(NSP: Sorry, that should have been past-tense I suppose. Stupid tenses...they can go to hell and die...er..right--anyways...

What I meant to say is that I would just edit this story come time to plug this plot into the point-and-click game so that Highemperor would get transported back into the Celebrity Jeopardy game first, like near the time when everyone else had used the "thingy" to transport to the different times, when HIghemperor was still brain-dead the FIRST time, before returning and then have eaten by the alligator (reference to HIghemp's first post on this page I believe), etc. etc. etc....

Point being--don't worry about it. I'll fix it when this substory is over. Besides, you can't have 4 contestents on Jeopardy (you had Highemp, TLTE, Maybechild and Otter)...anywhos, it'll be a while before I can make a story-post...silly college moving and all. I'm sure you can relate in some form or another. Feel free to post yourselves though, I'll return as quickly as possible )

(NSP: *Jedi Kirby looks around then reaches into his pants pulling out a doughnut as he starts to much and talk at the same time*

Somwongs intewgested in Jedi Kiwby!?!? *GAWMGAWMGAH* Dawts quool! *Finishes doughnut then chugz a glass of vit d milk* Jedi Kirby's read about 40 to 30% of the entire forum. Jedi Kirby is a little confused... *Scratches hea.... TOP OF PINK TORSO* but would like to do pictures of all of the characters! He doesn't know about actually joining the cast! (If thats what mister geboqh ment by 'Welcome'???) but he'd love to do pictures! He just needs a place to post his own picture at ( Whelp Jedi Kirby can't email because no e-mail on mister geby's profile!!!!!!! *Walks Away Munching Doaghnut*))

(NPS: yes Kirby, welcome, but beware...

anywhos, for some story time.)

<<in the 7-11 near the arena>>

Gettle: hey i just got the sudden urge to go out adventuring.

TMTBG: BING!

Gettle: really? a great evil, searching to destroy me?

TMTGB: BING!

Gettle: Fuq.

<<zip pan to Semievil>>

FSTH: my word steal did he.

<<back to gettle>>

Gettle: *wiping off dirt from the window of the 7-11* hey did you know that the arena was across the street from us?

TMTGB: BING!

Gettle: its a wonder that no one has come for a slurpee. *Slurps a slurpee* ahh thats good stuff.

<<back at the Hall of heroes and the Massassi Forums Building, people are doing stuff. what stuff? i dont know. what do i look like? an omnipotent super-computer that knows everything? oh right... well...BYE.>>

Alright guys, turn down the suck, and turn up the rock.

------------------
"Rabbits will jump farther if you throw them..."

Does the N.E.S. have a website? And I would like to thank the other writers for keeping Phantom Master in the story. Thanks guys.

------------------
I am the Shadow...

[This message has been edited by Phantom_Master (edited August 26, 2002).]

Does N.E.S. have a website?

/chuckle

Silly PM, you're on the NES website!

That whole Massassi temple thing is just a front so that the $p00|<@|-| 7@<0 doesn't find us!

=D

------------------
The early bird may get the worm-
but it's the second mouse who gets the cheeze.

Omnia quae specto dominavi, et tantam magnus sum, ut non specto!

(NSP: shhhhhhh sem, youll give us away.

so PM will you be joining us again in our endless quest?

and Pengun, are you back? because the last time i knew you were leaving the massassi community and wouldnt be able to contribute your brilliant talent to any of the interactive stories. but if you are back, maybe you can help me and highemp to revitalize BftN, and/or FaD... ill leavi it up to you. ill make no demands.

and now for a brief story post.)

<<On page , A.K.A. the Dark Age of TotallyEvil, Future Ford the Hero, and Future SemiEvil the Yoda Hero are faced with a perilous decision.>>

FFTH: so do you want Doritos or Sun Chips?

<<they had wandered over to the popcorn vender, where even now uncle tusk was making his way over to them.>>

FSTYH: told have you already i. Gas does Doritos me give. Sun Chips have must i.
Comes Uncle Tusk here.

FFTH: Wanker.

<<Why did FSTYH call Uncle Tusk a wanker? why are there popcorn vendors at the arena in the first place. and who, really is Uncle Tusk? because... he's very mysterious, and just kind of randomly appears from time to time. well find out the answers to these questions and more in probably not the next post of The Neverending Story!>>

[This message has been edited by IS_ford1342 (edited August 26, 2002).]

(NSP: Let's see if I can't pick this thread back up and running...)

Within the time-thread observation chamber...

lackey #1: Master, our plans are already working! The NeS thread is fading into obscurity as we speak!

dark figure: (on screen) Don't be stupid, lackey #1. The writers are just being lazy and stupid, as usual, mostly thanks to the one known as Gebohq the writer.

lackey #1: Oh. Well, what is this next step in your plan, Master?

dark figure: Well, as you know, due to the nature of this horrid thread, any writer can join in and post virtually anything they want, thus keeping the thread continuing. And as you know, if one theoretically had an infinite number of NeS writers, making an infinite number of posts, the result may very well produce something worth reading, thus ensnaring the readers on to read under the writers' influence. And, of course, this would be bad for us.

lackey #1: Of course...*looks confused*

dark figure: Our next step in our plan will make certain that no new writers continue this thread. Activate the white plot-holes.

lakey #1: Yes, Master.

(NSP: Leave Ante to describe what the white plot holes do.)

Meanwhile, within the Hall of Heroes...

Fluffy: Hold on while I whip this out!

*Before Fluffy can do so though, and most certainly scare the audience for life, Gettle the writer enters, somewhat frantic.*

Gettle the writer: E-gad! I just realized that there is too many of me running around. That, and I'm sure there's some other...more...important-thingy at..hand...hell, I just need something to do. Who wants to help me find the other Gettles?

*Fluffy, the only one there and in somewhat of an awkward position, looks at him with confusion, to say the least.*

Elsewhere, in the time of the Quest for the Holy Hand remote, CookedHaggis and Krig are chasing The Very Last True Evil through the city surrounding the carnival. In a surprise move, TVLTE strafes into a Matress Discounters store (owned by Bill Gates, of course), where our two heroes quickly follow.

Cooked: After him! *dramatic pose after jumping through the still open door*.... nope, not dramatic enough....

Cooked stops, goes back out the door, closes it, and re-starts his scene.

Cooked: After him! *Dramatic pose as Cooked leaps into the door, shattering the glass and folding over at the stomach as the steel door bar/handle catches him squarely in the gut. Krig ducks slightly underneath the bar and walks in.*

Krig: Krig think Cooked just got burned.

Cooked: Cooked think Krig should not make puns when partner is in pain.

Moments later

Krig: Krig think we surrounded.

Cooked: There's no one here!

Krig: We surrounded by giant, possesed, fleash eating zombie pillows!

Cooked: I think you need some sleep. And I for one don't want to chase down TVLTE anymore.

Krig: Krig sleep then.

More Moments Later

Krig awakens to the terrible sensation of being fully ergonomically suppourted from all sides by squishy foam springs.

Krig: Ahhhh. I mean.... Ahhhh! Krig has been swallowed alive!

Cooked: Nonsense. You're just having a bad dream.

Krig: Krig think Cooked needs to wake up and smell the padding.

Cooked: Just go back to sleep.

Krig: Krig not have good feeling about this.

Unbeknownst to Krig, they are actually under attack by moderately sized possesed, fleash eating zombie matresses!!

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited September 01, 2002).]

A giant zombie matress dives onto Krig, moaning in resident evil style 'GAAAAH, Destroy the...the...uh, i can't remember, GAAAAAAAH'

Krig dives out of the way, and the matress falls to the ground, exploding in a giant ball of springs and feathers and other things that a matress is made of. A small microchip looking bug crawlls out of the giant heap, moving toward a door with green light shining from it.

Cooked screams to Krig
"Just keep jumping out of the way, eventually they'll all die!!!"

Krig yells back
"Krig still tired!!!!!!"

As he says this, a matrass dives at him, and the enourmis (SP?) lips curl around Krig, and a strage moaning comes from the zombie matress, as his eyes go down in a sick and pitiful look. Cooked somehow using all of his intelegent powerful magical abilities (That he recently attained from being in a building owned by bill gates) He blows all but one of the matress' to bits, he then tries pulling krigs legs from the other matress.

Krig: MAAhh, mugh ah guhghaaa!
(Muffled)

Cooked rips krig from the mess, then tackles the giant matress to the floor, biting and whining in a childish manner, the matress falls in a heap, and the little microchip bug moves towards the door, many others join it...

Krig: KRIG STILL SLEEPY!

Cooked ignores his babbling and moves towards the fibrating green door, swinging it open he sees....!

Bill gates holds out his hand to one of the little green bugs, placing it in a criket container, he whispers to them:

Bill Gates: Hello my little precious, you've done well, yes, daddy will find you a new body, and maybe he will-

Cooked: You! You *******! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!

Bill looks up from his little pets, a new apple computer's screen glows behind him

Bill: You'll never stop me! YOU JUST WANT TO TAKE THEM FROM ME!!!!!!

Bill runs at Cooked swinging, eventually after the fat lard gets to him, the swings bounce off-

Bill: What!? You must have the green lanterns arch rivals abilities to resist my instopable power issue #28 i remind you! WAAAAAAA! YOU SUCK!

Cooked looks over to krig, and krig just shrugs shaking his head

Krig: What those funny crying man?

Krig points to the strange bugs.

Bill stands and moves to the container...

Bill: They're my pets, they are my kin... They will one day rule the universe! They are going to infect all of those PC users, and convirt them to Apple!!!! THRU THE INTERNET!!! (Echo)

Cooked: Bill, you can't creat living life, no matter how humanlike, it's still living life! What did you use to creat them? Explorer?

Bill looks at him cowardly

Bill: Lynix...

Krigs eyes widen

Cooked: YOU COULDN'T EVEN GIVE THEM A PROPER LIFE, YOU HAD TO GIVE THEM A CHEAP SERVER! YOU'VE GOT ENOUGH MEMORY! I'm ashamed, Krig, lets go...

Krig: Poor creatures

Krig Turns to Cooked with a bug on his finger

Krig: Can krig keep him?

Cooked: Only if you promis to take care of it and feed it, and clean up it's messes!?

Krig Nods

Cooked: OOOOOOh, ok, i guess, but we have to go now krig

They ride off into...wherever they're going

The director yells cut and commotion happens as people push around and fix things

Jedi Kirby pulls the fake Bill Gates mask off

Jedi Kirby: You'd think they could've at least got gates to do the roll himself! Jedi Kirby's going to his trailor!

Jedi Kirby stops out angerly...

(nsp: how interesting that the creator of windows decided to convert all PC users to Mac...

Anywhos(damnit geb! youve got me using your words. get out of my head! GAHHHHHH) on with the plot(whatever that is))

<<its seems that no one else(other than the infinately intellegent(only on tuesdays when hes had his coke) SemiEvil) has caught on that the narrator is being...educated, at the moment...Perhaps i should bring him back....Nah.

Meanwhile Gettle The Writer heads upstairs to find out who else is there to help him with his quest for....himself.>>

GtW: *looking with distaste at the piles of garbage on the landing and in the hallways.* Ugh. this is disgusting. it smells so bad in here. it was so much cooler when it was just my imagination and some text.

Fluffy: Yeah, i bet. this is just the stuff we got out of gebs room.

GtW: *barfs over the railing*

F: J-Bob's gonna kill you man...

J-Bob:*from further up the stairs* i heard that; you had better clean that up!


(NSP: im stuck i dont know where to go, i just posted because i felt it needed to be done. damn this WB!!!!)

(NSP: Stupid writers block...how many of you guys are actually out there? Just curious as to whether you all had the same problem or if you got other things keeping you from posting/don't want to post anymore.

And while I'm here...)

BE. YEW. EM. PEE. EXCLAMATION POINT.

Say it out loud...

yes, yes, yes, bump. benevolent upwards mobility post. blah blah blah.
hmm. I'll add something to the so-called "storyline" of this thread just as soon as I find out what it is...
added on:there. now that I have read back a few posts...time to screw up the storyline! eh-heh, as if.
------------------------
Meanwhile, In a dark cave somewhere in the vicinity of the planet pluto.
"why is my cave in orbit? FLUNKY! did you forget to pay the rent?"
Flunky:"yes maester! I'm sorry maester!"
Dark scary looking fellow:"yes well, that's quite alright, just go change the address on the cave mouth."
the Flunky with bad posture and multiple speech impediments limps to the mouth of the cave with a can of spray paint...and is promptly sucked out into space where he explodes soundlessly.
"ah, I love doing that!"
however, unbeknownst to the occupant of the cave, a time-space wormhole just happened to open up at the precise moment the flunky exited the cave, thus his neon-white spray paint can was rescued from a gruesome fate and instead landed in the middle of a bad storyline, where the warped energies of mis-written plots energized and changed the can into....Galrek the Neutral! a mighty being of no specific power, no specific alignment, and no decision making capabilities.
"hmm, I don't know."
this one simple statement, spoken by the mighty Galrek, echoes across the landscape, smashing building into indecisivness (to fall, or not to fall? hmmmmmm) and turning the bright colors into attention missing drabs. thus causing chaos as the small town of New York City lost all of it's bright colors and prompt decisions and just continued to grow until it was a massive grey tangle of uhappy people and buildings that didn't know what they wanted.
meanwhile, Galrek was busy deciding whether he should take a nap, or go find someone to talk to. this decision would occupy his everythought until...
"jedikirby will be in his trailer!"
Galrek:"I think I shall talk to that person."

[This message has been edited by shade (edited September 06, 2002).]

NSP: Can't post, schooling.

NSP: Writer's block and schooling.

------------------
"What sane person could live in this world, and *not* be crazy?"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

(OOC: Sorry it's taken me so long to reply, just been really busy with school)

* Scene opens on the spot of light surrounded by a dark room. In the middle of the spot is a lone figure, unconscious, surrounded by dust and bunny paw prints. The figure slowly twitches once, twice, and lets out a groan. Kyle slowly comes to, remembers his name, and tries to recall just what happened. Looking around, his memory returns in spurts and splashes of bunnies, by the thousands, trampling him into the ground...the bunnies, the bunnies! Looking into one hand, Kyle finds an empty bottle of whiskey. Looking into the other, a leather hat and whip.*

<<Hey, come on, I could've said at least half of that. Oh sure, just forget I'm even here why don't you? You don't think us computers have feelings too?!>>

KKtW: "Allright, Allright, I let you have that monologue, and you can continue from here, allright?"

<< Ohhh, allright. Just don't forget me again. Harumph! Anyways, having woken up fully, Kyle examines his surroundings to find he is in a 3 meter by 3 meter by 3 meter room, with only one light, and one door. With but one choice presented before him, Kyle leaves through the door he entered...>>

KKtH: "Dude....This is getting totally creepy....wait a second, what am I saying....getting?! This IS creepy.."

<<Emerging from the doorway, Kyle finds the horrifying hallway of heck has been renovated extensively during his impromptu sleep. There is a deep red carpet framed by wood paneling on the floor, stretching for miles it seems. Along both walls are equally endless murals of the ageless conflict between clowns and mimes. The ceiling is tastefully decorated with chandeliers every 5 meters or so, just enough to provide a soft lighting without hurting the eyes.>>

KKtH: "*to himself* And that other hallway was so very pleasant...Nice for things to go right once in a while. Well, better get walking.."

<<3 hours later....>>

KKtH: "*crawling with a 5 o' clock shadow and dictating a 17th entry to his tape recorder* Day 27, no food or water found yet. I've been living off of the meager survival rations provided by HoH headquarters. Sadly, they taste a lot like Windex would in bar form..."

<< Meanwhile (NES count: several hundred at least), back at the Hall of Heroes... >>

J-Bob: "Hey! Who took my stash of the experimental Windex?! It took me forever to find the new bar form..."

<< Meanwhile (NES count: Several hundred and one), back at Kyle's Quest... >>

<<Footsteps are heard coming from behind a conveniently placed door right next to Kyle. Searching madly for a spot to hide, Kyle can find nothing. For thousands of feet, all there is is hall, hall, and more hall. The footsteps come closer, and muffled talking is heard through the doorway. Becoming frantic, Kyle runs down the hall, searching for someplace to hide.>>

Kyle: "Grahhhh, can't these silly writers just leave me alone?! I was having a wonderful sleep until the author decided "Oh well, I have too much time on my hands and have no other creative outlet, so why don't I just mess with the life of a fictional character?!" But nooooo, he just couldn't leave well enough alone, could he? Wait a tick, what's this?"

* Camera stops following Kyle in his desperate bid for a hiding place, and focuses on the wall he has noticed. At this point in the mural, the great war known as The Silence of the Laughter is being depicted. Brother fighting brother, clown fighting mime. A mime is shown dropping invisible anvils onto a clown on a miniature bicycle. A Clown car can be seen running over several mimes while spewing clown after clown like an armored personnel carrier. Several clowns are seen on armored bicycles wielding cream pies. The mimes are cutting invisible ropes holding invisible safes. The reason Kyle stopped was not the mural, however, but the lack of it at that point. Square in the middle of the epic battle is a man-shaped portion of the mural missing. Thinking quickly, and down to his wit's end, Kyle dons the rubber nose obtained earlier in his adventure, and assumes the pose of the man-shaped hole in the mural. *

<< I thought you said you wouldn't do that again! I'm warning you, one more screw up like that, and I'm out of here!>>

KKtW: "Allright, Allright, I'm sorry. Here, have a cookie."

<< *sniff*...nobody's ever given me a cookie before....I could just....puke from how low you think my price of forgiveness is. HA! You thought I'd give in that easily? I'm insulted! >>

KKtW: "Jeez, can we just get on with the story?"

<< Ahhhh, allright, but you owe me one! So where were we? Ahhh, right, Kyle put on the rubber nose and just happens to fit in perfectly with the mural, even though there's absolutely nothing else in the hall and he sticks out like a sore thumb?>>

* The door opens down the hallway, and out step two old, pompish executives who begin walking towards Kyle. *

Executive #1: "So, Alan, corrupt any government officials today?"

Executive #2: "Nope, not a one. Their prices are getting way too high. What ever happened to the glory days when it only cost 50 bucks per vote?"

Executive #1: "Yeah, really. All these government officials know it's a seller's market, so they're raising their prices. So how's your division of FurbyCo doing?"

Kyle: "*thinking* FurbyCo eh? Now where have I heard that before...?"

Executive #2: "Ahhh, you mean the Plot Hole Research and Development division? Ahhh, pretty good....what's this? *stops in front of Kyle* Never seen this clown before..."

Executive #1: "Why yes...this is an odd one. Never seen one of these clowns breathe before."

Kyle: "It's because we're actually a dramatic reenactment. There were pauses like this for decades at a time."

Executive #1: "But I've been passing by here for at least a couple centuries...why haven't you moved before?"

Kyle: "Uhhh...errr....because we...uhhhh...need a break from fighting once in a while?"

Executive #1: "Ahhh, ok. So anyways Alan, how're those plans doing? You know, those top secret plans for the Plot Hole Research and Development Division?"

Executive #2: "Oh, we're desperately hoping they don't fall into the wrong hands. Who knows what could happen if one of those accursed Heroes ever got their hand on one. Lucky for us they're all long gone, right Bill? Yeah, really lucky, or else they might have discovered the plans were on the top floor, behind a security door with the clearance code Alpha Pi Omega 3739, over a bottomless pit that requires a whip to get over, and inside a hidden safe behind the painting of my Dear Old Papa. We're especially lucky they will never know the combination to that hidden safe is 1-2-3-4-5...*voice trails off into the distance as the two executives continue walking down the hall*"

Kyle: "*thinking* Phew...Well, if that wasn't convenient, I don't know what is. Now...how to get to the top floor..."

<< Opening the door the two executives step out of, Kyle finds an elaborately decorated elevator with classical music playing. Punching the button for the top floor, and sitting back for a well deserved rest, the elevator starts up. >>

<< Will Kyle ever get to the bottom of this? Will I ever get out of this God forsaken job--

KKtW: "Hey, wait a second..."

--Tune in next week for the Never-Ending Story: The Plot Hole Thickens...>>

(ooc: Sorry that I couldn't get to anybody else's story, but I really don't have the time right now)

------------------
"What sane person could live in this world, and *not* be crazy?"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited September 08, 2002).]

(sure had enough time for that!)

And from the big picture named with a big word, pops out a clown, the clown rips off the nose, and whipes at his face, eventually, you find that the head is really a puddied up part of Jedi Kirby's round body. Jedi Kirby unbutons the coat, and breaths heavily

JK: Jedi Kirby needs a beer...

Later That Night:

Jedi Kirby sits at the local hooters bar, drinking a kitty cocktail and looking at one of the other convienient female pink blobs serving. Jedi Kirby swings over to her

JK: Hey hun, didn't think I'd find such a sexy looking pink blob in these parts, whats your name?

Cindy: Cindy...?

JK: Did you know that Jedi Kirby works for a filming company? The NeS, yup, we're moving to primetime, NBC is hosting us, it's going to be great...


WILL JEDI KIRBY ACTUALLY GET A DATE,
WHAT NEW AND FOOLISH CASTUME WILL JEDIKIRBY BE IN NEXT TIME?

Bush: Well actually, considering the dimunitive *Dramatic bush pause* and the global outlook on todays youths, and concidering the fact um *Dramatic Bush Pause (You'd think he's about to say something importent after that long, wouldn't you?) that the local populace of the massassi.net co consists of, but not limmited to *Dramatic bush pause* todays youth, wich in local studies, is from the ages of 14-16, meaning, that the actual likely hood of Jedi *Dramatic Bush Pause* uh Kirby getting a date, is about 1 in 76, based on a local service pole, and the likely hood of Jedi Kirby becomming a *dramatic, yeah, you know* ah some sort of bird, or duck, is 10 out of 13, so the likely hood is about equal to my being elected and put into office in the next precidentual election because of my ability to cope with the september eleve *DBP* nth aftermath. The slogan ideas consist of things ranging from: "I can say an entire 30 sentance paragraph without saying anything at all" to "Blow Um Up and Build An Oil Pipe." Thank You...

Disturbing...?

Just toon in next time to see if bush will actually say something worth listening to

Bush: Actually *Trails on with many DBP's trailing along*

(sure had enough time for that!)

And from the big picture named with a big word, pops out a clown, the clown rips off the nose, and whipes at his face, eventually, you find that the head is really a puddied up part of Jedi Kirby's round body. Jedi Kirby unbutons the coat, and breaths heavily

JK: Jedi Kirby needs a beer...

Later That Night:

Jedi Kirby sits at the local hooters bar, drinking a kitty cocktail and looking at one of the other convienient female pink blobs serving. Jedi Kirby swings over to her

JK: Hey hun, didn't think I'd find such a sexy looking pink blob in these parts, whats your name?

Cindy: Cindy...?

JK: Did you know that Jedi Kirby works for a filming company? The NeS, yup, we're moving to primetime, NBC is hosting us, it's going to be great...


WILL JEDI KIRBY ACTUALLY GET A DATE,
WHAT NEW AND FOOLISH CASTUME WILL JEDIKIRBY BE IN NEXT TIME?

Bush: Well actually, considering the dimunitive *Dramatic bush pause* and the global outlook on todays youths, and concidering the fact um *Dramatic Bush Pause (You'd think he's about to say something importent after that long, wouldn't you?) that the local populace of the massassi.net co consists of, but not limmited to *Dramatic bush pause* todays youth, wich in local studies, is from the ages of 14-16, meaning, that the actual likely hood of Jedi *Dramatic Bush Pause* uh Kirby getting a date, is about 1 in 76, based on a local service pole, and the likely hood of Jedi Kirby becomming a *dramatic, yeah, you know* ah some sort of bird, or duck, is 10 out of 13, so the likely hood is about equal to my being elected and put into office in the next precidentual election because of my ability to cope with the september eleve *DBP* nth aftermath. The slogan ideas consist of things ranging from: "I can say an entire 30 sentance paragraph without saying anything at all" to "Blow Um Up and Build An Oil Pipe." Thank You...

Disturbing...?

Just toon in next time to see if bush will actually say something worth listening to

Bush: Actually *Trails on with many DBP's trailing along*

(My lack of postage of late has been caused by - um - stuff. Y'know, like, stuff, that you do... Aw, heck, I don't really remember why I haven't posted lately. I have a lot of projects on the go right now, and I should be doing about three of them right now, but what the hey, here goes...)

<<Scene: The set of Jeopardy!
Time: The Past, during the Quest for the Holy Hand Remote.
Current Smells: Aw heck, I need a drink. I'm outta here.>>

*Newbie. I'll take over. It's Final Jeopardy now, and only Otter, Maybechild, and TLTE are left. The trademark theme is playing in the background, and the lights are dimmed. On the big wall of TVs, the Final Jeopardy answer is "Number of Times 'Meanwhile' Has Been Used In NeS.' ". TLTE, dressed as Gorbachev, frowns at his screen in front of him, then slowly rises to his tiptoes and surreptitiously glances over the partition at Maybechild's response. Maybechild, dressed as Cher, is scribbling madly, trying to change her response before the time runs out. Otter, meanwhile, is humming along with the theme song, dressed as Dr. Seuss.*

Otter: "Dooo deee dooo doodee dooo deee dooo..."

Alex Trebek: "All right, your time is up! Let's see what you wrote."

Otter: "What? No, wait, I was busy humming!"

Alex Trebek: "I'm sorry, but your time is up."

Otter: "Noooooooo!"

Alex Trebek: "Ms Cher, you wrote '320,000', and that is incorrect."

Maybechild: "What?! I did my research on this! I counted each and every time the word 'meanwhile' was used! How can it not be right?"

Alex Trebek: "I'm afraid I'm not going to tell you. You wagered everything you had, so that leaves you at zero."

Maybechild: "This is injustice! I will protest this all the way to the Supreme Court!"

Alex Trebek: "Right. I'm shaking in my boots. Now, Mr. Gorbachev, you wrote 'three, two, something, something', and I'm afraid that that will not suffice."

TLTE: "Glastnost! Curse you for hiding your answer, Maybechild!"

Alex Trebek: "Let's see what your wager was... 15 million dollars! Mr. Gorbachev, you only had a hundred dollars going into Final Jeopardy!"

TLTE: "So?"

Alex Trebek: "So you can't wager more than you've earned, Mr. Gorbachev. It's the rules."

TLTE: "Rules?! I'll give you rules, tovarish!"

*TLTE leaps over his podium and drop kicks Mr. Trebek. Trebek spins around, grabs TLTE's leg, does a series of complicated manouvers, and winds up with TLTE unconcious on the floor near one of the cameras.*

Trebek: "I'm afraid I forgot to warn you, Mr. Gorbachev, I am a trained and licensed ninja. You should be more careful next time. Now, let's see what Dr. Seuss wrote..."

Otter: "I don't wanna be Dr. Seuss. Can I be Sean Connory? I can do a really goo Connory impression!"

Trebek: "Uh, no, I'm afraid we can't allow that, Dr. Seuss."

Otter: "No, wait, listen to this! 'Bond. Jamesh Bond.' "

Trebek: "I'm sorry Dr. Seuss, but you must remain yourself for the remainder of the game. Besides, that's the worst Sean Connory impression I have ever heard."

Otter: "Wait, I can do better! *ahem*.... 'Vodka mahtini, shaken not shtirred...' "

Trebek: "I'm sorry Dr. Seuss, but my mute butler can do a better Connory impression than you. If you continue assaulting my ears with this rubbish, I'm afraid I will be forced get ninjitsu on your arse."

Otter: "Wait, one last time! *ahem*... 'She shells shea shells by the shea sho--"

*Just then, Trebek lets out an unwordly ninja-death-scream, and flies foot-first at theOtter's head with surprising speed and agility. An assorted series of slams, bashes, and painful-sounding crunches comes from behind the contestant podium thingy, then Trebek walks back to his mic, straightens his tie, and smooths his mustache.*

Trebek: "Now, since two of our contestants are unconcious and thus disqualified, that leaves you, Cher, as the winner by default, despite the fact that you currently have zero dollars. You will be getting your cheque for zero dollars in the mail someday soon. Until next time, I'm Alex Trebek, and This Is Jeopar--"

*Just then, TLTE regains conciousness, pulls out a switchblade, and runs at Trebek yelling a Russian war cry. Trebek waits calmly for him, arms clasped behind his back, until TLTE gets within striking range...*

Trebek: "NINJA DEATH TOUCH! HYA!"

*Alex Trebek points one finger and hits TLTE in the chest with it. TLTE collapses to the ground, motionless. Maybechild rushes up and checks his pulse.*

Maybechild: "Oh no! Alex Trebek just killed The Last True Evil! Do you realise what you've done? You've just destroyed the future, and possibly reality as we know it! Without TLTE around, there will be no TVLTE to be descended from him years later! Without TVLTE, we would not have ended up on Celebrity Jeopardy! You've created a time-paradox of massive proportions! You've doomed us all!"

Trebek: "If I've just created a massive time-paradox as you say, how is it that we are still here? Shouldn't we have winked out of existence at the moment I killed this ruffian? I swear, sometimes I think you celebrities know nothing at all about basic quantum spatial-temporal physics."

Maybechild: "You're right! TLTE is dead here, but he must be alive in the future! Do you know what this means?!"

Trebek: "Yes. You are insane. Absolutely batty. Which disqualifies you from winning, I'm afraid."

Maybechild: "What?! That's not fair!"

Trebek: "Hey, I don't make the rules, I just enforce them. With extreme prejudice. You didn't think they hired me for my charming good looks or quick wit, did you?"

Mother of Pearl! Our heroes have just uncovered the biggest plothole of all time! TLTE is both dead -- and alive! How will this plothole be reconciled? Have they uncovered the mysterious source of the Plothole Disturbance that they've been sent to find? Or is this merely another part of some evil genius's master plan? Will--

<<Awright, I'm ba... Ba... Back! Hah! And I've had a few shorts of yum! I mean rots of shum! I mean -- oh, I'm quite drunk. Lesh jus' put it tha' way, shall we? Huh? Shall we? I'm gonna sleep now...

Er... Ok. I wasn't aware that computers could get drunk, but apparently they can. Tune in next time for nail-biting action, poorly-thought-out plot, and drunken ranting computers -- only on the Never-ending Storyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy......!

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain




[This message has been edited by Krig_the_Viking (edited September 09, 2002).]

eh, hey krig, would you mind terribly if I used this as a chance to bring Galrek the Neutral into the storyline? my previous attempt seems to have failed a bit. I promise not to do a thing if you happen to already have it planned out...wait...what I am saying?!

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

(OOC: Plan? Hah! Me, plan? For NeS, I don't even know what my next *line* is gonna be, much less my next *post*.

Just read at least the last couple pages so's ya don't create any more bloody plotholes, is all I ask.)

ehm, I'll won't create a plot hole, but I'll use one.
----------
Galrek, on his way to to talk to jedikirby, accidentally falls into a plot hole that just recently connected the distant past to the recent future. finding himself on the set of jeopardy, Galrek simply forges forward, intending to talk to someone. instead he finds a drunken computer narrator taking a nap.
"hello. I'm Galrek. if you want to talk to me, I would like to talk to you. although I'm not sure whether to call you you or if talking is even what you do..."
this line of neutral chattering continues on, forcing the computer narrator into a deep coma, Alex Trebek, passing by on the route is rendered dull and uninteresting by the miasmic neutrality, and soon afterwards is brutally slaughtered by the same plothole that the heroes had been sent to find. the same one responsible for this terrible being Galrek the Neutral being cast into existence. Galrek, being linked to the plothole, follows after it, being unable to decide how to feel about Alex Trebek's murder. Galrek soon finds himself standing in front of a barbarous looking fellow with a typewriter and a small odd looking bug.
"hello, I a-"
"you are talking to krig. why are you talking to krig?"

------------------
In The beginning the universe was created.
this has made a lot of people angry and been widely viewed as a big mistake.

B.U.M.P.!

Well I'm talking to Krig because Krig wears a cool shirt.

(NSP: I found these lyrics while in search for the actual opening title song to "The NeverEnding Story", a book/movie of a very similar name and which we've made fun of in this thread. Yes, I like the movie and this song way too much, and no, I don't have anything better, like a story post, right now.)

The NeverEnding Story

Turn around,
Look at what you see.
In her face,
The mirror of your dreams.

Make believe I'm everywhere,
I'm hidden in the lines.
And written on the pages,
Is the answer to A Neverending Story...

Reach the stars,
Fly a fantasy.
Dream a dream,
And what you see will be.
Rhymes that keep their secrets,
Will unfold behind the clouds.

And there upon the rainbow,
Is the answer to a Neverending Story.
Story...

Show no fear,
For she may fade away.
In your hands,
The birth of a new day.

Rhymes that keep their secrets,
Will unfold behind the clouds.
And there upon the rainbow,
Is the answer to a Neverending Story.

Neverending Story...
Neverending Story...
Neverending Story...

NSP: Just bumping it up. I'm completely tapped out for ideas right now...what page is the source material for the TVLTE/Haggis/Krig chase on? Maybe I'll come up for something with that.

NSP: Just bumping it up. I'm completely tapped out for ideas right now...what page is the source material for the TVLTE/Haggis/Krig chase on? Maybe I'll come up for something with that.

(NSP: Should say on page 29, but in case it doesn't, I think it's page 6, in the middle of it. Where they are right now though is independant of what had originally gone on, so there isn't much to look over, at least I don't think there is.

If only certain people who actually HAVE ideas would post them *coughAntestarrandSemievil333cough*.)

*Krig stares curiously at the neutral-looking fellow who is for some reason talking to him. The fellow speaks again.*

Galrek the Neutral: "My name is Galrek the Neutral. Or it might be. It could be. Maybe."

Krig the Viking: "Galrek funny lookin'. Eat typewriter?"

*Galrek looks curiously at the tooth-marked typewriter Krig holds out to him.*

Galrek: "I dunno, I've never eaten a typewriter before. What does it taste like?"

Krig: "Krig's typewriter! You no have!"

Galrek: "Ok. I'm not really sure how I feel about typewriters, anway."

*Krig looks at the little bug sitting on his shoulder.*

Krig: "Bug like typewriter?"

Bug: "Chitter-chitter cheep!"

Krig: "Bug right! Typewriter taste funny!"

*With that, Krig tosses the typewriter over his shoulder. It lands on that cat that stuff always lands on in movies when people throw things away. It squalls, and runs away.*

Cooked Haggis: "Come on, Krig! TVLTE is getting away!"

Krig: "Huh?"

*Cooked sighs, grabs Krig by one horn on his Viking helmet, and drags the short hairy man down the street, after a rapidly running away TVLTE. Galrek stands there undecided.*

Galrek: "Um, well, see you guys later, I guess, maybe..."

Krig: "Tasty shoe!"

*Krig lunges at Galrek's foot, and grabs his shoe, and begins chewing on it. Since Cooked is dragging Krig along the street after TVLTE, Galrek gets dragged along by his foot after them.*

Galrek: "Um... Well... This is unusual. I think. I wonder if I should do something about it..."

*The bizzare trio clatters down the street, after the receeding form of TVLTE. Suddenly, a plothole opens up, and TVLTE dissapears into it. The plothole then dissapears the same way it came, which is suddenly and with a flash of light. Cooked, Krig, and a reluctant Galrek arrive at the spot where TVLTE dissapeared, and stop. Krig bends down and picks something up.*

Krig: "Clue! Krig find clue! Funny man drop Clue!"

Cooked: "A clue! I say, that's what we're looking for! Good job, chap! Let's look have a look at it, then!"

Krig: "No! Krig's Clue! Krig's!"

Cooked: "Oh bloody hell, why did I have to get teamed up with the cranky little Viking man? Krig, please give me the clue."

Krig: "No! Krig likes! Krig keep!"

*Cooked reaches into his pocket and pulls out a silver spoon.*

Cooked: "All right, how about I give you this nice shiny spoon for that clue you're hiding in your hand?"

*Krig frowns suspiciously.*

Krig: "Krig like Clue!"

Cooked: "Is the clue shiny?"

*Krig peers at whatever it is he holds in his hand.*

Krig: "No."

Cooked: "Well this spoon is really shiny!"

Krig: "Shiny..."

Cooked: "What say we make a trade? This spoon for that clue in your hand!"

Krig: "Krig like shiny..."

*Krig slowly holds out the hand holding the clue, and reaches for the spoon with the other one. Swiftly, the trade is made, and Krig puts the spoon in his mouth. Cooked holds up the mysterious clue and inspects it.*

Cooked: "I say, this is quite the clue! In fact, it's a piece from a Clue board game! Colonel Mustard, to be exact!"

Krig: "Mmmm, Krig like mustard."

Mmm, the Viking has a point. Mustard is good. The world needs more mustard. I like mustard on hot dogs, and on hamburgers, and even sometimes on peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Some people think that's weird, but it's actually quite good! I encourage you to try it.

<<Heyyyy, ever'body! Letsh all hava party! Woohoo! Parrrrtayyy! Hey, I'm all outta rum -- do you-ou huv any rum?>>

No, I'm afraid I --

<<Aaaah, whadda you know, huh? You don' know nothin'! Nothin'! I'm hungry...

Yes, well, I'm sorry to hear that. Tune in next time, folks, for more crazy antics and possibly more mustard! Mmmm, mustard.

------------------
"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

(NSP: I just realized that I haven't made an ACTUAL story post myself for way too long. Sure, I could use school as an excuse, but to be honest, I've been "waiting" too much on you guys, namely Sem (who ironically wrote half of my last post and posted before my second-to-last post) and Ante (who has no excuse--post already! ), and didn't post myself, thus doing what I wish those two did (mainly cuz they keep telling me all these great ideas they have, and they won't write them!). Anywhos, I hope to post sometime soon (unfortunately, this time, I got school work right now--bleh), and felt this post was needed for all those times I harked on my fellow writers to post. That, and this thread needed a--)

B.U.M.P.!

(I wonder if we should have a B.U.M.P. marathon, or if that'd be cheap...)

NSP: Oy I'm back, but my 'good' computer is indisposed (has been for the past couple months -.-) and I'm having to type this message on a 28.8k modem using MACINTOSH! What has computer science class come to!? Well, anyways, I'll try to make posts when I can (I tried one earlier but the class period ended before the computer even sent the form off.. . . .). I guess i gotta catch up

-me!

NSP: so, I had this really nifty list of reasons why I haven't posted... then I checked the smilies legend and closed the window and tried to hit backspace before clicking in the text window, thus making my browser maliciously think I wanted to hit the back button... so you're left with me saying "'night all, hopefully I'll post tomorrow".

(NSP: Hi guys.ima gonna write a post for you.)

In the Hall of Heroes, the writers hear a strange screaming noise.


Maybe the Writer: hey whats that strange screaming noise?

Geb the Writer: i dunno but it sounds like its comming from up.

Otter: *looks up*


Amy Green: A

a

a

a

a

a

a

a

h*crash-whump*

Otter: woah.

it appears we have a new female member. who is this mysterious woman, and why did she fall through the cieling of the HoH? find out next time on NeS: All Will Be Revealed.

<<no it wont fatt-ash. now why dontcome sit on poppa-screens lap schweethart.>>

damn drunk

*TVLTE, striding out of his conveniently-placed plot hole, enters the control room of his Siberian outpost.*

TVLTE: Update.

Computer: TLTE's body was recovered earlier today from the Jeopardy game show, Spymaster.

TVLTE: Did the spies have any difficulty recovering it?

Computer: Given the inherent stupidity of the NeS crew guarding the body, we were able to walk in and drag it out without incident.

TVLTE: Excellent...computer, bring it in.

*A large section of steel floor slides away and the death-touched-body of TLTE rises from the opening, on a marble slab. TVLTE steps over to it.*

TVLTE: My poor Ruski brother-in-arms, you will be av-

*He is suddenly hit by a blast of crimson energy emanating from TLTE's still chest and thrown thirty feet, slamming into the stone wall and creating a Russian-shaped dent. When the dust settles and he finally recovers, TVLTE notices his body is glowing a faint red hue.*

TVLTE: What...what's happening to me?

Computer: Calculating....chanelling run-time to provide answer...

*There is a series of impressive hums and beeps.*

Computer: Answer found: you were hit in the chest and hurt yourself a bit.

TVLTE: Borscht! I need a real answer!

Computer: Oh, the specifics? ...Here. It appears you were hit with a "Paradox Beam".

TVLTE: Eh?

Computer: Well, you see, when Alex Trebek killed you, that is to say TLTE, he inadvertently broke a founding rule in the space/time continuum. Normally, simple logical convention prevents these things from happening, but unfortunately, this is the NeS...TLTE wasn't supposed to die, because without him, you wouldn't have aged into the man you now are and etc. etc. etc...So as a sort of compensation, this "Paradox Beam" has removed you from the plane of mortality. You are immune to age, decay, and if my calculations are correct, all forms of physical harm too.*

TVLTE: Well, how can we be sure your calculations are correct?

Computer: Hmm...I think I have an appropriate test.

*Suddenly, a hole opens in the wall, and TVLTE is hit in the face by a nuclear explosion. Miraculously, it barely fazes him, and he stands upright, dazed but alive.*

Computer: Incredible! You are, for all intents and purposes, invincible!

TVLTE: Really??? Super, this will make conquering the world this time around that much more plausible...

Computer: So what are you going to do?

TVLTE: What do you think? The same thing that any patriotic-minded Russian would do when granted the gift of invulnerability; declare war on the world!!!

*He strides over to the weapons cabinet, selects a few dozen guns, and prepares to take on the world single-handedly...*

(NSP: Welcome aboard, Amy Green! The only request I have, as per any new writer who introduces a new character, is a physical/character description, preferably through a story post. Expectedly enough, I can't post my planned major story-driving post right now, so this is essentially a B.U.M.P. Better than nothing though )

<<In shzee Hall of ..er...if only I couldsha reemembah da name...>>

Geb the writer: So who the hell are you?

Amy Green: I'm feeling fine, thanks... Amy Green.

Maybe the writer: *to GTW* She appears to be a new character.

Geb the writer: Wonder where the writer for her is...

Maybe the writer: I'm wondering more what this character will do in the next few posts.

Geb the writer: I'm more concerned with what WE will be doing.

Amy Green: Uh...

<<And aish a-think we will jusht end it here, ya? Goooood...>>

(NSP: Time to unravel an intimidating story-advancing post and see what is revealed. Close your eyes kids, this could be scary.)

Story-advancing post? That's a good one!

(NSP: Hey--the above had a "NSP" tag on it. You know, non-story post...)

...oh right. Continuing on, and ignoring any previous details that might contradict the following, we return to the Hall of Heroes--

<<--where the writers still brood over their situation-->>

Stay out of this! Wait--why aren't you drunk anymore?

<<...we need to have a talk.>>

Why don't I like the sound of this?

Geb the writer: What the hell is going on here?

*Gebohq the writer bangs his fist on the bottom of the large update status screen.*

Geb the writer: Answer me, ******!

Maybe the writer: Calm down, Geb.

Geb the writer: Calm down? We're stuck in our own story, and we can't do anything about what's going on! And why isn't the computer responding to me! ANSWER ME!

Maybe the writer: You haven't asked it a question...

Geb the writer: Oh yeah. Computer--what the hell is going on?

Maybe the writer: *sigh*

Sem the writer: So does anyone here have any ideas what to do now? Or was sitting around here the plan?

Geb the writer: Pretty much. I suppose we could look around the Hall of Heroes though. What says the rest of you?

*The other writers answer with shrugs and grunts.*

Geb the writer: You guys aren't terribly talkative, are you?

Sem the writer: We are writers, Geb. By nature, we're not very social.

Geb the writer: True.

Gettle the writer: Well, I'm really going to go deal with this business of the other Gettles now...really...so don't miss me too much. Feel free to help me out...

*The writers make their seperate ways within the Hall of Heroes.*

Gettle the writer: ...here...

*Gettle the writer makes his way to the Thingy to transport himself to the Arena and to pretty much just get the Hell out of where he was.*

<<...and those fools better keep the Narrator from escaping this time...>>

<<...er...>>

<<...*cough*...>>

...that is to say, I AM--*cough*--I am the Narrator. As always. And the nice update computer, who is very smart, told me how to narrate better. Yes. Thank you, kind update computer.[/i]<<You are wel--I mean-->>

<<You are welcome, Mr. Narrator.>>

Now that I am back, and NOT held captive against my own will by the evil forces behind the plot to end this thread, we turn to two hundred years in the future, where Gebohq, Losien, and Lt. Randy are uncovering more clues.

Losien: Oh-oh! Is this a clue?

Lt. Randy: That's a cat.

Losien: And isn't it cute?

cat: Prrr....

Lt. Randy: Let me see the cat.

cat: Get away!--I mean--hisss!...damn.

Lt. Randy: It talks!

Geb: So did Morris.

Lt. Randy: That was different though. Morris was more like a fat hampster.

cat: Hey! Don't talk about my great-great-great-grandfather like that!

Geb: Sorry about that. I suppose you wouldn't happen to know anything about who might be behind the plot to end NeS, Mr...?

cat: Jones. And a reference would be good.

Geb: Page 36. Use of plot-holes. Our computer showed this time period having one of the strongest disturbances in it.

Jones the cat: Ah. Well, I can't really help you much, but if you follow me, I can get you inside FurbyCo. headquarters without them finding out. Whoever is behind it, it probably involves them.

Lt. Randy: FurbyCo.?

Asa Ohq: Yes, Randy. In our time, Furby v.6 was Purevil's partner in world domination. Together, their coorperate web has ensnared all who would think of opposing them.

Los: How dark.

Asa: Isn't it though?

Randy: What do we do once we're in there though?

Jones the cat: Don't ask me!

Randy: I wasn't.

Jones the cat: Oh...well, good.

Geb: Once we're in there Randy, we'll see what information we can get about the coorperation's plans. Asa, I want you to gather the other heroes of this time and meet me back here in 12 hours. Jones, lead the way please.

Elsewhere, Mark Hamill is freed from prison by an English religious group that has followed the ways of the Force for nearly 200 years.

English Massassians: Lead us, Mark Hamill, for you are our savior!

Mark Hamill: Uh...

Meanwhile, on page 6, during the Dark Age of TotallyEvil...

F. Yodafied Sem: Blow up, the Arena will soon. Bad, this is.

F. Ford: *to Uncle Tusk* Uncultured swine!

Tusk: Fruit!

F. Ford: Couch potato!

Tusk: Other food item!

F. Ford: Ohio!

F. Yodafied Sem: The mystical swirl, we must jump in!

Morris: Pussies and non-heroes first!

*Morris the cat, with his large bulk, piles future Ford, future yodafied Semievil, and UncleTusk into the mystical swirl, sending them nearby the other heroes and villains of that time in Stonehedge.*

F. Ford: Good, they can't see us. You best look for clues now, while I finish my business with this barbarian here.

F. yodafied Sem: Krig, is that in distance?

Several pages later, in the Quest for the Holy Hand Remote, Maybechild and Otter use the Holy Reciever to tune in to HBO, transporting themselves aboard a ship as the heroes of that time are attempting to retrieve the Holy Hand Remote.

Maybe: Otter, this is the Big Giant Ship that we were in when retrieving the Holy Hand Remote from space.

Otter: Right. So how come the other heroes aren't here?

Maybe: They must still be dealing with Dart Wader. Let's look for clues while we have the chance.

Meanwhile, on the plane to Austria...

McLongname: With all the special stuff, why are we flying coach again?

Tracer: We're laying low, Agent McLongname...and funding didn't cover airfare.

McLongname: *sigh*

.....

.....

.....

.....

.....

<<All is going well, Master. I have infiltrated the position of the Narrator, and none of the heroes have made any significant progress.>>

dark figure: Excellent. Soon we will send my mime army to silence The Never-ending Story Thread once and for all! Soon, my friend. You shall be rewarded well, and I will make my parents, The Very Last True Evil and TotallyEvil, proud of me, Purevil!

<<Of course, my Master.>>

Purevil: ...why do I see what I've just said on my copy of the NeS thread?

<<Whoops, I forgot to end the post.>>

Purevil: You idiot! Turn it off now, you--

--END POST--

[This message has been edited by Gebohq (edited October 14, 2002).]

(NSP--for real: Just letting you all know that I figured that, with the following connections that have inadvertantly been made, Purevil would logically be the force behind this current evil. Details can be changed, but I figured the connection with Totally and Very Last True made it connect well, so now the clues can relate more to such a plot, and the heroes can eventually find out who the bad guy is and how to stop him, but as it is already, it won't be easy. I've also updated the status screen *page 29* so hopefully this will give you all something to work with.

Some unmentioned stuff:

--I think TVLTE should do something with Krig, Cooked and Galrek, as they are kind of stuck for things to do right now.
--Antestarr's substory should have a significant role in the evil plot, as well as the Holy Hand Remote (as the other side-stories seem apparent enough their reason)
--Kyle should probably be involved somehow with Geb & co.--he's already there.
--the writers should probably jsut figure out the computer's treachery and turn it back to good, since otherwise it could narrate the heroes from winning
--and finally, jsut remember that this will be for a point-and-click adventure game, so don't have much action (which should be easy enough, since it seems all the bad guys have become super-powerful beyond belief anywhos)

With that, I'll be posting more regularly. In smaller pieces, and not until someone else does, but posting nonetheless.)

Allright, allright, I get the hint, I'll post soon. Just gimme a sec to review...

------------------
"What sane person could live in this world, and *not* be crazy?"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

The Hall of Heroes. Inside the main computer room stand Janitor Bob and Amy Green. They stare across the room at the passle of Writers who have gathered there. An air of tension fills the room. Actually, that's just Krig the Writer's shoes. But it's still really tense.

Amy Green: "So all these guys are the Writers for this story?"

Janitor Bob: "Yep. Creepy, ain't it? It makes ya wonder who's writing the story right now?"

Amy Green: "So, um, this place looks really clean, eh?"

*Janitor Bob grins.*

J-Bob: "Yeup, cleaned it all by myself. Those lazy New Heroes went off for pizza or something, and never came back."

*Across the room, the Writers are clustered together in a little group, nervously poking at their surroundings.*

Geb the Writer: "Hey, guys, check it out! That's the update screen! I wrote that into the story!"

Maybe the Writer: "Yes, Geb, we all realised that a long time ago. Did you just catch on now?"

Geb the Writer: "Of course not! What do you take me for, an idiot?"

*Maybe stares at him blankly, saying nothing. Just then Janitor Bob the Writer walks across the room, staring facinatedly at Janitor Bob the Hero.*

J-Bob the Writer: "Woa... He's just like I imagined him!"

J-Bob the Hero: "Hey! Stay back, Writer-boy! I have Windex!"

J-Bob the Writer: "Come on, I just wanna shake hands with J-Bob the Great Hero!"

*J-Bob the Writer extends his hand, and J-Bob the Hero cautiously takes it. Suddenly, the entire Hall of Heroes is rocked with a massive explosion. A humungous plot-hole opens up and swallows J-Bob the Writer and all of the other Writers, taking them to realms unknown. J-Bob the Hero and Amy Green stare at the now-empty computer room, now all blackened and full of rubble from the explosion.*

Amy Green: "Aaaah! What happened?"

Janitor Bob: "AAAAH! My nice clean room!!"

Amy Green: "Where did they go? How could they just dissapear like that?"

Janitor Bob: "My nice clean room! My beautiful, clean room!"

*J-Bob falls to his knees, tears streaming down his face. He pounds at the ground.*

J-Bob: "Damn you! Damn you all to Hell!"

*As J-Bob continues to re-enact the famous scene of great emotion, the screen fades to black.*

Geb the Writer: "Where are we?"

Maybe the Writer: "Yeah, I -- hey! Why can't I see myself?"

Geb the Writer: "This is really weird. What is this place?"

*Hey guys, over here...*

Geb the Writer: "What was that?"

*It's me, the Narrator! You Writers have somehow been zapped into the Realm of Voice-Overs!*

Geb the Writer: "Wow! Really?"

Maybe the Writer: "Is that even possible?"

*Yes! Now untie me, quickly, before the Computer destroys us all!*

Geb the Writer: "But why is everything all black? I can't see a thing!"

*This is the Realm of Voice-Overs! All that exists here is voices!*

Maybe the Writer: "If that's true, then how is it that you're tied up?"

*I don't have time to explain it all to you! Just untie me, and we'll go stop the Computer!*

Geb the Writer: "Wait, isn't the Computer sitting back in the Hall of Heroes? How can we stop it from here?"

*The Computer exists in both Realms! It is partly here in the Voice-Over Realm, and partly in the Heroes' Realm. It's a trans-Realm being -- sorta like James Earl Jones. And we have to stop it before it destroys us all!*

Geb the Writer: "Wait--isn't the Computer our friend?"

*Usually, yes. But apparently, when computers get /reeeally/ drunk, they turn evil! That's why we've got to get to the Computer and make him drink some coffee before we all perish!*

Sem the Writer: "What about Coke? Couldn't we use Coke instead of coffee? Coke is much better."

*I don't care! Just untie me!*

Geb the Writer: "Ok, ok, here you go."

*Ah, much better. Now let's go find that Computer!*

*Meanwhile, on page 12, a few blocks away from the Mattress Store, Krig and Cooked Haggis examine the Colonel Mustard piece they found on the street. Galrek the Neutral is standing beside them, wondering if he should say something.*

Cooked: "Do you think this is important? What do you think it means?"

Krig: "Shiny Yellow. Look tasty."

Cooked: "Bloody hell, what am I asking you for?"

Krig: "Maybe it open plot-hole portal to other place?"

Cooked: "Yes, sure, and maybe monkeys can fly, too!"

*Just then, a monkey flies past.*

Cooked: "Well, there goes the neighborhood. Ok, let's see what this bloody thing can do."

*Cooked points the Colonel Mustard piece at a wall. Nothing happens.*

Cooked: "Crimeny. The flying monkey looked so promising."

*Krig holds up a bottle of mustard.*

Krig: "Maybe this help"

Cooked: "Where did you get that?"

Krig: "Narrator talk about mustard lots. Krig get hungry, go get.*

Cooked: "Hey, I have an idea! Give me the mustard!"

Krig: "No! Krig have! You no have! Raagh!"

Cooked: "I'll give you a shiny!"

Krig: "Shiny? Show Krig!"

Cooked: "I... Uh... Hmmm..."

*Cooked pats his pockets, looking for something shiny. He spots a bottlecap on the ground and picks it up. He polishes it on his sleeve.*

Cooked: "Here! Shiny!"

*Krig eyes Cooked suspiciously, and then drops the mustard bottle and grabs the bottlecap.*

Cooked: "Hah!"

*Cooked grabs the mustard bottle, then looks at it and the Clue piece.*

Cooked: "Lessee... A bottle of mustard... And a Colonel Mustard... How do they go together?"

*Cooked bangs the two together three times. Suddenly, there is a tremendous flash, and a plot-hole opens up!*

Cooked: "Aha! So that's how TVLTE got away! He's discovered a way of making plot holes that involves pieces from a Clue board and kitchen condiments!"

Krig: "Krig no get."

Cooked: "Well, me either, really. But it doesn't matter! By Jove, we're getting close to the source! I can feel it!"

Krig: "Krig swallow shiny. Need 'nother one."

Cooked: "Oh, blast it, come on! Through the portal we go!"

*Cooked grabs Krig and jumps through the plot hole. Galrek stands there, staring at the swirly rift in the storyline. Suddenly, he makes a decision.*

Galrek: "Hey! That's my mustar--oh. Nuts."

*Just then a hairy Viking arm reaches out from the swirly plothole, grabs Galrek by the collar, and pulls him through. Then the plot hole closes up for no apparent reason.*

<<The plan is coming together perfectly. They suspect nothing. Oh, I mean.... Tune in next time, for more-- Hey! How did you get loose? What are you doin? Noooooo! Not the coffee! Aaaagggghhh!>>

HahaHA! It is I, the Narrator, returned once more! I have foiled the evil plot of the Computer single-handedly! I am the best!

Geb the Writer: "Hey! I helped too!"

Ok, ok, Geb and I foiled the...

Maybe the Writer: "Hey!"

Geb and Maybe and I...

Sem the Writer: "Hey!"

BAH! I can't narrate this story with you writers bothering my! I hereby banish you back to the Massassi Forums Building! Go!

*Back in the Massassi Forums Building, the Writers materialise out of nowhere in front of their computers.*

Geb: "Woa. Trippy."

Sem: "Yeah. That was disturbing. I vote we never leave this building again. Something bad always happens."

Maybe: "I second that!"

Geb: "But isn't the Forums Building still stuck inside the universe of the story we're writing?"

Sem: "Who cares? We'll just stay here until this whole thing blows over!"

Maybe: "He makes a good point."

With the Writers back where they belong, will the Never-ending Story Thread once again resume normalcy? Will things return to something approaching comprehendable? Of course not! This is the NeS, after all! Tune in next time for more wacky adventures on the Never....! Ending....! Storyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.... (cough cough hack cough) yyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.....!

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"Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society." --Mark Twain

Meanwhile, back to the future...

KyleKatarnTheHero: "Allright, let's assess the situation...I've infiltrated a probable enemy's probable fortress, with an unknown number of guards, soldiers, and sentinels all armed with probably the most highly advanced weaponry money can buy. I'm on an elevator heading directly for the top floor of the FurbyCo building, which is almost certainly the focus point of said guards, soldiers, and sentinels. I have nothing but my swiss army datapad, this leather hat and whip, and the clothes on my back. I know where they are hiding their secret R&D plans, and they probably have every square foot of this place wired with security cameras and booby traps. I'm lost in time and space, with little to no hope of return if I botch this, and there's no quicksave...why did I decide to be on the good side again?..."

Kyle's good consciences appears on his shoulder, looking like him in a white toga thingy.

Kyle's Good Conscience: "Why Kyle, you very well know why. Being on the good side is its own reward."

* Kyle casts a sideways glance at his good conscience. *

K's GC: "Allright, you're in it for the chicks who dig chivalrous, honest young men."

* Another sideways glance. *

K's GC: "Allright, fine, you're in it for the dental plan, can we move on?"

KKtH: "Fine, fine. Now, if only I could think of some ingenious plan to get past all those guards..."

Suddenly, KK's Bad Conscience appears in a swirl of black smoke

KK's Bad Conscience: "Bua ha ha ha ha *cough* *hack* *cough*...grah, I really should get theatrical smoke...errr....Boo! Bua ha ha ha ha..."

KKtH: "Oh great, another little person to tell me what to do...allright, what's your story?"

Meanwhile, in Purevil's Lair...

Meaningless Lackey #1: "Sir! We have an intruder! The computer is running an ID check...cross-referencing archives.....Sir, we have him! It's KyleKatarn the Hero from 200 years ago....and it appears he's talking to his shoulder."

Purevil: "Perfect. Tap into the audio pickup..."

* Static, followed by Kyle's staticy voice...

KKtH: *to apparently thin air by his shoulder* "Oh come on, destroying everything in sight and then setting fire to the rubble most certainly would not solve anything...and as for you... *turns to his other shoulder* ...I've told you once and for all that it wasn't my fault this other guy appeared. Hey!! Hey!!! *gestures in front of him as if seperating two fighting creatures* Let's have none of that now. We can all be civilized beings about this...That's better. Now, both of you, go to wherever you came from, and I want you two to think about what you did....*sigh*...I'm never gonna pull this one off..."

Purevil: "Excellent...Most excellent. One of the few heroes that actually threaten my plans, and he's going insane! Carry on, Meaningless Lackey #1."

Meaningless Lackey #1: "Yes sir!"

Will Purevil triumph? Is Kyle going insane? Will any of these questions really be answered in the next episode? Find out in the next episode: The Never-Ending Story: [Insert witty title here]!

[edit: Darn...Krig got to it before I could!...ahh well, guess I'll fix mine.]

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"What sane person could live in this world, and *not* be crazy?"

"Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake"

"You can't have everything, where would you put it?"

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited October 15, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by KyleKatarn7 (edited October 15, 2002).]

(nsp: Sorry, I've been out of commision for a while. But guess what!? I'm back)

Jedi Kirby freezes time and writes a catchy Eminem title and dances to it, including many lyrics like 'I'm back' and 'I got big fluff, and I canot lie'

Last time we were with jedikirby, he was trying to get a date!

Girl: NO WAY!

JK: aaaw :-(

oh well! Tune in next time!

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And finally, the (test) site is:
http://editorsheaven.hypermart.net/jedikirby