TLTETW (ha-ha, longest abbreviation yet, thanks Sem), leaves class, wondering idly where the heck this story is going, and whether it's time for a new and exciting foe or plot twist to surface...

[This message has been edited by The Last True Evil (edited June 16, 2001).]

NSP: Feel free to add a new villian, Last True Evil, but we have a lot of villians right now. They include:

In the Writers World:
Darkside
The UGO Corporation (working for Microsoft)
Microsoft
Bill Gates

In the Computer Gaming Realm:
Kamakazis
Zombies
The Spooky Taco (Head Villian)
General Gordita
Burrito Boy
Asparugus Troopers

(There are more, but just read the last two or so pages before making any major Plot twists. Or don't. The fun part about this story is that it is really hard to screw it up. Although I might have with my last In Story Post.)


------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited June 17, 2001).]

Huh? wha? me add new villan? I'm not adding any new villans; where you get that idea?

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

He mistook you for me, Sem..

NSP: Yeah, I just typed in the wrong name. I meant Last True Evil. (Maybe we should call him simply, LT Evil. That way it seems more like a name and less like a discription)

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

*Deep inside the bowels of the Forbidden Fortress of Forbiddeness™, Our Heroes trudge wearily through the dark, slimy, polygonal halls. The Last True Evil and Gebohq walk at the head of the rather long line of misfit champions.*

Geb:"So, Mr. Last True Evil, what brings you to the Forbidden Fortress of Forbiddeness™?"

TLTE:"Um... I'm not sure. Isn't this Salk Middle School?"

Janitor Bob: (walking up from behind)"Yeah, that confused me, too. Y'see, this isn't actually Salk Middle School, it just looks nothing like it. That's where the confusion comes in."

*Suddenly, from behind a sign that says "McDonalds: We Love To See Your Money", thirteen Asparagus Troopers leap into the hallway, entirely blocking it. In appearance, they look like giant sprouts of asparagus, with arms and legs and SWAT gear. They menacingly close in on Our Heroes.*

Geb:"Dear God! What are those twisted monstrosities?!"

Janitor Bob:"Egad! Asparagus Troopers! I should have known!"

Geb:"Wait, aren't you from another dimension or something? How do you know what these are?"

*Janitor Bob's face squints into a grim, heroic expression, as if recalling some dark, horrific memory that haunts him to this day.*

Janitor Bob:"I have no idea."

*The Asparagus Troopers close in, striking cheesy martial arts moves as they do. One of them speaks in a frightening, asparagusy voice.*

Asparagus Trooper #1:"Surrender now, or face terrible punishment!"

*At once, the entire group of Our Heroes puts their hands in the air in a gesture of surrender. Asparagus Trooper #1 blinks confusedly, then turns to whisper to Asparagus Trooper #2.*

Asparagus Trooper #1:"We've never had anyone actually surrender before! What do we do?"

Asparagus Trooper #2:"Um... eat them?"

Asparagus Trooper #1:"Hey, now there's an idea! Just lemme check with the Boss..."

*Asparagus Trooper #1 steps off to the side and begins speaking into a walkie talkie.*

Asparagus Trooper #12 : (near the back of the group of Troopers)"Hey, what's the holdup up there? C'mon, it's not like we have nothing else to be doing! I've got a pie in the oven!"

Asparagus Trooper #2:"Hey, quiet back there! And keep your creepy pie addiction out of this!"

Asparagus Trooper #1: (putting his walkie talkie away) "Ok men, the Boss says we can eat them, now -- HEY, where'd they go?!"

*The area where our Heroes were is now empty... and cleaner, thanks to Janitor Bob.*

Asparagus Trooper #1:"Oh, man, we let them get away when we were arguing! Somebody's gonna lose their head for this!"

Where have Our Heroes dissapeared to? Did they run away? And who is this 'Last True Evil' fellow? Is he related to SemiEvil in any way? Exactly how many 'evils' can there be in one story? Which Asparagus Trooper will lose his head? Do Asparagus Troopers even have heads? What is the record for most questions in a single paragraph? All these questions and more possibly answered in the next incredibly complex installment of... The Never Ending Story...story...tory...ory...

------------------
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he wasn't real.

[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited June 17, 2001).]

*In the Computer Gaming Realm, the Asparugus troopers report back to the Spooky Taco*

Spooky Taco: Yes. This better be important.

Asparugus Trooper #1: S-sir... we seem to have... lost the Intruders.

Spooky Taco: There probably most likely where you left them. Now leave me alone.

Aspuragus Trooper #2: I'm afraid you don't understand, Herr Taco. The Intruders got away.

Spooky Taco *suddenly changing to a mob accent* : Ya have mashed potatoes for brains or somethin'? Which of youse fault is dat bit o' incompetence?

*The Aspuragus troopers quickly all point to a different vegatable. To decide which Asparagus to execute, the Spooky Taco does 'Eenie Meenie Mynie Moe'*

Spooky Taco *Suddenly changing back into his James Earl Jones accent*: You have failed me for the last time, Aspuragus Trooper #12!

Aspuragus Trooper #12: Please, lordvader, err... Herr Taco, please give me just one more chance to fail you...

Spooky Taco: General Gordita! Bring out... the Vegomatic!

Asparugus Trooper #12: NOOOO! Please. Can't you just give me a Lethal Injection instead?

*General Gordita pulls out a rusty old vegomatic. He flips the ON switch. The camera zooms in on the sharp clattering blades, covered in vegatable oil. General Gordita picks up Aspuragus Trooper #12, carries him over to the Vego-matic, gives him a mighty shove and...*

*The Camera, not wanting to make this movie 'R' rated only shows the closed door outside of the Spooky Taco Headquarters. A long bloodcurling scream is heard, followed by a quite gurgling. It would be really disgusting and tragic, if it wasn't an Aspuragus that was being executed. Or maybe I'm just desensitized*
------------

*Meanwhile, (NES usage count: Tangent of 90 degrees)in the Writers Realm, oblivious to the violent, action-packed Car chase outdoors, (mainly because this writer can't figure out anything to write about it) Bob, Geb, Maybe, and possibly Krig the Writers lounge around the Massassi Interactive Story Forum Office, waiting for Sem to come back and start editing again.*

*Suddenly (Nes usage count, 37 by Janitor Bob alone) the doorbell chimes. Maybe gets up from her bag of Corn Chips and answers it*

Maybe the Writer: Look, I'm not buying any more Girl Scout Cookies.

LT Evil the Writer: No, wait. I'm not selling cookies. I'm the new writer.

Maybe the Writer: Another one!

LT Evil the Writer: Yup. And my name has a really long abbreviation, too.

Bob the Writer: Ooh! Do I get to help haze this guy!

Geb the Writer: No. The hazing procedure is only for every seventh writer.

Bob the Writer: (grumble) ungrateful...

Will the new writer start developing any new plot devices or characters? Or will he simply fall into the murky slough of apathy that so has taken all the previous writers? Will the Digital Heroes ever be able to find and destroy the Spooky Taco. Or will the Spooky Taco and the Aspuragus Troopers continue to beat them with a succsession of mediocre senseless posts? Will Bob the Writer ever learn how to correctly spell Aspuragus? Will any writer ever get an idea on how top continue the Car Chase- action scene? Will the Writers ever run out of promotional slogans for the Never Ending Story? Probably.

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

Losien: Why is everything always my fault?
Ante: Well, I can't really say why...I don't know.
Losien: Geez...maybe we should go get a bite to eat or something.
Ante: We're busy though.
Losien: I know, but I'm really frustrated. The more frustrated I get, the more stupid mistakes I end up making.
Ante: So, what are you saying?
Losien: I'm hungry.
Ante: Well, I don't know any places close by that we can eat. We don't have a lot of time.
Losien: (pulls something out of her purse) I forgot I put these in here!
Ante: Cheese and Crackers?
Losien: Uh huh. Want some?
Ante: No thanks, I'll pass.
Losien: Suit yourself.

*Losien begins stuffing her face with cheese and crackers while Ante stares in disbelief. 22 minutes go by*

Ante: Any day now. We have work to do.
Losien: Oh yes..that's right. (Losien puts away her cheese and crackers and begins walking over to Ante and trips on her untied shoelaces falling into a machine, and accidentally pushing a button and the lights go out.)
Ante: Watch out for your shoelaces.
Losien: Thanks...you're only about a minute late on warning me.
Ante: Now we're stuck in the dark again, thanks to you.
Los: Everything's always my fault.
(NSP:Wow...that was a really lame post...but it was still a post. I wasn't really sure what was going on in the story...so what I wrote might of not even made any sense...so...it would be perfectly fine with me if anyone wanted to delete it. So..yeah...feel free too.)

Then a giant neutron bomb blows everyone up and there are no survivors. The end.

------------------
You Can't Kill What You Can't See
-Beware of the FantomJedi

(OOC: Sorry for not posting! Please forgiveth me.)

*Phantom drops down from the ceiling onto a lone, unsuspecting Asparagus Trooper. He begins to skin him, trying to make sure the audience dosen't see the carnage that has befallen the poor asparagus trooper. When Phantom is done skinning he dons the empty carcass of the trooper. He runs up and joins all the other asparagus troopers and falls into their marching formation.

------------------
I am the Shadow...
The Jedi's Saber

[This message has been edited by Phantom_Master (edited June 18, 2001).]

(NSP: Hehe, Losien is back, and her usual self as well. Honestly, haven't we all gone over how it's nearly impossible to ruin NES? Save, those random idtios putting one-sentence posts up thinking they can end it. I'm thinking Morris the cat's gonna get a meal soon, eh Sem?

On the topic of the Spooky Taco thread, who thinks I should notify Massassi that their thread delibrately broke their rules by posting the pic they did on page 18? Course, could they do the same to us, I wonder...)

In the Gaming realm, our Heroes relentlessly search for the elusive Spooky Taco.

The hereos stand idle, looking around and back where they had just walked.

Ahem! I saiid "our Heroes RELENTLESSLY searched for the Spooky Taco"--

Otter: Hey, stop getting on our backs! We're tired!

Geb: And besides, we seemed to have losted Phantom_Master. Who saw him last?

Los: I think I remember seeing him when we were almost captured by those Asparagus Troopers last...

Sem: He probably tried to do something smart again, like following the henchmen to their boss. It's nice to have someone who has the guts to do the dirty work for us.

Cooked: I say he's a lunatic. Which isn't saying much, since you're all LUNATICS!

Ante: You're still wishing you took the red pill back to the real world, eh?
---------------------------------------
Meanwhile (Elsewhere: meanwhile, meanwhile, meanwhile, it's always "meanwhile". What the hell does that mean anyways? I demand that--)Look, will ya give me a break? It just sounds good. As I was saying...Meanwhile, in the writer's realm, CookedHaggis and Semievil continue to pursue the UGO van with Randy still hanging on for dear life to the car antennae. The car chase now also seems to be taking place in the middle of San Fransisco.

The audience now sees the famous Lombard Street from the top of it, looking down at it. The UGO van could be seen flying over the many windy turns, guns firing from the sides, before landing at the street at hte bottom and continuing out of sight. Then a large black mass is seen flying over the same famous street, reminisant of the Star Destroyer in Star Wars: A New Hope. The front car lands at the end of Lombard Street way before the rest of the car finishes flying over it.*

Sem: It's like a rollarcoaster! Weee!

Cooked: We should just be grateful that our rival ahead hasn't made any turns.

Just then, the UGO van takes a sharp left turn, going up a steep street.

Sem: Spoke too soon?

Cooked: Not at all. Chauffer, begin teh seperation!

Reminesant of the Enterprise in Star Trek: The Next Generation (notice how so many things are "reminesant" in NeS?), the majority of the large limo disengages, leaving Semievil and CookedHaggis in a very sleekish black sports-car look-a-like.

Cooked: Thank you, chauffer. I'll take it from here.

Before the chauffer could object, CookedHaggis crawls to the front seat, opens the driver-side door, pushes the chauffer out, and closes it, getting himself situating himself in the seat and grabbing the wheel before nearly smashing the car into the side of a building.

Sem, now trying to recover from his near heart attack and his experience with a tunnel of light, tries to speak to Cooked.

Sem: How are--*gasp* we ever going to get *wheeze* them now? The UGO van is on the highway above us!

Cooked: Easy! There's a conveniently placed ramp right to the side. Make sure you're seat belt is on.

Sem: Uh...is there any real need to rush?
------------------------------------------
On the UGO van, Randy starts to strike up a conversation with Phil the driver.

Randy: Soo...how's your day been?

Phil: It sucked.

Randy: Oh. Uhh...So how 'bout dem O's?

Phil: They suck.

Randy: Er...would you mind stopping?

Randy couldn't make out what Phil was grumbling though, seeing how traffic noise had nearly drowned out what they had said before.
--------------------------------------------
In the Massassi Offices...

TLTETW: So, "Semievil" right? What's that? *pointing to the computer with teh game that our Heroes are in*

MTW: It's a game that our characters are in right now. And our job depends on keeping them alive right now.

TLTETW: Uhh...wouldn't it help to give them a map?

STW and GTW at the same time: Map?

Will Sem and Cooked catch up to the UGO van and save Randy and the world from what evil plots are about to come about from UGO/Microsoft? Can Antestarr and Losien the writers find out if Sem and Cooked don't? Will Mase and Otter the writers find out the secret plots the Evil Pirates have for the NeS Thread? can Sem, Geb and the other writers back at the Massassi Offices save our heroes? Will--

Geb the hero: Hey! What about us?

Uh...guess the "actual" NeS seems to have lost it's interest. My advice to you all is to get some results and get to face the Spooky Taco and on with a new part, if any, of the game Sem the writer made for you all.

Sem the hero: "Get some results" the narrator says. "Face the spooky taco" the narrator says...*grumble*

All, right here, at this thread: The Neverending Story kind!

(NSP: OK, all the writer's jobs *besides write, go figure* is to let Losien know she ISN'T a bad writer, and that she CAN'T write a "lame" post. You get more points for making her blush with embarressment, hehehehe. And doesn't the tagent of 90 zero, Bob? Oh wait, maybe that was suppose to be the point of the joke... )

~Geb

*A new writer comes to the door. His name his FantomJedi. Unfortunately, for him, Bob is tired of all the other new writers gettting all the attention. So immeadiately, he tosses Fantom out the window. Fantom plummets down and lands on the hard concrete sidewalk below, impaled by a fire hydrant. Bob tosses a large computer mainframe after him, just to be sure he's dead. Bob then crosses out all of Fantoms posts. Hopefully Bob can calm down before some other Smart-Alec tries to ruin HIS story too quickly...*

Bob the Writer: We don't like yer one post story killas, ya hear.

NSP: No, the tangent of 90 is Infinity, I'm pretty sure. I'd have to check, though and can't take the time while I'm out on Summer Vacation. Or just don't want to. Anyway, I have a cool post idea in mind for the Spooky Taco realm, and the realm with Losien and Ante (I'm not giving up on the Spooky Taco realm yet...) I was kinda hoping for the climax in that realm to materialize right when the Spooky Taco catches up to this thread. Oh, well, I'll speed it up.
I like your post Phantom_Master. It brings me out of my writers block.

Oh, and Losien, since you didn't say Losien and Ante the Writer, we'll assume that it was Ante in the computer game. Also, that was a good post Losien, even if you say you were trying your hardest not to make it good. The post gave me an idea.

I'll post tommorrow around 12:00, Pacific Standard Time. Feel free to post in the Writers Office or with the Pirates, since I won't be touching those. Thanks, Peace Out.

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

*In Are's office, Evil Pirate #2 stands gloatingly over Masetto the Writer and theOtter the Writer. An evil chuckle crosses his lips.*

Otter the Writer:"What now?"

Evil Pirate #2:"Oh, I was just pondering the many ways in which I could end your pathetic little lives..."

Mase the Writer:"Come ON man, hurry up with the killing! We don't have all day!"

Evil Pirate #2:"Alright, but before you die--"

Otter the Writer:"Here we go..."

Evil Pirate #2:"--I'm going to tell you a secret! I'm not actually Evil Pirate #2! I am, in fact..."

*Evil Pirate #2 reaches to pull off yet another rubber mask...*

Mase the Writer:"Oh, gawd, not again!"

Evil Pirate #2:"...UGO Employee #5! Hahaha! This entire 'Evil Pirate' scheme is merely another UGO plot to destroy Massassi! Hahahahahaaa! HaHAAAAAAhahahahahaHAAAAAAAAA!"

Otter the Writer:"Ok, you all finished now, with the masks and such? Good. Masetto, my good man, would you care to assist me in beating the snot out of whoever this is?"

Masetto the Writer:"Indeed I would! Would you like to have the first punch?"

Otter the Writer:"Oh, no, you go first. I insist!"

Masetto the Writer:"You insist?"

Otter the Writer:"Indeed I do!"

Masetto the Writer:"Well, in that case!"

*Masetto leaps up and does several Matrix-style kick-type moves in slow motion bullet time, knocking the UGO employee (already bewildered by Mase and Otter's conversation) onto his hindquarters. The camera switches to the massive wood paneled doors outside of Are's office, where various punching, cracking, snapping, crashing, and flushing noises can be heard emanating from within.*

*Switch back to the interior. The UGO Pirate, or whoever he may be, dangles from a ceiling fan, tied up in the phone cord from Are's desk, his mouth duct taped. In the background, the office can be seen to be completely destroyed. Several framed photos of Dodge Vipers lay on the floor, smashed.*

UGO Pirate:"Mmmf-mm-mmmmFFF!"

Mase the Writer:"What's that, sir?"

Otter the Writer:"I do believe he's saying it's rather hot in this office!"

UGO Pirate:"Mmf?"

Mase the Writer:"What's that? The fan? Oh yes, what a delightful idea! Turning on the ceiling fan will cool us right down, won't it?"

UGO Pirate: (shaking head)"MMMMMMFFFF!!"

Otter the Writer:"Pardon? Oh, you say the fan switch is over on that wall? Why thank you, kind sir!"

UGO Pirate:"MMF MFF MFFF!!"

*Otter the Writer strolls over to the nearby wall and flips a switch. Slowly, the ceiling fan begins to rotate, taking the UGO Pirate with them.*

Otter the Writer: (wiping hands clean)"I do believe we're finished here! Shall we go?"

Mase the Writer:"Indoubitably, my good man, indoubtitably!"

*Just then, outside of the building, the distinctive rumble of a Dodge Viper pulling into a parking garage can be heard.*

Mase the Writer:"Hm. How much you wanna bet that's the real Ares?"

Otter the Writer:"Yeah. And how much you wanna bet he's gonna be pissed when he sees his office?"

*Cue panoramic shot of destroyed office, and UGO Pirate slowly picking up speed. At a strategically funny moment, a piece of ceiling falls to the floor.*

Whatever shall befall our Writers when the great Ares returns to his office? Have we seen the end of the UGO Pirates, or was the one impersonating Evil Pirate #2, impersonating Evil Pirate #1, impersonating Ares, merely the head of an incredibly complex and deeply rooted system of UGO pirates that have infiltrated the NES thread? Sit back with an ice cold, refreshing Coca-cola product and find out!

------------------
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he wasn't real.

(NSP: BTW, what's the record for longest thread ever? How many pages was that big one on General Discussion, with everybody trying to get the last post?)

------------------
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he wasn't real.

*The Asparugus Troopers march through the halls of the Forbidden Dungeon of the Forbideness. The leading asparugus, fittingly named Asparagus Trooper #1, spots something on the floor. He immediately picks it ups and sniffs it. How he does this I have no idea, for most Asparagus’s lack nostrils*

Asparagus Trooper #1: Cheese and Cracker Crumbs... fresh. The infidels must be close…

Asparagus Trooper #13: But that’s where your mistaken, chap. That’s just what they WANT you to think.

Asparagus Trooper #1: What do you mean? And why do you have a British accent?
------------
*Meanwhile, our heroes cower in a small completely enclosed room. Only a paper-thin holographic wall protects them from being spotted by those stalwart Asparagus’s. Above them, in yellow text, floats the words ‘Secret Area Found!’. Losien stares in horror as Asparagus Trooper #1 sniffs her Cheese and Crackers and starts trying to find them.*

Losien: Oh, this is all my… *oomph*

*Ante’s hand clamps around Losien’s mouth.*

Ante *whispering*: Quiet. This is no time for futile exercises in self-pity.

Sem: By the way, Ante, is that Singularity thingamabob done charging yet.

Ante: No… still a couple more hours… or is it days…?
--------
Asparagus Trooper # 2: Sshh. I though I heard something!
-------
*Our heroes are horrified as Asparagus Trooper #2 steps toward their secret hiding place*
------
Losien *moaning*: Oh, I knew Taco Shells from genetically engineered corn would lead to this…
------
*Suddenly, Asparagus Trooper # 13 grabs Asparagus Trooper #2 and shakes him*

Asparagus Trooper #13: Don’t zou understand! Evry minute zhat zou vaste here iz a minute vhere zee infidels get closer and closer to zee Spooky Taco.

Asparagus Trooper #1: See. Now your accent is German or French or something of the sort… Pretty odd considering that Asparagus Trooper # 13 is actually mute.

Asparagus Trooper #13: ‘….’

Asparagus Trooper #1: You know, you’re a little short for an Asparagus.

Asparagus Trooper #13/Phantom_Asparugus *In lawyer accent: Really. Most interesting. Because if you feel that’s the case then I have no choice but to file a 435 Stature-Based Harassment claim against you!

Asparagus Trooper:#1: Your coming with me, Pal. Your going to have a little face to shell talk with the Spooky Taco himself!

Phantom Asparagus: *gulp*
--------
*Our heroes all give audible sighs of relief as the Asparagus Trooper march away, taking Phantom Asparagus with them.

Geb: Whew! That was a close when. Good thing Phantom was so willing to sacrificially do something stupid to get himself captured.

Bob: Hey, that's not that impressive. I can do that.

Geb: Hmm… Anyway’s. I’m tired of blindingly running down featureless halls with repetitive texturing. Lets kill this Taco and get it over with.

Ante: We don’t even know where to find him!

Maybe: Or ‘it’.

LT Evil: Well, why don’t we just use the map.

*All the heroes give him funny looks*

Geb: Uh… the map?

LT Evil: Of Course. All you have to do is say simply: TAB.

*Suddenly, a holographic 2d display of thousands of green lines appears before our heroes.*

Ante: Either this is the map of the fortress or the architectural schematics of Boeing 747.

Janitor Bob: Uh... so where is the Spooky Taco located?

Losien: Well, according to what I've read the Taco is located in the Bowels of the Fortress. But the question is, where are they?

LT Evil: Oh, this is easy. The Taco is located right... here. But to get there you have to pass thousands of Kamikazes, Zombies, Aspuragus, swing over moats filled with blood thirsty piranas on regular Dental Floss, dodge flaming rocks spewing out from the numerous pits of molten lava, pass the Three Trials...

Geb: Right. I think this our cue to cry out to the editors again...
-----
*Meanwhi... er... as that event was happening, another event was happening at the same time which was: the Writers at the Massassi Office were dunking coffee in donuts while discussing important philosophical issues*

Krig the Writer: This yucky coffee.

Bob the Writer: Tastes like Comet.

Geb the Writer: You know, we really need to get some results and get to face the Spooky Taco and on with a new part.

Bob the Writer: But we need to find someone who can edit. And Sem's out on one of those violent action packed car chases, instead of staying here and doing his job.

LT Evil the Writer: I can edit.

Bob the Writer: Really?

LT Evil the Writer: Sure. I've completed several TCs but never sent them in because I couldn't figure out the submission instructions.

*Lt Evil pushes Geb of the computer chair and starts looking over the editing job*

Lt Evil: Hmm... sloppy texturing, poor framerate, bad voice acting...
------
*A few minutes later, suddenly the heroes feel their very bodies disentegrate and disappear off of the face of existence.*

*Seconds later, they feel their molucular structure reconstruct, but in an entirely different place. Wondering where they are, the heroes look around and see a sign that says: The Room Above Where the Spooky Taco is*
-----
LT Evil the Writer: Ah, good old cut and paste...
-----
*Meanwhile, in the Microsoft/UGO building Losien and Ante the Writers crawl through a conveniantly placed Ventilation Shaft. Only a solitarily candle gives them light. They had stolen that candle from the Rituals and Demonicsacrifice, making the pentagram merely a Quadragram*

*They finally reach the end of the shaft, and perch directly over the golden, tennis court sized desk of Bill Gates. Gates turns a Globe of the world around in his hands diabolically. A television monitor shows a newscaster... uh... newscasting*

Newscaster: ... and the Nintendo Game Cube has been delayed yet another month. We now go to Hank Cromwell, public relations for the Midwest U.S.

Hank: Well, darn it, dem voodoo spirits are acting up again. It's voodoo I tell you, nothing less den voodoo! We have all our Top Exorcist techniciations working on it at all hours of the day.

Gates: Heh heh heh HEH HA HA HA HA!!!

Losien: You know. I don't think I like this guy very much.
-----
*The UGO ambulance continues to speed illegally, with the mini-limo in hot pursuit*

Randy: PHIL!

Phil: I don't care.

Randy: No. PHIL! This is important! You're...
*Traffic drowns out the rest of his words.*

Phil: WHAT!

Randy the Writer: You're... driving in the wrong...
*Traffic drowns him out some more*

Phil: Look. You don't tell me how to drive, I don't tell you how to write. Okay.

Randy the Writer: YOU'RE IN THE WRONG LANE!

*Phil looks past Randy, to see a large 18 wheeler (incidentally with the Coca Cola symbol on it), heading straight towards them*

*Phil steer the car, barely, onto the shoulder of the road, as the Semi brushes past them, taking off the rearview mirror, several coats of paint, and a cup holder*

*The Semi now fills the view of the Mini-limo. They both honk loudly, as it looks like it would be a head on collision. Instinctively, Haggis pushes a large button. The Cigarrette Lighter turns on. Cursing, Haggis hits another large button, less instinctively. The limo shoots up, on a magnetic cushion. The Semi passes beneath it*

Sem: This thing can hover, too!?

Haggis: Of course! What did you think.

Sem: This thing seems to have everything but accurate workable ICBM missle defense system!

Haggis: It has one of those, too, but it's in the part we left behind.
----
*As Phil hits a large speedbump at 112 miles an hour, his head impacts on the CB radio.*

Phil: Of course! The CB radio!

*Taking the CB radio in one hand, and driving with the other, he sends a message to the UGO/Microsoft Headquarters.*

Phil: Control 4? This is 13379. Requesting Assistance immeadiately.

Control 4: Roger!

Phil: My name's Phil.

Control 4: Okay, Phil!
------
*Seconds later, a squadron of TIE fighter, last seen several pages ago, lift off their landing platform at UGO and streak towards the Car Chase.

Will the GameCube ever recover from it's evil Voodoo Curse? Or has Losien doomed her chance to play Rouge Leader, forever? Can the Good Guys defeat the Evil Spooky Taco? Will the Car Chase ever end? If so where? Why? Who? How? How Much? Do you want Fries with that? All this and more answered next time on... take a wild guess.



------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

*As Phantom_Asparagus is dragged toward Spooky Taco's main chamber, he suddenly feels a teleporting sensation as the other heroes appear in front of him. He bursts out of the asparagus skin, and pulls out a Asparagus Commando Knife that Asparagus #13 had. He goes behind the other Asparagus Trooper and slits his throat, or where his throat would be.*

Phantom: (In Han Solo accent) Guys, follow me, and act like I captured you."

*With that he skins the other Asparagus carcass and puts it on and leads the other heroes into Spooky Taco's main chamber...

------------------
I am the Shadow...
The Jedi's Saber

Ante: Shh..he'll hear you if you talk too loudly.

Losien sarcastically) No really? I thought he'd have more of a chance hearing me if I whispered.

Newscaster: We are sorry for the interruption of the news, but we now have a special newsbreaking story...we will return to the news in just a minute. It has been heard that there has been a recall of ALL varieties of cheese from ALL places you can buy cheese. There seems to have been some kind of, well, we're not really sure what, but it's in the cheese. Please, return all cheese you have in your possession and we will give you a gift certificate for chocolate. It's the closest thing we have to cheese, and the second best tasting ingredient you can use as a substitute for cheese on pizza. And now, we end this newsbreaking story, and bring you back to the news.

Gates: Cheese whiz...what is this world coming to?

Losien: Oh my gosh Ante. What am I going to do? I just had cheese and crackers.

Ante: (shrugs his shoulder) Eh.

Losien: Did you hear me?

Ante: What did you say? I couldn't hear you.

Losien: Augghh. You make me so made sometimes. Do you realize what could happen to me? I ate cheese..and

Ante: So, you'll gain some weight..who cares?

Losien: There just isn't any way I can have a conversation with you.

Newscaster: And now...here's Tod Ayitsgon
Narain with the daily weather report.

Tod: Thanks. Well, today, there's a chance of rain, so I suggest you all get outside if you have the opportunity. It's a beautiful day. These days don't come around that often, so take advantage of it while you can. That's all for today.

Newscaster: Thanks Tod Ayitsgon Narain.

Gates: (looks out the window) It's raining, it's pouring the old man is snoring. Went to bed and..umm..geez I forget the rest.

(Losien starts chuckling softly. A piece of cheese drops out from her purse and drops on Gate golden tennis court sized desk. He looks at it.)

Losien: Oh no. Ante..what are we going to do?We have to get out of here before he sees us.

Ante: Geez Los, take a chill pill. What's gotten into you?

Losien: I, I don't know what you're talking about...but if we don't go somewhere quick, he'll find us.

Ante: Blah blah blah, you're always in such a hurry.

Losien: Suit yourself. I'm going. I don't know where, but I'll know when I get there...and if anything happens to you, it'll be your fault.

(Losien starts to crawl through the very contained space and sees a light at the end.)

Losien: I can't believe he isn't coming with me. I'll probably get lost, or abducted by some type of huge creature.

(The walls around her start to creak)

Losien: This place doesn't seem very sturdy.

(Losien looks ahead, and notices that she hasn't been going anywhere...and that she's been crawling in place for the last 25 minutes)

Losien: This is ridiculous. Where's Ante?

(Losien turns around to find that she's blocked off in this "tunnel" but herself)

Losien: This is great. I'm stuck. I have no idea where Ante is...and I'm probably going to die from cheese poisoning. It's not my fault there weren't any close by places to eat, and I had to turn to the cheese. Who would've ever thought that cheese could cause such a problem.

(Geez, I'm such a lame poster. Once again, if I ruined anyones plans for what would happen w/ Losien and Ante...and I'm sorry and feel free to delete my post if you can...or to tell me to delete it, and I will. ;-) Till then...I'm sorry for those of you that have to read my pathetic post)

(NSP: I have compiled a fairly up to date picture of the entire cast of the Neverending Story, here. The Heroes, that is, the entire cast would be way, way, way to big to put in one picture.

This is just a rough sketch, I intend to colourize the picture after I receive confirmation that the characters look as they should. In that light, I would like all of our illustrious writers to examine the pic and comment on any differences between what I've drawn and what they picture in their mind.

You may notice that Last True Evil is not included in the picture. That is because I have no idea what his character looks like. If he were to provide a description of his character, I may be able to fit him into the portrait .)

------------------
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he wasn't real.

(OOC:Looks good, but I'm more of an Ethan Hunt type than a Bond type.)

*Phantom_Asparagus led in all the game heroes into Spooky Taco's throne room.*

Phantom_Asparagus: (In Asparagus Trooper accent) "Your lordlyship, I have captured the intruders. They killed all of my fellow troopers, but I was able to capture them single-sproutedly."

Will Phantom hand over all the heroes to Spooky Taco? Tune in next time for the continuation of the Neverending Story!!


------------------
I am the Shadow...
The Jedi's Saber

Bah! Krig, my server can't run Homestead. Can you E-mail me the pic, at kwalters@spocom.com ? Also, I have a couple pics of Janitor Bob that I'll E-mail you.

I'm working on a Spooky Taco Picture, also.

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited June 21, 2001).]

(NSP: Krig...I really like the pictures...they're great. :-) I like how you did me..lol...I never really pictured what "Losien" looked like...so, maybe that's one problem I've had with trying post. But..well..yeah, I just wanted to say it looks great. What color hair do I have? :-) I think it should be Auburn..but that's up to you. You're the creator. PS. Do you give drawing classes?)

(ooc: Nice picture Krig. Although Sem needs to have some ducttape on him)

*In the Dimension o' the writers, in the Massassi Office, the writer continue to do just about anything but write*

Krig the writer: Krig draw picture of people.

Maybe the writer: Oh, that's nice. Very Impressionistic. This must be Losien... and there's Bob, and that's you, Krig...

Krig the Writer: No. That not picture. That paper Krig scratch to make pen work.

*Then Krig pulls out a large canvased painting with a sculpted frame. It is obviously in the style of Michelangelo, but with lots more clothing. It portays each and every hero in lifelike painstakingly good detail, each person making the portrait of Mona Lisa, look like Janitor Bob's cat drawings when he was in third grade*

Maybe the Writer: Wow. I didn't know that they taught drawing at Viking School.

Krig the Writer: Yes. School teach Drawing. And Economic Statistics.

LT evil the Writer: Can you keep it quiet. I'm trying to watch the final cutscene of the Forbidden Fortress level.
---------

*Our heroes, bound by Handcuffs, finally meet the Spooky Taco face to face. The circular stone lair is lit only by tiki torches. Stainglass windows, portraying the Spooky Taco killing various foodstuffs, are placed crookedly on the walls.

*The Taco is flanked by several Hulking Pepper Guards. Burrito Boy and General Gordita look on as the Spooky Taco starts to activate the Vegomatic*

Ante: Don't worry Losien, this is the part where Phantom reveals himself and saves us all.

Phantom_Aspuragus: I'd advise that we hurry the execution, so the infidels do not have time to escape.

Bob: Okay, Phantom, that's great acting, but it's a little overboard. You can save us now.

*Phantom ignores them as General Gordita starts to move the whirring Vegomatic towards our Heroes to slice them, dice them, and make them into Chop Suey.*

Losien: Ante, call me paranoid, but there is something wrong with Phantom.

Masseto: Exactly! He's not talking in a strange accent.

Maybe: I knew it. All that Cellulose in the Aspuragus Costume has gone to his head.

Geb:So, he's not all there?

Ante: Mentally Disturbed.

Bob: He's a few 'posts short of a two page thread'.

Losien: Were gunna die.

Bob: Hey. I just realized something. These aren't REAL handcuffs. These are those plastic handcuffs that you can easilly get for $3.95 at K-mart!

*Realizing this, our heroes flick their wrists and snap the handcuffs off. They roll out of the way, just a the Vegomatic chops past where they were standing.

*Janitor Bob takes out his pushbroom. Krig takes out his axe. Cooked Haggis takes out a very large cloth napkin.*

*Burrito Boy, General Gordita, and Phantom Aspuragas draw out their Zucchini Sabers with a hissing sound*

*The Pepper Guards fire upon our heroes, with Potato Guns. Missing, they hit the ceiling causing a cascade of stones to disloge. They hit the Vegomatic, shattering it like a Crock-pot getting run over by a Tokyo Bullet Train.*

*Ante, his Singularity Gun finally charged, fires it.*

*The singularity shoots out, warps space and time and...*

Maybe: You idiot! You missed the Taco!

Ante: That's okay. I was actually aiming for that big mosquito. If one of those bites you, you'll be itching for days.

Maybe: Well, did you hit it.

Ante: Nope. They're way to fast.

*Pushbroom and Axe clashes against Zucchini Saber and... the scene changes
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*In the Microsoft/UGO secret Bunker Headqaurters, Antestarr the writer watches helplessly as the Losien's Cheese bounces on Gates' desk, possibly infringing the copyright of Mission Impossible.*
*Gates looks up from rubbing his hands together evilly, and sees the cheese. Being the smart perceptive programmer that he is, Gates immeadiately makes a brilliant deduction*

Gates: Wait a minute. This cheese wasn't here before. And teleportation hasn't been invented yet... so that must have come from that ventalation shaft.

*Ante breaths a curse, which is so vile that it can't be put down on a 'family' thread without replacing a lot of letters with astericks. He turns to try to find Losien, but finds her gone*

Gates: I don't appreciate my employees wasting MY time crawling around in MY ventalation shafts. Good thing that I had the foresight to put these Ventalation system controls on my desk.

*Gates' hand moves past the buttons labeled, 'Nuclear Holocaust' and 'Initiate Global Warming' and hits the 'Ventalation System Shutdown Button'*

*Ante starts to crawl away. Suddenly two large steel portcullis's slam down, trapping Ante. Ante cries out, partly because he knows that he might be trapped for eternity in a small oxygen deprived, foodless, shaft and partly because one of the portcullis's slammed down on one of his fingers...*

------
*On Interstate 1337, the Violent, Action-packed Car chase continues. The UGAmbulance is now only one mile away from the Secret Microsoft/UGO Bunker Headquarters (The big skyscraper with the gigantic letters: UGO on it.) 1 'click' away, a squadron of UGO TIE fighters swarms towards the chase, swerving around buildings, ducking under power lines, and colliding with the occasional Stop sign*

Ominous Pilot #1: We are approaching the target. At least I think. I can't see anything through this blasted Black helmet.

Ominous Pilot #2: Well, don't feel bad. I still don't have any hands.

Ominous Pilot #1: Ah! There they are. Or is that my Control Stick, I can't really tell. Stupid Helmet.

Ominous Pilot #3: But, to compensate for the view-inhibiting helmets, our fighters have no shields, lousy weapons, no hyperdrive, and we have no training!

*One of the TIEs explodes simply due to air resistance.*

Ominous Pilot #3: Oh. Looks like once again it's up to me to destroy everything. (grumble)... ungrateful...

*Ominous Pilot #3 begins his strafing run, green lasers firing out onto the highway, molten asphalt exploding where they hit, costing the city and the good taxpayers thousands of dollars in maitanence costs. He adjustes his aiming reticle and... another writer decides to continue the story.*

Our Heroes? Or the Spooky Taco? Who will triumph in this spiritual Battle of Good and Evil? Has Phantom been converted to the Evil Side forever? Or will a nice stay at a comfortable hospital with snug, tight, jackets fix him? Will Ante get out of the Ventilation shaft? Will the TIEs destroy our fun-loving writers? The answers to all these questions and more is of course: Maybe.

May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)


[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited June 22, 2001).]

*Phantom_Asparagus started to slash at the video-game heroes, much to their horror.*

Spooky Taco: (In secret agent accent) "Dont worry guys!"

*With that the Spooky Taco takes off his lettuce, and reveals his true form, Phantom_Master! Phantom_Asparagus takes off the Asparagus skin and its really the Spooky Taco.

Phantom: (in Australian accent) G'day mates!Blimey, that taco costume is a pain to get into in a split-second."


------------------
I am the Shadow...
The Jedi's Saber

(OOC: Thankya to everyone who commented on my humble illustration of our illustrious NES heroes. I shall commence the corrections indicated, and begin work on colourizing the picture. Stay tuned for further developments.)

(PS: The only reason I don't give drawing classes, Losien, is that I've never been asked to do so. Am I to take your last post as an indication that you have an interest in obtaining such instruction from my humble personage? )

*The UGAmbulance closes in on the Secret Microsoft/UGO Bunker Headquarters Skyscraper, speeding past several cop cars. The cops cars' sirens light up, and Phil the UGO employee finds himself being pursued by the Law.*

Phil:"Dagnabit!"

*Above, the single remaining TIE screams in, piloted by the intimidating Ominus Pilot #3. He unleashes a hailstorm of fury, green laser fire causing the ground on all sides of the UGAmbulance to explode into flame, but never once hitting the ambulance itself (for plot reasons that should be obvious to the average reader, who knows that Main Characters and Writers of Main Characters cannot die). A close blast from the TIE causes Randy the Writer to slip off of the antenna, and fall. Just before he hits the pavement that is whipping by below, he miraculously graps ahold of the rear bumper of the UGAmbulance.*

Randy the Writer:"owowowow, that hurt...*

*Randy the Writer slowly begins pulling himself under the ambulance, towards the front. The Indiana Jones theme music begins playing in the background. After several minutes of intense, adrenaline pumping climbing, Randy the Writer climbs up onto the grill of the UGAmbulance.*

Phil:"Get off the grill, you fool, you're blocking my view!"

Randy the Writer:"What?"

Phil:"I said get off the front of my ambulance, you half witted nincompoop!"

Randy the Writer:"Heehee, you said poop..."

*Just then, the Secret Microsoft/UGO Bunker Headquarters Skyscraper looms in front of the UGAmbulance. Phil slams on the brakes, but unfortunately, Randy the Writer's crawling around underneath the ambulance has dislodged the brake line, rendering the brakes useless!*

Randy the Writer:"This is gonna hurt a bit."

*The UGAmbulance smashes into the Secret Microsoft/UGO Bunker Headquarters Skyscraper, Randy the Writer end first. The ambulance was going so fast, however, that it does not stop at the first wall, but continues on, smashing through several more walls.*

*Camera switches to Bill Gates' office. Having taken care of the disturbance in the ventilation ducts, Mr. Gates is quietly typing on his computer, plotting world dominion. Suddenly, the wall behind him smashes into a million pieces, and the Randy the Writer flies into the room, followed closely by the UGAmbulance! The UGAmbulance plows into Mr. Gates's chair, pushing Mr. Gates along in front of the vehicle as it continues to smash through several more walls and exits the building on the other side.*

*Randy the Writer looks over at his new companion on the grill of the ambulance.*

Randy the Writer:"Hello, Mr. Gates! Fancy meeting you here!"

What will happen to our Winsome Writers? Will they triumph over adversity? Will the UGAmbulance ever stop? Or will it continue on forever, like this thread? Stay tuned!

------------------
The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that he wasn't real.

*In the UGO/Microsoft Headquarters Losien crawls, Auburn hair bobbing ,lost through acres and acres of a Ventilation Shaft Labyrinth.*

Losien the writer: Let’s see… moss always grows on the right side of a ventilation grate… no that’s not it…. Hmm. The Sun always sets to the north so that must mean…

*Despite Losien’s attempt to orient herself, she finally escapes, plunging down a Ventilation Shaft and into a completely enclosed room. A solitary Roman-Greeco Pillar rises up in the center. On the pillar are mounds of Official Looking Documents™ Losien doesn’t hesitate and starts thumbing through them, being extremely careful to avoid paper cuts*

Losien the writer: Hmm… let’s see… employee dossiers… financial reports electric bills … letter from Gates’ Grandma… ooh! Ed Macmahon says that Bill Gates could win a million dollars… shopping list… the old Computer Gaming World magazine that says the ‘OBI-WAN’ is being canceled for the PC and developed for the X-Box… Hey, what’s this!

*Losien the writer opens a very suspicious looking Manila Folder and skims them*

Losien the writer: Hmm... Nuclear Weapons... Bribing of Governmental Officials... Hiring Libyan Terrorists... a series of explosive charges controlled by a set of satellites in Geosynchronous orbit... Acquisition of Cuba... the Shiva Virus... Suncrusher... the Diminuator… the Ultimate Insult… Internet Banner Ads... Seizure inducing Pokemons... Strategic Tactical Feng-Shui...

*Finally, Losien looks at the Cover page. In big, ominous, stamped red letters it says…*

Losien the Writer: Joint Microsoft/UGO Evil Secret Plan O’ World Domination Hmm… sounds interesting. I’ll bet the guys back at the Massassi Office would like this. I think I’ll just borrow this for a little bit

*Losien the writer carefully picks up the manila folder, replacing it with another folder full of Losien’s receipts for her income taxes to insure that no alarms go off*
---------------

*Mase and Otter the Writer look around Ares office. Broken shattered family heirlooms lay scattered about the floor, his oak desk is on it’s side, a scale Dodge Viper model is stuck halfway through a stain glassed window… all in all, it looks like a volcano exploded in there. All of this wouldn’t be that bad except for the fact that the owner of the Office, Ares, was walking through the door at that moment. To make matters worse Ares just happened to be ‘The God of War’*

Mase the Writer: So… what should we do Otter…

Otter the Writer: Uh… hide?

*But it was too late, Ares walks in, and his face slowly scans the room, his mouth popping opened and closed like a fish with the sight…*

Ares: How many times have I told you guys not to play Full Contact Football in my office?

Otter the Writer: Err…

Ares: I leave my office for just 10 minutes to give my Viper a new paint job and I thought that I could trust you. Well it looks like I was wrong!

Masseto the Writer: But… but it wasn’t us. You see it was actually an evil pirate disguised as you, but it wasn’t actually evil pirate #1, it was actually evil pirate #2! But that was a trick to, because all that tine it was actually UGO employee #5! Ha Ha! Those UGO people sure are tricky. Well, we had to beat him up cuz…

Ares: Oh, sure! Like I’ve never heard that story before!
---------


*Just outside UGO/Microsoft Headquarters, Phil the Driver and his UGAmbulance careens towards a large cliff (with spikes at the bottom) Although Phil’s brakes have been disabled, his steering hasn’t. (yet). Spinning the steering wheel around, Phil heads back to his goal (The UGO Headquarters)*

*At the same time, Ominous Pilot #3 is angry that his target is still alive. Wanting more than anything to get another ‘frag’, and thus get promoted to the rank of Flight Officer Third Class, he continues firing at the UGAmbulance. The Super Heated green lasers pelt the hood of the Ambulance. Finally, they pierce through the armor of the ambulance and hit the Internal Combustion Engine. The Internal Combustion Engine Combusts, blowing up the Ambulance. Naturally, this doesn’t hurt our heroes and simply sends them flying through the air, where they land all Land on Gates large golden desk. Ominous Pilot #3 forgets to turn, and runs into the letter U on the Ugo building. The fighter explodes in a powerful CGI fireball, and the letter U, falls off. Phil dizzily gets off the desk, dazed, and wanders to the nearest Tavern to get a beer*

Gates: You nitwit! You scratched my desk!

Randy the Writer: Forgive me if I’m not… dripping with pity.

Gates: You scratched my desk…

*Suddenly the Mini-Limo crashes through the Office wall, into the room, and hits the large desk. The desk careens through the air, bounces twice, and rolls off the cliff (with spikes at the bottom). Sem and Cooked Haggis step out*

Sem: Ah, I should have known. So, Mr. Gates, you’re the villain behind all this, you duct tape waster, you!

Cooked Haggis: It’s time to pay up!

Gates: No, Waiter Boy, you’re not getting my money.

Cooked Haggis: I wasn’t talking to you. I’m talking to Randy… Let’s see with a 15% tip, the tip comes out to 150 dollars.

Randy the Writer: Now’s not the time, Cooked.

Gates: Look at what you losers have done to my office!

Randy: You know, back at Military school, we had ways of dealing with people like you. The nice thing is that it only required three things. Us, You, and a large Garbage Can.

Gates: You can’t do that to me, I’m powerful!

Sem: You’re going to feel a lot less powerful when I give you a wedgie with Duct Tape.

Gates: Things can’t get much worse.

*The ceiling above Gates crashes down, Ante coming plummeting through. Ante lands on Gates*

Ante: So you’re the guy who trapped me in the shaft. I’ve got a few words to have with you. Actually, I want you to have a few words with my fist
Gates: Oh, so that’s the game. Pick on the Geeky, rich guy!

Cooked Haggis: Sounds Fun! Can I join in!

Gates: Things can’t get much worse.

*Haggis notices that water is dripping out of one of the walls.*

Cooked: Uh, Mr. Gates. I think you have a plumbing problem.

Gates: Plumbing does not concern me, Waiter.

*The remaining wall, caves in due to the water pressure, (due to the flooding that Ante and Losien caused). The entire group is swept away in a gargantic tsunami wave*


------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

NSP: Great post Bob! It was a little long though--not that long is a bad thing, mind you. It's just that we have short attention spans. And if we ever want to keep ahead of the Spooky Taco thread (w/out reporting their violation of Massassi rules to the administrators that is), you should break up your posts to gain more ground. It also gives the others a chance to have fun with your posts in-between parts of your posts and holds truer to the NeS style (yes, I have myself been guilty of the ever-long post and yes, you're making us all look bad too Er, I mean, you'll tire yourself out...). So just think of that, and the plot's bound to go far.

Er...plot? *cue flushing sound*

~Geb

P.S. As for the rest of you whom I know aren't busy, start posting again already! *looks at Sem, Maybe, and Masetto, among others*

NSP: Translation to Geb's above post: Quit it Bob! You're posting too much and too long and it's getting annoying

Yeah, sorry, Geb. I wanted to do a couple things, and didn't want the plot to advance too much so I couldn't do them.

You bring up some good points though. Another problem is that you get tired doing such long posts, and the writing quality deteriorates . Hmm. Maybe I'll just use the techinique used on page 9...

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited June 23, 2001).]

*Bob dodges the swing of General Gordita's Zuchinni Saber*

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

Bob parries.

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

*General Gordita lunges*
------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited June 23, 2001).]

*Bob the Writer, helps the ongoing battle by making yet another super-short post, insuring that NES shall always reign supreme over the Spooky Taco Thread!*

(Okay, I've had my fun, I'm done with the one sentence posting now)

------------------
May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited June 23, 2001).]

NSP: Understandable, Bob Er...and uh...

DING!

TLTE: What the--

Geb: OH! My popcorn's done.

Gebohq walks over to a microwave nearby, pulls out a bag of popcorn, and takes a seat at some conviently-placed bleachers to watch the fight against the Spooky Taco. The Heroes all give him puzzled and fustrated looks before continuing the fight.

Will our heroes pull Geb back into the fight, or let him sit back as an audience member as he once was? ....Er...yeah. That, er...one question will be answered on The Neverending Story Thread!

~Geb

RobX suddenly materializes, with the whole set of bleachers from the arena.

General Gordita: Haha! Fools! You will destroy us all, and then the other NeS villians will reign suppreme!

RobX and Geb: zzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzzzzz

Janitor Bob: When those extra bleachers unfold, it's gonna make some serious gibs.... and I'm NOT cleaning up this time!

Sem: Quick guys, turn on your no-clip cheats!

Otter: No! cheating is bad!

Spooky Taco: What about us!?!? We're non-players! We can't cheat!

Sem: We'll make a plot hole for you guys to escape later.

Otter, Geb and RobX fail to activate their cheats also, and by the glory of the on-the spot plot-hole, are teleported to the end cut-scene of Half-Life at the feet of a very surprized G-Man.

G-Man: Holy Snot! You guys made it without any hazard suits!?!? How did you get the long-jump module???

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

[This message has been edited by Semievil333 (edited June 25, 2001).]

*In the Bowels of the Forbidden Fortress of Forbideness, the bleachers unfold and start expanding outword. Aided by the no-clip cheat, the bleachers pass right through our heroes*

*Bob looks down at the large wooden board sticking through his ribcage*

Bob: This feels strange.

*The Spooky Taco, however, is not as lucky. The Bleachers press him/her/it helplessly against the stone wall, slowly turning the Spooky Taco into Taco Salad. One part of his shell breaks. Then another. Then...*
--------------

Bob the Writer: Looks like Plot Hole time!
--------------

*Suddenly, with a blinding flash of light, the our heroes, the Spooky Taco, and whoever else was touching the bleacher at that time, are transported to where the bleacher came from*

*They were in the CyberArena (tm). It was the same design as the Arena (tm), except with a lot more pixels, and with a lot less framerate*

*Because RobX is currently chatting with G-Man from Half-Life, another Announcer had to brought in. The Camera circles around our heroes and the Spooky Taco, with the Carbon Freezing Chamber song (1:55) from the Empire Strikes Back, blaring in the Background. Dramatically, the announcer begins to speak in a low foreboding voice...*

Rahn: The Spooky Taco. Though many shudder at the name, few have had the experience of facing him in Battle. Out of all the Mexican Foodstuffs I have met, the Spooky Taco is the one I can say... I fear. Powerful, he is Strong in both the carbohydrate and protien areas of nutrition. This combination... is deadly. For every quart of letucce and tomato sauce there is hatred. He is a mindless, senseless but powerful foe. It is this mindless drivel that keeps his aging body strong. If he finds you, he will crush you, grind you up into little bits, and blast...

Phantom (In Latvian Accent): Oh, shut up. You're so pessimistic. You're just trying to Intimidate us.

Sem: Phantom?

Phantom: Yeah?

Sem: Don't mess with the low voiced, blue translucent, ghost guy... k?

*Rahn, angered by Phantom's Outburst, causes the camera to pan around him*

Rahn: Phantom Master. Brash and Eager he is ready to prove himself at any cost...

Phantom (in an Ethnic Albanian accent): I mean look. The Taco's just sitting there like a Hutt with a stroke.

*Phantom, tired of all the talking, fires a single shot from his PP7 at the Spooky Taco.*

*A long red bar appears above the Spooky Taco, and smaller red bars appear above our heroes.*

Spooky Taco (deliriously): j00 Sux0rz!! PHEAR TEH RATH OF TEH sp00kay TACO!

*Suddenly the Taco grows twice his previous size, 7 large cannons now stick out of his sides. He floats up in the air, and starts firing swirling green orbs in all directions*

LT Evil: Uhh... but we can just use the 'invincible' cheat code right?

Sem: Nope. To get that cheat we had to have beaten the last level in under 3 minutes.

LT Evil: Oh.

Sem: We do have the option of 'Big Head mode' though.

*An orb fired from the Spooky Taco hits a section of Bleachers, blowing them up in a huge explosion, seats flying everywhere*

LT Evil: Let's just hope that we have multiple lives

*Will the heroes be able to defeat the Spooky Taco by themselves? Or will they have to use 'Big Head Mode' to do it? What has happened to the writers that were hit with the Tsunami? Was the this post too long? Or is it just that it's confusing? Will LT evil ever keep writing? Or did he just start to get his name in the story? All these questions will be answered eventually on... THE NEVERENDING STORY!!! (Barring any Plot Holes, of course)*

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May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

[This message has been edited by Janitor Bob (edited June 26, 2001).]

(NSP: To asnswer Krig's question way-back, the longest thread had to do with a Massassi Skin pacth a bunch of people wanted to do. Everyoen and their motehr basically posted to ask if they could be in it as a skin to choose (myself included), and then later on it was used as a message board of sorts. It went up to 900 and some posts I believe before it (and the project) died. So, on wards with the story!)

Gebohq, Rob X, and Otter found themselves on a monorail car, which seemed to be sailing through the stars at a high speed. A man who seemed to resemble Agent Smith all too much stood in front of them, obviously perplexed. TheOtter was trying to understand what was going on as well, and Geb and Rob X probably would have, if they weren't still sleeping.

"Well," the G-man (government man/aka Agent Smith look-a-like) said, oozing with evil intentions, "you're not who I was expecting, but I suppose I should send you off as well."

The G-man clears his throat before pointing towards the door, which opened to reveal a portal.

"You can either join me and walk through the portal, or...fight a battle you could never win."

"Uh, huh", Otter said. "Like we haven't been in any of those before. Can you say you fought a god? Of war no less! And say you lived?"

"Uh, well..." the G-man trailed off.

"That's what I thought," Otter said. "Bring it on, scuz-bag."

"Very well," the G-man said, smiling evilly once again. And in the next instance, theOtter found himself surrounded by armies of nasty-bad guys, wishing he hadn't opened his big mouth.

The G-man then turned to Geb and Rob X, who werestill sleeping. After trying to kick them into consciousness several times, the G-man gave up. Fed with sending people to battles they could never win, the G-man simply rolled both over the car wall and out the windows, their bodies plummeting into the oh-so-familiar inky blackness.

Several moments later, Morris the cat materialized in the G-man's monorail car, and landed right on top of his head.

Morris: Missed him, again. What the--I don't like being on top of people's heads.

Morris leaped off the G-man's head, having dug his claws into his skull while leaping off.

G-man: Ow....

~Geb

(NSP: oops, I changed my writing style in the middle of this post, hehehe)

In the writer's realm...

Geb: How'd Half-life get in your game there, Sem?

Sem: I hadn't thought of a good ending for the singleplayer option, so I just plugged that in.

Janitor Bob: The lot of good that does for three of our characters. How are we gonna help them?

Sem: Well first off, the Otter doesn't need saving. The nasty army of beefy aliens aren't programmed to do anything but stand idle, and most of them are just part of a big texture on a wall. As for Geb and Rob X, er...I'll just copy and paste 'em to the Cyberarena.

Maybe: Um, riiight. Up for a game of Uno, Mr. Last True Evil? This might be a while...

~Geb

*In the Writers realm, LT evil the Writer, and Maybe the Writer play a viscious game of Full Contact UNO. The rest of the writers... uhh... do stuff*

LT Evil the Writer: HA! Reverse!

Maybe the Writer: So?

LT Evil the Writer: Bah. I hate playing two player UNO .

Geb the writer: I'm not sure if you should mess around with Geb's 3DO, Sem... Sem? Hey, Sem, you're back. Last I heard you, some other writers, and Bill Gates were carried away in a large Tsunami. How'd you get back?

Sem the Writer: Uh... Plot Ho...

Geb the Writer: No, that doesn't work. You're a writer, you make Plot Holes, you don't succumb to them.

Sem the Writer: Oh, yeah. Well, anyway, the Tsunami deposited all of us, conveniantely just outside the Massassi Forums Building.

Geb the Writer: What did you do with Gates?

Sem the Writer: I let him go. For two reasons. First: We still need a megalomaniac villian trying to wreak havok on us; it makes it more interesting. Second: If we killed Bill Gates, then nobody would know how to work the Windows operating system.

Geb the Writer: Ah. Where's everybody else?

Sem the Writer: Ante, Cooked, and Randy are downstairs getting cleaned up.

Geb the Writer: Where's Losien?

Sem the Writer: Uh... Losien...
------------

*In the rapidly collapsing UGO/Microsoft Building, Losien stands in the completely Enclosed room, as a river of water rushes past. She clutches the Plans for World Domination to her chest*

Losien: How come I'm always the one who has to be trapped in a collapsing building!

*A plaster peice the size of Krig breaks of from the ceiling and crashes next to her. Somehow... somehow... she just knew this was all her fault*



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May the Windex be with you
-Janitor Jack (Salk Wars)

NSP: Damn, I'm getting rusty or something. Thanks for covering me there, Bob. I'd take a breather from NeS if I knew someone besides you would keep it going until I got back. Course, me leaving NeS would be like cookies without milk. Er...or not. To quote an earlier line:

"The laziness is strong within him..."

~Geb

In the CyberAnrena tm, our heroes face, once again, the Spooky Taco. Each of our heroes pull out their standard weapons: Ante with his Lightfoil, Sem with his staff and stein, Krig with his battle axe, Phantom with a PPK-like pistol, and Janitor Bob with his broomstick. If you haven't picked it up yet, women ARE weapons, hence, Maybechild and Losien stand as they are.

The Last True Evil, obviously at a loss, looked at CookedHaggis.

LT Evil: Hey, can ya spare me an extra weapon?

Cooked: Sorry chap. I'm still stuck with only my massively useless laser pistol. ASk Ante--I think he still has that singularity thing-a-ma-jig.

Spooky Taco: deh Sp00kay TACO liek pr0n! pHear meh!

Just then, the Spooky Taco revealed himself in his true idenity as a master hacker and a cheap Dark-side user by floating up in the air, raining multiple Force Destruction down upon the heroes.

Krig: Krig definately scared now. Krig wants to be yodafied now.

Sem: Me too Krig, me too.
--------------------------------------------
Meanwhile, Otter seems to be having a ball in the vast army of immobile alien grunts.

Otter: *after having knocked a grunt over to start a domino effect.* Teehee. If only I could show 'em to the guys. They msut be having fun with the Spooky taco. Makes me almost wish I was there. *starts to snicker*

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~Geb

*Phantom looks over to Cooked Haggis.*

Phantom: (In Scottish accent)" Hey you, ya filthy rotten scoundral! Hand over me special M16 from SS3 version 9.0 with unlimited ammo, before I stick a kilt on ya and give you a wedgie!"

*Phantom leaps over to where Cooked is standing to avoid the Spooky Taco's Destruction blasts.*

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I am the Shadow...
The Jedi's Saber