from 7 to 11.*

*Otter and Maybe travel through the halls, dodging security cameras and infra red beams all the way. Finally they arrive at a large double door, covered in Bold Red Ink that says, “Trespassers will be operated on.”*

Maybe: Do you have the lock pick?

Otter: Yep.

*Otter pulls out a Rocket Propelled Grenade launcher and fires it, point blank, at the door. After the dust clears, and Maybe and Otter put out the fires on their clothes, they step through the hole to look at the room and look around.*

*A maze of large pipes. A netted box containing piles upon piles of colored spherical objects. An oddly dressed statue in the corner. The statue has flamingly bright red hair. A receptacle which holds all sorts of footwear. The camera finally spins around to reveal a large sign.*

Maybe: *Reading sign* Welcome to McDonalds Playland. Otter, this doesn’t seem very ominous.

Otter: I swear. It was different the last time I was here. There wasn’t a playland. There was a medical research facility. There was rats, and vials, and chemicals, and toxic gases, and… and… Hamster Man.

Maybe: You know, I’m not sure why, but I just don’t believe this Hamster Boy story.

Otter: But you’ve got to believe me. Half Hamster. Half Man. All evil.

Maybe: Uh… huh…
------------------------------------

*Meanwhile, aboard the SSD… uh… Office Assistant, Bill Gates cracks his knuckles evilly.*

Gates: How goes World Domination plan #42?

Admiral #61: Excellent. Hamster Man has been moved and is on route.

Gates: Excellent. Simply Excellent. This is our first World Domination plan that involves Genetic Mutation. Have the witnesses been… *Gates makes quotation marks with his fingers* “taken care of”.

Admiral #61: Naturally.

Gates: Excellent.
-----------------------------------
*Meanwhile, in the writers Realm*

MZZTTW: *Wakes up* Wha-? Darnnit, my laptop's talking again, isn't it? Ok fine...

[/I]*C:\USERS\MZZT\DOCUMENTS\NES\>teleport "Gebohq" "Phantom Master" "Mega-ZZTer" to "SSD Windows*[/I]

-----------

*Geb, Phantom Master, and MZZT, find themselves being teleported. But this time, things are different.*

*They find themselves in a black expanse of nothingness. White words hang ominously over their head.*

Words: Bad Command or File Name.

MZZT: This doesn’t look like the SSD Windows.
Geb: Or the SSD Explorer Mark IV.

Phantom Master *In Geek Accent*: Zounds! That must evidently mean that the internal teleportation combustion valve has had an erroneous value inputted into its BIOS tray.

Geb: Meaning…?

MZZT: The file path, or name has been changed. We’ll have to find another way to get there.

*With another all-too-familiar flash o’ Teleportation™, the heroes appear at the roof of a large office building topped with the letters “B”, “U”, “M”, and the ever popular “P”*

*An idea hits Geb but ricochets off his thick scull and hits Phantom Master*

Phantom Master *In British Accent*: By Jove, I think I’ve got it.
--------------------------

*A lonely stretch of Highway. There is no moon, and only the van’s headlights are able to pierce the droves of pelting rain. The van speeds recklessly… ambitiously… A keen observer could make out the faded letters UGO on side of the van.*

*After the incident’ UGO had been sued by for unlawful business ethics, kidnapping, speeding, and posting Banner Ads without a license. With Krig D. Vyking presiding as attorney, UGO’s legal team was crushed (sometimes with a large Viking club) and was forced to settle out of court. The settlement bankrupted the company, and UGO’s president decided that it simply wasn’t profitable to sell Banner Ads anymore. With a drastic new vision and purpose UGO decided to become a Parcel Delivery Service. (United Giving Organization).*

*The back of the van is loaded with crates and boxes. One crate is bigger, marked Fragile This side up. It reaches the top of the van, which because of those convenient plotholes is over 20 feet (Or since, the heroes are in china 167 Yen) high.*

*Three guards in blue uniforms with tazers that could be used for anti-aircraft purposes stand nearby, fidgeting with their weapons nervously. They eye the box and gulp*

*Phil the UGO Driver was having another bad day. First he had waken up early and couldn’t get back to sleep. Then his toaster had exploded, setting fire to his furniture. Then he found out that UGO’s insurance policy only covers blender accidents. Then he found out that his car had been mistakenly given away on ‘Win Ben Stines Money’, so he had to get to work in one of his sons Tonka Trucks that you push with your feet. Then he found that his company had been turned into a parcel delivery service. Then he found out that the Twin Trade Towers had been bombed. And then he found out that his yogurt can had broken in his sack lunch. He hated his job, he hated his life, and he hated his wife. (Actually more accurately, his wife hated him.)*

* “You never liked that couch anyway, honey,” he had told his wife.*
“But that doesn’t give you an excuse to burn it down!”
“How was I supposed to know that you weren’t supposed to put a Pop-Tart in a toaster and then jam down the lever?”*

*He decided that as soon as this last delivery job was over, he would quit his UGO job and become a stamp collector.*

Phil: Well, at least things can’t get any worse.

*Phil didn’t realize, that when your in a humorous story, you never ever ever say, “At least things can’t get any worse.*
*Phil starts hearing voices from the behind the partition that separates him from the cargo*

Guard #1: The Box is moving!

Guard #2: It’s shaking!

Guard #3: Crud, didn’t you give it the anesthetic!

Guard #1:These anesthetics are meant for elephants, not for creatures like these!

Guard #2: It’s breaking through…. Crud… get your tazers ready.

Guard #1: Mine’s out of batteries.

Guard #3: Mine’s not. I always use Deracell™. For long lasting battery life, when you really need it.

Guard #2: You idiot! This is not the time for product placement! It’s free!

Guard #1: Gates specifically said he wanted it alive.

Guard #2: What about us being alive?

Guard #1: Uh… he didn’t mention anything about that…

Cargo: ROAR!

Tazer: ZAAAAAAP!!!

Cargo: Ouch! That hurt, you morons!

Guard #1: I think you just made him madder…

Guard #2: YEEEOW! It’s got my leg!

Guard #3: AAH! *Chomp* Uhg.

Guard #1: *gurgle*

*Suddenly, the van goes silent, and all Phil hears are the swish-swash of his window wipers.*

Phil: *Nervously* Heh. Those silly guards. Trying to play a trick on ol’ Phil the UGO driver! Heh… heh…

*A large claw comes through the partition next to Phil’s neck.*

Phil: Heh.

*The creature rips the partition free, revealing a 20 feet tall monster, with rippling fur, huge fangs, a humanoid body, and a still-hungry appetite. It burps, spitting out a shoe, a guard leg, and a taser.*

Phil: Half man… and half… hamster?

*Phil reaches under the seat and flips through the UGO DRIVERS GUIDE TO UNEXPECTED INCIDENTS. He flips past, How to jump from a moving vehicle, what to do if you are being chased by a Duct Tape Mummy, and finally to Hamster Man: Monster or Myth?

*Hamster Man reaching down a claw and shreds the book to pieces.*

*Phil, being careful to keep the van on the road, decides that now would be a good time for diplomacy.*

Phil: Hamster Man. What a pleasant surprise. What’s got you so upset?
Hamster Man: *ROAR* Idiots forgot to put air holes in the box they were transporting me in.

Phil: What an unfortunate mistake. Want a Mentos™?

Hamster Man: Now is not the time for product placement, foolish mortal!

*Hamster Man eyes Phil, licks his lips and lunges for him.*

*Phil decides that now would not be a good time for diplomacy. Just as the Hamster Man dives towards Phil, Phil stamps the brake lever to the van floor. Phil has his seatbelt on. Hamster Man does not.*

*Hamster man flies through the front windshield in a shower of glass. He hits the highway and skips several times. Phil has a sore neck, but is otherwise unharmed.*

(See not only does the Never Ending Story teach about morality, dilemmas, respect, and table manners, but it also talks a fair bit about vehicular safety! Environmental Ecology is next week.)

*Hamster man gets up off the highway, and searches for Phil.*

*Phil does not move, partially because he realizes that it may be his only chance for survival, but mainly because the airbag has him pinned to the front seat.*

*Hamster man, having the brain of a Hamster, does not see Phil. Instead it tilts back it’s head and lets out a mighty roar, and tromps off towards Tokyo*

*Cripes, that was a long post. Will Darkside travelling back in time confuse the audience (and the writers) even more. Will MZZTTW and Janitor Bob the Writer ever resolve their disagreement. How will the heroes reach the SSD ??? this time? Can Otter ever prove that Hamster Man exists? Even though the eyewitnesses, have either been eaten, killed, or are pinned to an airbag? Why is Phil such a pessimist? Does it go back to a bad experience with Duct Tape Mummies as a child? What lies in fate for Tokyo? Will other writers ever write for the NeverEnding Story Again? Find out next time… if there will BE A NEXT TIME… on the NeverEnding Story: Monster or Myth?


------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited October 15, 2001).]

lol!!!!

I LOVED THAT POST!!!

Can't think of anything right now, but I'll post when something comes to me.

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I pity the fool who pitys the fool!

Off in the backdrop of the setting known as "The Neverending Story Thread", a small glowing dot, a fairy, flutters about in the darkness. As graceful as a dancer, the fairy spins in the space around it, floating like a drifting snowflake. So delicate, so graceful...

*SMACK!*

The fairy's body was flat upon some unseen wall in the darkness. With as much grace as a drunk, the fairy flutters now towards the camera. We can see now that the fairy is anything BUT delicate. In fact, the fairy--

Fairy: If you call me that ONE more time, punk, I'm a-gonna hit ya SO hard that your momma is gonna feel it!

Sheesh, calm down. Fine fine, what do you want, vertically challaged one with a high voice...

Fairy: 'ey, I don't wanna see your ugly mug eitha! But I'm here ta help out this thread here, ya hear? But I can only help, little kids, if you clap your hands a WHOLE lot. And I need a whole bunch of ya, mmk?

Alright then. You heard him, kids! Post some clapping, so that The Neverending Sotry Thread can regain its strength to go on!

------------------
~Geb

*claps hands*

*claps hands*

*claps hands*

*sneezes, and crab-walks out of the scene*

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I created the most popular toilet 3do ever!
http://files.massassi.net/3do/toilet2.zip

*claps hands*

MZZT: *claps hands*

MZZT's Friends #1 through 32767: *clap hands*

Thats 32768 people in ONE post.

------------------
I pity the fool who pitys the fool!

*Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps* *Claps*
*Spontaneously Combusts*
Whoops, did it wrong.

*STW inserts gratuitous claps of thunder onto the Massassi Forums Page*

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The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

The BUMP organization starts clapping, all 1337 employees, from adminstrators to janitors, all hailing the Neverending story Thread.

(NSP: Stupid Massassi forums for being so difficult and ruining my plans...)

------------------
~Geb