(NSP: The original transcript of the side-story "NeS: A TACC Comedy" can be found here or you can read a copy of it below. Keep in mind the original dates which these were posted as well as that this copy looses italics, smilies, etc.)
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02-16-2002 12:02 AM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
NeS in the Realm of TACC
If you are reading this for the first time, and you know the TACC references well (being a TACC regular helps), please feel free to post for this thread (because you can't mess up NeS--it's thy nature, sort of like ANS I hear...), as the non-TACC regulars (like myself) need all the help we can get Thank you.
(NSP: Sorry, nothing here right now, as I'm rather tired, but I plan to put up something soon, though I give Absolver and/or anyone who's talked with Absolver or myself first to start this off. The basic premise will be a short tale of characters from The Neverending Story Thread over at The Interactive Story Board at The Massassi Temple (read Page 29 of it for current and important information regarding what the characters and flow of it are) come over and have their own adventure over here at TACC, where other TACC writers, such as CookedHaggis, AKPiggot, Chris Hill, muurgh, Wuss, and what have you can join in. If you have any further questions, please e-mail myself or Absolver about it.
Hope this will prove to be fun)
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~Geb
Last edited by Gebohq on 03-25-2002 at 12:58 PM
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02-16-2002 07:20 PM
Gettleburger
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Registered: Feb 2002
Location:
Posts: 5
*somehow finds himself in the realm of TACC..but yet a part of him is left in the Arena..weird.*
Gettle: 2 minutes here and I'm already bored..I think I'm going to take a nap...*ZZZZZzzzzzzzz*
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02-17-2002 12:01 AM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Introduction
(NSP: Alright, let's see if I can start this up vague enough for others to follow after)
Within a bustling urban spaceport, found in the realm known as TACC, the story of life carries on as it normally does. That is to say, nothing very normal carried on. In a deserted alleyway though, something abnormal even in this realm appeared. That something was a mystical swirl, known to some as a plothole.
Spewing from the mystical swirl was a man wearing black pants and a blue shirt. His hair rivaled that of Mark Hamill's from Star Wars and Kevin Bacon's from Tremors. From all appearances, if one were to know such things, they would recognize him as someone from the realm of Massassi. As it was though, the only one that took notice of him was a cat, which had promptly bolted from the scene.
This man happened to be Gebohq, "leader" of the NeS heroes.
Gebohq: *grumble*...Stupid plot-hole wrinkled my shirt...
(NSP: Alright, my lazines kicked in again, so I only have up a character description. Same thing applies as before (Absolver, help me out here! lol) and yadda-yadda, blah blah blah...you probably get the idea. It'll spring off into another toaster/ANS/whatever story, with a NeS twist)
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~Geb
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02-17-2002 10:18 AM
Gettleburger
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Registered: Feb 2002
Location:
Posts: 5
Gettle: OH MY GOD! WHAT IS TH--.. oh. it's my reflection..yes, yes, I knew that.. *goes back to combing his hair*
*Gettle just "happens" to be in a moldy run-down apartment right above where Geb appears. Coincidence..? Maybe.*
*looks down out of a broken window*
Gettle: Geb!!!! What are YOU doing here?
Geb: No, what are YOU doing?
*Gettle looks at his script and notices it has a budweiser logo on it..suspicious*
Could this be a plot by the locol TACC budweiser brewery? Are we already getting in trouble? Why don't I let you think for yourself, you bratty brainless bags of burbiness!!!
Last edited by Gettleburger on 02-18-2002 at 07:52 AM
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02-21-2002 08:09 AM
Absolver
Stormtrooper
Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 8
Enter the Dragon-er, or me
*Suddenly, two dark-clothed men with shark smiles casually stroll into Gebohq, who is still scrutinising the effects of a plot hole on one's clothing, and force him into the alley wall. Gettleburger, seeing plainly what is about to occur, dons his smoking jacket and slippers, and grabs his pipe, before quickly leaving his apartment.*
Gebohq: Oof. Can I hel-
Mugger 1: Gimmee the cash!
Gebohq: Uh...you fellows aren't from a charity by any chance, no?
Mugger 2: Gimmee the cash or I'll stick ya!
*To emphasise the point, the mugger draws a nasty looking blade from his trenchcoat and holds it to Geb's abdomen.*
Gebohq: No thanks, I gave at the office.
Mugger 1:Ohh, a wiseguy, huh? Show him what we think of wiseguys, Vinnie!
*"Vinnie" produces a flow chart and an easel and convinces Gebohq, rather persuasively, that wise guys are in fact held in very low esteem, at least to the two of them.*
Gebohq: I see. Well, that was fascinating, and thank you very much for the complimentary mug, but I think I'd better be getting around to some sort of plot development in this thread-
*At this point, the muggers decide to cut their losses, and instead of pulling out the several-hour-long seminar on how they need Gebohq's money, kill him instead. Fortunately, as the blade arcs toward Gebohq's neck, a plot hole opens between the two men. Gebohq himself is flung unceremoniously into the mass of garbage cans and waste behind him, as sounds of a one-way scuffle echo to his position. Finally, the smoke clears, and he can make out the mobsters standing over a crumpled man clad completely in black, with a cape and sunglasses.*
Mugger 1: What an idiot! He couldn't even see us with those sunglasses on!
Mugger 2: Let's just geddoutta here!
*They stroll away, laughing. Gebohq kneels over the unconscious form of-*
Gebohq: Absolver!
Absolver: *Groan* As you were, Geb...
*Gebohq helps his ally up.*
Gebohq: What are you doing here?
Absolver: I knew you'd need some help in this story, so I took the perfect opportunity to step in and save you, but I..uh..didn't account for it being dark. Sorry.
*Gettleburger runs into the scene, puffing furiously on his pipe.*
Gettleburger: I say, chaps, where are those ruffians? I'll give them the what-for!
Absolver: Why have you got an obvious British theme to your character in this thread?
Gettle: I thought it rather fitting that one of us had an air of sophistication to him, old boy. What say the three of us mosey on up to my apartment for a glass of brandy beside the fire whilst we work out what a predicament we're in?
Gebohq: Sounds...good...I think....
Gettle: Jolly good. Tally-ho!
*He starts back out of the alley. Absolver and Gebohq shrug and follow him, just in time to miss the final plot hole open, and a familiar being of unspeakable evil follow them from a distance...*
__________________
Every 6 months, when I make my TACC bi-annual visit, I always have to re-register. Shame, shame, shame.
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02-22-2002 10:01 AM
JorBo
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Registered: Feb 2002
Location:
Posts: 2
With a flash of light, another hero emerges from a Plothole.
A hero who needs no introduction...
JorBo: Then why are you introducing me?
Good point.
*JorBo spots The Being of Unspeakable Evil TM *
JorBo: Holy mother of all cows!!! What is that thing?
The BoUE turns around and glares at JorBo.
It's eyes are black as something black and are lit with some inner evil glow.
JorBo: It's a 3 foot gorilla with no hair and a eye!
The BoUE grins.
It's black and yellow teeth show through it's naked lips.
It knows that there is nowhere for JorBo to run.
The BoUE charges.
JorBo: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Last edited by JorBo on 02-22-2002 at 10:04 AM
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02-22-2002 06:45 PM
Super C3PO
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: I am nowhere, yet SOMEWHERE!
Posts: 616
This story is getting nowhere. Guess it's up to me...
The BoUE attacks, but being only three feet tall (and obviously pathetically weak), it knocks itself out cold.
JorBo walks down the street. He feels a drop of water on his sleeve and looks up to see the clouds unleash a torrent of water. With nowhere to escape from the downpour, JorBo keeps on walking down the street. Suddenly, a limo pulls up next to JorBo and passenger door opens revealling Anthony Piggot (couldn't think of anybody else) wearing a very expensive suit with a martini in his hand.
AKP:Come in.
JorBo walks inside, keeping his hand on his gun; just in case things get... out of hand.
AKP: You must be the famous JorBo, the local mercenary.
JorBo: Yeah.
AKP: Would you be interested in doing a job for me?
JorBo: Why would you need a low-life like me to do a job for you?
Anthony sighs,
AKP: You know, it's not easy being the most famous editor around. Everybody looks up to you, tiny little people that don't mean a thing to me. But they provide me with an income, so I have to be careful that nobody else outdoes me.
JorBo: I'm listening.
AKP: An editor named Salv is making a level called GoF2. I have seen some pics and do not like what I see. I need you take care of him.
JorBo: How much will it pay?
AKP: Five-Thousand a day, plus expenses.
JorBo: ... Let me think about it.
AKP: Driver stop.
The limo comes to a stop near a derilict theater.
AKP: Hears my card. Let me know when you have decided.
JorBo Opens the door and walks out. After closing the door behind him, the limo drives off. He looked at the business card Anthony gave him.
-----
.Anthony Piggot
Proudly making the best levels since the early nineties.
Contact me at 697-5783 (made up)
-----
JorBo put the card in his pocket and went to see if there was anything worth watching in the theater
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02-22-2002 07:22 PM
CookedHaggis
Commander
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 785
You know, I would've thought that Ant's business card would have his name spelled correctly...
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02-22-2002 11:40 PM
Super C3PO
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: I am nowhere, yet SOMEWHERE!
Posts: 616
Yeah, well it's his own dang fault!
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02-23-2002 08:34 PM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
That thing called a "plot"
Within an abandoned and delerict room that seems to bear a strong resemblence to room in The Matrix where Neo first met Morpheus, Gebohq, Gettleburger, and Absolver sit comfortably. Absolver dons a pair of sunglasses and a very fashionable dark outfit.
Absolver: We have very little time, so I must be brief--
Gettle: Will we get to wear cool clothes and sunglasses like yours?
Absolver: Soon, my friend, soon. Gebohq, do you know where "here" is?
Geb: The mat--er--the realm of TACC, right?
Absolver: Do you know what your presence here means?
Geb: That I'm the Chosen one?
Absolver: Don't be stupid. No.
Geb: Well if you know so much, you tell me why?
Absolver: In due time. First, we must wait for another to arrive...ah, here he is now.
*The door opens dramatically, and lightning crashes, outlining the sillouette of a figure in the doorway. It was CookedHaggis, his formal attire drenched in rain.*
CookedHaggis: THERE you are! This place seems to have the crappiest weather at the worst times, and that happens more often than not. Come on now, I'm taking you two out of here.
Geb: Thank God. This realm was beginning to creep me out.
Absolver: CookedHaggis, I'm glad you could make it. Unfortunately, all the exits out of this realm have been cut off, so you all are stuck here.
Gettle: How did that happen?
Absolver: An old nemises of mine is the cause. I believe he is yours as well, Gebohq. He goes by the name of...BILL GATES!*more ominous lightning crashes, lighting the room in a temporary strobe effect.*
*Gebohq, Gettleburger, and CookedHaggis simutaneously gasp in horror.*
Absolver: Yes, him. And calling upon the other powerful and ancient forces of evil known in the realm of TACC, he has begun his first steps in attempting to once again try and conquor TACC and make everyone in it his slaves. We must stop him before he finds The Machine That Goes Bing! (TMTGB), a device that will give him immesurable Bing! powers!
Gettle: Oh, you mean this?
*Gettleburger whips out a device about the size of a Mousebot.*
TMTGB: BING!
Absolver: So...you are the Bingbearer foretold in the prophecies. You will forever be hunted by those that work under Gates, until we journey to his skyscraper stronghold in the heart of the TACC realm and...and...
Geb: And what?
Absolver: Look, I don't have all the answers here! I'm sure we'll figure something out when we get there.
Geb: Riiiight.
Haggis: Great. So let's just get the **** moving now and get this over with so I can get the **** back, alright?
Absolver: Wise words, CookedHaggis. You each should equipt yourselves with the proper equiptment before we make our way to his stronghold. On the way, we will encounter great obstacles, many enemies, bad TACC story formulas, even worse TACC cameo references, and perhaps, if we're lucky, we'll make it through with our sanities intact.
Haggis: That's a good one, Absolver!
*Absolver and CookedHaggis laugh hysterically. Gebohq and Gettleburger look at each other with worried expressions. Just then, JorBo enters the door.*
JorBo: Hmm....this doesn't look like the theater--MASTER GETTLE! There you are!
JorBo throws himself at Gettleburger's feet. Gettle exchanges more worried glances at Gebohq, and then hits his head.*
Gettle: Oh that's right. Since I'm the Bingbearer, I'm still taking on the cheap role of Frodo as well, and JorBo must still be taking on the occasional role of Samwise Gamgee. DAMN YOU LAZY WRITERS!
With a semblence of a plot now set in this story, what will happen to our hereos in the realm of TACC? Will Bill Gates succeed in enslaving the people of TACC, or will our band of hereos succeed? What new people and what new places will they meet along the way? Find out, in the next post of NeS visits the realm of TACC!!!! Ah, it's so good to be narrating like this again...
02-23-2002 10:46 PM
Super C3PO
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: I am nowhere, yet SOMEWHERE!
Posts: 616
...I see that my earlier post has no relavence to the story. Oh, well, might as well start another.
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02-24-2002 12:03 AM
Gettleburger
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Registered: Feb 2002
Location:
Posts: 5
/me valiantly tries to think of a decent reply...and fails miserabley..
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02-24-2002 06:21 PM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Non-Story Post
(NSP: Super C-3PO--Are you sure you can't incoorperate any of your posts in the story? The more writers the merrier Though I still haven't heard from Absolver if any of the other Toaster writers will be joining in or not. In any case, this is bound to be written rather slowly, so...um, yeah. And stuff.)
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~Geb
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02-24-2002 07:36 PM
CookedHaggis
Commander
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 785
Absolver: "Ahem, as I was saying, we'll need to get the proper equipment before attempting a quest to Gates's stronghold. So, we need..."
Gettle: "..besides a miracle."
Absolver: "Well yes, what we need, besides a miracle, is..."
Geb: "Guns. Lots of guns."
Absolver: "Umm...no... Look, how many times do I have to tell you, wearing a black trenchcoat doesn't make you Neo."
Geb: "Aw, but..."
Absolver: "No. And gimme that bloody Matrix script too; you and Gettle need to think up your own damn lines."
Geb: "So anyway...the equipment we need is...?"
Absolver: "Um...well, to be honest, I don't really know. Let's just head out, I'm sure we would've remembered if we had to bring along something important."
Oooooh, foreshadowing....or just laziness on the part of the writer, I forget which
*So anyway, our hereos, all now dressed in designer clothing and clutching stylish mobile phones, exit the room, and journey out into the mystical land of TACC. Well, the misty land of TACC at any rate.
It starts raining, again, emphasising the noir-y stylings of this place. There's probably a monotone, narrating, private eye lurking around somewhere too*
*A gloomy half-light of a lampost, the paint peeling and the bulb flickering, where a figure moves into the beam, lazily picked out from the swirling mist, the yellow glow barely describing an outline.
Our heroes jump backwards in surprise, JorBo placing himself between the potential threat and Gettle.
But in a strictly platonic, friendly way you understand*
Haggis: "Oh no..."
*The figure steps closer to the main party, fedora disguising half his face in shadow, the corks dangling from it obscuring his features still further*
Haggis: "Of all the interactive stories, on all the forums, in all the world; you had to walk into this one."
Matthew Pate: "I would say "G'day" Haggis, but we both know I wouldn't mean it..."
Oooooh, a pointless TACC cameo, and only half a dozen or so posts in. And a *******ised quote from Casablanca, plus even more foreshadowing. It's getting pretty exciting now, isn't it?
And you're supposed to say "yes" you ungrateful lot...
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02-25-2002 04:28 PM
Super C3PO
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: I am nowhere, yet SOMEWHERE!
Posts: 616
(I didn't think it would, besides, I like where it is going now)
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02-27-2002 09:46 AM
Absolver
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Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 8
*Absolver's eyes narrow as he spots Pate. He steps in front of the crowd, knuckles cracking as his hands drift over the one pistol he remembered to pack.*
Absolver: I have this one.
CookedHaggis: Don't be insane, he's uber-powerful. And Australian. You won't even be able to understand him, let alone defeat him...
Absolver: No, you don't understand. You see-
*A booming thunderclap echoes across the thread.*
Absolver: I, Absolver...am ALSO AUSTRALIAN!
*Mingled looks of astonishment, disgust and shock flit over the faces of all but CookedHaggis, who nods and pats Absolver on the back.*
CookedHaggis: I understand. I've put up with the Scottish jokes for years. Do what you have to do.
*Absolver looks back at him, and grins.*
Absolver: Thanks, Haggis. You know what to do-protect the group from Gates. Avoid him at all costs!
*Haggis nods, and takes off, leading the still-stunned group down the nearest alleyway. Meanwhile, Pate and Absolver face off, two Aussies at war.*
Pate: Where exactly in Oz are ya from?
Absolver: West Coast. However, unlike you, I can speak in a universal tone without betraying my ocker-ness.
Pate: We'll see how much good that will do you in battle, mate...
*And then suddenly, pistols are in his hand and Absolver enters Bullet-Time...*
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Every 6 months, when I make my TACC bi-annual visit, I always have to re-register. Shame, shame, shame.
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03-03-2002 01:16 AM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Enter Highemperor
(NSP: Because I couldn't think of an actual story-advancing post to do right now, and because I'm still hoping that Wuss or muuurgh will post soon, I'm filling in a request by a fellow NeS writer to introduce him in so he can help out. Here goes nothing...)
*Back at the alleyway that Gebohq first appeared through, a cat was pawing through the garbage can in search of food. The cat had been through severe psychological damage recently, when it saw a giant portal open some time ago, but having little memory and needing food, the cat had ventured back to the alleyway.*
*Just then, a mystical swirl appeared again, and the cat darted off, psychologically damaged once again, for at least a week. From the swirl appeared a man garbed in black, with an air of power, somewhat resembling Jerec. In the realm of Massassi, some would know him as a new member of the NeS heroes. His personal motives still were unknown to others though, and though was not unknown in the realm of TACC, his motive here was unusual. And unknown. Yes, much unknown in this one. Anger, yes. Fear...*cough* er...*
*This man was known as Highemperor.*
Audience member: Finally! You only took two lifetimes to get through that! I want to see action now! I'm bored!
*Highemperor turns and electrifies the audience member to death.*
Thanks. He was getting on my nerves.
Highemperor: No problemo. Er--*clears throat, speaks with a more intimidating tone*Hmm...now to find Gebohq...
Good bye then.
Highemperor: By-ee. Er--*cough* until next time then...
*Highemperor walks out of the alleyway and into the shady spaceport street, turning around a building and out of view.*
Great, ANOTHER joins this God-forsaken quest. Who will join NOW? What does Highemperor plan to do? Will Gebohq and the others ever DO anything? Maybe. You're just going to have to wait and find out, won't you? Nyea! ...why yes, people HAVE told me I don't have very good people skills, why do you ask?
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03-04-2002 10:33 PM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
test
Show my post! Stupid forum still says Absolver has the last post....
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03-14-2002 10:29 PM
Highemperor
Stormtrooper
Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
As our heroes continue throughout the realm of TACC, moving away from the battle between Matthew Pate and Absolver, Gebohq stops the party.
Gebohq: You know, I think we have to destroy TMTGB, in keeping with the blatant Lord of the Rings rip-off.
TMTGB: Bing!
Gettle: No! My precious, my precious!
Gebohq: Give me that bloody LotR script. Think up your own dang lines.
Gettle: Then YOU have to give ME that bloody Absolver script!
Geb and Gettle engage in a fist brawl. Meanwhile. . .
Highemperor: Well, this is a dismal, dreary, hellish world that no one sane man would set foot in. Yep, must be where Geb is!
He wanders off in search of Geb. Meanwhile. . .
*Cranky audience member stands up and says, "Enough with the meanwhiles! They get old!" and is immediately zapped by Highemp*
Highemp: Didn't you all learn your lesson the first time?
Erm, yes, anywhos. . . Mea- *cough* Er, going on, Geb wins the fistfight. . .
Geb: *whew* Alright. NOW - we're going to destroy TMTGB in the fires of Mount Micro!
Audience: Mount Micro? Where'd you get THAT name?
Geb: Mixed up Mount Doom and Microsoft. Obviously.
Audience: Riiiiight.
Geb: Ah, shaddup. . . Anyway, we need a car.
Around the corner comes another pointless TACC cameo. . .
Pointless TACC Cameo: Hello, Michael!
Audience: Not the KNIGHTCAR! That was an old joke that went out of style ages ago!
KnightCar: *to audience* Hey to you, too, Michael!
*Geb, Gettle, and JorBo jump into KnightCar ("Hi, Michael, Michael, and Michael") and drive off to Mount Micro*
JorBo: THAT'S Mount Micro? It's. . . well. . . tiny!
KnightCar: Why do you think they call it Mount Micro, Michael?
Geb: Alright. Time to stuff TMTGB down Mount Micro.
TMTGB: Bing!
*Geb tries to stuff TMTGB down Mount Micro*
Several hours later. . .
Geb: Huff. . . puff. . . Trying to stuff a machine down a mountain the size of an anthill doesn't seem to be working. . .
Oh, no! What will our heroes do now? Will more pointless TACC cameos come in? What has become of Absolver? Will I ever shut up? The answer to the last question is NO! Though of course you'll have to tune in to find out the others. . .
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03-19-2002 02:45 PM
Gettleburger
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Registered: Feb 2002
Location:
Posts: 5
(Leave my TMTGB alone! You *******s! )
*Looks on forlornly as Geb futily attempts to push TMTGB into a little anthill*
*Cue JorBo come in with a shovel*
JorBo: I'm here!
Gettle: What's with the shovel?
JorBo: What do you think, dummy! *hits Gettle over the head with the shovel and starts digging up Mount Micro*
-=:{several hours later}:=-
Geb, Gettle, and JorBo: OOOOOOO...
*There's a big hole in the ground..obviosly..and inside is...*gasp*..*
What in the world could JorBo have dug up? Is it an ancient civilization? Or perhaps it's an evil villains base! Well it's Geb's story, not mine, so we'll let him decide..But anyways, Find out what it is next time on NeS:TACC!
Last edited by Gettleburger on 03-21-2002 at 01:33 PM
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03-25-2002 12:54 PM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
The plot thickens... No wait, we don't have a plot...
(NSP: Gee, thanks Gettle. You should know by now that I'm lazy and want everyone else to post Er...anywhos...)
Gebohq, Gettleburger, and JorBo stare down the hole that was once Mount Micro, oogling in amazement.
Geb, Gettle, and JorBo: OOOOOOOOooooo...
er...
uh..
*cough* They were oogling in amazement aaaaat...
Geb: What?
I don't know, you're suppose to fill in the blank here.
JorBo: But we can't tell what we see.
So you just see a mysterious dark void--
JorBo: No, I mean nothing. I don't know what to call it, except nothing.
audeince: BOO! Bad "Neverending Story"-movie reference!
ZAAAAAP!
Highemp *off some distance still*: Sheesh, don't they ever shut up?
*The camera goes back to the others*
JorBo: ...Well?
Well what?
JorBo: Aren't you going to make up something for us to see? Being the NARRATOR and all?
Gettle: Yeah, I'd rather not just go jumping into a big hole of nothing. Only an idiot would do that!
*Geb then stops to consider NOT jumping in, as he only likes to be a coward, not an idiot.*
Look now! Just because I'm the Narrator doesn't mean I can just make things happen!
JorBo: Yes it does--
SHUSH! *cough* It's, uh...the writer's job to figure it out. Yeah! I only work here!
Geb the writer: Stupid narrator...fine, I'll figure something out.
Everyone else: Yay!
Geb the writer: Eenie-meenie-minie-moe...
Gettle: Er...Mr. writer-god-type that controls the fate of my life?
Geb the writer: Yeah?
Gettle: Whatcha doin'?
Geb the writer: I'm choosing between "Ancient civilization" and "Evil Villian's Base", what's it look like?
JorBo: Great! He can't even come up with his own ideas...
Geb the writer: Hey, watch it! I could leave you to Piggott's devices in one of his ANS threads!
JorBo: NOO! Not that! Anything but that! I'll be good, really!
Geb the writer: That's better. Alright...after using my SUPERIOR methods of concocting an idea, I've decided that you all will find....an evil villan's base.
Gettle: But I wanted to explore an ancient civilization!
Geb the writer: Too bad! And while I'm at it...
*Using his powers over the thread, Geb the writer cuts out Highemperor from his position and pastes him back with the others.*
Highemp: Well that was rather unsettling. I'll have to deal with someone when this is over...
Geb the writer: There. Now go explore the evil villian's base then. And don't bother me anymore!
*With that, the eerie non-descript invisible presence of Geb the writer dissapears from the group.*
....sooo....our hereos descend down the hole to explore the evil villian's base--
JorBo: You first! I'm not going down there!
Highemp: Honestly, you're all a bunch of cowards--
Geb: Indeed. It's a specialty of mine.
Highemp: ...cowards. I'm not afraid!
Gettle: We don't have mysterious powers like you, big guy.
Highemp: Point taken. Just follow me then.
Everyone else: Right.
Geb: I wonder if we'll see Absolver again...
As Highemperor leads the band of hereos deep into the evil villian base inside a volcano, the evil villian lurks, devising his own plans.
Bill Gates: Excellent...my plans of domination over the realm of TACC are coming well: long, slow, and exciting.
Lackey #1: *cough* *snicker*
Gates: What?
Lackey #1: Nothing sir!
Gates: What about it?
Lackey #1: The NeS heroes have broken the "nothing shield" that blocked the entrance through Mount Micro, and have survived numerous TACC references.
Gates: Hmm...well, they still have otehrs yet to pass before I have to worry about them. Continue with your work then.
Lackey #1: Yes sir. Permission to speak freely?
Gates: *sigh* Yes?
lackey #1: What is it with you, and most other evil villians for that matter, with building their secret bases inside volcanos?
Gates: Free heating. Looks good on the "Evil villian" resume too.
lackey #1: Oh.
What other bad TACC references will be made? Will our heroes be able to stop Bill Gates in time? What role will "The Machine that Goes Bing" play in this story? Find out next time on "The Neverending Story Thread: The TACC saga"
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03-25-2002 03:21 PM
Ford1342
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
TMTGB: Bing!
suddenly just as The machine that goes bing goes Bing! there is a bright flashof light. within it a figure appears
Ford1342: Aw for chrissake, what now?
you have just been transported to the unerground fortress of Bill Gates!*lightning crashes*
Ford: i thought you said we were underground...and who the hell are you anyway?
ah hell i need a nap im going home you guys explain it
Geb: look what youve done, the narrators gone and left us now.
Ford: sorry, wont you guys explain to me whats going on here?
will Geb and his gang ever make it all the way inside Gates' fortress? will Ford1342 ever get a clue? wil TMTGB go..
Ford: i thought you said you were going home!
i..uh...well. um...bye!
(NSP: wellthat introduces me so i will be able to post some more later. ha ha!)
__________________
May the Farce be with you.
Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!
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03-25-2002 03:24 PM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
And there was much rejoicing.
Yay!
Thanks for joining in Ford I wonder where Absolver went off to. Haven't heard from him in a while...
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03-25-2002 11:44 PM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Because I like to avoid plot holes when I can...
Gettle: How queer...
*Everyone gives Gettleburger a strage look.*
Gettle: I have a British accent, remember? Which means I'm saying that something is odd.
JorBo: Riiiiiight. Look, I might be compelled to protect you, the Bingbearer, at all costs, but if you start saying things like that--
Gettle: Oh now come now--
Highemp: Quiet! There will be no "coming" here!
*Everyone stares at Highemperor with even stranger looks than there were towards Gettleburger.*
Highemp: *cough* What were you going to say?
Gettle: Well, I was jsut wondering where CookedHaggis was. Wasn't he suppose to be with us?
*Just then, a growing yell could be heard above them. They looked up, to see CookedHaggis falling.*
Haggis: ...stupidmotherf***ingbEEEEEEEETCH!!!!!!!!
*Haggis lands with a "thud" next to our heroes.*
Haggis: Stupid Knightrider car...
Geb: Should I ask what happened?
Haggis: No.
Geb: Right then.
Gettle: --Er, pardon the interruption, but I was also curious about whether the evil villian stronghold was in a skyscraper or in this volcanic base?
Geb: Probably both, with our luck.
Haggis: I just want to get the f*** out of here!
Geb: Right...I wonder what the long-distance fees would be to call to Massassi on these mobile phones...
__________________
~Geb
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03-26-2002 07:07 PM
CookedHaggis
Commander
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 785
Geb: "Right...I wonder what the long-distance fees would be to call to Massassi on these mobile phones..."
CookedHaggis: "I dunno. It's never come up before. I mean, who the hell would want to phone Massassi?"
*Everyone stares at him*
CookedHaggis: "Uh...present company excluded of course...except Geb, bloody eejit forcing him into these silly adventures..."
Geb: "Huh?"
CookedHaggis: "Er...nothing...just muttering to myself in a vindictive manner."
*So our hereos progress down through the tunnel, and reach their goal: The bad guys' hidout, a Super Skyscraper built within a volcano. Which looks as bizarre as it sounds*
Gettle: "Woah. That looks really bizarre."
*See? Anyway, they're all standing there, wondering what to do next, when Geb realises something*
Geb: "Hey look, you can get porn via mobile phones now!"
*Ahem. When Geb realises something a little more tasteful and a little more relevant.
Sort of.
A bit.
Well not really, but at least it doesn't involve porn*
Geb: "Hey, I just realised something..."
Gettle: "Yeah, the porn thing, you just said..."
Geb: "No, I mean about the story. We haven't had a pointless film reference for a while."
Ford: "Oh great. Because what we really need now is another useless deviation that confuses things..."
Geb: "Well, I was thinking more along the lines that we'll have to storm that big sky scraper thingy filled with thousands of guards in a minute..."
*Everyone nods. After a while, the whole heroic deal sort of loses any sense of surprise*
Geb: "Well, the film that did that best (or at least most recently) was the Matrix. Which means kung-fu, guns and leather for everyone!"
Gettle: "Mmmm...Kung-fu."
Ford: "Mmmm...guns."
Haggis: "Mmmm...leather...uh...I mean...Mmmm bullet time."
*So through that mystical force known only as "poorly written spoofing", the camera spins around and now our hereos are decked out in Gucci suits or full length trench coats, ray-bans shielding their eyes from the uncomprimising glare of the dark cavern..um...well, at least they look cool*
Gettle: "Damn I look good."
Ford: "Hey cool, check out this Uzi!"
Geb: "Uh..guys...the whole storming the sky scraper thing...?"
Gettle: "Oh yeah. Sorry. Damn I look good in black."
*Music starts playing. Our hereos swagger through the automatic doors and...*
Gettle: "Wait!"
Geb: "What? Can't you see we were about to start running up walls and shooting stuff in slow-motion?"
Gettle: "The doors closed on my trenchcoat, and now I'm stuck..."
03-26-2002 08:43 PM
Ford1342
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
Ford: Do you like cool breezes gettleburger?
Gettle: yeah sure. why?
Ford: good.
*he commences the take his Uzi and shoot the back of his coat off.*
Ford: Problem solved. Moving on.
Gettle: ...
*the posse of rather well dressed hodlums (with the exception of course of Gettleburger, the git) swagger int the lobby where 50 or so gun toting computer nerds appear out of nowhere.*
Geb: *takes three deep breaths* Its Showtime!.
(NSP: well that about does it for my ideas right now i knwo where its going but i dont know where you guys want to take it. ill let the experianced professionals handle this.)
__________________
May the Farce be with you.
Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!
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03-27-2002 08:03 PM
Highemperor
Stormtrooper
Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
Dante's NES-in-the-realm-of-TACC Inferno
The computer nerds start shooting. Cue slow motion time. Geb runs for the wall. . . puts a foot up on it. . . walks up onto the wall, Matrix-style, pulling out his gun. . .
. . . and promptly falls onto the floor.
Absolver: I TOLD you wearing a black trenchcoat doesn't make you Neo!
Geb: Aw, but - hey! How did you get here? I thought you were fighting Matthew Pate!
Absolver: Ummmm. . . plot hole?
Gettle: Um, guys? *points at gun-toting computer nerds, who are still shooting*
Highemperor, his entire body crackling with blue electricity, rises into the air-
Highemp: Hey, wait a second! I can do whatever I want; I don't need a narrator to do it for me!
As if. I'm the NARRATOR. Telling people what they're doing is my JOB.
*the narrator is promptly zapped by Highemp*
Highemp: Now then. Hmm, what to do? You know, come to think of it, what the Narrator was doing was a pretty good idea-r. . . *rises into the air, his entire body crackling with blue electricity, and zaps all the computer nerds*
JorBo: Hey! Now what are the rest of us supposed to do?
Highemp: *muttering* Being obeisant slaves would do for starters. . .
JorBo: What was that?
Highemp: Nothing.
Geb: Riiiight. Anywhos, let's get goin'. *notices a flicker of movement out the corner of his eye* Was that an imp I saw?
Gettle: You mean like a demon? Probably.
Geb: What's a demon doing in Microsoft?!
Gettle: Well, Microsoft is in the First Circle of Hell.
Geb: Somehow, I'm not surprised.
Gettle: When Gates put out "Asheron's Call" to compete with Everquest, the whole thing went straight to Hell. [thanks to Sem for that idea]
*Everyone promptly laughs their heads off*
Gettle: *as others pick their heads up off the floor* Wha-at? It's true!
TMTGB: Bing!
All but Gettle: What?
Gettle: It said, 'Do we dare descend further into the depths of Hell?'
JorBo: I dunno. If Microsoft is only the First Circle of Hell. . . what's the NINTH Circle like?
*General silence reigns for a moment. Then-*
Geb: PORN!
*Everyone gets excited and immediately starts going further into the depths of Microsoft/Mount Micro/Bill Gates's Skyscraper/Hell*
-----
Okay, my idea is that we can have our "heroes" descend throughout the Nine Circles of Hell, as per Dante's Inferno, but that the circles are NeS-ized.
__________________
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena at The High Citadel.
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03-30-2002 09:18 PM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
NeS' Virgil
(NSP: Snifty idea, Highemp! For those (like myself) who would like a site/guide of the maps of the circles of Hell in Dante's "The Divine Comedy", here's a link:
http://www.arches.uga.edu/~redman/hellhigh.html
By no means do the NeS circles of hell have to be similar to the ones in Dante's, but it's a helpful guide for us lazy folks who don't like to think of terribly original ideas If you have read NeS, the circles of Hell don't have to be strictly TACC-related. In their new detoured quest for porn, this side-quest should end around/about when they reach the final circle (where our NeS regular heroes will return to the main NeS thread). I'm interested myself to see what the heroes will encounter, and will try to add another post of my own sometime next week (week after Easter--how approriate, eh?) Now to see if I can get some Toaster writers to add their bit to this...)
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~Geb
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03-30-2002 10:47 PM
Highemperor
Stormtrooper
Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
Alright, just to clarify, Bill Gates and Microsoft are only the FIRST Circle of Hell. There are eight more circles. And I have a great idea for the Ninth Circle, so when we get there, please let me write it! Thanks!
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Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena at The High Citadel.
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04-01-2002 09:05 AM
Absolver
Stormtrooper
Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 8
*Meanwhile, Absolver and Pate's frenzied (not to mention cliched) battling has taken them to the rooftops of Microsoft. Amid the vast sprawl of ventilation fans and sheer drops, they blend together a crude parody-duel of just about every action movie held dear in today's society. And then some.*
*Suddenly, Pate whips out a sniper rifle and shoots Absolver squarely in the chest. The hero groans and topples over. Sniggering, Pate moves over to investigate, but is surprised and elbowed in the face by Absolver, who backflips to safety.*
Pate: Impossible!
Absolver: Not so! You see, I was wearing a plot-hole vest!
Pate: You can't win! I'll defeat you eventually...and then who will protect your precious allies???
Absolver: Er...Haggis?
*They both stop and go into hysterics at the suggestion.*
Pate: Seriously, though, I think I'll have to kill you now.
*He leaps in and backhands Absolver, who flips and grabs onto the parapet, staring up at the triumphant villain.*
Pate: It's a damn shame I have to kill you, not many people appreciate the Aussie jokes around here.
Absolver: You mean classics like, "Look! A dingo! And he's got your baby!"?
Pate: What? Where?
*He turns, and Absolver grabs his foot, pulling them both over the edge. Absolver falls five hundred feet into a parked pillow cushion truck.*
Absolver: Ahh...
*Pate, conversely, falls five hundred feet through three hundred stories of the Microsoft building, hitting the lobby floor and continuing through into the Underworld below. Absolver enters through the front door and gazes down.*
Absolver: NeS help me...
*With a primal scream, he leaps into the Pate-shaped dent...*
__________________
Every 6 months, when I make my TACC bi-annual visit, I always have to re-register. Shame, shame, shame.
Last edited by Absolver on 04-01-2002 at 09:15 AM
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04-03-2002 06:04 PM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Within the skyscraper stronghold that lies in the center of Gates' evil Microsoft underground volcanic base a.k.a. first circle of Hell, Gebohq, Gettleburger, JorBo, CookedHaggis, and Ford follow behind Highemperor as they trek further into the depths of Hell.
Gettle: Blimey! How many more doors do we have to walk through to get anywhere in this place?
Ford: One more, I would guess.
Highemp: Why do you say that?
Ford: We've gone through six so far. Trust me, I know these kind of things.
*Highemperor opens the last door to reveal a chamber with an elevator marked "Elevator into Hell" off to the side.*
Geb: Woah, deja vu.
Haggis: For crying out loud Geb, you're NOT NEO!
JorBo: No, you don't understand Haggis. The two of us have been here before.
Haggis: Uh...o-k...
Highemp: Curses!
Geb: What?
Highemp: I can't open the elevator doors. It's locked with a Microsoft program.
Gettle: I thought you could just blast the thing open.
Highemp: Microsoft is an vile and evil power beyond reproach. Besides, the Windows program on here alone is wretched enough to make me want to go insane.
*murmers of understanding arise from the heroes.*
Ford: We will have to seek Gates then, who can let us pass.
Haggis: We can't do that! He'll destroy us before letting us pass!
Ford: We'll find a way yet.
Geb: Anything is possible when you put your mind to it! ...and when it's porn we're after.
*more murmers of agreement arise from the heroes.*
JorBo: Uh, guys?
Highemp: Let's get the evil Gates then!
Everyone else: Yeah!
JorBo: But--but--
*JorBo tries to point out the large Pate-shaped hole in the ground to the others, but none realize it as they go off to another elevator to take them upwards. Sighing hopelessly, JorBo follows them into the elevator.*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, near the top level of the skyscraper stronghold, Bill Gates is interrupted once again by one of his lackies.
Lackey #2: Uh, sir?
Gates: *sigh* What is it?
Lackey #2: It's about the heroes. They are in an elevator to this level sir, and they are searching for you.
Gates: Sheesh, don't they ever leave me alone? Let them come. I shall deal with them myself.
Lackey #2: As you wish.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*As the heroes reach their floor, they exit the elevator, guns locked and loaded. However, all they see is Gates sitting at his desk. The group approaches him, wary of any traps that may be ready to spring on them.*
Gates: We meet again, but this time, the advantage is mine. I believe I have something you wish to have, yes?
Geb: You must let us pass into the depths of Hell, Gates.
Gates: Oh? And why is this? In my plans to conquor the realm of TACC through entrapping it and thus expanding my domain within this circle of Hell, you have only served to try and stop me. Why then, would I let you descend further into the depths of Hell and escape, possibly destroying my resources in the process and ruining my plans to conquor TACC?
Ford: Higher powers than your own wish us to continue, that is why.
Gates: HA! WHat higher powers? God?
Ford: No, the writers!
Gates: Damn...grr....fine. *tosses them a keycard.* Get out of my site.
Geb: No elaborate fight scene? No wild stunts? No bullet time? *sniff*
Haggis: There there, Geb. That'll come later, don't worry.
Geb: Yay!
Gates: Don't think you've got it easy, fools. I still have my ways, and my time.
Highemp: Yeah yeah, whatever. Let's get going.
*The heroes, keycard in hand, descend back to the floor with the elevator into hell. Swiping the card, the elevator opens, allowing them to descend further. When the elevator stops, they find themselves within a large expanse, filled with nothing but--*
Geb: PORN!!!!
*Geb, as with the others, dive into the mountains of porn, only to realize the horrid truth.*
Gettle: This isn't porn! Horribly disgusting women, vile acts of Discovery-style animal action, it's....it's...
Geb: It's pr0n! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Someone will pay for this!
With our heroes having discovered the second circle of hell to be nothing but pr0n, what will they do? Will they return to their quest of stopping Gate's plan to conquor the realm of TACC through myseterious methods involving the heart of hell and TMTGB? Or will they descend further in hopes of finding porn in the final circle? Tune in next time to find out, here on The Neverending Story Thread: The TACC Comedy!
(NSP: Some ideas for other circles: the band Styx playing the Mr. Roboto song in the fifth circle, somewhere else to have the Hell music that they had in the JK purgatory level, the demon Dave from the Toaster series in one of the levels, Absolver and Pate's fall into Hell having similar effects as Christ's descent into hell (in other words--having things broken), whomever would be in the ninth level to have overthrown Satan to get the position, things of that nature Hope this post didn't ruin anyone's wishes.)
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04-14-2002 10:57 PM
Ford1342
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
NSP:i dunno i think Sail away would be more appropriate.
Geb: It's pr0n! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! Someone will pay for this!
the groups trembles in fear at the sight of all the p0rn. something suddenly occurs to ford.
ford: hey something suddenly occured to me.
i just said that
Ford: oh sorry. well anyway i jsut remembered i brought my cheshire zippo with me we can burn our way through it.
Haggis: He he he he ...FIRE! he he he...
Ford whips it out
Geb: Ewwww gross!
not that you idiot!
Geb: Oh.
As i was saying. ford takes out his lighter.
Cheshire Zippo: what do you want i was just sitting down to a nice dinner with the walrus (goo goo ga joob hey)
Ford: yeah we kinda need to get through al this p0rn, and i was wondering i you could burn it for us.
ChesZip: Oh heavens no, not only is p0rn inflammable, i just l0ve it. i know i know youre all looking at me with disgust
the group looks at him in disgust
ChesZip: But...youll notice i do not love it i merely l0ve it, its like a secret addiction. god my concious brain shudders at the though but meanwhile my wick gets all stiff..
JorBo: i think thats a bit too much info man.
ChesZip: oh right sorry. well anyway i do know how you can destroy it. what you need is a good PISS.
The group(with narrator): PISS?!?
ChesZip: yes, Parental Internet Screening Shield. the problem is you have to backtrack to get one, for the only one that makes one this strong is microsoft (gates has to get down for board meetings you know) but no worries. ill be back in a jiff.
with this he fades away
Gettle:wakes up suddenly hey does anyone else crave some peanut butter?
so ends another post in The Neverending Story: The Admirals Command Chaber. will the Cheshire Zippo make it back before its too late? Will The heroes ever make it into the other layers of hell? will anyone else ever post? will i ever go back to the massassi forums? who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows.
Ford: who is the shadow and why does everyone keep talking about his nose.
NSP: anyway i thought id ressurect this, what do you think of the Cheshire Zippo? he jst kinda popped out of my head. well im done for now ill jsut go do that english essay im supposed to be doing...
__________________
May the Farce be with you.
Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!
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04-22-2002 08:32 PM
Ford1342
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
Benevolent Upward Movment Post!!!
__________________
May the Farce be with you.
Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!
Last edited by Ford1342 on 04-22-2002 at 08:35 PM
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04-26-2002 05:39 PM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Onward, NeStian soldiers...
(NSP: I finally got around to posting again for this. Hope this will make it easier for the others to post)
While waiting for the return of the Chesire Zippo, our heroes struggle to fend off the waves of pr0n.
Ford: Do these pr0n pop-up ads ever stop?
Gettle: I sure hope so...
Geb: ...the pr0n is now strangly appealing...
JorBo: No Geb! Don't give in!
Haggis: Hey look!
The heroes look over to where CookedHaggis is pointing to see a TACC member being swept by the strong currents of pr0n.
Lord of the Jedi: Wheeee!
Highemperor: That soul resides here, doesn't he?
Ford: It would appear so.
Haggis: (to LotJ) How long have you been up there?
LotJ: I can't remember now! Isn't that funny? In fact, I don't remember the last time I've had a good meal, or slept...but it's pr0n! Mustn't...leave...precious...pr0n...
As LotJ is swept away out of their site, the Chesire Zippo fades into appearance, now loaded with PISS.
Chesire Zippo: Here ya go. And uh...I'd suggest getting a move on. Gates ain't happy with what I did, and he's tracking you guys as we speak.
Geb: Gee, thanks.
Chesire Zippo: Off I go then!
After the Chesire Zippo dissapears, the heroes use the Parental Internet Screening Shield, opening a clear path down into the next circle of hell. The heroes cautiously make their way though, finding themselves in fields upon endless fields of...
JorBo: Toasters????
Ford: Hm. That is a bit odd. But it makes sense. The souls here seem to be forever plagued with eating, breathing, and otherwise, existing in nothing but things related to toasters.
Highemp: Riiiiiiight. And what kind of GRAND evil will we face this time?
Highemperor chuckles to himself before Gebohq taps him on hte shoulder. Highemperor turns around to see a somewhat nervous Gebohq, pointing at something in front of them. Before them stood a fearsome-looking demon, standing tall.
Demon: The name's Michael. What the bloody hell are you doing in my circle of...er...hell?
heroes: Uh....er...um....
Geb: We just wanted to get to the next circle of hell, that's all.
Michael: Right then. It'll be a good riddence of such rubbish. Though something seems to be a bit suspitious about all this....ah to hell with it! Get the hell out of here!
Gettle: Well that was needlessly redundant.
Our heroes, looking at the demon Michael with caution, begin to tred towards and into the next circle of hell. What new evils will they find? Will Michael remember what he was thinking? Will all these redundant remarks be reported to the redundant Department of Redundancy? Find out, next time on the Neverending Story Thread: the TACC comedy!
(NSP: Remember also, if you're stuck on ideas of where to go next to look at the link that was provided a few posts ago. Post as little or as much as you like, just post something!)
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04-27-2002 10:52 PM
Highemperor
Stormtrooper
Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
Highemperor stops suddenly. The group stops with him, because. . .
Gettle: Because why?
How should I know? I just work here!
Gettle: *sigh*
Highemp: ANYWAY, the reason I stopped was that I sense a disturbance in the One Power.
JorBo: Oohhh, so we're nicking off Robert Jordan now, too, huh?
Highemp: Hush you! This is my own thing, not some puny creation of a *sneer* different author. Anyways, something is going on back in the realm of Massassi. *opens a portal to Massassi* Hey, lookit that! *cough* Er, I mean, behold!
Our TACC heroes see the Massassi heroes on trial for disturbing the peace, vandalism, and practicing heroism without a license.
Geb: Ah, *insert choice swear word here*!!!!
Haggis: *marvels* I'm amazed they're still even ALIVE. . .
Highemp: As a matter of fact, the only reason ANYTHING exists is due to the fact that I ALLOW it, for I am GOD!
Thunder roars, lightning flashes, and a mighty voice rumbles from the heavens-
Mighty Voice: AHEM.
Highemp: Okay, okay, so I'm NOT God. *under his breath* At least, not yet. . . *straightens* But I practically AM! I'm uber-powerful, nearly solopotent; it will only take one more phase in my master plan-
As Highemperor rambles on, Ford jerks his finger over at him.
Ford: *whispering to Gettle* Where did you dig up THIS bozo?
Gettle: Where do you think? Out of Highemp the writer's megalomaniacal imagination.
Ford: Ah. Remind me to keep a tight leash on him when he writes for "Finding a Door".
Gettle: Will do.
Michael: *confused* Now, I'm POSITIVE I'm supposed to do something with you all. . .
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04-30-2002 03:01 PM
JorBo
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Registered: Feb 2002
Location:
Posts: 2
Geb turns and sees JorBo putting two pieces of bread into one of the toasters
Gebohq: What are you doing?
JorBo: I'm hungry
Gebohq: You fool! You don't know what you have done!
The toast pops from the toaster and JorBo reaches for it.
A low rumble fills the air and starts getting louder.
JorBo: Uhhhhh....
The air is filled with the sound of thousands of toasters popping.
JorBo: We're going to die!!
Gebohq: Ruuuuuuuuuuuuuun!!!!!!
The camera pans from Geb's face to a lone door miles away from the heroes.
All the heroes start running for the door dodging toast as we switch to bullettime
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05-03-2002 10:49 PM
Ford1342
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
JorBo in bullet time grabs a piece of toat and eats it.
JorBo: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyyyyuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!
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05-04-2002 01:17 PM
Stryker_006
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
NSP: lolz... keep it up
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Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?
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05-07-2002 11:02 PM
Highemperor
Stormtrooper
Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
*all the heroes start running for it*
*all the heroes except for Highemp, that is, who instead opens a portal to Massassi to check in on the other heroes*
Geb: Highemp, are you crazy? The toasters will catch us any minute!
Highemp: Just a minute, Gebbers! *sticks his head through the portal - and promptly gets it stuck*
*a number of weird noises can be heard from the other side of the portal, but no one in the TACC realm is too terribly sure what is going on to Highemp's head*
JorBo: Should we leave him here? *burp* Or keep running for it?
Geb: . . .
Haggis: ! That's a no-brainer! Leave him!
*Once again, all the "heroes" start running for it, except for Highemp, whose head is stuck in the portal*
What will happen to our beloved Highemperor???
RAM: Whaddya mean, "beloved"?!
Highemp the Writer: Ah, shaddup. . .
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05-08-2002 06:13 PM
Highemperor
Stormtrooper
Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
*Highemp's tempting buttocks-*
RAM: You sicko writer!
*What? I don't mean it like that! I just mean it presents a good target!*
RAM: EWWW!!
*For TOAST, you idiot!*
*Now, let's continue. Highemp's rear end, which is now that you mention it very tempting to all the females in the audience-*
Entire Audience: SHUT UP!
*Er - anyway. Highemp's rear end presents a tempting target to all the pieces of toast, and he gets a good spanking*
*Suddenly, Highemp is jerked free from his predicament. He looks about and sees all the toast flying around*
Highemp: Hmm. . . Well, let's just alter space/time to make that luminous door conveniently placed in the distance come right to us! *alters space/time to make that luminous door conveniently placed - well, you know*
*the heroes rush into the door into the FOURTH CIRCLE OF HELL!!!*
What new adventure awaits our heroes? Will I ever stop hoping my character is sexually appealing to females? Should toast be butter side up or butter side down? The answer to all these questions and more in the next episode of NeS in the Realm of TACC!
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Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena at The High Citadel.
05-09-2002 01:18 AM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Non-Story Post
(NSP: Just letting you all know that I probably won't be posting until the end of May, as I, as I'm sure many of you, are busy with end of the school year exams and projects. I also happen to think it's somewhat convinient, as I'm having a bit of writer's block. I hope one of you guys can think of something for the next circle (Wuss? Absolver? ) Until next time then)
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05-09-2002 06:26 PM
Stryker_006
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
B.U.M.P.
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Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?
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05-12-2002 07:03 PM
CookedHaggis
Commander
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 785
So Matt and Absolver are still falling into Hell. As they were a month or so ago. Hell's a long way away you see. Plus, ground and rocks and stuff offer a lot of resistance against falling, slowing their progress.
Matt: " Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
aaaaa*breath*aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..."
Absolver: "Look, just shut up will you? You've been screaming like a girl for a month solid."
Matt: "Aaaaaaaaaa...well, it's just that I've had nothing else to do...everyone's been so caught up in the so called "heroes" adventures amongst pr0n (a subject they seem to know a great deal about I might add...), not to mention the apparant epidemic of writer's block.
Plus I was bored. And what else was I supposed to do?"
Absolver: "You could've found out more about Dante's Inferno and Christ's descent into hell so you actually had a clue what was going on."
Matt: "Uh...surely that's not my job."
Absolver: "Oh yeah...I meant Haggis should've found out more about it. My bad.
It's just funnier if you mock the writers subtlely."
Matt: "That was subtle? And funny?"
Absolver: "No. I was just saying that if it had been subtle and clever, it might've been funny."
Matt: "Ah, right. So...er...where were we?"
Absolver: "I believe you were screaming like a girl."
Matt: "Oh yeah. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...."
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05-15-2002 10:47 AM
Absolver
Stormtrooper
Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 8
Blast From About Two Months Ago
*Absolver and Matthew EVENTUALLY fall into a pit of lava. Needless to say, they get a bit scalded swimming out.*
Absolver: Where's the Quik-Rub Cream when you-
*He is rudely interrupted by Pate's fist colliding with his face, sending him sprawling to the ground. The evil Australian leaps on top of him, and the two begin Greco-Roman wrestling, falling off the edge of a cliff and down about five hundred feet, into a pit of spikes. As Absolver climbs out and brushes himself out, he begins to notice a strange occurrance; in Hell, the laws of probability, especially when it comes to death, are null and void.*
Pate: Bloody hell! I'm impaled on a spike, yet not dead!
Absolver: What a keen observation, numbskull.
*He pummels Pate with a flurry of punches and kicks, and as Absolver prepares for the backlash, he wonders how he will EVER be able to tie this sub-plot in with the original team of characters...*
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05-15-2002 06:08 PM
Highemperor
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Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
While Pate tries to extricate himself from the spike upon which he is impaled. . .
Absolver: There's got to be some way outta here! *looks around* Aha! *sees a sign*
"ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE, FOR THIS IS THE NINTH CIRCLE OF HELL"
Suddenly a deep rumbling can be heard.
Absolver: Hoo boy, this can't be good.
A shadow from the flames can be seen coming around.
Deep Rumbling: Abandon all hope ye who enter here!
The shadow comes closer and closer, until-
Entire Audience: Ahhh! Satan is Peewee Herman!
Peewee Satan: *in a squeaky voice* Abandon all hope ye who. . . ah, forget it.
Absolver: *runs frantically upwards through Hell until he reaches our group of heroes*
Peewee Satan: So, let's see who's impaled on this spike for me to terrorize, terrify, and otherwise torture with my touting alliteration! *comes around a huge fire and sees Pate* No! Not yoooooouuuu. . . *dies*
Chorus of Demons: All hail the Devil Pate, the evilest of evils in the entire Universe! The baddest of bad, the vilest of vile, the foulest of foul, the-
RAM: Okay, okay, we get the point already!
Random Demon: No, you don't. This. . . is. . . Matthew. . . PATE!
Audience: Ohhhhh- *dies*
Pate Satan: *looks around* Okay, that's all very well and good, but could someone PLEASE GET ME OFF THIS SPIKE!
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05-15-2002 10:58 PM
Ford1342
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
meanwhile back in the third layer of h-e-double hockeysticks...
Haggis: Geb weve been running for days now and the toasters just keep getting closer.
Geb: now listen what did i tell you about looking back. it wastes valuable brain-juice. you look back losing concentration and *BAM* you fall on your face.
Haggis: but look they'll get us any minute now!
Geb:looks *BAM*falls on his face you did that on purpose!
Haggis: Yup! grins
just then ford stumbles on to something...literally
Ford:will you guys cut that owAAAA
A
A
A
A
A
A
H!
JorBo: hey wher'd he go?
Gettle: could it have something to do with that Absolver/Matt Pate shaped hole there?
Geb: Gettle! hey! man i'd almost forgotten you were there! hey, how are you man? and more importantly, hows TMTGB, huh?
BING!
Geb: Great! still working fine. say you think it could tell us how to get rid of these toaster things?
Gettle: why dont we jsut jump down the hole?
Geb: what and waste shuch a great thing as TMTGB? never! tell you you what, we'll ask it and see and if that doesnt work well do whatever it is your idea was, hmm?
Gettle:*grumbles then whispers at TMTGB*
BING!
Gettle: it says we should jump down the hole.
Geb Great idea! why didnt anyone else think of that? Right! well off we go! AAAAAA
A
A
A
A
A
A
H!
will our heroes survive the fall through the remaining 6 layer of hell? will they ever find ford and absolver? will Pate ever get off that pike? and for gods sake wont someone think of the children? find out all this and more in the next neverending post of The Neverending Story: TACC : "Down the Hell Hole"
(NSP: hey sorry if its a bit hitchhikes guideish but ive been listening to the radio broadcasts again. and if you guys dont get the title of the episode justthen its a parody of down the rabbit hole from alice in wonderland. maybe someone oculd do something like that in the next post describing the remaining 6 layers. i dunno just a wacky idea i had, i dont know how to pull it off tho. ttfn.)
[edit] poo! my experiment didna work[/edit]
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Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!
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05-16-2002 09:31 AM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
(NSP: Let's see what we can do here, since we sort of mixed up a few things...)
Several moments prior to entering the fourth circle of hell, our heroes had attempted to jump into the recently made hole. However, when they landed, they discovered that they had landed in the same circle they had been in.
Barely lifting their heads from the pain of the fall, they spoke to each other.
JorBo: How did this happen again?
Haggis: Well, it is hell, you know.
Ford: He's got a point there.
Gettle: *now getting up, as are the others* Remind me never to jump into a hole of unknown depth again.
Just then, Michael the demon appears besides them.
Haggis: Did you HAVE to say that?
Just doing my job.
Michael: I remembered what I was suppose to do now!
Michael begins to chuckle in a deep menacing voice.
Geb: Hey, look over there!
Michael: What?
Gebohq then motions with his head to the others to run away. Gettleburger continues to look as Michael does though, and JorBo pulls him along.
It is a short run however, as all the heroes slam head-first into the door. Highemperor is standing, playing on a Gameboy.
Highemp: What took you guys so long? Oh yeah, that's right. I moved the door into the fourth circle of hell.
The heroes then enter into the ominous door.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
WARNING: Overly-elaborate description ahead!
The first to witness the landscape of the fourth circle was HIghemperor. His every step was preceded by confident purpose, his head held high, his black and red attire blending in as if he was part of Hell itself. His eyes narrowed with deep thought as he looked out on ahead.
Gebohq followed, much less...gracefully, despite his "official" role as leader of the group. His black and blue attire, which resembled Neo's from "The Matrix", was somehow opposing to Highemperor's. His hair, which rivaled that of Mark Hamill's from "Star Wars" and Kevin Bacon's from "Tremors" and was the color of fall, swept around his face as he turned to finally see what he had been running towards.
Ford followed next, with his great knowledge about such mythological and theological subjects leveling his relatively new membership with the others. Like Gebohq and the others, he wore black clothes found in "The Matrix" and other "bad-a$$" movies. His eyes had been darting back and forth before examining the landscape. Eyes of an educated man, now lost in fear and confusion.
JorBo and Gettleburger followed close behind. Gettleburger's attire was by far the fanciest, with his designer suit eminating an English flair to it (a style that did not fit well with his usual eccentric personality), yet still relatively fitting with the group. TMTGB was quietly binging under the arm that held it, its light green Mousebot-like form giving the impression of a pet. Jorbo, apart from being the only one there who was not inanely (NSP: not INSANE. Inane is like absurd) ignorant of reality, was not acting in any notable way. The two of them looked upon the fourth circle with concerned and questioning looks.
CookedHaggis shuffled behind in an agressive manner similar to a drunk person. His attire and persona was of a polar opposite to what it was when he was in the realm of Massassi. His dark uniform-like outfit was sloven, like a disgruntled poster worker. His head whipped around, his eyes blankly gazing at the landscape, apparently unconcerned with the scenery. His expertise in the realm of TACC now seemed pointless in what the group faced now.
What they saw before them was the most maddening thing they had seen yet, the sight of it making their minds ready to snap what little sanity they might have had.
Mountains upon mountains of mystical swirls were littered across the landscape, their unpredictable and flashy tendriles nearly painful to look at. At one moment there would be a shade pushing and pulling at a mystical swirl, and the next moment, they were replaced by another shade, or a demon, or an "O" magazine. The heroes did not notice as Absolver ran towards them.
Garbed in an outfit similar to Morpheus, Absolver ran towards them. Having just fell through all the circles of hell, he out of all of them was most prepared, and thus, was able to navigate his way best through the mountain passes in the mystical swirls towards them.
Ford: Those shades must be the prodigal souls, whom did not know how to use plot holes. Those that had either denied the mystical goodness or abused its powers and carelessly tossed them around, now forever pushing and pulling the mountains of mysical swirls known as plot holes.
Absolver: *having just reached them* Good thing I found you all. The situation has grown darker, and I fear what we will have to face when we reach the final circle of hell, for I knew I could not face it alone.
JorBo: Do we really have to?
Haggis: You want to face Gates and Michael back up there? Besides, this is the only way we will be able to free the realm of TACC from Gate's clutches and escape back home. Besides, there are so many more references to make fun of.
JorBo: What?
Haggis: Nothing.
Gettle: I say, I just hope that my precious TMTGB won't be the target of the whole means of doom and destruction!
TMTGB: Bing!
Geb: I think I'll just settle with little things like "getting our move on" right now. Absolver, mind if you lead the way?
Absolver: Of course. Watch your step everyone.
Highemperor: Yes. We'll watch indeed...*his eyes and persona darknen more with mystery and a certain ominous purpose to them.*
The heroes then follow Absolver as they march further into the depths of Hell.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, in the deepest depths of Hell, within the final circle of Hell, Matthew Pate ice skates with other high demons.
Pate: So...why am I now the master of Hell? Not that I'm not flattered by the suggestion or anything...
High Demon #1: Well, your Vile Evilness, you see, a while back, Satan, the former ruler of the Eternal Abyss known as Hell, had left us. Something about "needing a vacation to Massassi" and "joining an evil villian band". Since Satan was never suppose to LEAVE, Hell was sort of at a loss for guidance. Therefore, the next most evil presence in Hell was appointed.
High Demon #2: Then you came, your Horrid Darkness sir, and your presence was far greater than our replacement, and if I may say so myself, I think you're much better of a ruler of Hell than Satan could ever be.
High Demon #1: So you see, Lord Pate, Father of Lies, that is why you are our ruler.
High Demon #3: Wheeee! *slips and falls into a fiery crack between the ice.*
Pate: Riiiight. Perhaps I should add another circle to this place...
(NSP: OK, so I hope the following helps a bit. First off, I've left them at the fourth circle of hell. I HOPE to see all the circles progress through by the heroes, but obviously, if we want to just jump in the Pate-shaped hole or bump into a plot hole and go to the final one, that's fine.
I MUST emphasis that by NO means do any of you writers have to follow the similarities presented in the original work of Dante's Divine Comedy--it is merely a guide. However, if by some reason you feel obligated too, here are the basics for the rest of the circles of hell:
5th circle--the wrathful. It is the river Styx, where the shades (souls of hell) are wading in the violent waters, often biting themselves. Dante gets across by boat.
6th circle--the heretics. It's called the City of Dis, where it is walled and has a giant fire that serves as the only light in hell. Dante has to wait to get through, and is almost turned into stone if not for help from heavenly messengers. The shades here are in tombs of fires.
7th circle--the violent. There are 3 parts--those that were violent against others (kept under bloddy waters with arrows shot at them), those that were violent against themselves (have been turned into trees and shrubs and are torn apart by harpies and dogs) and those that were violent against God (to stand on burning sand while blood rains on them)
8th circle-- the fraudulent. Here the Abyss starts as well as a horrible stentch from Satan. Those here have no faces. It's divided into 10 malebolge ("evil pockets")--which are connected by bridges (some broken due to Christ's descent). They're punished with whippings, wade in bodily wastes, being upside down in oil while their feet stick out and burn, having their parts mixed and matched oddly, being stuck under tar, being blinded by weighted hoods, being chased by snakes while naked, being trapped in a flame, being split apart, and being plagued with illnesses.
9th circle--the traitors. This is where Satan resides, and the place is covered in a lake of ice. All the shades here are frozen mostly under the ice, and the worst of the sinners are eaten by Satan.
As I said before, you DON'T have to follow these.)
__________________
~Geb
05-17-2002 09:52 AM
Absolver
Stormtrooper
Registered: Oct 2001
Location:
Posts: 8
The Fifth Circle
*The group - Highemperor, Ford, Gebohq, JorBo, Gettleburger, Absolver and CookedHaggis - march grimly forward, finally reaching the fifth circle. It is quite unlike anything they have ever seen. The vast expanse of the black river Styx expands before them, almost treacherously stagnant save for the few ripples caused by thrashing shades in the distance.*
JorBo: Creepy feel'n here, guys...
CookedHaggis: No choice. Michael and Gates will be here any minute. Let's find a boat.
*Unfortunately, the divine powers that be chose to leave only a faded yellow dinghy and oars for the party. Reluctantly (at gunpoint), Gettleburger and Ford elect to paddle, and they set off, the rest standing in the craft and rather nervously pointing their weapons at every thrashing, biting shade that they pass.*
Gettleburger: I say, fellows, is that a dashedly warm draft on us, or is it just me?
Ford: Neither.
*The group turn to Ford, the mythological expert.*
Ford: That's the hate of the wrathful enveloping us...
*Suddenly, Absolver starts to twitch.*
Absolver: ..Not fair...I should be the leader...Gebohq is taking over my franchise and NeS-ifying it...grumble grumble...
*Similarly, CookedHaggis is eyeing off Gettleburger.*
CookedHaggis: Mutter mutter...bloody pompous git...trying to take over my "foreigner" shtick...I'll give him a "good show, chaps"...
*Even TMTGB's "bings" are taking a resentful air. Too late, Ford realises what is going on.*
Ford: Guys-
*Absolver unsheaths his longsword, "Absolvation", and swings it in an overhead shop at Gebohq. The group leader barely blocks it in time with his own blade, deflecting it into the sensitive dinghy side. The rest of the characters, already pulling out various nasty implements of destruction, freeze and stare, their faces comically drooping as a telltale hissing noise announces their doom.*
Absolver: What have I d-
*But his moan is cut off as the dinghy abruptly deflates, the party hits the water and are immediately sucked into the inky black vacuum of rage...*
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Every 6 months, when I make my TACC bi-annual visit, I always have to re-register. Shame, shame, shame.
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05-17-2002 11:13 AM
Stryker_006
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
NSP: Lol... Starting to sound like LotR. B.U.M.P.
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Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?
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05-22-2002 01:53 AM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
(NSP: Amazing! That has to be, like, one of the very few relatively serious post (the fifth circle one by Absolver) I've ever seen! I wonder how they WILL escape (as I'm having difficulty thinking of a way myself). Should be interesting to see anyways, and to see if Hell freezes over at any point, besides the last circle that is)
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~Geb
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05-22-2002 04:48 PM
Stryker_006
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
(nsp: Here, let me help you along)
*BING!!!*
TMTGB bings, catapulting all of the heroes unto the other side.
JorBo: Wow, I didn't know that it could do that.
__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?
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05-22-2002 10:20 PM
Ford1342
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
the heroes, now being saafely out of the river styx, and in the 6th layer of hell, in the city of Dis, Dat, and De Udder Ting, briefly apologize to each other for being so hatefull and completely un-hero-like
General Mutterings of the heroes:gee...sorry..uh...
Gettle: Say, are any of the rest of you hot?
JorBo: yeah man, its hotter'n hell in here
Ford: this
is[/b[ Hell buddy.
JorBo: oh, right...
Ford: weve got to be carefull here guys. if memory serves, this is the 6th layer of hell. if we fal from one of these walls you see scattered about, we'll burn eternally in those flames below.
Geb: Right, so how are we supposed to ger across?
Ford:we have to find the right wall to follow.
while the heroes discuss thier plan to get across the 6th layer, Devil Matthew Pate watches from his mighty throne.[i/]
Pate: damn those heroes i was sure they'dnever get past Styx. how could they with that damn "come sail away.." going on all the damn time? its that MTGB i bet, its the leader this time. even the mighty gebhoq yeilds to its power. i must have it. Guido! Nunzio!
G/N: yeah boss?
Pate: i need you to go to thecity of Dis, and get rid of these annoying heroes, and bring me TMTGB!
Guido: Sure ting boss!
Nunzio: Yeah, we'll take em to de mattresses. *chuckles*
will our heroes make it through yet another layer of hell, on their ultimate spiral to the centre? will pate get his hands on TMTGB? will the bad accents ever stop?
Haggis: Ach! is tha' a 'orse 'ead? i've been meanin te git me hands on on o' those for a long tiem now.
[edit](nsp: hey guys, ths sort of popped out of my head after reading Gebs post i read city of Dis and though hey bad new yourk accent, you know. dis, dat, and de udder ting. well anyway, i think this circle of hell should be run by minions of satan that are like new york italien mob henchmen tel me what you think.)[/edit]
__________________
May the Farce be with you.
Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!
Last edited by Ford1342 on 05-22-2002 at 10:24 PM
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05-25-2002 10:55 PM
Highemperor
Stormtrooper
Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
Ideas for us to consider:
7th Circle: Planet Sith and Jar Jar Binks
8th Circle: Keyboarding Teacher
9th Circle: Matthew Pate, of course, no argument there, right?
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05-29-2002 10:26 PM
Stryker_006
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
NSP: Hurry up and post. I'm bored and you need to post!!!
__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?
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05-31-2002 10:30 PM
Wuss
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Bloogernoggin
Posts: 123
Our heroes slowly make their way through the decrepit city. The massive, hulking buildings that line the streets are seemingly abandoned, yet the group cannot shake the feeling that they are being watched.
Geb: I don't like this at all.
Ford: Yes, it's quite creepy.
Little do our heroes realize how truly creepy the City of Dis is. A vast complex of tunnels run through out the ground beneath their feet. And within these tunnels are thousands upon thousands of giant demon rats. The fun's just getting started, boys.
JorBo: I'd don't like the sound of that...
Gettle: What? The narrator's evil, mischievous remark?
JorBo: No... I was talking about that rustling sound that is slowly growing in intensity...
Suddenly, giant demon rats pour out from every single pore, crevice, and hole in the city. A massive flood of screeching, biting supernatural vermin comes rushing towards the group. The demons Guido and Nunzio lead the hellish army, whipping the rats into a fevered frenzy.
Geb: Does anyone have any rat poison?
It's not looking too bright for the good guys...
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05-31-2002 11:30 PM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
Swarms of giant demonic rats close in on our heroes--
Gettle: Are you sure they're demonic?
JorBo: Of course they are, nimrod! It's HELL!
Gettle: Oh yeah.
--ahem. As I was saying, swarms of giant demoic rats close in on our heroes, making the situation grim.
Haggis: Quick! Sacrafice TMTGB to it and perhaps they'll be appeased!
*CookedHaggis smacks TMTGB out of Gettleburger's arms.*
Gettle: NOO!!!
TMTGB: Bing!
When it appeared as if TMTGB would be swarmed (yes, I like that word) and lost within the midst of giant demonic rats, TMTGB spewed forth a stream of inky oil at them, holding them back somewhat. That is when Gebohq thought of a brilliant idea!
Geb: I just thought of a brilliant idea! ...no wait, no I didn't. I just thought about wanting to see some porn.
*sigh*
ABSOLVER then thinks of a brilliant idea!
Absolver: ....er, I do? I'm not sure doing flips and crazy slow-motion gun-shooting action could really work, but if that's the plan--
Nevermind...
Highemp: Do you need me to help out again?
NO! You're uh... still brooding over your mysterious plans that the other heroes don't know about.
Highemp: Oh yeah, that's right.
Geb: Mysterious plans? What's this now--
Ford: OH! I have a brilliant plan!
No you don't!
Ford: What do you mean "I don't"?
I mean you don't have a plan.
Ford: Why not?
Because I said so.
Ford: But it's a good plan!
JorBo: Uh....guys?
*JorBo points worriedly at the swarm of rats, now nearly swimming to try and pass TMTGB and to our heroes where they will undoubtedly do nasty things to them.*
Oh fine. Go ahead with your "brilliant plan"!
*Ford then summons his Chessire Zippo.*
Chessire Zippo: What now?
Ford: Could you ignite that over there?
Chessire Zippo: Oh fine...
*The CZ then floats over to the stream that TMTGB is spewing, now almost exhausting his supply within itself, and lights the stream on fire, sending the entire pool of inky oil, and the rats swimming in it, blazing. With that, the CZ then disappears.*
Gettle: What an ingenious idea!
JorBo: Did anyone care to remember that this is HELL!?
The heroes then notice that the giant demonic rats are still there, with giant demonic smiles, as they are now gaint demonic FLAMING rats.
Brilliant Plan there.
Ford: Hush you.
Highemp: I'm brooding....brooding-brooding-brooding....oh my, we sure are in a pickle now...
Haggis: DO SOMETHING ALREADY!
Geb: No wait! I think I have an idea....
*Gebohq whips out his "Ban" antipersperant stick with one hand and a water-spritzer in the other.*
Geb: Best way to rid yourself of flamers!
Absolver: Er...Geb. That's not Ban anti-persperant. It's Old Bay. And your water-spritzer is broken.
Geb: I KNEW I should have gotten that thing fixed before...
*Just then, a portal opens, and an arrow with a note attached to it flys by them, hitting a nearby beam. Gebohq reads it.*
----------------------------------------------
Dear Gebo...er..dear Geb,
We need u w/ us. We wuld lik it veree much. Pleeze, pleeze respond!
Signed,
The new guys of the NeS team
---------------------------------------------------
JorBo: WHEEE! An Escape route!
*JorBo jumps through the portal, and it instantly dissapears.*
Geb: So much for getting supplies...
*Just then, the rats run away terrified.*
Ford: Why did they jsut run away?
Highemp: I think I know why....
*The heroes look over to CookedHaggis, who is now in a female hooker outfit.*
Geb: Thanks Haggis--good plan.
Haggis: What plan?
Geb: You mean the whole drag queen look was...er...
Haggis: ....?
Geb: Nevermind.
*The heroes trek forth in search of the gate into the 7th circle of hell.*
The heroes have lost JorBo now! Will our heroes still manage to march into the depths of hell and stop Gate's evil plan to rule over TACC at the root of the problem? Tune in next time, here at the Never-ending Story Thread: A TACC Comedy!
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06-01-2002 11:46 AM
Wuss
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Bloogernoggin
Posts: 123
Leaving the smoldering ruins of the City of Dis behind them, our heroes approach the horrific gate into the 7th circle of hell. It's constructed out of bloody chainsaws and butcher knives and mutilated skeletons adorn the hellish arch. A large cheery sign is suspended above the entrance depicting cute wittle bunny wabbits... shooting each other with cute wittle semi-automatics. The sign reads:
WELCOME TO THE 7TH LEVEL OF HELL: VIOLENCE
HAVE A NICE DAY
From behind the gates, endless human screams can be heard.
Geb: Lovely, isn't it?
Absolver: It sure is...
Geb: I was being sarcastic.
Absolver: I wasn't.
*Geb blinks*
Gettle: Let's move on, shall we?
Geb: We shall.
The group gingerly passes through the gates and into the 7th circle of hell. All around them bodies are strewn about, torn and bloodied. Moans and screams fill the air. All in all, the place is very reminiscent of high-school gym class.
Ford: This place is horrible.
Absolver: Wuss?
Ford: I'm not a wuss! This place just gives me the heebie-jeebies, that's all!
Absolver: No! I mean... It's Wuss! There!
*Absolver points to a body dressed in a tattered, black trench coat. The group rushes over to it*
Absolver: What are you doing here, Wuss? We all thought you were dead!
Wuss: I am dead, you idiot! Why else would I be lying around here? I mean sure the weather's warm all year round and the food is hard to beat but...
Geb: What happened?
Wuss: An unfortunate situation involving an angry Toaster-thread-demon, a pencil sharpener, and my... *achem*
*The group cringes*
Wuss: So yeah... it's not been too much fun. And I'd be very delighted if maybe you could help me out of this mess.
TMTGB: Bing!
*Wuss is instantly healed*
Ford: Is there anything that machine can't do?
Wuss: I'm thirsty.
Geb: No time for that, we must press on through this horrible place.
Wuss: I'm thirsty.
Absolver: It seems the path veers left.
Wuss: I'm thirsty.
Geb: Let's go....
And thus another is added to their numbers. Will our heroes pass through the 7th circle of hell without any resistance? Does it seem easy... a bit TOO easy? Will Wuss ever have his thirst quenched? Stay tuned...
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06-02-2002 02:55 PM
Stryker_006
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
NSP: Thank you. (Finally.)
__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?
06-08-2002 10:51 PM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
But wait! There's more!
Our heroes continue to march forth through Hell with their new ally, Wuss. So let's see...we have Gebohq, Absolver, Highemperor, Ford, CookedHaggis, Gettleburger, and Wuss. That makes the body count--er--the group a party of seven. How quaint.
The group notice that a large... duckie-taur? Am I reading this right?
The majority of the...thing looks like a large rubber duckie, but the other half is of the host from the original "Twilight Show" series...
What the hell? Who comes UP with this stuff??!?!
Geb: Hmm...this thing could pose a problem for us to advance foreward.
Ford: Considering that it is taking up what little walkable path we have through the massive piles of bodies continually being violently torn apart, I'd have to agree.
Duckie-taur: To cross this threshold, you must *squeak* answer me these questions three...
Gettle: Do we realy have to? That's SO boring!
Haggis: Honestly, can't you think of something better?
Duckie-taur: Well...
*---Four hours later--*
Duckie-taur: Do you have...a Jack of Clubs?
Absolver: Nope. Go fish.
*The duckie-taur picks a random card from the pile between it and the group. It smiles.*
Duckie-taur: HA! I won again!
Wuss: Maybe if we played beer pong instead--
Highemp: Oh enough of this!
*With one swoop, Highemperor slays the duckie-taur, sending its body flying off into a distance fartehr than they could see.*
Geb: Er...I guess we'll move on then...
Ford: Nurgh...stupid burning sand...
Wuss: Stupid burning rain...
Haggis: Stupid lack of booze--er-- I mean, stupid violent souls sprawled about...
Will our heroes be able to make it through into the 8th circle of hell? Find out, right here, right now. Jsut keep clicking that "refresh" button...
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06-09-2002 04:27 PM
Ford1342
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
suddenly, a small white dot appears in the sky above the heroes. unfortunately for the heroes none of them notice until its almost on top of them.
Haggis: hey guys, whats that big withe thing thats falling out of the sky?
Geb: i dunno, lets stare up at it until we figure it out.
Gettle: okay!
Ford: do you guys feel a draft?
__________________
May the Farce be with you.
Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!
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06-09-2002 08:58 PM
Ford1342
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
*WHUMP*
with that noise the entirety of hell was covered in a blanket of deep white snow. ladies and gentleman hellvis has frozen over.
RAM:*groan*
quiet you
Wuss: HighEmp why are you grinning like that?
HighEmp: *laughs manically* Cant you see. hell has frozen over...Bluejay has just won the Admin Series *evil laugh*
Gettle: Dont you mean The Bluejays won the World Series.
HighEmp: You fool. Everything is going as planned. nothing can stop me now!
Ford: Riiiight...
Absolver: why dont you tell us wha your evil plan is, giving us time to figure out a way to foil it and put an end to your blasted evil schem.
HighEmp: i dont know... it seems kind of risky....*thinks really hard* okay!
what is HighEmp's dastardly plot? will wuss ever get a decent line? And will geb ever remember that he is honorarily leader of the group on a simi-permanant to permanent basis? Find out all this and more next time on NeS: TACC!
HighEmp: you see its like this...
__________________
May the Farce be with you.
Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!
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06-11-2002 09:38 PM
CookedHaggis
Commander
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 785
So Hell has frozen over. Again...(The first time of course being when Matthew Pate made a funny joke). The only clue so far has been an enigmatic slip of the tongue from High Emperor. Or so it seems....(that is, it seems to be a slip of the tongue, rather than it seems to be engimatic). So we continue...
And yes, I realise that putting an explaination after an ellipsis defeats the purpose of it, but I'm just being curiously artistic...(alright, I'm just making poor jokes, but gimme a break here).
Geb: Get on with it...
Right, yes...so anyway, where were we?
HighEmp: You see it's like this...
Ford: Like what? A big pile of snow?
HighEmp: I was just about to explain my evil plan...
Ford: Evil snow?
HighEmp: What? No, my plan has nothing to do with snow, evil or otherwise.
Geb: But you just said that "Everything is going as planned", refering to the fact that Hell has frozen over. Hence the snow.
HighEmp: Well, ok, there is a slight snow related aspect to the plan, but...
Ford: Evil snow?
HighEmp: No, just regular, run-of-the-mill snow.
Geb: In Hell.
HighEmp: Yes, in Hell.... Well, ok there may be a hint of evilness about it, but that simply because it's snow in Hell, not because the snow is inherently evil.
Ford: Hellish snow?
HighEmp: NO! Well, sort of, since it's snow in Hell, but the snow itself is not Hellish. At least I don't think so. But it's academic really, as the point I was trying to make was that the fact that Hell has frozen over means that my plan has come to fruition.
Ford: Evil fruit?
HighEmp: *sigh*...
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06-13-2002 05:39 PM
Highemperor
Stormtrooper
Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
After the deepest sigh in recorded history-
Geb: Hey, now wait a second! That's just a tad bit redundant, don't you think?
What do you mean?
Geb: Well, history is defined as information about the past that's written and recorded.
Ah, shaddup.
Highemp: *zaps Narrator*
OWWWWWOOOWWWOOOWWWWOW! Hey, what are you DOING?!
Highemp: *as Geb gets evil grin on his face* Agreeing with Geb. *turns to Geb and zaps HIM*
Geb: OWWWWWOOOWWWOOOWWWWOW! Hey, what are you DOING?!
Highemp: Being angry that you noticed that before I did.
Geb: Actually, you DID notice before I did. You just wrote it in that I spoke first.
Highemp: *glaring* You sayin' I made a MISTAKE?
Geb: *eyeing Highemp's sparking fingers nervously* Uh, no, not at all!
Highemp: Good.
Gettle: Can we puh-LEEZE get back on track? *is promptly zapped by Highemp*
Highemp: I wasn't done yet. *pauses, looks around, and comes to a conclusion* Okay, NOW I'm done.
Gettle: *moaning on floor*
TMTGB: Bing! Bing! Bing! *Narrator, Geb, and Gettle are instantly healed*
Gettle: Haha! There's nothing that little baby can't do!
Highemp: Um, actually, yes, there is. See, THAT'S why Hell froze over. Because not even TMTGB can out-bing TBTGB (The Bell That Goes Bing)TM!
Wuss: Okay, so? *turns and glares at the sky* Hey, how come I always gotta ask the stupid questions!
Because you ARE stupid, Stupid.
*Wuss and the Narrator get into a shouting match. Meanwhile. . .*
Highemp: In answer to Wuss's "stupid question", The Bell that Goes Bing is in the 8th circle.
Ford: *confused* And what does this have to do with evil fruit?
Highemp: *blinks* What? It doesn't.
Ford: Yes, it does; you said it does!
Highemp: No, I didn't, I just said Hell freezing over has to do with my dastardly plan, and Hell froze over because of The Bell That Goes Bing. None of which has anything to do with fruit, evil or otherwise.
Ford: Okay, then, mister-smartypants, what's that over there?
Highemp: *turns and looks* Evil fruit stampeding our way to devour us. *blinks and does a double-take* EVIL FRUIT?!
Gettle: Everybody run!!!!!!!!!
Whew! Well, now that Wuss has been put back into his proper place, I can return to the story. Okay, so where are we? Hey, what's this? Evil fruit? What kind of stupid writer would put THAT in?
Wuss: That "stupid writer" was ME, bloody eejit!
*The Narrator and Wuss go at it again. Meanwhile, our heroes (including Wuss, who keeps hurling insults at the Narrator) make a break for the 8th circle), with hordes of evil fruit right behind them. . .*
__________________
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena at The High Citadel.
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06-15-2002 12:14 PM
Stryker_006
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
NSP: Come on, keep up the momentum.
__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?
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06-15-2002 03:57 PM
Highemperor
Stormtrooper
Registered: Dec 2001
Location:
Posts: 26
You know, Stryker, you could write a post yourself!
__________________
Play epic RPGs such as Year Infinity, or duel in the Interdimensional Arena at The High Citadel.
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06-16-2002 02:09 PM
Stryker_006
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
NSP: That would ruin the story tho...
__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?
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06-16-2002 02:16 PM
Stryker_006
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: A small town in the middle of nowhere
Posts: 326
Ok, on highemp's suggestion...
Highemp: What suggestion?
Shut up, I'm trying to post.
Wuss: I'm thirsty.
Geb: Look, theres a drinking fountain.
Wuss: Yay!!
JorBo: But there are hordes of evil fruit, coming to devour us, don't you think we should run?
Wuss runs to the drinking fountain
Highemp: No!! Don't touch it!!!
Wuss tries to get a drink of water, but instead a fountain of lava spurts out.
Highemp: Sigh.
The lava starts flowing toward the evil fruit, who promptly turn around and start running.
__________________
Did you know that when adding "A" to a word, it reverses its meaning? So, if muse means to think, what does amuse mean?
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06-17-2002 12:46 PM
CookedHaggis
Commander
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Scotland
Posts: 785
Wuss: Damn I'm good.
Geb: At what?
Wuss: At stopping the advance of evil fruit. What else?
[Generic NeS Hero]: And in doing so, you have effectively trapped us with a circle of lava.
Gettle: Guys...
Wuss: Oh, so now I have to think of everything round here? You wanted rid of the evil fruit, so I got rid of the evil fruit..geez...
Gettle: Guys...
[Generic NeS Hero]: Well yeah, you could've done something better than encircling us with a river of fire. A diseased, constipated, epilectic and schizophrenic monkey could've done something better...
Sam (The diseased, constipated, epilectic and schizophrenic ape): Now I say, hang on just a moment there, I find that offensive...
Gettle: GUYS!
All: What? Sheesh...
Gettle: The snow is cooling the lava...
Wuss: See, I told you my cunning plan would work...
[Generic NeS Hero]: You didn't tell us anything, you just wanted a drink. Greedy bugger.
RAM: I think Hell is getting to them.
Geb: No, we're always like this. And go away. You're supposed to heckle the narrator, not talk to us.
[edit: removed JorBo]
Last edited by CookedHaggis on 06-17-2002 at 08:30 PM
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06-17-2002 08:05 PM
Ford1342
Stormtrooper
Registered: Mar 2002
Location: cleveland
Posts: 104
NPS: one a side note. JorBo is in canada wiht the newer members of NeS
__________________
May the Farce be with you.
Hey check out my Interactive story over at massassi Finding a Door its fun really!
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06-19-2002 05:09 PM
Gebohq
Stormtrooper
Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Maryland, U.S. of A.
Posts: 32
The heroes continue to trek in silence across the searing desert, which was raining acid, but had later turned to snow. As the silence becomes uncomfortable, Geb begins to whistle.
The other heroes pay now mind to him. Geb's whistling turns into humming. His humming then turned into low singing.
Geb: ...he was just a poor boy, dada-dada-da-da...
Geb's low singing then became very LOUD and rather obnoxious singing.
Geb: ...CARABOUSH CARABOUSH!...
All the heroes stop and give him glares. Geb slumps his head back down in silence. A few moments later though...
Geb: ...*quietly singing* Stayin' alive, stayin' alive...
[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited June 25, 2002).]
![[http://forums.massassi.net/html/eek.gif]](http://forums.massassi.net/html/eek.gif "http://forums.massassi.net/html/eek.gif")
![[http://forums.massassi.net/html/frown.gif]](http://forums.massassi.net/html/frown.gif "http://forums.massassi.net/html/frown.gif")
![[http://forums.massassi.net/html/cool.gif]](http://forums.massassi.net/html/cool.gif "http://forums.massassi.net/html/cool.gif")
*laughs quietly to himself* Muahahahahahaha- er, okay! *hands video tape to Geb, who inserts into the VCR to watch* ![[http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif]](http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif "http://forums.massassi.net/html/biggrin.gif")
![[http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif]](http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif "http://forums.massassi.net/html/smile.gif")
(I'll be e-mailing you Tracer about it) Thanks!)![[http://forums.massassi.net/html/redface.gif]](http://forums.massassi.net/html/redface.gif "http://forums.massassi.net/html/redface.gif")
![[http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif]](http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif "http://forums.massassi.net/html/wink.gif")
). So um, yeah.)