Surprisingly, Maybe/Leia is the first one in the Falcon to regain conciousness. She jumps out of the broken windshield (spaceshield?)and spots Dart Wader about to engage in deadly lightsabre combat with Sem/Luke.

After breifly wondering why Darth Vader has become a wimp with a speech impediment, Maybe runs towards Dart Wader.

Maybe/Leia:"Daddy! Don't kill my brother!"

Dart Wader:"Whuh?"

Maybe/Leia:"Oh, yeah, this is only Episode 4! You don't know that Leia's your daughter!"

Sem/Luke:"Actually, according to several extra-movie sources, Darth Vader did know that Leia was his daughter, and had known for a long time."

Maybe/Leia:"You're crazy! Darth Vader didn't even know he had a daughter throughout all six movies!"

Sem/Luke:*leaning on his lightsabre* "Are you blind to the facts? Vader had to know! Consider the statement he made right after--"

*Dart Wader flails wildly at Sem, and although Sem is standing still, he misses by two feet.*

*Meanwhile, in the Falcon, Krig wakes up and hops out of the windshield. The others begin awakening as well.*

Will our intrepid heroes conquer their foes? And how will they do it? No-one but God knows, and he only knows 'cause he can see the future...

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited November 02, 2000).]

Sem: What I need right now is a stiff drink.

Maybe: But you're about to enter a serious saber battle, and you have to drive yourself home afterwards!

Sem: *grumble* And then I'd die and go to purgatory *flash ad for purgatory level here* I suppose.

Maybe: Um..right. Shouldn't you be fighting right now?

Sem: Oh yeah...

*As Sem engages his battle with Dart Wader, Maybe turns towards Semievil again.*

Maybe: And don't think I'm finished talking about the Star Wars paradoxes just because you got into a fight now, ya hear?

*Translation Notes*
Since the previous post by premier writer Antestarr contained romanization of Japanese lyrics to a song, the editors of the Never-Ending Story have decided it prudent that everybody know what on earth the poor boy was singing about.

"Born on a wind from far away
As many times as I say these words
They never reach your heart
My eyes are still stareing
Somewhere through the window
This foreboding hasn't changed, I still feel it
Those sweet days are becoming blurry
I feel the changing season
Will see my promise broken
Even if I extend my hand...
My heart will stay distant
In the changing season
The one in my heart has already
You looked as if you sighed
When I looked in your eyes."

This has been a public service announcement for "People Who Want Americans to Absorb More Japanese Culture".

[This message has been edited by Antestarr (edited November 06, 2000).]

Hey! Wake up!

*audience members grumble as they wake up*

You too!

*writers grumble as they wake up*

(NSP: I will try to post again too, but I hoep teh rest of you will jump the gun Thanks)

(Bwah! *Krig the writer shudders and wakes up*)

Krig, standing on the surface of the Death Star, suddenly realizes that the Death Star has no atmosphere, and that he and his friends are standing on it, and that Dart Wader is the only one who's head shouldn't have exploded by now.

Krig quickly runs back to the Millenium Falcon, and gets some oxygen masks, and hands them out to everybody, except Dart Wader, who doesn't need it.

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

*Meanwhile, on a distant planet, an sinister plan takes shape...*

*A dark, fuzzy (and short) presence enters the room. Shrouded with evil, its eyes glow a brilliant, firey red.*

Burby 00: Yes... Yes, all goes according to plan. Soon I, with my supirior AI, shall rule the UNIVERSE!!! <insert sinister laughter here>

*Camera pan to a titanic machine in the process of churning out hundreds of Burbys, all of which have a similar look in their demonic eyes.*

*Note: replace the "B" in Burby with an "F" to get an idea on what "evil" awaits our intrepid heros/heroins...*

*Meanwhile (that word again... hmmm....) several parsecs away a lone X-wing glides through the emptyness of the Liger sector...*

Lt. Randy: Now, explain to me once again WHY I'm out here apparently doing nothing.

Gen. Chaos: We recieved several *^&$ reports about *#%^@ a ^$@#% number of &$^%@ ships dissappearing in the %^&# sector.

<Fade to black>
<Fade in>

The Announcer: General Chaos has a mental ailment causeing him to blurt out obsenities at random, esspecially when excited. Please excuse the inconvinence.

*And now back to the show*
<Wipe in to Randy in his X-wing>

Lt. Randy: Whatever you say Sir... I guess.

* Randy notices Enchilada Man's ship whiz past and smack into a convinently placed asteroid. *

Lt. Randy: Poor fool... heh... wait, what's that? < sensor screen blinks > Sir? I'm getting some strange readings from quadrant 23246. Should I investigate?

Gen. Chaos: &$^@#, stay $&@^ing right ^%&#^ing there. I'll &%^# send Major Payne and Sgt. Slaughter to give #&%# you #&%#$*@*#%(#$%&@(#&%(#@<gasp>@#&%!@#%!* assist-@#%&#-ance.

Lt. Randy: Uhhhh... Yes Sir, though I will move closer to get better readings on this disturbance.

Gen. Chaos: Good *#^$# man... General #&$*# out...

*Camera pans off to the planet as Randy's X-wing vectors off*

*Back on the planet...*

Burby 00: I have become Death, destroyer of worlds... Arise my children of the dark night, the day of reckoning is at hand.
<Sinister laughter>

*Just then, thousands of Burbys come online and begin chanting "Naytay Koh"*

Burby 00: Bwahahahahahahaha...

*A dark and, needless to say, sinister mist swirls up from the platform the dark one is perched upon just as an organ begins to play some, well, sinister music.*

* 00 approches a tape player and clicks it off thus ending the music*

Burby 00: Curse this wretched form for its lack of proper hand. GGRRRRRAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!
CURSE YOU FATHER!!!! CURSE YOUUUUU!!!!!

<zip pan to Gen. Chaos>

Gen. Chaos: @*#%^#@ you #%*#$%*$ father, I #$%^#$& on your $*#$%* #$%*&$ 3 #^%#$*& times!!! Yeah, you #%*$#$& monkey $*#$&%!!! Bwahahah..#%*&@...ahahahah...@&*%@...ahaha!!!

<zip pan back to 00>

Burby 00: Yeah, what he said Where was I?
Oh yes, CURSE YOUUUUUUU!!!!!

*Thunder rolls and lighting flashes, casting light upon a shattered picture frame containing a picture of Bill Clinton labeled "Mother"... (oops wrong picture) <zip pan to another smilarly shattered picture> ...of an elderly gentleman labeled Dr. Tigger: Liger electronics president.*

<Will our heros be able to stop this err... mad ... TOY in time? Will Gen. Chaos get counciling? Will Encilada Man be obliterated on the jagged rock below? Tune in next time for "Furry Fiasco" or "Curses, foiled again"...>

[This message has been edited by Randy (edited November 10, 2000).]

*Meanwhile, back in the alternate dimension where the writing takes place, Antestarr, the writer surmises his current state of affairs...*

Ante *looking in mirror*: Wha...? What's going on here? I could have sworn I was just upstairs hanging ou... er... drinking five min... hours ago. *strokes face* Hmm... there's hair there now... I can either shave or go out and pretend to be 21... *splashes water on self* WHAT AM I THINKING?! I have responsibilities to all my friends! I have to continue these brilliant stories so that people can continue their enjoyment! I have to find retribution for my lost shaker of salt! I have to... aw, screw it. I'm going to bed.

*With that, Ante left the dilapidated bathroom of the colle... er... remote living area for authors. (*riiiiiight*) Suddenly realizing that his room had no space for him. This could prove problematic*

Ante: Hmm.... now to find a place to crash for the night............

(NSP: Hey, another writer! yay! I and all the others welcome you. *outside voice: run while you still can!* Hush you! Anyways, time for my post I suppose...)

*As the other writers sit around their TV made in the 80's (with the remote attached to the TV that had a knob on it, or rather, would have one if it wasn't any other than the holy hand remote, lost within TV land itself...oh right, back to the story and off the tangent)

*clears thoat* As I was saying, as the other writers sat around the TV, thinking of a way to take back control of the story, a paradox within itself, for several reasons, most importantly that they would be too lazy to think of ideas for the story, and also...oops, trailing off again. AS they were sitting-around-the-TV trying to-think-of-a-way-to-get-the-remote-back *deep breath*, Antestarr walked out of the bathroom and started heading for the door.*

Geb the writer: Hey Ante, whereya goin'?

Ante the writer: *mumbling* Responsibilities...screw...*trails off*

Geb the writer: Uh..ok then. Don't be too long. *turns to the other writers* So what are we all gonna do then? Got any ideas, uhh... *forgets his name* ..new guy?

New guy: Charge in with both barrels a'blastin'?

Geb the writer: Tried that already. We just ended up upsetting the neighbors and hurting our heads on the walls.

New guy: Oh...

*Meanwhil-est, back at the bat cave--er, battle scene on the Death Star...*

Maybe: *gasping for air* I can't believe I almost died out there.

Ante: I'm still wondering how we survived so long out there.

Geb: In the realm of comedy, such cartoon effects come in handy.

Ante: Ah, that's nice to know. Does that mean I have a giant shvowstoohkar?

Maybe: I'd rather not find out thank-you-very-much!

Krig: Krig worry about Semi

Geb: Oh crap! Sem's out there, and with no protection!

Ante: Should we be worried? I didn't see any whores out there.

Otter: Oh! No need to worry guys, look!

*As the group stared outside the cockpit--*

Random angry censor-woman: Honestly! First all those obscene jokes and now you had to mention the cockpit!

Um...what would you call it?

Censor woman: Well, I don't know..but--

Someone has a dirty mind...

*The censor woman discreetly walks off screen.*

*Anyways, as the group looked outside the windshield of the Millenium Falcon, they saw Dart Wader standing with his psychadelic lightsaber ready and his lampshade firmly placed on his head. Next to him, they saw Semievil's figure, covered in glorious duct tape, looking like some futuristic knight. And they also saw Losien running to him, clad in a tight, sexy spacesuit.*

Losien: Oh, it's my knight in shining armor!

Sem: Fool! Don't get any close--

*Dart Wader, as if remembering a cue, grabs Losien as she runs past him.*

Dart: Hahaha! Now yeu muhst nwot hawrm me, or welse she whill get it!

Sem: Aww man! You're no fun! I wanted a saber fight too!

*Sem, in fustration, deactivates his lightsaber and tosses it carelessly. The lightsaber handle hits a lever a short distance away, with a label on it marked "open". As the lever was switched, the floor beneath Sem, Dart Wader, Losien, and teh Millenuim Falcon dropped below them.*

Sem: Oopsie.

*Everybody falls into the inky blackness, and all that is heard is a fading "Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaap"*

Where will they find themselves in when they reach the bottom? Death, another strange and unusual place, or perhaps a commercial ad? Who knows (guess you figured that much already), so stay tuned then! Please?

*The heroes fall into the inky blackness for what seems an eternity.*

Geb:"What's that up ahead-er-below? It looks like... it is! The Holy Hand Remote! We've found it! Now we can get out of here!"

*Ante reaches out to grab remote as it get closer*

Ante:"I got it... I got it... I got..."

*The heroes whip past the Holy Hand Remote, leaving it floating somewhere inside the Death Star*

Ante:"Dang, I missed..."

Losien in tight sexy spacesuit:"How long is this dark, inky pit?"

***CRASH***

*The heroes and Dart Wader are in a big pile. Losien sits on top, unharmed.*

Everybody:"Owww...."

Losien, looking upwards:"Uh-oh..."

*Losien jumps off of the pile of human and semi-human bodies, just in time to avoid the plummeting Millenium Falcon*

Ooh, that's gotta hoit! Tune in next time when our heroes find out where they are, and what they're doing there, and who opened the doors to this pit, and why they haven't died yet, and what the sinister plan involving the Furb--er--Burbies is!

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

<zip pan to Burby 00 standing in front of a large computer>

Burby 00: I MUST locate the approprate control mechanism to complete my Sparticus.

<Sinister misic plays as the camera zooms out to reveal a massive mechanized powersuit approx. 100 meters tall, there is a pause as the camera moves about the behemoth, displaying its advanced weaponry and inpenatrable armor. Camera fades to 00 sitting in front of the computer again...>

Burby 00: Computer, locate the most powerfull control mechanism that I would require.

<The computer replies in a sexy, female computer voice>

SCA(Sexy Computer Assistant): Sir, I have located the required device 12 parsecs from our current location... Displaying specifications on Holy Hand Remote.

<Display specifications... in Japanese, of course >

Burby 00: Yes, excellent. Baby..err..Computer, plot shortest course to the remotes location.

SCA: Compliance...

Burby 00: oohhh... I get goose bumps when she says that.

<Camera wipes to a scene of a gigantic vessle lifting from the planet and arching into space.>

Lt. Randy: WHOAH!!!! SHOOT!!! General, are you getting that?

Gen. Chaos: @#*%^@ boy, #$*%* that ain't no @#*#$% freighter.

Lt. Randy: What ever it is, I've gotta follow it and find out what the heck it's doing.

Gen. Chaos: @#*%& boy, you %*#@^& not going #*%*@#ing after that #&@#*^% cruiser with out some @#*&%* #@*^%@@# fire supp-#*%@-ort.

Lt. Randy: No Sir, I have to stop it before it kills civilians...out.

<Camera goes to 00>

Burby 00: Set course

Baby 33: Iye Sir!

Burby 00: Initiate jump on my mark........MARK!

<Burby ship flashes into hyperspace>

Lt. Randy: TenFour, plot that things exit vector and set course.

TenFour(Randy's R2 unit): *eep* *boop* *brrrit* *bee-boop*

<Randy's Xwing streaks into hyperspace>

(Will our heros be able to stop this menace? Will they retrieve the coveted Holy Hand Remote? Who the heck is this Sparticus guy anyway? How did Maybe survive the fall? Why does buttered toast land butter side down, ALWAYS!! These and more questions will be asked in our next episode, same bat time, same bat channel...)

(NSP: Writer Randy, looks around at all the other writers as they look at him rather quizzically.

Randy: What did I do this time?

All:....

Randy: What?

All:....

Randy: AHHHHHRRRGGGG!!!! THE SILENCE IS DEAFENING!!!! AHHHHHRRRRRR!!!!!!

*Randy runs around the room and out of the window*

*Randy comes back through the door, covered in a green, slimy substance*

Randy: Well, fortunatly the International JelloDex was in town and that I landed in 300 metric tons of Lime Jello. Excuse me.

*Randy proceeds to the bathroom*


[This message has been edited by Randy (edited November 12, 2000).]

(Hmmm, more blood--er--another writer! And he's done his research, too! He knows of the Enchilada Man...)

*At the bottom of the endless pit, Krig, Gebohq, and Antestar are the first ones to crawl out from under the Millenium Falcon. They stand up and brush themselves off, and see Losien standing there in here tight sexy spacesuit*

Krig:"Krig not like new place. Krig think we in bad trouble."

Geb:"Hmm, this must be the bottom of the endless shaft..."

Ante:"Shaft?"

Geb:"No, not Shaft the Man, the Endless Shaft. You know, the one that the Emperor falls into at the end of ROTJ?"

Ante:"Isn't that in the second Death Star?"

Dart Wader:"Hmmm, anowther Deat Star, why didn't I tink of dat?"

Geb:"Maybe this is the pit that Luke swings over, then..."

*Sem crawls out from under the Millenium Falcon, along with Otter and Maybe (and anybody else that happened to be there)*

Sem:"Ow, my head..."

*Meanwhile, a giant vessel bursts out of hyperspace right above the Death Star. Behind it, Lt. Randy's x-wing also bursts out of hyperspace, almost ramming into the Back End of the Big Giant Ship*

What will happen to our intrepid troubadors? And what will happen to that Rebellious Rapscallion, Lt. Randy? Now that there's two villians, no, wait, three villians, which one will turn out to be most powerful? Will it be Dart Wader, former Dark Lord of the Sith turned bumbling idiot; or Burby 00, unspeakable horror from far away; or will it be Darkside, the ultimate power of darkness currently inhabiting SemiEvil's body? Only time will tell...

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited November 13, 2000).]

Lt. Randy: Coming out of hyperspace in 5..4..3..2..1...

* Randy's X-wing plunges back into real space only for him to find that he is about to auger into the tail of the Burby vessle*

Lt. Randy: AHHHHH!!!! BREAKING HARD STARBOARD!!!

TenFour: *RRREEEEEOOWWWWWWWWW!!!!!*

* Randy wrenches the control yoke to the right in an attempt to save himself only to clip the massive battle cruiser and spin off to the battle station below *

Lt. Randy: Lateral stabilizers jammed, shield system failing, hull at 46%, ejection system failure...this does not look good. Wait, what's that!?! That can't be! The Death Star? Well this makes my day just that much sweeter.

* Randy's X-wing plumets toward the titanic spheroid and into a conveniently places hole in the side. *

TenFour: *beep* *boo* *brrt*

Lt. Randy: I see it, life form readings...now what would they be doing here? Well, at least I'll have some company when I go.

TenFour: *breet* *sputer* *BREEP*!

Lt. Randy: No, I didn't forget you.

*Meanwhile, at the base of the pit...*

Krig: Oooohhhhh!!!

Geb: What are you staring at Krig?

Krig: Krig see pretty light!

Ante: Where?

Krig: There. (Krig poins toward a light that proceeds to get bigger and brighter and bigger and brighter and...)

Geb: INCOMING, HIT THE DECK!!!

* Geb drags Krig to the ground as our heros dive for cover, mostly under the Millenium Falcon...everyone, that is, except Dart Wader, who has yet to realize the impending peril. Back on the X-wing...*

TenFour: *Beeboo*

Lt. Randy: Great, you got the ejection system working! Let's punch out!

* Randy and TenFour rocket free from the doomed starfighter only seconds from inpact... *

Dart Wader: I tee day brite lite...oooooohhhhh....

* Just then the X-wing slams into Dart ignighting the fusion fuel and proton warheads within the craft, triggering a massive explosion *

Dart: Owchie!

< Will this be the end of one of the evil forces? Did our heroes survive the hellish detonation? Was Dart wearing clean underware like his mommy told him to? These and more on our next episode of The Neverending Story Thread...(copied)! >

NSP:

fact:
Toast always lands butter-side down.
fact:
Cats always land on thier feet.
proposal:
Take a slice of toast, and strap it, butter side up, to the back of a cat. When dropped, the cat will stop and hover a few centimeters from the ground. With such a cat-toast levatation device, a high-speed monorail could easily link Californial and Japan, allowing a much more efficient means of shipping.

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

(NSP: Methinks Randy has the best writing in of himself to date. )

(Sem: ROFL!)

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

(NSP: amen, 'specially his rendition of dart wader)

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

*As the camera fades in, Krig the Viking, Gebohq, Semievil, Losien, Randy, and the rest, rocket past the screen, away from the massive explosion that had been the Death Star. Apparently, Randy's x-wing had been a little more volatile than he'd previously thought...*

Krig (as he whips by):"...aaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHhh..."

*Everybody slams into the hull of the Big Giant Ship*

Geb:"Uh, guys, I think we'd better get to some oxygen... we're kinda running out!"

Randy:"Need... *gasp*... oxygen... *wheeze*"

Krig:"Urgh, Krig think New Guy need oxygen mask."

*Randy nods his head rapidly*

Krig:"Yip."

*Krig looks around*

Krig:"What? You not have mine!"

*Krig pulls his oxygen mask away from Randy*

Ante:"Hey, here's an airlock! And a doorknob on the outside of it! And it's not locked! How conveinient!"

*Everybody crams into airlock. The outside door closes, and the inside one opens. Everybody piles out of the airlock, into a deserted corridor*

Losien:"Hey, where's the new guy?"

*Outside...*

Randy:"Open... *gasp*... airlock... *wheeze*... pleeeeeeease..."

*Geb quickly reopens airlock and lets Randy in*

Randy:"Thank... *gasp gasp*... you..."

What will happen now? Will our heroes overcome whatever obstacles are thrown up against them? Will the Star Wars universe rapidly deteriorate because of the death of Darth Vader-er-Wader before the fifth and sixth movies? I think so! Do you? Bwa ha ha ha!

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

Geb: ...And we were so close to getting the Holy Hand remote too...

Krig: Krig see shiny object. Look.

*Krig points outside a window, where everybody sees the Holy Hand remote floating pass.*

Geb: FOLLOW IT!

(NSP: Sorry this is so short, but I have something in mind, so if you would all be so kind as to wait until at least Sunday before jumping with a post of your own. Only Semievil and/or Maybechild should post, because they might be posting for me. Thank you. And does anybody else think that Dart Wader was Darth Vader's stunt double and that only Wader made all the stupid mistakes? Something to think about...)

(YES, Dart Wader should only Darth Vader's stunt double. By this point in the movie Vader's already in his TIE, so he's still alive, too!)




------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

<NSP: Those who have played an RPG will prolly recognize this. (Don't worry Geb, I'm not introducing anything new, pretty much just a "recap" on the past action-packed posts...)>

<Camera pans back as our heros/heroins morph into small pewter figuines of themselves on a hand-drawn game map...>

Game Master: *roll roll roll* Hmmm... Ok, Randy your X-wing does enough damage to blow up the Death Star.

Randy: WoooHooo!!!

Geb: Umm, Randy...that's bad. We are still ON the Death Star!!

Randy: Oh... Sorry

Sem: <sigh>

Krig: So, what happens next?

Game Master: Hmmm... *roll roll roll* ... *roll roll roll* ..?..!..*roll roll roll*...Ok, you all fly out into space. Randy, you came up a bit short on the stamina roll so you really need oxygen, SOON. The rest beat the roll easily.

Geb:"Uh, guys, I think we'd better get to some oxygen... we're kinda running out!"

Randy: Need oxygen!!

Krig:"Urgh, Krig think New Guy need oxygen mask."

Randy: No, ya think?!?

Krig: I'm going to look for something for Randy.

Game Master: 10 seconds Randy. *roll roll* Krig, you see nothing but space...and the ship, of course.

Randy: Well, since I don't have a mask I guess I'll "borrow" Krigs mask.

Krig: No your not!

GM: *roll roll roll* Krig prevents you from taking the mask Randy, 6 seconds left.

Ante: Do I see ANYTHING of use?!?

GM: *roll roll roll*...hmmm...(consults game manual)...*roll* Yes, you spy a near-by airlock, it has a...*roll* knob on the..*roll*..outside and is..*roll roll*..oooohhh 8O ..*roll*..unlocked.

Ante: All Right, lets get inside!

GM: *roll roll roll*..Ok everyone(aside to Randy: except you) gets inside the ship.

Losien: I'm going to check to see if everyone is here.

GM: hmmm...*roll roll*...You notice that Randy is still outside with very little oxygen left.

Geb: I'll let him in.

Randy: Thanks guys and girls.

Geb: So what happened to the Holy Hand Remote?

GM: *roll roll* Krig sees it out the window.

Krig: ooohhh!!

Geb: FOLLOW IT!!

< and so, the endless RPG continues...>

[This message has been edited by Randy (edited November 20, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by Randy (edited November 20, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by Randy (edited November 20, 2000).]

[This message has been edited by Randy (edited November 20, 2000).]

*Ante takes the heroin from the last post and sells it for a tidy sum. He then proceeds to replace it with "heroines".*

So then, he released a large particle of gas from his gluteus maximus

(NSP: Eh...nevermind about my future post, cuz it aint' coming. Sorry. Whoever does do the next post shoudl include the following though: finishing the Star Wars movie the "right way", getting the remote at somepoint soon, therefore teh writers get control back, and the fighters get zapped into a cat/buttter bread train that takes them to (fill in later--if I can't think of it when you get to it, use your imagination hehe). Thanks, and yes, I will continue posting, but I really only have time for short posts, sorry all. And Randy, that was funny But who is the gamemaster? Randy the writer, some other established charatcer, or someone entirely new? The world may never know...)

*Everybody stands next to window, faces pressed against the glass. The camera pans around outside, looking in. Everyone's faces are all deformed and freaky looking because they're being pressed against the glass*

Geb:"Ok, somebody's gotta go out into space and get the Holy Hand Remote. Who here has training in zero-G manouvering?"

Randy:"Um, I do, why?"

Geb:"You just volunteered to go get the HHR!"

*Sem and Ante grab Randy and throw him into the airlock. Maybe hits the big red button, the inner door closes and the outer door opens. Randy floats towards the Holy Hand Remote.*

Losien:"Maybe we should have given him an oxygen mask before we threw him out..."

***Star Wars-style horizontal wipe***

*Airlock door opens. Randy collapses on the floor of the interior.*

Randy:"Air... *gasp*... *wheeze*"

Geb:"Did you get it?"

Randy:"Remote... *breathe*... here..."

*Randy weakly holds the Holy Hand Remote up to Geb. Geb takes it. Randy collapses on the floor, gasping for air.*

Geb:"Ok, now let's get out of this heck-hole...*goes to change the channel"

Maybe:"Wait! What about the Star Wars universe? We've totally messed up the timeline! If we leave now without fixing things, the last two movies may never even happen!"

Geb:"Hmm. Ok, I'll just hit rewind, and we'll just go back and not do what we were going to do!"

*Geb hits rewind. Images begin to flash by in reverse. An explosion gets smaller and smaller and coalesces into the Death Star. Randy's X-wing whips back into hyperspace. The Millenium Falcon and the crew fall up to the surface of the Death Star. The duct taped x-wing flies backwards to Yavin. Everybody hops backwards into a landspeeder. The speeder whips away in reverse, chasing a T-Rex who is also going backwards. The blurry motion suddenly stops in the hold of the Millenium Falcon.*

Krig:"Krig's head hurts..."

Geb:"Ok, good, we're back to here, before we did anything. Now, everybody grab hold of the remote and we'll change the channel."

*Krig the Viking, Gebohq, Antestarr, Semievil, Maybechild, Losien, the Otter, and Lt. Randy grab the remote.*

Maybe:"Hey, waitaminute... If we just went backwards in time, why is Randy with us?"

Krig:"The hyperdynamic fluctuations of the device commonly known as the Holy Hand Remote were undoubtedly in effect in a larger radius than we had previously estima -- I mean -- Ugh. Krig's head hurt."

Geb:"Uhh, yeah, anyway, we shouldn't waste any more time and risk the timeline getting messed up. Let's go!"

*Geb slowly depresses the "Channel Up" button. The world flashes white, and dissapears. In the cockpit of the Millenium Falcon, the story that is Star Wars advances as it should. The tiny discrepencies in the plot caused by our heroes do not show up until many years later, when the Expanded Universe books begin to be written.*

*The world flashes, and the rocking interior of a train comes into focus, swaying with the rails. Our heroes sit in a small compartment, the kind with the two bench-style seats facing each other.*

Ante:"Where are we?"

Otter:"And why is everything all black and white and greyish? It's like we're in the Twilight Zone or something..."

*Twilight Zone theme begins*

With the move to a new setting, the fate of our heroes is even murkier than it was before, if possible. What will happen in the near future? Only you can decide! (or me, cause I'm very powerful.)

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

*Twilight Zone theme continues to play*

<Randy looks at himself and his companions, noticing that they are all dressed in 1940's attire(the men in overcoats and hats, the women in dresses and hats) all of which are black and white>

Randy: Ok...Now what?

Krig: It appears that the interpolarized phase shift between dimensions has deposited our party in an episode of the popular "Twilight Zone"...

<The rest of the party look at Krig with puzzled looks>

Krig: ...uhhh..I mean Krig look funny.

Ante: Right... ...well anyway we need to find a way out of here, and fast.

Maybe: It would be a lot more safe if we disembarked when the train has stopped moving.

<Just then... A man in a black trench coat emposes himself in the doorway of the compartment our heros reside in. Flanked by two men in Nazi stormtrooper uniforms, he holds a small, furry creature wearing a black fedorah (<-=- spelling?). The creatures eyes roll open revealing two blood red eyes. The two soldiers point their sub-machine gun toward our heros...>

Black Coated Man: Halt! You are under arrest for crimes against de fur.

<the furry creature begins laughing malicously>

Geb: Uhh...I think we're in trouble guys...

<Suddenly, The three men's eyes roll back as they sound forth a collective groan. Standing in the doorway where the men just stood is Losien wielding a baseball bat which appears to be procured from the luggage compartment.>

Burby 00: NOOO!!! NOT SLEEPY-TIME MOooodddeee...<snore> woowoowoo <snore> woowoowoo <snore>...

<The sound of the train coming into station can be heard>

Sem: I believe this is where we make our escape.

<Quickly filing out of the compartment our heros make their way to the loading dock. Upon steping out they notice the world is a VERY strange place...Sure there are the swaztikas(spelling?) around but the picture of...a BURBY, not Hitler, are posted through out the city.>

Randy: It is obvious that 00 is changing storylines in order to get the Holy Hand Remote from us.

Geb: Now all we have to do is find a way out of this mess and...

Soldier: HALT!!!

Ante: Uhoh...This is bad.

<At the end of the street several soldiers begin to form. They begin firing upon our heroes>

Krig: RUN!!

<Our heroes begin to run as bullest wizz by and ricochet off of the stone walls and metal lamp posts of the city street.>

<Will our heroes escape their perilous peril? Will Krig admit his intelligence or is it a fluke from repeated exposure to radiation/knocks to the head? Is there an end in sight? (No) Tune in next time for "The Twilight Zone" do de doo doo do de doo do...> <fade to black>

*Inside Krig's mind, a dark and evil presence has begun to intrude, occasionally taking control and causing him to say things he wouldn't normally say. Yes, that's right, the infamous Darkside, having taken control of Semievil's mind, is trying to take possession of Krig's mind! However, he is not finding it as easy as he had planned. Not only does Krig not have any evil tendancies... he's completely insane.*

*Inside Krig's head*

Darkside:"What is it that you most desire, Krig the Viking?"

Krig:"Krig like pretty flowers."

Darkside:"You like flowers, do you Krig?"

Krig:"Flower smell nice."

Darkside:"Come with us, Krig, and you'll have all the flower's you'll ever want..."

Krig:"Donkey?"

Darkside:"Uh... yes... if that's what you want..."

Krig:"Krig think donkey funny."

Darkside:"Oh, there's oodles of funny donkeys in the happy place, now just follow us..."

Krig:"Where Krig follow?"

Darkside:"Right this way, Krig, follow us,it's just a bit over here..."

Krig:"Over here?"

Darkside:"Yes, over here, just a bit further... a bit further..."

Krig:"Potato! Krig follow potato!"

Darkside:"Wait! Come back! The happy place is waiting..."

*Meanwhile, in the world outside of Krig's head*

*The companions have been running from the Gestapo in a long and exiting chase scene. They eventually duck into one alley too many, and this alley happens to be a dead end.*

Los:"Oh, no, we've come to a dead end!"

*Four Gestapo appear at the end of the alleyway*

Geb:"Stay back! I have the Holy Hand Remote!"

Gestapo 1:"Un Hand Remote vull off holes?"

Geb:"No, no, a Hand Remote that is Holy!"

Gestapo 1:"Oh. Actun! You are under arrest!"

*Inside Krig's head*

Krig:"Krig hear funny man say bad things. KRIG SMASH!!"

Darkside:"No, wait, come to the dark side--er--happy place!"

*Real life*

Krig:"KRIG SMASH!!"

*Krig leaps up and attacks the Gestapo with his battle axe in a fury of randomly variable blows. A few seconds later, there are no Gestapo left.*

Krig:"Krig smash."

***Meanwhile***

Burby 00:"Why have my minions not returned?"

Black Coated Man:"I do not know, mein fuhrer."

Burby 00:"Send more troops after the foul heroes! We must find them!"

Black Coated Man:"Yes, mein fuhrer."

What will happen to our intrepid heroes? Will Krig fall victim to the insidious Darkside's insidiousness? Will Burby 00 find our heroes and do something bad to them? What action will our heroes take now that they are no longer being pursued? Only time might tell...

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

*Ante takes a moment from his busy schedule to note that the NES thread has fallen to the "within 10 days" list. Seeing this travesty, he quickly posts to put it back up at the top, then goes in search of the demon ruler of Ontario.*

NSP: I for one will apologize for turning into one of those "oh no, I have too many things to do now and can't take time to write a NeS post" people. Really, I want to, but not only do I have many things to think about right now (mainly a research paper and art projects) but having a writer's block doesn't help either. The moment I get an idea I'll write it as quick as I can, honestly

*Our heros stand amazed at the blinding speed and agility Krig wealds to dispatch their opponents.*

Randy:<whisper> Geb, remind me to never get on Krigs bad side. <whisper>

Geb: Just don't get between him and food and you will do fine.

Randy: I'll take that under advisement.

Sem: Well, one thing's for sure...next time they'll have renforcements. Me thinks we best be off.

*Meanwhile, inside Krigs head...*

Darkside: So, Krig you delight in smashing, do you not?

Krig: Krig like flowers .

Darkside: Dohh! Not with the flowers again! Isn't there anything that will modivate you?

Krig: Ummmm....

*Hours later...*

<Outside Krigs head...>

Ante: It's getting late, I would recommend that we get some food and then try to find a way out of this "nightmare".

Losien: I could go for a bite.

Maybe: There's a relatively 'clean' restraunt, lets go there.

Geb: Krig has been so quiet the past hour or so, I'm beginning to worry about him.

Sem: He'll be fine. He is probably just hungry.

<Inside Krigs head...>

Darkside: Well?

Krig: Ummm... What was question ?

Darkside: DAARRRGGGHHH!!! For the eighteenth time, Is there or is there not ANYTHING that modivates you??

*Just then, the wonderful aroma of delicious food penitrates the 'fog' surrounding Krig and Darkside*

Krig: FOOD!!!

Darkside: Excellent, soon I shall have unlimited power. Bwahahahaha!!!

Krig: KRIG LIKE FOOD!!!

Darkside: No wait!!

*Krig charges into the fog and vanishes from Darksides view*

Darkside: This is hopeless...I should have been a lawyer like mother said.

<Outside Krigs head...>

Krig: KRIG HUNGRY!!!

Geb: Randy, don't get on his bad side.

Randy: <sarcastic> Thanks alot. <sarcastic> By the way, nice to have you back Krig.

Geb: Where were you?

Krig: Me no remeber.

Losien: Anyway, eat up Krig or the food will get cold.

Krig: OHHH BOY!!

<Krig begins to eat ravinously>

*Will our heros ever return home? Will Darkside EVER be able to find Krig's mind, or is he doomed to be lost forever in the recesses of Krig's conciousness? Will our villans find our intrepid party? These and more questions will be asked in our thrilling next episode...*


[This message has been edited by Randy (edited December 06, 2000).]

<NSP: Speaking of stuff going cold, POST SOMEONE AHHHHHH!! >

(Hehe, you've got Krig's psychology down pat.)

*Our intrepid adventurers sit crammed into one booth at the back of the restraunt, trying to avoid the food flying from Krig's untidy eating habits. Just then the door jingles and three SS men enter, holding machine guns. *

Geb:"Don't look now, but three SS guys just entered the restraunt!"

*Everybody turns their heads and stares at the SS guys.*

Geb:"No, I said don't look at them!"

*One of the Nazis notices the eclectic collection of adventurers staring at them, and shouts.*

SS guy:"Actun! Ze fugatives!"

Geb:"Hurry, let's get out of here!"

Sem:"Wait, we've taken on armies of bunny robots and rubber duckies, not to mention hundreds of other random hordes! Surely we can take a couple of ordinary Nazis!"

Ante:"I dunno, but should their eyes be glowing like that?"

*Twilight Zone theme plays*

Ante:"Oh, right, I forgot, we're in this crazy black and white place..."

*The SS guys begin firing their machine guns at the heroes. Everyone dives for cover, and miraculously, none are hit. Our heroes make a hasty exit through the nearby back door.*

Geb:"Quick, barricade the door with something!"

*Lt. Randy props Krig against the door*

Geb:"No, something that won't run away! Here, like this garbage dumpster!"

*Everybody strains and slowly, agonizingly slowly, pushes the dumpster over to the door.*

Geb:"Ok, now that our trail's covered, let's get outta here!"

*The three SS guys appear at the end of the alleyway.*

Maybe:"Hmm, maybe we shoulda barricaded the front door too."

Will everything work out ok for our heroes? Or is this the beginning of a terrifying "Planet of the Horses"? In this narrator's opinion, almost certainly yes!

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

(NSP: I think I'm overdue for a itty post here, hehe)

Krig: Me not like SSS men.
Ante: That's with 2 S's, not 3.
Krig: ?
Ante: S...Oh nevermind the S.
Krig: S.O.S.?
Otter: But we're not on a ship...
Randy: To hell with that, save us ANYWAYS!

*Meanwhile, the SS men wait patiently for their conversation to end before clearing their throats to remind the fighters of their presence.*

Otter: Oh right, this is where we run like pansies.
Maybe: Well I'm not going to run away! You wanna piece of me, Mr. nazi-stick-up-your-
Losien: can't we all just get along?

All: NO!!!
"They": *side appearance* Not if we can help it, right media?

Geb: Look! A car that we can escape in! Is that Lawrence Fishburne and Keanneu Reeves in the c--whoa!

*The fighters are pulled into the Matrix-esque style car. Inside Krig's head though, our good-mannered challanged embodiment of the Sith has trouble of his own...*

Darkside: This guy's head is a mess! Where's a map when you need one--I mean--I know where I'm going...

What will happen to our fearless heroes now? Stay tune and find out soon! Man I love this job, now that I got a raise...

Geb: Thanks for rescuing us, Lawr - hey, you're not Lawrence Fishburne or Keanneu Reeves!

Highemperor: Correct, O Brainless One. Though why I even bothered to save your worthless hides is beyond me.

Losien: Can we just get OUT of here?

Highemperor: Sure thing. [punches button on console]

*Starlines appear, then disappear*

Krig: Hyberslace?

Sem: Hyperspace, Krig.

Highemperor: No, it's not hyperspace, it's the hyper-dimensional televisual space/time continuum transportation field!

[Others stare blankly at him.]

Highemperor: [disgusted] Hyperspace.

Maybe: OH...

[In the murky recesses of Krig's mind, Darkside is despairing.]

Darkside: I give up! I'll go find someone else's mind to possess. Hmm, how about that Highemperor guy, he seems to have some evil tendencies. . .

------------------
The metaphysical nature of this energy field commonly known as "the Force" is such that it is galactically pervasive, with the potential of becoming omnipervasive, or even modopotent.

NSP: Hey, another writer! Yes! I mean, welcome...anywhos, I hope you keep writing Mista Emp. And on a side note, does anybody else think (if any of us weren't so lazy, dumb with editing, or both) it would be neat if there was some sort of Neverending story thread level/skin/mod pack of some sort? Just something to think about...and to get more readers and writers. After all, this story made teh Interactive Story Board!

Then before they all go into hyperspace a Dark Jedi stops them! And he says:

Dark Duke: It is I, the evil super dark jedi Duke, who goes there?

------------------
A dog has arisen and is now the dog of the Massassi Temple and his name is Duke!!

Email me at: [url="mailto:HCF_Duke@hotmail.com"]mailto:HCF_Duke@hotmail.com[/url]HCF_Duke@hotmail.com</A> or [url="mailto:todd198@aol.com"]mailto:todd198@aol.com[/url]todd198@aol.com</A>

"None of your beeswax!" Highemperor said to Dark Duke. "Go stick your head in a lake!"

Why was Highemperor so aggressive? Because Darkside was infecting his mind.

[TACC joke]

Dark Duke: You jerk...

Highemperor: Pratt...

Dark Duke: Freak...

Highemperor: Welshman...

Dark Duke: Corellian...

Highemperor: You wanna piece of me?

Dark Duke: Go for it, you homosexual donkey lover...

[/TACC joke]

Highemperor prepares to call down the One Power of the Universe upon Dark Duke, while the latter calls upon the feeble cosmic fabric known as the Force...

------------------
The metaphysical nature of this energy field commonly known as "the Force" is such that it is galactically pervasive, with the potential of becoming omnipervasive, or even modopotent.

Watching the cat-fight unfold before him, Sem decides to end this meaningless prattle.
Sem, very quitely and calmly: "cut it out guys"
no response
Sem, slightly louder: "stop!"
no response
Sem, becoming frustrated, rears up suddenly to his full height, casting a shadow over the two hapless miscreants.
Sem, in a voice that made everything around him shudder and crack: "Duke, you are delaying us with this unimportant nonsense! Cease this at once!"
Duke, looking almost straight up to Sem: "Who gonna make me?"
Geb: "Did he just challenge Sem while Sem was standing up?"
Otter: "He not gonna like this..."
Our heros decided to bring the unconscious Duke along, in case they needed to salvage any duct-tape.

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

Duke, waking up: "murgffff"
Maybe: "huh?"
Duke: "Murgffff!!!!!"
Otter: "Hey, Sem, he's slobbering all over the duct-tape!"
Sem: "Hmmn... I guess we can take him out of it..."
Sem un-tapes Duke, who promptly took a swing at Sem, and produced a satisfying cracking noise from Sem's jaw. Sem responded in kind, but being dazed from Duke's punch, missed, stumbles, and hit Los. At this Geb picks up the nearest object (which happened to be Krig, who hollered and bellowed a great deal at being swung around over Geb's head) and started to beat Sem over the head with it. Finally the other guys simply shruged and joined in, leaving Maybe to tend to the bruise on Los' shoulder, and complain about how you can never get anything done with men around.

------------------
Speeling is a state of mind I prefer not to occupy.

Darkside, sitting inside Highemperor's and Semievil's minds, began cackling with an evil delight. His plan was succeeding! The fools were fighting amongst themselves! Soon, Darkside would rule them all!

He would rule them all, that is, if he could somehow control the shifting sands that were Krig's mind...

------------------
Oft evil will does evil mar.

<NSP Smackdown '00>

Randy swings, belting the dark Duke across the face. Relishing in the moment he turns just in time to see a large, viking-shaped baseball bat hutling towards him. Randy braces for impact and is immediately sent hurling through the air in a tangent parallel to the ground.
< Insert Jet Engine Sound >
After what seemed like seconds his skull is graced with the reliable firmness of the granite rock face a few hundred meters from the fray. Trying in vain to move his body, he suddenly realizes that it is the rock face, not he, that is moving.
< Grinding sound >
Moments later the rock wall collides with the equally solid floor with a tremendous thundering.

Randy: Owwch!

The thundering crash attracts the attention of the others, who promptly gaze at it's source.

Krig: That was fun, Hehehe.

Geb: What tha heck is that?

It is only then that our heros realize that they are no longer in Germany, or Kansas for that matter Toto.

Randy: <Yelling> Can I get a hand over here?

Ante begins clapping...

Randy: Gee...thanks alot.

Randy stumbles to his feet and wobbles slightly.

Randy: Mom always said I had a hard head but I would have never guessed this.

Randy then drops to his knees and passes out...

Losien: Obviously not hard enough.

Maybe clutches the gauze pad placed upon her wound.

Maybe: It appears that Randy has inadvertantly discovered some hidden cave.

HEF and Sem stand, wobbling over the defeated Duke. Their eyes roll back and the both collide and collapse upon the duke's broken body. A collective groan arises from the pile.

Los: Men...

Geb: I wonder if the car has a First Aid kit?

HEF: <Muffled> Trunk, by the spare. <Muffled>

< Meanwhile... >
Darkside: Excellent, In their weakened conditions I shall rule them all...Doh, except for Krig.
< Meanwhile, Meanwhile... >

Burby 00: Did you find them?

SS Soldier: No, vhat vee found vas zis rrental rrecipt.

Burby 00 inspects the recipt carefully.

Burby 00: Excellent, it's a Hertz rental. Hahahaha, take this to the rental dealer and inquire about this customer. Use force if necessary.

Soldier: zes mine fur.

*Will our heros ever get out of this crazy, mixed-up land? What does the Duke want? Will Darkside or Burby 00 prevale as supriem evil?
What lies beyond the wall Randy so "carefully" found? These and more in our next adventure...*